The Grass Is Greener

I want to speak on the subject The Grass Is Greener. Everyone has heard this phrase at some point in their lives. It can be applied to every area of your life from finances to career and everything in between. The premise is you make more moves elsewhere than you would if you stayed in one spot.  I believe this statement because why stay in one spot and get nowhere when you can move to the other side and get further than you ever dreamed possible? I don't understand that. Some people are content with mediocrity and that's their choice. Not everyone desires to be successful; some people are content doing the minimum to get by. It's all good because I know who NOT to surround myself with. I've arrived at a place in life where I have more hustle to get where I want to be. If I have to cut some friends (or acquaintances) loose because they aren't walking the same road I am, so be it. In order to be successful, you have to surround yourself with likeminded people. If you have big dreams and see no opportunity in your hometown but you know you can make it somewhere else, the grass will be greener on the other side for you because it's in a new terrain that you will get further than you ever dreamed. Once you have arrived, you are thankful you left your hometown. I know the grass isn't ALWAYS greener on the other side because sometimes where you're at in life is the best place for you. Take Lebron James for example. He had to go to Miami to win a championship because he wasn't getting help in Cleveland and folks were fighting mad at him for his decision. That's their problem if they don't understand the rationale behind him leaving Cleveland. If you're a star player who went to management asking for help and they refused to give you a supporting cast, you're going to want to be traded to a better team. One person can't carry a team. Ever since Lebron left Cleveland, he's got his first NBA ring and an MVP trophy to boot. Lebron's example was confirmation that the grass was greener on the other side. Many times, you have to do whatever it takes to better yourself even if it means moving to new terrain. I'm a firm believer that the grass is greener on the other side, especially if you can reach your goal(s) faster by going somewhere else. Life is too short to remain stuck. Make the most of each day. If there's no opportunity where you're at, create opportunity or go where you have a better shot of doing well in life.

Spending Time With Your Friends 24-7

Everybody needs time for themselves, relationships are no different. In order for a relationship to thrive, couples must take time out for themselves to be with friends because chances are, their friends were there long before he/she came into your life. I can't stand couples that get together and abandon their friends. That's flaw to me. While men and women in relationships need to spend time with friends every now & then, how much is too much? If spending too much time with your friends jeopardizes your relationship, then you need to fall back. However, there are times where you need to break away from each other so you can appreciate each other when you do get back together. It's said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. For example, a man and woman have gotten off work and had a good workout so they want to do something with their friends. No harm, no foul right? That would be correct if they checked in with each other. A couple's first responsibility (especially if they're married) is to each other. If your spouse wants you home at a decent hour, then you should come home at a respectable hour out of respect for them. I don't think they're trying to control you, they're concerned for your safety and want to spend time with you. I understand some people are controlling that they want you all to themselves. In that case, you should up & leave them. No one wants to be controlled, nor should they allow it. If I'm in a relationship with my lady and I want to have a night out with my friends, I can do that and will check in with her so she won't worry. I don't want to be cooped up with my woman in the house 24-7 and I'd hope she doesn't want the same for herself. I want her to have a life outside of me so when we reunited shortly, we'll have a deeper appreciation for each other. There are couples you would think are single because they never spend any time together, the man and/or woman are always out with friends. Those relationships don't last long becuase the couple is too busy living like they're single instead of together.

Relationship Standards

Everybody has standards for their prospective mate. Relationship standards serve a couple purposes: 1. Gives YOU something to shoot for and 2. Allows the other person to measure up (as they should). The problem lies is when men & women expect their partner to be on point when they aren't together themselves. How can you require of someone what you yourself don't have, let alone willing to give? That's bound to create problems in the relationship because one person is giving you the best of them and you're giving them scraps. If you're not giving your all to a relationship, do yourself and him/her a favor and split. You're good for someone, just not them and vice versa. A common expectation women have for prospective men is they want a man to be whole. That's good and she should expect the best in a man but what is she bringing to the table? What does she have to offer other than her good looks? "I'm not settling for chicken dinner when I deserve prime rib". What makes YOU think you're prime rib. Unless your perfect (which none of us are) then people shouldn't expect perfection in a spouse. The only person that's perfect is Jesus. I find it hilarious, if not shameful that some people can be so shallow they forget they have to meet another's relationship standards just like you have to meet theirs. If you're a 5 looking for a 10, something's wrong because a nickel isn't going to want a dime, a dime wants another dime so they can continue growing together. A nickel should look for a nickel, a dime should look for a dime, quarter for quarter. What I'm getting at is people should look for those comparable to them so there's no incompatibility. Contrary to popular belief, opposites DO NOT attract. Opposites are just that, OPPOSITES. Opposites are not supposed to work together, they are designed to do just that...be contrary. The reason why many relationships fail is unrealistic expectations. I'm for setting the bar high but if you're going to set the bar high, make sure you are at that level so your partner can have something to shoot for. I will never require of someone what I don't have to give or am not working towards.

