Coach Carter

Coach Carter is a GREAT movie. Every time this movie comes on, I see it because to see those young boys evolve into responsible young men is awesome. It's based on a true story about real life coach Ken Carter benching his team for poor academic results. His rationale was he wanted students to understand there's more to life than basketball. At first, the students rebelled against him but throughout the movie, they respected Coach Carter because he didn't waiver in his conviction. During the school board hearing where parents and faculty had to vote on whether to end the lockout, Carter did have two people backing him, but the others voted to end the lockout. When he said, "If you vote to end the lockout, you don't have to fire me; I Quit!" It takes guts to stand behind your beliefs even if you may have to walk out. Not many people have that strong conviction. This movie is indicative of many inner-city communities, where students put more focus on sports than academics. If you are athletically gifted, then you should milk that talent. Only the very elite make it to the NBA, NFL or major leagues in baseball; then what? You have to have a Plan B. A touching scene in the movie is where Timo Cruz's (Rick Gonzalez) cousin Renny is shot and Timo rushes over to comfort him. Timo goes to Coach's home and breaks down, saying he wants to get back on the team and Coach lets him back.That was a near death experience for the team because the shooting happened right across the street. That's support when the community is willing to overlook your poor academic record and focus on your athletic gift. Coach Carter had a brick thrown through his window at his shop and someone shouted "Open up the gym, let the boys play". For me, true support would entail me having poor grades and getting the help needed to get back & stay on track. 

Deflection-Pt. 2

One thing I detest is deflection. Deflection seeks to take the focus off that which needs to be fixed. Deflection wants to blame everyone but the perpetrator (points to self). It's his/her fault, they didn't do this, they didn't do that, etc. Deflection shifts focus from the real issues; it often looks for an OUT, it tries to change the subject especially when there's no real substance or merit behind a position one might take. It usually takes the ""NOT ALL OF US ARE THIS WAY TONE"".....""ITS JUST THE TYPES YOUR AROUND RHETORIC"".....""THEY HATE THEMSELVES AND THEIR MOMS" RHETORIC"". This is the big one: IT ALSO SEEMS TO WANT TO ATTACK ONES CHARACTER AND SEXUALITY....""HE CONFUSED....HE GAY". It's comical to me because with all that deflection, people make someone's case every single time. I understand truth is not easy for some people to take because they're not used to it. They get around people who powder their butts instead of telling them what they need to hear. When I was coming up, my parents didn't hold back on me. They told me straight up what I needed to hear and I can respect that. It kept me from getting jammed up. I would think some people respect honesty but with deflection being an epidemic, I can't tell. Sometimes I want to be told what I want to hear, but that doesn't mean I'll get it. Most people care enough about someone to tell them the real, which it may hurt for a moment but in the long run, will keep them from destruction. I'll take the cold, hard truth any day of the week; but that's just me.

Going Hard For What Matters

I'm a firm believer in that people only do their best at things they truly enjoy. It is difficult to excel at something you don't enjoy. Think about it, why would you give your all to something (or someone) you aren't passionate about? Doesn't make sense. The energy spent towards meaningless requests could be energy spent going after what's important to you. I'm the kind of person that I put my all into things I'm passionate about. It doesn't mean I won't become weary, it means I need to refuel from time to time so I can keep pushing towards what I want. Everyone is like this, but I make no apologies for being this way. Why would I? I have a passion for something and I will put my all into it. Period. I don't want to have any regrets like some people. I see some people who are on their death beds with a lot of regrets about not focusing on what matters and while I do feel bad for them, I also have to think did they have a clear vision? Were they willing to say no to unnecessary things. Chances are, the answer is no. You have to do what's best for you, even if it means others may not understand your rationale. It's not for others to understand why you focus on important matters. That's called efficiency, focusing on what counts. I feel if people focused more on what matters than trivial things, they would get further in life. Look at the most successful people, they got where they are because they focused on what mattered (and still do). They didn't waste time on trivial pursuits, they had a clear focus of what they wanted to accomplish and went hard for what matters.

Call & Response

Today's commentary is going to be a little different. From time to time I'll do call and response segments where I issue random call outs most people are likely to say and post my response. This should be fun so without further ado, let's go.

1. Woman: I want a Barack & Michelle relationship!

Me: You're a hoe, you'll never have a Barack & Michelle relationship because you'll always be viewed as a piece of meat to most men.

2. I Want The Truth

Me: Most people want the truth, until they get it and catch feelings because it wasn't watered down.

3. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best

Me: Try that on someone with a GED because no discerned (wo)man is going for that.

4. I'm A Good Man/Woman

Me: Keep Telling Yourself That. That's what most people say when they want to compensate for their flaws.

5. I want a man/woman that will let me rip & run the streets, talk crazy to him/her and not control me.

Me: Basically you want a spineless mate because you can't handle someone that will put you in your place if you get out of order.

6. I'm A Queen

Me: Since when did queens become ratchet? Start acting belligerent. If that's a queen, then I don't want one.

7. Behind every good man is a good woman and behind every bad woman is a bad man

Me: Why is it that when a man is great, a great woman is behind him but when the man is foul, it's all on him?

8. Free My N***a (insert name here)

Me: What did he do? Response: Shot 12 people (all but 1 died) and raped 3 children in the hood. Oh...throw him UNDER the jail.

9. A sugarcoated truth is not the truth, it's a falsity.

Me: True Talk, people want to put their own truth on things instead of taking truth as it comes.

10. Not all people are this, that & the third

Me: When you have a majority who display contrary conduct, that's what you are judged on. It's not right, but that's what it is.

Prayer Changes Things?

 I hear "prayer changes things" and I see on facebook people asking for mass prayers for their families or situations. But if the situation doesn't work out the way you wanted to, does that mean the prayers didn't work? Or if the situation was meant to be then why ask for the prayers in the first place, and what does that say about prayers in general?

I've wondered this myself. If someone's living right and they're obedient, why wouldn't God respond favorably to their request? Doesn't make sense. The only answer I can come up with is this: There is a way to pray so that you know God hears you and has already answered your prayers. Intercessory Prayer can only work if it's in line with God's plans and his law. No is NEVER an option when it comes to getting your prayers answered by God; otherwise, what's the point of even praying? Doesn't make sense to pray and you don't get a favorable response. The only prayers that don't get answered are ones wishing harm on others (of course God wouldn't answer your prayers wishing harm on another). For example, you can't deliberately sin and expect God to answer your prayer. Naw chile it doesn't work like that. Sinful living short circuits answered prayer. It's not enough just to do the right things in the right order but you also have to make sure you're living right. Even if you foul up one time, that could have an effect.

One other thing, people need to see proof of God's healing power. If you've struggled with an illness or disability for years and you know it's God's will for you to be healed, you shouldn't have to wait until you get to heaven to be made whole. You get healed in this lifetime so people can see proof of God's healing power. Otherwise, it's futile to pray for a miracle or healing only to struggle with it for life, THEN you're made whole in heaven. By that logic, people have reason to doubt whether God heals (I don't doubt God's power, btw) because they didn't see real-time evidence.

JAMIE FOXX SNUBS DYING DAD - The National Enquirer

JAMIE FOXX SNUBS DYING DAD - The National Enquirer

Like the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. It's no excuse but that's the truth. According to the story, Jamie's parents abandoned him as a child and now that Jamie is doing well for himself, he snubs his dying father out of spite. Honestly, I couldn't see myself snubbing my dying father even if he did abandon me (which he didn't). If that were me, I'd give him a chance to explain himself. Who knows? Jamie's dad may regret his decision and wants to make it right. For Jamie not to give his pops a chance to explain himself is foul, especially if he's trying to make amends. Holding grudges is not the move, it does more harm to you than the other person because they're keeping it moving. They could care less if they hurt you (sad but true), they're going on with their lives while you're looking crazy holding onto past hurt. I don't know the details of Jamie and his father's relationship but it must've been bad for him to snub his dying father. Hopefully, Jamie can find it in his heart to forgive his father and move on. Nothing worse than refusing to patch things up with a dying loved one, only for them to leave this world. As time goes on, you have thoughts of should've, would've, and could've, but by then it's too late because (s)he is already gone. I've got prayers I want answered so I can't hold grudges against anyone, I let it go and put it in God's hands. From that point, it's on him. Besides, I've had a lot of hurtful things said and done to me, but I've let it go and by letting it go, it's not that serious to me. I live by the old adage, you reap what you sow. If you sow hurt towards others, you will reap it 10fold. If I was Jamie, I'd hear his father out and if he's really remorseful for what he did, great. We can build from there. That's what I would do, but I'm not Jamie so...he has to do what's best for him. I just think it would be said if his father died without them patching up their feud.

Watered Down Truth

The truth doesn't have to conform to us, we have to conform to the truth; no matter what form it comes. Truth is designed to open our eyes to another perspective, another way of life. The problem is when people try to put their own "truth" over what's already been established. When you sugarcoat the truth, you are taking away its effect because you think it may hurt. Yes, the truth hurts but that's what it's supposed to do: cut deep so you can get it together. The truth gets right to the point whereas constructive criticism is given to help you improve. There are times where constructive criticism is needed and there are times where you just need to tell it like it is (with respect and love, of course). When I was coming up, my parents cut no corners. They told me the truth and although it hurt at times, it was done from a place of love. This approach helped me become the man I am today and has saved me unnecessary turmoil. I'm starting to believe that truth is repulsive to many people; they want candycoated excursions instead of raw truth delivered with respect. Now, you can tell it like it is without being rude and by doing so, the other person is more apt to receive it better. If you're telling the truth and being a jerk in the process, that person will either turn a blind eye to you or retaliate. Nobody likes to be talked down to. Many times, people will lie to spare someone's feelings because they don't want to hurt that person. In a way, that's commendable BUT...they will be disappointed that someone didn't care enough to tell them the real. I will say this, some women feel that a man who tells the woman the truth about herself hates women, is gay or she comes up with insane deflection rhetoric to take the focus off of what she needs to fix. Some men deflect too, but not to the degree of women.

Due Diligence

Nojma Reflects

When a man is looking at potential wife, he is interested in how she "works her mind" above anything else. While he understands that in her womb is where his legacy will be cultivated, he also understands that in her MIND is where his legacy will be conceived. A wise man would never trust his seed with a foolish woman, because he knows that to secure a studious woman is to secure his future. Brothers when you place your seed in the womb of an unqualified woman.....what you are really doing is condemning your legacy. Really study a woman before you allow her to carry your future.

My View: As usual, I agree with Nojma on this one. A real man looks deeper within a woman if he wants to build something with her. It takes a lot for a man to trust his woman but when he does, you know it's real. A wise man wouldn't trust his seed with a foul woman because you know why? Giving your best to the wrong person creates nothing but problems. This is why baby mamas are so prevalent in society because some men  are concerned with "hitting it" rather than spending time getting to know a woman. This is my approach for a relationship, get to KNOW her before going further. If I'm going to have children with her, I want to know she's going to be the best mother possible to my children. In order to do that, I must do my due diligence. If more men did their homework on the women they meet, there wouldn't be failed relationships and single parent families. It takes two parents in order to raise a productive, well-adjusted child.

Be A Woman: By Trina Rogers

Trina BabyTee Rogers

Wednesday

Woman came from man. Not the other way around. Women have always been the backbone of the man's struggle, in one way or another, positive or negative. She can mold his imagination, shape his strengths, enlighten his desires and illuminate his destiny. She can also dismantle his hope, eradicate his character, extinguish his passion and annihilate his future. What does it mean to be "HIS" woman? What is her part in this evolutionary journey that is "two becoming one"? It is complex in its simplicity and simple in its complexity. Meaning its hard if you make it that way!

THE SIMPLE--Women hold the key to life in their bodies, this is true. Yet the body is controlled by the mind. So in essence, the mind is what holds the key to life. Clear thinking, goal-oriented, positive attitudes and a servant-filled heart create the power in women to maintain healthy relationships, long-lasting marriages and well-educated, well-rounded future generations. Let the "MAN" be the man. He has been doing it longer than women have attempted to do it (on their own, don't need no man, etc.). And frankly, they are damn good at it! Love him for being a man to you, for you, because of you. He can and will take care of everything you want and need. LET HIM! He has been trained to do it since birth. ACKNOWLEDGE HIM! He wants to protect you, provide for you and profess his love for you! HONOR HIM! Giving him his rightful place in this world as your King can only benefit everyone around him, including you!

THE COMPLEX-Women refuse to stay in their place and act like women. Character is revealed not when others are around, but when you are alone. Being over-bearing, controlling, domineering, and abusive in public doesn't make you right or appealing to anyone. Especially men! Be alone with yourself once in a while and replay the behavior that was displayed when you were rejected by someone. How bad did it hurt? Tell the truth! Lying to yourself is worse than lying to someone you love. During a time of solitude, women need to examine themselves and learn who they are and what qualities they possess that they wouldn't be attracted to. Get rid of them! Be honest, loving, caring, humble, reassuring to yourself first. Allow the healing process from the past to subside completely and begin again. You weren't made to do it all. You can't! It's not a rewarding position to be in. Women were made to be loved by a man. Why would any man want to love you when you act more masculine than him? Behaving like the woman you are destined to be, one adored by a man, is the most exhilarating feeling in the universe. A man will recognize this as well. Let go of all the bad advice, girl-talk, male-bashing and derogatory and demeaning ideals you have been brain-washed with and do the simplest thing you can ever do. Shut up, sit down, cross your legs (for once), sit up straight, smile and simply be a woman! His woman!

My View: I have no words for this because it was that good. Everything written is synonymous with what I believe. Let's just say that some women need to print this out and paste it in their car, on the refrigerator and in their bedroom on the dresser; basically anywhere where they can read it so it can embed in their system.

One Size Fits All

Is the way men & women approach each other based on dress, appearance and the way she carries herself? Or do I feel men & women have a one size fits all mindset when it comes to getting to know the opposite sex? Men and women are different so what may work for one, won't work for another. You can't use the same approach for every person because you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Each person has a different set of expectations (as they should) for how they want to be treated. For example, a brother from the inner city of Miami could not approach Michelle Obama sideways; No, he would have to tailor his approach according to how she carries herself. If the woman looked like Nicki Minaj, he would get farther because he could identify with her background (grew up in the hood, hard life, etc.). Some men do have a one size fits all approach when it comes to women; they believe all women are the same. Women are the same according to gender but different in terms of personality, life experience, etc. Men tailor their approach according to the kind of woman they want. If he wants a freak, he'll talk dirty to her because that's what she responds to. If it's a high class woman like Michelle Obama, he comes at her in a different way. You can't use the same approach for all women. You can have a professional woman who has her stuff together and some men will come at her sideways; that's because some men don't respect themselves so it can't be expected for them to respect anyone else.

Yes Black Women, we SHOULD apologize to Black Men.......let me tell you ...

Here's a video from a very intelligent sister. Black women like her are a hot commodity among men because she's smart, respectful and tells it like it is. She doesn't powder anyone's behind. When you're wrong, you're wrong, it doesn't matter if you're a man or woman.