Getting To Know Your Partner

When two people get into a relationship, the intent is to build a life together via marriage. The courting stage involves getting to know each other inside & out; finding out what makes him/her tick, their dreams, where they see the relationship going, etc. I don't know of anyone that gets involved with a person and doesn't want to get to know them; that's insane. Getting into a relationship with someone and not taking the time to find out about them is the same as being single. You two might as well break up because the relationship is going nowhere. One of my FB friends said it best: "Some People Just Want To Be In A Relationship Just To Say They Have Someone, But If You Don't Take The Time To Get To Know That Someone....Then You Have No One. If You Don't Have Time To Study Your Spouse, Then You Don't Have Time To Be In A Relationship." I co-sign this assessment because relationships involve mutual investment...both parties must be willing to invest in each other in order to reap the benefits. I think having a spouse is more of a business deal because as you're studying someone, you will find things you don't like about them and unless you can love them past their faults, the relationship may be doomed. Relationships should be pursued by people of good character who are open to change so both men & women can grow. Who wants to be with someone that's content with the ground level and doesn't want to move higher? Not me. Getting to know someone can be like studying because you ask questions of him/her, do a background check and then verify the information. Studying your mate can give off an air of micromanaging, judgmental decisions and being under a microscope; no one wants to be like that. As you're getting to know someone, they will have flaws you may/may not be able to stand. They're human and so are you. You love them through their issue(s), learn about yourself in the process and how to deal with them. What relationships boil down to is getting involved with someone of good character and Universal Laws usage. Relationships aren't complicated, it's the people who make them that way.

I Trust You God, No I Don't

So what's the point of praying about a situation and you're going to do what you want anyway? Either you trust God for direction or not. So many Christians (myself included) are guilty of this because on the one hand, God invites us to present our requests and put action behind those prayers, and on the other he expects us to leave the responsibility up to him. God gives us the power of choice but before that, we all have the ability to chose wisely if we utilize the tool(s) he have given us. Prayer helps us tap into those tools and open our heart, mind and soul. Prayer allows us to connect with positive forces. Action must follow prayer for faith without works is dead but we must discern the appropriate time to act or be able to deal with the reactions of our actions. When people pray about a situation, they are uncertain of the outcome so they pray with expectation that God will answer accordingly. God will respond in favor to our request(s) but usually he answers in his way, not ours. I believe uncertainty is a tough pill to swallow because some people pray and there's a waiting period. Many prayers God answers quickfast and others involve a waiting period. After intercessory/supplication prayers are lifted up to God, a waiting period ensues which is designed to test a believer's faith. Most believers believe God to answer prayers on the spot but when they have to wait, uncertainty sets in. I'm learning daily to lean on God for total understanding and he's never led me astray. Faith is like a muscle, it needs regular spiritual nutrition & exercise in order to get stronger. I liked what Kim Ward had to say on this topic: "Many of us have a hard time separating God's voice from the noise of the crowd (even our own voices). I have also learned not to answer for God. We pick a scenario that looks good in our sight and slap a "God's Will" label on it. I have also learned that being the boss of my business or in my house does not mean that God is punching my time clock too. I have rushed an answer to one prayer not realizing that God was answering another one of my prayers." When believers pray, they want to answer for God not realizing that God is sovereign. What we think is good for us, God may not co-sign so it would behoove us to realize that God knows best. Our time is not God's time. Another theory I have on trusting God is that because his answer doesn't line up with our own, we try to alter God's answer for our prayers and when things fall apart, we come back to him looking crazy. It boils down to this: When you pray about a situation, LEAVE it in God's hands. He will answer how he sees fit.