Notice To Men

Nojma Reflects

22 hours ago

Brothers! Forget what the body is like, you better see what the MIND is like! You get enchanted by a nice physical build when the mental has caution tape wrapped around the corners, because the mind is so unstable it has been CONDEMNED, just no good! Restoration must take place for that mental womb to have any value. BBD (Bel Biv Devoe) told you don't trust a big butt and a smile. Your Sis is telling you don't trust a big butt, a smile, or whatever else you like, because the outer package might be pleasing, but the inside has been CORRUPTED. Mess around and have your seed held hostage in a vindictive, trifling ass, evil ass woman. The Black Man is viewed as a no good ain't nothing man and THAT is why all types of injustice and madness can be done to you without a second thought. What is a woman's FIRST threat? To put you on child support or throw you in jail. Women are victims because this system enables us to be. A woman could go in with a sob story, and before you've been served with paperwork you've been tried and convicted for whatever "she" said. The womb should be the safest place for a child, but the womb has now become a "war room" and our children are casualties of war, thanks to all these "Bitter Mama Generals" we have running around here.

My View: She Better Say That! She put all the men on blast and rightfully so. Too many men are mesmerized by a big butt and smile, then wonder why they get jammed up. Men HAVE to learn how to look deeper other than a woman's curves and smile. Yes, looks matter (as they should, to a degree; everyone wants someone that's nice to look at), but the heart is what matters. Is she family oriented, can she carry intelligent conversation, etc. Those are the questions men need to ask instead of focusing on her derriere. The prettiest women can be the most vindictive because they know how to use their looks to get what they want. Look at the system, a woman can get a man hemmed up JUST on what she said. That's not right, but it happens. The outer package might be pleasing, but the inside has been defiled. When God is truly first, you see things through his eyes before making major decisions! Men can only blame themselves when they forget that or are ignorant to his commandments and word! Making decisions based on lust has, and will always be stupid; yet, some men choose to look at the outer rather than inner. Men should have the ability to look at both. Our people once were disciplined enough to be proficient mind, body, and soul. Yes, men are visual but that's no excuse NOT to do his due diligence on that woman because even though she may have curves and a nice smile, her character could be foul.

Financial Stability

Nojma Reflects

22 hours ago

Healing the Black Family 104:

In this financial climate do we as women have UNREALISTIC financial expectations when it comes to men? I'm going to say that some of us do...yes. Now should a man have a job? Of course, you can't maintain a family without some type of income, but does that mean that he won't need our help contributing to the household? A wife is a HELPMEET, that means we HELP our husband. The reality is, it will take two incomes in order to maintain our households, and what we have to realize is that, our contributing to the upkeep of our household doesn't take anything away from HIM being a man, it's actually US as women keeping our duty and being a helpmeet to HIM. I would also like to point out, that if you as a woman make more money that your man....it by no means makes him LESS than a man, and it definitely doesn't make you MORE than a woman. It only becomes a problem when YOU think because you make more money YOU have the right to belittle him.

MY View: There's nothing wrong with wanting financial stability. In this economy, people should be trying to stack as much money as possible which will allow them to live comfortably. I want to live comfortable; who wants to struggle in life? You're worried about how this or that bill will be paid? Finances are one of the top reasons why many relationships fail. To not expect someone to be financially stable is unrealistic. The problem comes into play where some women make $$$ their sole qualification in choosing a mate. He has to make $100K a year, have a fat 401k & IRA, etc. Those things are good but they won't keep her warm at night or protect her when she's in a dangerous situation. I like the last sentence "It becomes a problem when YOU think because you make more money YOU have the right to belittle him." Some women do believe that if they're making more money than their man, they run the relationship. Weak men allow this to happen. That's the thing, there's an indirect understanding that the person who makes the most has more say-so in the relationship. That's true in some, but not all cases because you have relationships where the woman makes more than her man and she still reveres him; she knows he keeps the family together and doesn't undermine his godly authority in the home. It's not like it was back in the day, where the woman stayed home and took care of the kids while the husband worked to keep a roof over their heads. You need TWO incomes in order to sustain a family. Depending on where a couple resides, they each have to make $80K annually just to maintain because some cities have high costs of living. Most men don't mind if their woman makes more than them, as long as she doesn't throw it in his face every time an argument breaks out. Let's be honest, some women who are in an argument with their man; the first thing they throw out is their annual salary. "I make more than you such and such".

Women Don't Complete Men

I'm all for revering a good woman but this guy takes it to another level. He's dependent on a woman to complete him when that shouldn't be the case. A man should be complete within himself before he THINKS about a relationship. This is why the statement "You complete me" bothers me a little because it's like you can't be happy unless you have someone in your life. I feel that someone should COMPLIMENT, not COMPLETE you. Obviously he doesn't know the Bible so let me break it down: God made Adam a HELPMATE for him. Men complete women, not the other way around. The fetus starts off as a female, then grows all the missing parts before development, so when a baby is born a male it is complete. When the baby is born a female, it's considered incomplete. MEN complete WOMEN, men are already complete. She's supposed to be submissive, that's why God made Adam the head. Man was given dominion over all the earth and everything in it; everything is subject to man...the earth, animals and yes, even the woman. Even though she is the helpmeet, she's subject to her man. That's what people don't understand when they make statements like the ones in the text screenshot. That's what trips me out about some men, they put women on a pedestal that AREN'T interested in them. They do all this wining & dining and still don't get any in return. A man is already complete; the woman who comes into his life compliments what he already brings to the table. Flipping the script, MEN & WOMEN should be as whole as possible so that when they come together, each person is bringing 100% to the table. When two people bring 100% to the table, you have a power couple.

What's Important To You?

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by those moments that take our breath away.

Things in this life that matter are so much more simple than we make them. It doesn't take a scholar to understand how to love someone, make yourself happy, or follow your dreams. All it takes is making everything you do meaningful to a purpose--you have to decide what that purpose is. I have mine!

Tyler Perry Films

I like Tyler Perry's films & plays because many people (myself included) can relate to them. Every film and play leaves you with something to think about. I remember when Tyler Perry first started, he was homeless while trying to get his career off the ground. Ever since then, he's been doing very well for himself. I will continue supporting Tyler Perry's work but I have to be honest, he does put men in a bad light. Daddy's Little Girls was the only movie Tyler did that showed a responsible black father trying to provide for his children. The rest of Tyler's movie portray the woman as the damsel in distress and to me, that's insane. He constantly reminds them that nothing is EVER their fault..They're always victims NEVER perpetrators...All of their problems can be blamed 100% on men...He reminds them that there's always that SIMP that's waiting to powder their behinds & remind them that that's how "real men treat women." As long as feminism is alive & well, Tyler Perry will FOREVER be in business making millions. It won't be long before people get tired of that concept & decide it's time for him to either hold WOMEN ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS or his material will no longer be supported, however it will be a while before that happens. I have heard/read comments like this before in regards to Tyler Perry flicks. I am curious- what is the model for being a "woman" that should be followed? I've seen several recent threads talking about feminism and Michelle Obama. Some feminists have questioned the example that she is setting by being "mom-in-chief". On the other hand there are those feminists who applaud her credentials, strong stance, etc. 

We look to the media for examples. Other than Tyler Perry films we have also seen the Huxtables, Scandal, The Help etc. Many argue that these images in the media offer a distorted image of Black women. Is it possible that the media reflects the different ways black women can be women? Is there one cookie cutter image we should follow? In discussions like this, we normally turn to the Bible. While I will not get into a debate about what Bible to use/trust, many will agree that the Bible is THE source for the blueprint of our lives. Biblical stories are not void of whores, harlots, wayward women, adulteresses, etc. When we look at modern stories, the setting has changed but the characters remain the same. Tyler Perry is going to continue to make millions because no one is out there telling a different story. We have been placed in a position in which we are afraid to "clean house".

Letting Down The Team?

Michelle Obama's Work As First Lady

So Michelle Obama "let down the team" because she supports her husband? Last time I checked, she has her own agenda but when it comes down to it, she stands with her husband in the trenches. Feminists are raising sand that Michelle made the choice to be active in her daughters' lives because according to the feminists, Michelle feels victimized by her husband's choices. I have been mystified for YEARS why a woman (and sometimes man) would want to have a child, then weeks after birth, pass that child to someone else to raise. If you don't want children, DON'T have children, pretty simple. Today the only industrial complex that approaches the military is the daycare industrial complex. THEN parents wonder why their children don't mind them, don't behave as they want and have disdain for them. Michelle made decisions for her family's good. That's why you see Mr. President showing his wife love, because she makes decisions that benefit her family. I applaud her decision to be mom-in-chief. Her children are under the microscope because of the decision they made as a family to pursue the presidency. She does not have to answer to anyone about how she decides to parent. Instead of critiquing her, they should be praising her for being a great foundation and example to her daughters. All children need to know that they are a priority. Those that don't feel this way find outside sources for this feeling of comfort and security. Rarely are these outside sources positive. Do your thing, FLOTUS!

Speaking The Truth

Real Christians know they will be persecuted for speaking the truth. The Bible gives several instances where God's disciples faced persecution for standing up for righteousness. As God's Child, his people are called to stand for righteousness even if it means they will be called intolerant or lose popularity. If you are a friend of the world, you are an enemy of God because your loyalties are split between trying to please God and man. You can't please God and man because both will give contradictory demands. Christians have to decide who's more important: God, or the world. If a Christian is trying to please God, (s)he is called to uphold godly principles regardless of cost. That's the problem, some Christians are trying to fit in with the world because they are afraid of being unpopular. Get them behind closed doors and they talk a big game about standing for what's right, but when their beliefs are put to the test, they tuck tail and run because they can't take that opposition. While I want to be liked, I want to be liked for the right reasons but I'm aware that not everyone will like me and that's ok. It's a blessing some people don't like me because like the adage goes, "You are the company you keep". What does it profit if a man gains the world and loses his soul? It's easier said than done, but I'm encouraged when I'm persecuted for speaking truth because that lets me know I'm doing something right; I'm making devils uncomfortable. I care nothing about who's slighted! That's a mark of a great leader, someone who sticks to their guns even in the face of opposition. If Martin Luther King, Marcus Garvey, Barack Obama and other influential leaders cowered in opposition, this nation wouldn't be where it is today. Sometimes, you will lose popularity but if so, oh well. The right people will remain in your corner.

You Sure You Don't Need A Man To Raise Your Children?

Nojma Reflects

Friday

To all the women who say "I don't need a man to raise my children."

I say this: You needed a man to help MAKE the child right? So you need a man to help RAISE your child. I mean we have to get out what we think we don't "NEED", because like I stated we need each other to PROCREATE life, a sperm can't do anything without an egg and vice versa.

What message are you sending to your daughters if they hear their mother say she doesn't need a man to raise her children? So are you OK with your daughters being Baby Mama's? What message does that send to your son? If he grows up to be the type of man who abandons his seed, who gave him that initial thought? Ultimately, you are teaching your children regardless of the gender that a man is not a vital part of the family dynamic, which is not true.

Now if you feel that way because of a choice you made, and you are dealing with hurt and pain, then say that and we can work on healing. But don't be arrogant and say that you don't need a man to help raise your children when you needed him to make those children. What about what the children need? Don't their needs matter the MOST?

Why do some of us INSIST on wearing Single Motherhood like a badge of honor and pass this warped message to our daughters like it's their inheritance?

I saw a quote posted here on facebook that said the following: "Where there is a strong woman, there is a strong man or no man at all!"

Why is the "or no man at all" included? To promote this deluded image of strength. We are much stronger TOGETHER than we can ever be apart. If you think that being "strong" means that you can raise your child alone, then what you are really doing is exercising a major weakness in yourself. Let's redefine our definition of "strength" and build stronger families.

It never fails, some women scream about not needing a man to raise their children but who's the first one they call when the children are getting beside themselves? DAD. Who's the first one she calls when her kids need school clothes because she ran short on money for the month? DAD. Ok then, I rest my case. Men and women need each other. I'm aware that there are women who are doing it by themselves because of the father's lack of involvement (I salute all single mothers who through NO FAULT OF HER OWN are raising children solo). The body can't operate without a heart because the heart supplies the body with blood and oxygen so you can stay alive. Let the body tell the heart, "I don't need you" and see how that works out. Just like the body is stronger as a whole, men and women raising children together are stronger because if one is weak, the other is strong. The stronger one can be the extra set of eyes just in case something tries to sneak up on him.

Giving Your All

I'm divided on this one because while I somewhat agree with this caption, I also agree that you give your all to someone who's deserving. If someone's not deserving of your best, why would you keep giving them your all? In hopes that they will change? That may or may not work depending on the man. The only way I could see myself abiding by this statement is if she has proven herself worthy of such special treatment; otherwise we reciprocate: I do for her, she does for me and so on. There's nothing like taking turns blessing each other. If this holds true, then men could say a woman who asks for everything, should get nothing. It's just a thought. This reminds me of a disorder titled RED (Royal Entitlement Disorder) [coined by Hondo Solomon]. RED is a condition where some women come up with these sayings in order to justify a man doing for them while many don't have to reciprocate. Again, the only woman a man should go hard for is someone that WANTS to please him. If a man has a good woman that does right by him AND doesn't ask for much, then I can justify her deserving everything because she makes sure he's on point and the least he can do is show her appreciation. It's not everyday an angel comes into one's life. Usually, some women who utter captions like this pic have entitlement issues and those are the ones men need to be cautious of. To invest more in someone that's not reciprocating is called simping. Just like men can be simps, so can some women.

Using Your Talent(s)

Everyone has at least one talent, something they're good at. Some people have multiple talents so for them, they have to devote equal time to each talent so it won't go to waste. What burns me up is people that have talents and DON'T USE THEM. How can anyone sit on their talent and not use it? That's silly to me. When God gives you gifts, you're supposed to use them for his glory. For example, my gift is writing so that's why I set up this blog website so I can give my stance on various issues. Ever since I built my blog website, it's 5300+ page views and counting and I've had it a year! The vision I have for my blog website is to market it for $$$ once I get my page views up to 10,000 or more. So far I'm well on my way to the 10,000 mark. If you don't use your talent, it will go to waste or it will be passed on to your child(ren) for them to utilize to the fullest. I understand that some people may not want to market their talent for $$$ and that's ok; some people use their talent as a hobby. Maybe some people don't use their talent because they're scared of rejection, others don't use their talent because they don't know how to effectively market their gift for profit, who knows. All I know is if I had multiple talents and didn't use them, I'm doing myself a disservice because I didn't tap into what God has blessed me with. I tell God periodically: When I stand before Him, I hope I don't have a single talent left because I used every ability for your glory. The people who don't use their talent(s) usually become envious of those who are using their talent(s) and profiting off their skill. Well, if they had the same confidence in their skills, they would be successful with their talent(s). Proverbs 18:16, NKJV- A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men.

Simping vs. Genuine Interest

There's no such thing as simping for a woman sometimes, there is no such thing as simping for the right woman. There's a big difference in doing things for your lady because she's doing for you, and simping. If you are disrespecting yourself as a man, it's simping. If you're investing more in her than she is in you, you are simping. If you treat her like she is your queen but you're not treated like her king, but a peasant, you're simping. I said it once, I'll say it again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TAKING CARE OF SOMEONE WHO TAKES CARE OF "YOU" You have to be stupid to want to get rid of a woman who actually wants to make you happy and that's real. And ladies you are equally stupid to want a man beneath you and got the nerve to call yourself a strong woman. A queen is NOTHING without her King. Why do some people go hard for those who aren't checking for them? That's silly to me. If I'm interested in a woman, don't you think it would make more sense to seek out someone who's equally interested? Most men don't think that way, they pull out all the stops on women that could care less about them and that's what leads some men into bitterness. As stated in a previous commentary, many women seek out men who offer them the world when she doesn't have a passport. That's their perogative but they wouldn't run that on discerned men because a discerned man will flip the script on a woman in a second. Someone who knows their worth will ALWAYS want to know what (s)he is bringing to the table. Some people forget that relationships go both ways, BOTH parties give & take. If one person is doing all the giving and taking, something's wrong. Some of these relationship mindsets confirm my belief that I won't be missing out if I don't want a relationship. Just like a prospective man has to prove himself worthy of a special lady, she has to prove herself worthy of queen treatment. Anything less is uncivilized.