Real Talk Tuesdays

Listen to this broadcast as the hosts take questions & create dialogue around it. I've been following 3 Wise Women for months and they have great material, much of which I will use for these blog commentaries. I still have my own material, but a few times a year I will post blogcasts so you guys can hear (and support) these ladies. Without further ado: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ftiny.cc%2Ftruthfully&h=CAQG1c_lu

Mrs. Dad

Sunday was Father's Day, a day for fathers who are taking care of business in the home. Being a father is a tough job because dads wear many hats. They are the protector, provider, disciplinarian, spiritual leader, husband, father, coach, etc. Even though society may never give good fathers their props, I salute all fathers who are getting the job done. Deadbeat dads get no love from me because how a so-called man could walk out on his family is beyond me; the seed he created and just abandoned the child. That's flaw. There is a disturbing trend going on involving single mothers who jack Father's Day by saying they are the child(ren)'s father & mother. I'm tired of this. Yes, it's unfortunate single mothers are left to raise children on their own but let's call a spade a spade...whatever that man did or didn't do, some man is responsible for her existence. If a single mother refers to herself as the child's mother & father, she has serious issues. I know there are legit single mothers who are working full-time & going to school, plus raising a child. My hat goes off to them. You will never see or hear of a man refer to his child(ren) as their mother because that's not his place or role. Some single mothers are so embittered towards their baby's father they hijack the one day meant to celebrate fathers and claim it for themselves. If a woman didn't want kids, why would she pick the WRONG man to sleep with? That's flaw and one of the reasons why I'm against having children out of wedlock because it's the children who suffer. Sooner or later, the child(ren) are going to wonder where is their father and unless the mom is straight with the child(ren) about what really happened, the child will go through life not knowing their dad. If a woman has no intention of staying with a man long-term, she shouldn't have his child(ren). A few examples of TV dads are as follows: Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince, James Evans-Good Times, Carl Winslow-Family Matters, Cliff Huxtable-Cosby Show, Tim Taylor-Home Improvement, Uncle Curtis-House Of Payne, and the list goes on. Aside from being black, what the first 4 TV dads have in common is they were family men through and through. They remained faithful to their wives and no matter how hard life got, they were committed to leading their family through the rough times. It showed as their children respected him as the head. Yes, the aforementioned names are TV dads but many real-life fathers identify with those characters due to personality and parenting styles. Can we go back to the old-school where mothers played their role and fathers played theirs? That's what needs to happen because mothers playing the father's role is just sad on so many levels. I can't fault the mother for having to take on two roles because a mother cannot teach a boy about manhood because she doesn't understand men like a father. Yes, deadbeat fathers are an epidemic but that doesn't give single moms a pass to claim Mother's & Father's Day as their own. Just be a single parent, that's all.

Perfect Man/Woman

Does the perfect man or woman exist? Depends on who you ask. Some believe the perfect mate is out there but it takes work to find & keep them, others will love a person despite their faults. There's nothing wrong with desiring perfection in a mate because all of us want the best possible man or woman who will add to our lives. The problem lies where you expect a man or woman to be this, that & the third and you're bringing very little, if anything to the table. How can you have a laundry list of standards for a prospective man (or woman) when you aren't whole yourself? That's crazy to me. Women are good for this because a lot of them have the "I'm not settling for chicken dinner when I deserve prime rib" mentality. It's ok to have standards but be real with your desires. You're only going to get 80% of what you need & want in a relationship; no more, no less. That's in most cases. This 20% comes along and you're thinking you're getting something better because that 20 has what the 80 lacks. You leave your 80 for 20 and later down the line, you realize you had a good thing. By then, it's too late because that person has moved on to someone that will love them unconditionally. I think nobody should require of someone what they aren't willing to bring to the table themselves. If you expect a man to work out and you don't exercise, that's futile. If a man expects his woman to be independent but he has nothing going on for himself, that's flaw to me. In a dream world, the perfect man & woman would exist but in reality, they don't. It comes down to what you will & won't tolerate. Don't get me wrong, I believe the perfect man & woman does exist but it takes time to find him or her. Once you find someone that's perfect for you, do everything in your power to hold on to them.