Tighten Up Men, Pt. 2

Black American men have to get ourselves together. Black men becoming successful in many different arenas is the only thing black American women will submit to, just like every American woman. Black American women will sell their souls to the devil to be recognized for anything, even if it is for their sexuality or their ability to look like fools. It's a shame how desperate some Black American women are. Educated black men can run America if we stop putting all of our focus on Black American women's personal issues.

Tighten Up Men

If you're a man, but you are making excuses to do things that a man should do, then what you're going through should happen to you because you would rather exchange your position to think & be like a little boy. No man should never sacrifice his freedom to think, or his life to be a fool! I hate when men make excuses for why they can't do this or that so that is why I chose this route. What a clown! Do you not realize that when you chase a certain lifestyle, you are condemning yourself for the worst? Look at what it has done for you, think about where has it gotten so far. 1 Corinthians 13:11 says "When I was a child, I spoke and reasoned as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things" That verse should be a wake-up call to all men to put away childish antics. I can't stand to see a grown man acting like a child; really. If a man talks about another man behind his back, not only is that feminine but childish as well because a man will bring his beef directly to another man's face, not gossip like a female. He might as well go to the strip club and slide down a pole. If a man is making excuses for his behavior such as "she made me do it" or "everyone else is doing it" then he needs to check the company he's rolling with because as the old adage goes, "You are the company you keep" Even though a man may roll with foul people, he should have his own mind NOT to go along with what everyone else is doing. Like our parents used to say when they asked us why we did something and our response was "Everyone else is doing it": If everyone jumped off the cliff would you do it too? For men that have children, they should be extra careful because their children will follow his example, NOT  his words.

Leading By Example

As with everything else, people learn by example rather than words. That's why there's the saying "Lead By Example" You can tell someone to do this, that and the third but if you're not doing it yourself, it's useless because people pay attention to your example rather than what you say. Fathers are no different because like this picture says, his son will one day follow his example instead of his advice. Advice combined with a good example yields a great return. For example, a father tells his son to treat women with respect but his son sees him treating his mother foul. That child will grow up thinking it's ok to disrespect women based on the example set for him. Conversely, if his son sees him showing love to his mom, he'll grow up with the proper understanding of how to treat women. It boils down to example; what example are fathers setting for their sons? Is it a good or bad example?

Play It How It Go

This is another one of those stupid quotes some women like to use. First off, men invented the rules of the game so you can't beat the originator. Some of them need to learn this. Second, personally I'm not about playing games. I tell it straight up what I expect from her and what I can add to her life; the rest is on her. It never ceases to amaze me how many quotes/pictures some women can come up with. Yes, a man should do right by his woman but to threaten him with "treat me like a game and I'll show you how it's played" signals a vindictive nature which is red flag for any sensible man. If a woman's not being treated correctly, just LEAVE. No sense in being vindictive to prove a point because in the end, she's no better than him. If anything, she should tell him "look, either you will treat me like I'm supposed to be treated or I'm gone". Most men will respect that and respond accordingly. This, and other likeminded quotes are just more tools that will keep some women lonely.

Dissension In The Ranks

You think when a group forms, they come together for a common goal but all groups have dissension in the ranks. Dissension in the ranks is a term used to describe internal conflict within an organization. Each person has their own agenda and at the opportune time, their true colors show. Major splits have occurred as a result of this. I think if you're going to form an organization, you have to recruit people that all share the same passion and will work for the same goal. That's easier said than done because egos come into play; each person is looking out for their own best interest. In joining an organization, you have to be able to put your ego aside for the betterment of the organization. A certain level of selflessness is required to join an organization because even though you have a legit reason for having your own agenda, you knew what you were getting into when you joined the organization. The strongest groups will have internal conflict from time to time, it's a matter of how strong the bond is that they can put their beef aside and get back on one accord. Can groups avoid dissension in the ranks? Yes, if they set boundaries on what will/won't work. No matter how much planning, conflict will come within groups. However, there are times where one has to further their own agenda outside the group. In times where one has to leave an organization, it's usually for the best but they still remain ties to their old group because they never know when they may need a helping hand. You don't want to leave on bad terms.

Things Men Say When Caught Cheating

When a man gets caught cheating, it's interesting to hear the litany of excuses he comes up with to avoid responsibility. Here's a list of the most common things men say when they are caught cheating:

1. It's Not What It Looks Like

2. I Was Drunk

3. She Looked Like You

4. You Made Me Do This

5. See What Had Happened Was (insert lie here)

6. She's My Sister-Ewwww, men use this one? Shakes Head.

7. I Have Sex With Her, but I love you

8. She was helping me file my taxes

9. I was doing this for us-LOL! That will go over well with any woman.

10. I was practicing a new move I wanted to try on you

11. We were praying

12. I accidentally fell on top of her (or she accidentally fell on top of me)

13. She Made me do it

14. We were wrestling

15. I didn't know you were coming back early-That's how many women catch their man, by making them think they're gone for a while.

16. I don't know her, she's been wanting me for a long time

17. That's my friend

18.I needed a release since you

19. Look baby I can explain...

20. She needed someone to talk to

There's plenty more where that came from. I'm not going to lie, these are hilarious and ridiculous at the same time. It just goes to show you that some men will do any & everything to avoid manning up for what they do. If you make your bed, you have to lie in it. That Part.

Where Are The Good Men?

Many women ask Where Are The Good Men? According to the following poem by Winslow Willis, they're amongst us. Now, everyone's definition of a good man varies but I think this poem nails it.

From the MIND of Winslow Willis

"Where have all of the GOOD men gone?"

Some good men are janitors. Are you willing to date a janitor?

Some good men are garbage men. Are you willing to date a garbage man?

Some good men manage fastfood restaurants. Are you willing to date a fast food manager?

Some good men drive school buses. Are you willing to date a school bus driver?

OR, by GOOD do you mean: college degree, fancy six-figure job that you can brag to your girlfriends and parents about, fancy new wheels, and a five-figure bank account? Don't miss out on good MEN, while searching for good THINGS! :)

To me, good men don't have to advertise about being one, it shows in their conduct towards their loved ones and strangers. A good man knows who he is and what he stands for. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live good (I want that myself and I'm taking steps towards doing so) but like the poem reads in the last sentence, don't miss out on a good man while searching for good things.

What You Won't Do, Another Will

http://www.ebony.com/love-sex/confessions-i-gave-into-his-fantasy-now-i-dont-know-who-my-childs-father-is-304

"What You Won't Do, Another Will" seems to be people's favorite statement to use in a relationship. It can carry a negative & positive connotation. It can be positive and negative because if you refuse to do right by your spouse, someone else will come along and take your place. The above link entails a woman who had a lot going for herself and her husband proposed she sleep with another man. My first thought was "Really?" What sensible man would give his woman a pass to sleep with another guy? She obliged and slept with the first man. Another guy comes along and asks the same thing and she obliges. She's pregnant by BOTH men and doesn't know who the baby's father is. She gave into her husband's fantasy and now she probably will have to raise the child solo because both men will deny the child is theirs. Reading stories like this are why some men & women need to be careful who they bonk because children are no joke. I feel for the child moreso than the lady because that child doesn't know who the real father is. Who's to say she's going to explain to the child once it grows up and starts asking questions? At some point, this lady is going to have to have real talk with her child about its father. When the lady got pregnant, the man had the nerve to go off on her. He was just as much at fault as she was because he could've put a stop to it but he didn't. Why did you not use a condom? Whether or not the bf suggested it, she should have been more conscious about protecting herself and preventing pregnancy. Has she been tested for HIV, STD/STI? 

When he became distant, she didn't mention that she sat him down and talked to him. What happened to asking simple questions? I hope the letter writer has learned some things about herself from this experience. I wish her and her daughter luck, and a good therapist.

Trading Heaven For Hell

"Nojma Reflects

January 11

You have to love the women that send me messages. Just bless their poor little deflecting hearts. I was told that submissive women get "boring" after awhile. Hey Brothers how many of you trade in your peaceful home, with a submissive wife, who knows her role, doesn't challenge yours, who manifests the continuance of your existence through her womb for a loud mouthed, you can't tell me nothing, I am grown woman " punchanella, punchanella what can you do? punchanella, punchanella I can do it too...except I can do it better rebel of a woman? Because that makes so much sense right? To trade Heaven for Hell."

What man wants to trade heaven for hell? Any man that trades a good, submissive, strong woman for a rebellious woman deserves every bit of hell she will put him through. Constant verbal warfare, the snide remarks, belligerence, etc. No sensible man wants to go through that. It baffles me that there are women who think like the above referenced in Nojma's blog. These women believe that challenging their man on every front equals strength. No, it means you don't trust his judgement to where you fall back and let him lead. Over time, he will get sick of the constant warfare with his lady and go elsewhere. What one woman won't do, another will. A man willingly choosing a rebel woman is like throwing yourself into molten lava, he gets burned beyond recgonition. A man goes to war every day he steps outside his door and the LAST place he wants to have wars is his home, the place of peace.

Call & Response Segment

Normally I do blog commentaries on various issues but today's going to be different. I'm going to post a series of statements that sound crazy and I give a response. Without further ado, let's get it on!

1. The sweetest woman in the world can become the meanest woman in the world if you make her that way.

Response: Negative. She was already mean to begin with, just that she did a good job suppressing it.

2. A man sleeps around and gets called a pimp, while a woman sleeps around and gets called a trick, hoe, slut, etc.

Response: Both men and women who sleep around are playing Russian Roulette with their lives. But hey, if you want your meat to turn rancid and your kitty to shrivel up into a prune, who am I to judge?

3. Everybody deserves a chance, just not from me.

Response: That's your perogative, but know that the other person can say the same to & about you.

4. Good Men & Women are hard to find

Response: Negative. They're right in front of you but you don't want to do the work to get & keep one.

5."I'm a good woman with a Master's Degree, my own house and car"

Response: And? So are many other women, what makes you stand out from the rest?

6. All women are golddiggers.

Response: You get what you put out. If you floss like you have bankrolls, then expect every woman on the block checking for you.

7. Men Are Dogs

Response: You stayed with that dog, so what does that make you? It's owner.

8. Mom! I'm pregnant. It's something in the air

Response: Your legs.

9. Women say: Your body is a temple, not a visitor's center

Response: Really? With all the men you let visit your temple, you need to consider expansion.

10. Behind every good man is a good woman

Response: For the most part, this is true. A good woman brings out the best in her man and vice versa.

Sarcasm, Role Reversal & Exposure

 I can say and do what ever I want to who ever I want because I'm me and I'm God's Chosen One. Only he can judge me and no one else can. 

That's right!

I talk to God ALL the time and he said to me that it don't matter if I call black men weak, broke, or liars because God agrees with me. He told me that it doesn't matter that I took my "baby daddy's" children from him and hid them from him because he's not giving me more or enough money.

God is MY MAN!

He told me just the other day when people were condemning me for tricking for money to buy some jewelry, get my kids some Baby Phat, me a nice Gucci purse, and maybe some baby formula, that to tell y'all that you're GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL and that he doesn't like UGLY.

Only God can judge and ya'll MESSED UP NOW!

OOOOOOOH girl, I can't wait for God to put you black men on a shishkebab and roast your little black butts in HELL for talking crap about his "chosen one" for tricking to SURVIVE. 

You MESSED UP NOW!

Thank you JESUS!

Out of the mouths of fools. What do some of these ignorant women think God's going to do? JUDGE THEM. This is sarcasm, role reversal and exposure all in one!

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

"Nojma Reflects

You know, when we start dabbling into the thinking of "anything a man can do, a woman can do and do it better", we get into dangerous territory. Your search for a man will be null and void, because you will never have a man if you are trying to BE a man. The truth is men and women are NOT made equal. I never heard a man witness his wife or a woman give birth and say "man I would be so much better at labor then she would"!

Appreciate the way God made you. I love and I mean I freaking LOVE being a woman. I love my femininity. I love the beauty, power and life that is my womb, and I don't take that for granted at all.

I am learning that some women are confusing "independence" with "confidence", and since confidence is appealing, those who confuse the two don't understand why they aren't appealing.

Confidence is security in yourself, is loving yourself, loving the way God made you, your talents, and as a woman if you are confident in your womanhood, your ability to nurture, console, comfort and you know the value of your womb, THAT is appealing.

However, telling a man you don't need him for anything is quite the turn off."

I know we've all heard the little cartoon jingle "Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you. No You Can't, Yes I Can" It's ok to have confidence in yourself & your ability but let's be clear, God didn't make men & women equal. He created men and women with a set of characteristics that defines who they are. There are things men can do better than women and vice versa. That's okay. Have you ever heard a man witness his wife or a woman giving birth and say "I could give birth better than her" NEGATIVE! Because men don't do that. For the most part, men know their place. Deep down, women need men and men need women so let's stop fronting and admit we need each other.

Good Good Won't Cut It

"Nojma Reflects

I know you have taken that infamous “Smack it up, flip it, rub it down, oh, no” verse to a new level. I mean you can do cartwheels; handstands, back flips, you just have all types of tricks in your stash. You just know that your sex is so good, that you can get anything you want from him right? While you do what you do, you’re thinking “yes I've got him, I am securing my position as his woman”, when in reality the “position” that you’re in is only securing the fact that in that moment, you are giving him PLEASURE. "Pleasure is fleeting" and if you have this mindset....then so are you."

I love a confident woman, one who's sure of herself and what she brings to the table, but some women think good sex is all it takes to keep a man. If he's thirsty like she is then yes, he'll stay around for that good good. A discerned brother that knows what he wants will understand that it takes more than good sex to keep him. Deep conversations about where the couple sees themselves 3, 5 years from now will always trump good good because both parties are concerned with the inner instead of the outer. Some people are too focused on pleasure instead of longevity. What if medical challenges say a couple can't have sex? Then that "good good" she once had will shrivel up and die. Either he's going to love her regardless or look for sexual pleasure outside the relationship. Good good isn't going to make a relationship last, it's communication and loyalty. If anything, sex is a bonus.

Facebook Amusement Park

Welcome To Facebook, where liars tell more lies, losers are CEO's, every sinner is a saint, captain save 'em is a pimp, haters complain about haters, friends & family block you, enemies are facebook friends, weak people are gangsters and some women are models. Men post pics of themselves with shades and last but not least most people put on for the book. You can be whatever you want to be on Facebook so step right up. Some folk know they need to stop fronting for Facebook. The worst is when someone knows you outside of FB that knows your history and you're on here putting on for FB. That's why it's not cool to add every Tom, Dick & Harry that requests you because you don't want to look crazy by talking about how you're this & that. Granted, there are truthful people on Facebook who keep it real on and offline (myself included) but to outright front for FB is not the move. Who are you trying to impress? I feel like this, be yourself on and offline. Nobody on Facebook impresses me enough to where I have to front about who and what I am. The thing is, there's always a few people that have you as a mutual friend so you are affiliated by default. I joined facebook to meet new people and connect with those I lost touch with over the years. There are people I haven't seen since high school & college that I looked up (and have looked me up) who added me and vice versa. All others, we share similar views and outlooks on life. Honestly, for anyone to get an add from me I pay attention to what they post. If they post inspiration, humor or general thoughts, they get a request from me because I like stuff like that.