Gender Definition

I got the idea for this topic from reading a FB friend's status. Men have their definition of what a woman is just like women have their definition of what a real man supposedly is. From a woman's standpoint, a real man is respectful, ambitious & God-fearing and from a man's viewpoint, a woman is loving, respectful & meek. Who is qualified to assess manhood/womanhood? Men have a better understanding of manhood based on gender alone. Men are able to accurately depict how men think, feel, their overall mindset. Women understand women better because after all, THEY'RE WOMEN. Granted, both sides are accurate in their assessment of the opposite gender but it goes much deeper than assessment. Let's take apologizing for example. "Real Men Apologize When They've Wronged Someone". If a man doesn't apologize, is he not a real man? According to another person, he would be less of a man because he didn't apologize for wronging someone. I believe that real people (men & women alike) apologize for wronging someone; that's a basic trait of humility. Men are men & women are women, regardless of whether they apologize or not. While I have my theory on what a woman is, I'm not qualified to assess a woman like my mother, aunt or other female loved ones in my family, or even women in general. It's true that men & women are accurate in some descriptions of the male & female gender, both fail to realize that each gender is complex. A woman can learn about men through her father and brother(s), I'll give her that. Unless they have schooled her in great depth about the male psyche, she will never understand men in their entirety. The same can be said about women; a man learns about women through his mother, sister(s) & other female relatives in his life. If a man does wrong and not meet the standards of another man, let alone the standards of the creator, Is he less than a man?Worldly men act different from a Godly man, just as a healthy man makes different choices than a unhealthy man but all are still men. I believe one issue men have with women defining manhood is how a woman can define manhood when she's not a man (I'll flip it for the women in a little bit). Women have in their minds what they feel a real man is, does, or should do. She may be accurate in some ways but off base in others. You have a man who knows the ins & outs of manhood because he is one. A woman's perception/perspective about a man will never trump or outrank a man's perspective/perception about a man. A man's views on manhood will always trump how a woman views manhood. Women can say the same for men, that they aren't qualified to speak on womanhood in which they would be right as well. When a man or woman imparts wisdom about their gender, it would behoove that man or woman to listen. After all, what better way to learn about men & women than from a respective man or woman?

Are Men Having An Identity Crisis?

This blog is inspired by a 3 Wise Women/Men blogcast I listened to earlier. The topic of discussion was Are Men Having An Identity Crisis? My answer: Yes. Back in the day, men knew how to be men. They were providers and protectors of the home, they were down for their families, etc. Today, men are  becoming more effeminate in their mannerisms and actions. Skinny jeans were NEVER acceptable for a man but as time passed, men have started to defy traditional standards of manhood. That's sad because men are supposed to embrance manly principles & actions. Men are more emotional than women, some are sitting on the couch doing nothing while the woman is putting in work on the job, they are dressing and acting in a womanly fashion and the list goes on. Since when did it become acceptable for a man to walk, talk and carry himself as a woman? It became acceptable when men were being raised by single mothers who feel they can be the child's mom & dad. FALSE. A woman can't teach a boy how to be a man because she doesn't know how men think. A man will always be able to impart manly wisdom into a boy so he grows up knowing what manhood is all about. Think about it, when dad's home, the child(ren) know who's the boss. What Dad says goes, and that's the end of it. Boys swell up to their mothers 24-7 because she's the reserved, chill one but let a boy buck up to his dad; the boy will find out real fast what manhood is all about. There are few exceptions of single mothers raising strong sons but those are rare. It's well documented that a boy raised around women will be more in tune with the female mindset because he didn't have strong male figures to teach him about manhood. A man can't teach his daughter about womanhood can he? No. The only thing he can show her is what to look for in a man by how he treats her mother. Conversely, a mother can teach her son how to treat a lady. Men need to get back to embracing manhood standards. I will never understand why a man thinks it's ok to be overly emotional or act effeminate. Thank God I was raised by a mother & a father. My pops taught me what manhood is all about and mom showed me how a woman is to be treated. 

Second Chances

A few days ago, I posted a status that said "Not everyone deserves a second chance so why keep giving people chances when you know they're foul?" I stand by my view because it's true, everyone DOESN'T deserve a second chance. Most people aren't sorry for the transgression, they're sorry they got caught. You can tell when someone's sorry if they follow up with corrective action, otherwise they are full of hot air. I've gotten to the point where I will accept someone's apology but in the back of my mind, they don't mean it because they will keep repeating the mistake. At what point do you say enough is enough? If you overlook too many offenses, that shows weakness because people will think they can play you any kind of way. That may work on other people but not me. I analyze the mess out of people (hopefully they do the same with me) because I don't want to be played. There's a time to confront & a time to let go. A person's actions will always trump words. You can deserve a 2nd chance but your actions will show otherwise. ‎9 out of 10 times, the person has no remorse so if you keep giving them passes, you're wasting your time because you know they gonna keep on being foul. In that instance, you're setting yourself for continual hurt. Life is too short to be hurt over and over so you have to steer clear of toxic people. While I believe EVERYONE deserves a second chance, many people mistake it for weakness. "He/She gave me a free pass so I'll keep hurting him/her because I know I have to keep apologizing and they'll accept it." I'm all for showing compassion and mercy, but when you see they're not willing to change and they keep repeating the nonsense, there will be no more passes and I cut them loose. You can almost always tell when people are serious and trying to do better but more often than not, you can tell when someone's trying to play you. Some women are good for this because they know their man is sorry and they give him chance after chance; then they finally get fed up and leave. Little do they know, the next man who comes along has to pay for the mistakes of the ex. If they used better judgment, they wouldn't be so jaded. I'm all for second chances because some people truly deserve them and it's that 2nd chance that causes them to change for the better.