Facebook World

P.O. Box 14079

Miami, FL 33207

Utter Nonsense

This is why Christians should not go to nightclubs because it arouses sinful behavior. In the above photo you see a woman gyrating on the man and the next day he's in church praising God. It's sad and true at the same time. There's always a few people that go out on Saturday night and act the fool, then be in church the next morning singing God's praises. Ask these people what the sermon was about and you'll hear crickets & tumbleweeds. Most of them that go DON'T know the word, they look at it as a place to go every time they make bad decisions because they are easily forgiven. Yes, God forgives but he expects us to make leeway towards becoming more like Him. I'm the least perfect person, but at least when I foul up, I make amends not to do it again. If you're gonna go to the club, go to the club but don't look crazy by going to the club Saturday night and have the nerve to be in church the next day knowing you did God knows what last night.

Can Men Love Unconditionally?

This is one of those questions that make me think. Can Men Love Unconditionally? Men are raised to be no-nonsense and have zero tolerance towards indiscretion. For a man to overlook offenses against him, some people will consider him weak. That being said, how much tolerance is a man supposed to have if his woman keeps hurting him over and over again? Keep in mind that some women are quick to get rid of a man if he violates. Every man is different which means each man has his own level of how much he will deal with. Generally, most men have a low threshold for BS, which is why some men are quick to dip out on their woman if she starts acting stupid. No one wants to be with an irritable mate. A man can see things through the rough times for so long until he gets to a point where he has to maintain his peace of mind. There's a time to fight and a time to cut your losses and move on. Not every relationship is worth saving, especially if you have pointed out your issue with your spouse to her and have given them a chance to correct the indiscretion. Sometimes, the problem isn't her, the problem may be HIM. Many men (and women) don't want to look at themselves because that's too much like swallowing pride and saying "I'm wrong." Rough times are inevitable in a relationship and depending on the level of love a man has for his woman, he may tolerate just enough from his woman to where he gives her an ultimatum. Sometimes, you have to give your spouse an ultimatum to act right or take flight. It seems like some women use the term unconditional love when they expect a man to constantly deal with her crap. No one has time for that! Peace of mind is far more important than dealing with someone at their worst. When women throw out unconditional love, I think she wants to test him in order to see how much she can get away with before he lays the smack down. There's a difference between not being able to love unconditionally and not being treated like a doormat. When you continue to love someone even though they aren't loving you back, you are allowing yourself to be a doormat. As much as a man may love a woman, he also has to love himself enough NOT to allow her to cause him further pain. I'm a forgiving person but that doesn't mean I have to take you back. If you overlook one offense, what else are you going to overlook? You have to nip issues in the bud before they fester into major problems. Forgiveness DOES NOT mean giving someone a pass to hurt you over and over again. That's the problem, people don't have enough love for themselves to enact limits on what they won't put up with. If the issue is on my end, I have no problem making adjustments because that's what you do if you care enough about someone to make the relationship work. I'm man enough to admit if the problem's with me because sometimes it's ME. All I expect of my future woman (whoever she is) is that she takes responsibility for her screw-ups because I'm willing to do the same. If she does that, I can work with her. BUT...after having given her fair warning and leeway to work on the issue; if she can't act right, she can take flight!

Thug Lovin Pt. 2

A sad realization I've come to is that some women love abusive men. He has no goals but he has swag so that's good enough for them. These are the same women who talk about how they've won. Ma'am, how have you won? You've won with a broken heart, bitterness towards good men that want to treat you well, ice-packs and the list goes on. If she calls that winning, then let her. Men should stop trying to save these women because it's obvious they don't want to be helped. Until a woman truly gets fed up, she will get out. Nothing anyone can say will make her see otherwise. It's a figure of speech (I'm too respectful to mistreat a woman) but let me go upside my woman's head and see if she loves me. Under no circumstance will I ever understand how a woman can stay with an abusive man. He doesn't have to be abusive, he can cheat on her and some women will stay. I feel like this: If you let one thing slide, you'll let major issues slide and at some point, you have to confront head on. You can't allow someone to bulldoze you and not say anything. Abusive/Controlling people have no respect for those who LET them run amok and this pic proves just that; some women have low self-esteem to where they will take any & everything a man gives them.

Open Marriage

Unless the concept of marriage has changed, I've never heard of an open marriage. Last time I checked, marriage was a bond between TWO people that made vows to cherish each other for better or worse. Just another example of how some people want their cake so they can eat it too. Marriage is for monogamy-oriented people, not swingers. That's all open marriage really is, glorified swinging. You're married to someone but you want to sleep with other people. If you can't be faithful to your spouse, maybe you shouldn't get married. It makes more sense than having an "open marriage" It's funny how people try to desecrate a sacred bond because they don't want the commitment. This is why people should take their time to get to know someone because there's no sense in marrying someone that's not on the same page. You're being faithful to your spouse but you don't know if they will return the favor. Stats like these are why people need to screen their partner very carefully.

Here are some statistics according to http://www.divorcestatistics.org: 

Marriage Divorce statistics (in percent)

First Marriage 45% to 50% marriages end in divorce

Second Marriage 60% to 67% marriages end in divorce

Third Marriage 70% to 73% marriages end in divorce

Do these sound like good odds to you? Not to me so that should tell people that the odds of your marriage being successful get slimmer with each marriage. You're lucky to stay married for 10 years or longer. Open marriages - majority of folks aint going for that. When you REALLY love someone, you are not trying to give them permission to be with someone else. Now the person you don't care about, totally different ballgame. You have egos and jealousy playing a huge part for men and women. "Here you go baby, you can see other (wo)men and still be married to me" Yes, see how that works out for you.

Don't Believe The Hype

Nojma Reflects

Don’t believe the hype that Black Men have a fear of commitment or don’t have the desire to marry. The right woman can turn “I will never be a one woman man” into “I want to be with her forever“. That is the power of a beautiful, knowledgeable, Godly woman, that knows her role, isn’t auditioning for yours, knows the beauty and power of submission, doesn’t flex on her man, laces her tone with compassion instead of contempt, walks with him in this journey called life, instead of running ahead so she can claim “first place“, revives you when your energy is low, shields his weaknesses from the world but promotes his strength, she is his diary, her mind is the pages, and the love is the ink with which he writes with, her heart is where the key remains secured, what he expresses with her, STAYS with her, she provides an atmosphere that allows him to speak his pain, fears, and frustrations without judgement , allows him to be vulnerable, because he knows that this woman understands him like no one else, he knows that this woman loves him like no one else, in her spirit he sees God, in her wombs he found the path that leads to his legacy, in her arms he finds solace, in his house he finds PEACE, in her food he finds healing, in their children he sees the perfect blend of both “he and she“…….and the type of man he “never” thought he would be…..is now the type of man he has PROUDLY BECOME.

This was another beautiful read by Nojma Reflects (she has her own facebook page, do a Search and subscribe to her writing). The right woman will make ANY man want to settle down. Why wouldn't a good man want a good woman? She completes him and helps him be a better man in all areas of life. She rides for him through the good & bad, keeps him lifted up in prayer and in turn, a REAL man will not stray from the love of a good woman.

Pre-Marriage Cohabitation

http://madamenoire.com/253017/ask-a-very-smart-brotha-why-you-shouldnt-live-together-before-marriage/

This was an interesting read. Everything Damon said coincides with my view on shacking up. Biblically, shacking up is wrong because it can lead to temptation. On the other hand, cohabitation provides the couple an opportunity to test the waters. If you live with someone long enough, you find out a lot about them. It's not like a couple going out frequently and spending time together or chatting on FB, texting, IM, etc. Those may be convenient but there's nothing like spending time with someone in order to find out about them. The only way cohabitation could work is if the couple sets clear boundaries on what will & won't work, otherwise shacking could do more harm than good. From a financial standpoint, cohabitation would work because the couple can share expenses; this would especially work if the couple lives in an expensive city like New York, Miami, Boston or San Francisco. I can see why some people don't want to live together because over time you want your own space and you don't have any privacy when you're living with someone. Allow me to expand on pre-marriage cohabitation from a Biblical standpoint: If a couple is living together with intentions of fornication, then yes it's dead wrong. The following scriptures speak on this: (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Even if a couple living together isn't sexing, the assumption is made because they're living together. In that manner, the Bible forbids pre-marriage cohabitation altogether.

Marriage related, relationships, men/women, polygyny (playlist)

The first 10 minutes of this video sums up why some men need to do their homework on the woman they're involved with. In a nutshell, he's telling men to protect themselves. Just like women need assurances, so do men.When it comes to contracts you're always supposed to read them, ESPECIALLY the fine print. If you sign off without knowing what you're getting into, you were slipping. If you were never shown any terms and had to find out the hard way in divorce court how screwed you are, you haven't done due diligence. This is why prenups are smart to protect one's assets and wealth from tomfoolery and women who scoff at them just need to hush or go find a fool and call it a day. Because men need assurances too, that everything we do for her won't be in vain. Otherwise what is the point? 

When Was Romantic Love Invented?

"We don't have any Gentlemen anymore they ones we do have its old as dirt. Teach your kids some manners"

We don't have anymore gentlemen because there are no more ladies, NEXT.

Or rather all the gentlemen went where the ladies are, and how convenient chivalry and gentlemen are brought up in moments that benefit women.

But ask a female to cook for you on the first date and they will act stuck on stupid. CHIVALRY IS DEAD. D...E....A.....D!!

Was it ever meant to be alive in the first place? chivalry started around the 12-1500's around the medieval era, right around the time romantic love came out. Romantic love is only about 800 years old. So 2013-800 is 1212. Coincidence? I think not.

Look it up at http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/Q&A-800.html

The above is an excerpt from a post I read in a group on Facebook. The aforementioned dialogue is a good indication of the state of Romantic Love. "We don't have anymore gentlemen because there are no more ladies, NEXT." That statement is spot on because some women have forgotten what being a lady is about. They have it twisted that a man is supposed to powder her butt (LOL, I love that term) while she reaps the benefits. This comes from some of their fathers raising their daughters with an entitlement complex, that a man is supposed to do this, that and the third for her. That's why some men are reluctant to get married because from a Biblical standpoint, it seems like he has to do all the work and the woman doesn't have to do nothing. No man wants to feel like he's doing all the giving without getting anything in return. Relationships go both ways. A man is supposed to ask a woman what she's bringing to the table even if he does pursue. Now, if a man asks a woman what she's bringing to the table, she gets mad. Really? A woman getting upset because a man wants reciprocation? That's the mess I don't like. This is why MEN & WOMEN need to do their due diligence before getting involved with someone. Forget about dinner & a movie, a prospective couple should sit down and have a series of conversations in order to find out what each other's views on relationships are. A person will almost always show you their stance on relationships by their conduct. Pay close attention to clues (s)he gives. Do they have an entitlement complex? Do they feel as though they should be pampered while they don't have to reciprocate? If someone shows early on that they have an entitlement complex, it's always a bad sign of things to come. I don't think there is an issue with the concept of romantic love. The issue comes from lack of reciprocity and unrealistic and hypocritical expectations. If a man's supposed to do x,y,z for her out of love, what is she supposed to be doing for you out of love? A lot of women today just give the blank stare to that question and act as if merely showing up to be catered to/provided for/protected/given benefits/let you make them happy/etc. is sufficient. But she's supposed to be willing to put in an equitable share of effort into the relationship as well. If you are dealing with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you, that's always a bad sign of BS to come. Mismatches.

Truth Be Told 2013

When peanut brain women continue to lay in the bed and spread their legs for these peanut shell minded dudes, all they'll ever end up having is a Nut!

Who's The Real Enemy?

Military men don't have to worry about the Taliban trying to take them out overseas, for some military men it's their woman they have to be cautious of because while he's fighting for his country, she's home with the kids for months on end. Depending on how loyal a miltary wife is, she may be faced with cheating temptations because her man isn't there to give her the affection she needs/wants. My thing is, it's very noble for a man to fight for his country and military men and women have my utmost respect & admiration. For a man's wife to cheat while he's overseas defending our nation's freedom is reprehensible. If she's that hard up for attention, maybe she shouldn't have gotten involved with him. When a woman is with a military man, she has to be strong enough to accept him being away for months or years at a time and be able to hold the house down in his absence. Military wives are some of the strongest women around because while their husband is serving our country, she's home running the house and making sure the kids are taken care of. Over time, some military wives get used to their husbands being away so they use his absence as "me" time. In the back of his mind, he is concerned with his wife scheming to run off with his money and children. There are many stories were men have come back from deployment to find out their wives are pregnant by another  man. He's looking crazy the entire time and probably at a loss for words. Now, he has to pay child support for a child that's not his. What kind of foolishness is that? He's fighting for his country and she decides to be a ho and spread eagle for another man.

I Don't Have Time For That Nonsense

"Nojma Reflects

Listen to the blatant hatred we exude towards Black Men. Black Men ain’t s***; Black men are dogs". With this mindset you will definitely chase black men away. Sometimes, as women, we are so harsh in how we discuss our feelings and misgivings about Black men, we forget how much they are beaten up in every other aspect of life.

We have to stop allowing our insecurity about finding a good man manifest into negative attitudes toward all black men. We ask where are all the good black men, but brothers can rightfully ask where are all the good black WOMEN?"

Some women don't want the script flipped on them. They want to be the ones asking "where are the good black men?" Good black men are all around, but they pay close attention to the belligerent antics of some black women that they refuse to deal with any drama. A real man doesn't want a drama queen because she's going to make his life miserable at every turn. I loved this message from Nojma Reflects because it was spot on. Just like good black women deserve a good man, the reverse is true for black men; they deserve a good woman that will respect & cherish them.

Strong Women Love Weak Men

I've come to the conclusion that strong women love weak men. Weak men cater to them, don't challenge them, weak men are afraid to call women on their B.S, weak men encourage and cosign some black women's silly mindsets and rabid emotions. A real man does the opposite of what I just mentioned...AND THEY CALL HIM OVERBEARING AND CONTROLLING BECAUSE LIKE A REAL MAN HE'S SUPPOSE TO SET AGENDAS AND STAND ON TOP OF IT!!!!...WOMEN TRY TO USE SHAMING DEFLECTIVE AND BERATING RHETORIC WHEN IT COMES TO THOSE TYPES because some women don't like order. They want to do what they want no matter how detrimental to them or the relationship. If strong women want a weak man, I say give them what they want. I will not feel sorry for any weak man who gets trampled on by a strong woman because he's too busy powdering her behind to tell her what she needs to hear. These dudes are the ultimate simps because they play up to her in order to gain favor. Usually, she has to threaten to withhold sex from him and he caves in to her tomfoolery. Some of these men are blinded by the nooky, that's all. You have some men that will sell their principles just to get in good with a strong woman because alas, she has what he wants. Little do weak men realize that deep down, she doesn't respect him. She has his balls in her purse and clowns him to her friends. "Girl, I have this dude eating out of the palm of my hand. He does whatever I say, what a lame." Just like some women say men can't handle a strong woman, so-called strong women can't handle a strong man that will set agendas and stick to them, even if she acts stupid.