Good For Women, Bad For Men

Why are women celebrated for being chaste but men are crucified? What I mean is that a woman chooses to save herself for marriage, she's applauded but if a man does the same, cue crickets. It's like men are expected to lay it low and spread it wide. If a man opts to save himself for the right woman, his peers are going to give him dirty looks and ask him whether he's gay or not. Really..so a man has to be gay because he wants to save himself for Ms. Right. Personally, I applaud any man that has the courage to maintain sexual purity until marriage regardless of being ridiculed. It's easier for a woman to remain a virgin because women are expected to be chaste. I realize that many women don't mind tossing & serving it up but for the most part, women are celebrated for being chaste. It's sad that manhood is equivalent to getting nooky. A man isn't considered a real man if he hasn't bonked a few women. It's that mindset that breeds sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, one-parent headed households; all because he couldn't keep it in his pants. A real man isn't defined by whether he's slept with a few women or not but by choosing ONE woman to be his soulmate. That's something that shouldn't be taken lightly. I'm a real man because I don't have to worry about STD's, baby mama drama and child support. I used to be bothered by men who have kids with multiple women but now..I don't feel sorry for any man that has baby mama drama or pays child support because he should've used protection or WAITED (a term most of us don't like to hear). The motto is if it feels good, do it. It may feel good for a moment but once reality sets in, he'll change his tune. Men need to be supported more if they choose to remain a virgin until marriage because after all, it's hard being someone of principle. If women can be celebrated for remaining chaste until marriage, so can men. African-Americans make up the majority of AIDS/HIV cases and this baby-daddy culture that is running amok.

Chiefs & Indians

Every tribe has an established hierarchy. There is usually one chief and several indians under that chief. The chief is responsible for the welfare of his troops and anything that would threaten their welfare, the chief steps in and handles the situation accordingly. There has never been several chiefs and you know why? Having several chiefs in charge is bound to create friction because each chief has their agenda. Each chief wants to see his vision come to reality and that can't happen with having one chief in charge. The problem with relationships is there are too many chiefs & not enough Indians. Women forgot how to be women and instead usurp the man's role. A woman CANNOT be the man & woman in the relationship unless she's confused. A woman is a woman and a man is the man. Both genders need to play their proper position and everything will be alright. Not everyone is cut out for the chief role or wants to be one and that's ok. I heard a great line from Michael Ealy to Taraji in Think Like A Man: You don't need a man, you are the man. That means that a woman will not find a man if she tries to act like one. Same applies for men. If a man expects to find a woman, HE CANNOT exemplify woman traits. What happens when you have too many chiefs? Conflict. Conflict arises when each chief wants to advance their agenda without regards of a common goal. There's a difference between wanting equality and trying to take over a man/woman's proper roles. If I'm looking for a woman, I expect her to play her position. She has to let ME lead in a beneficial manner. Women get upset when a man expects her to let him be the man and sa sys "You can't handle a strong, independent woman". It's ok because I overlook those overly opinionated & strong women quickfast; they will not get a second look from me. Having two strong people in relationship is bound to create conflict because both parties are passionate & have expectations. Both people want to be heard.

Taking A Stand

I'm starting to believe I'm the only real man that stands by his beliefs. You ask me my $.02 on a subject and I will give it to you raw & uncut with no regards as to whether I wil be disliked for my views. As I've said many times, I say what I feel and even when challenged, I stand firm. People may not like what I have to say but at least they can respect me for sticking to my beliefs. The problem with people is they speak their mind in secret but when it comes time to put your beliefs to the test, they get ghost and not voice their opinion or they will cower in the face of opposition. Most people have no backbone or conviction. If legendary leaders like John Kennedy, Barack Obama, Martin Luther King cowered in their vision because of opposition, where would society be? We would be in bad shape because there wouldn't be anyone that's strong enough to stick to their beliefs regardless of opposition. One thing that burns me up is cowardly Christians. I can't stand a Christian that has strong views in private but when his/her beliefs are tested, they buck under pressure. The world can stand for their beliefs but Christians are too scared to take a stand for righteousness. I have to question some Christians' so-called Christianity because there are issues that God's people SHOULD NOT compromise on, gay marriage being one of them. Some of these Christians are soft like toilet paper regarding this stance because like the world, some Christians support gay marriage. Either that or they cower on their view(s) for fear of being labeled as close-minded, intolerant, narrowminded, whatever the case may be. You have a few Christians that believe that it's God's responsibility to judge, not ours. True to a degree BUT...God's people have a responsibility and a right to stand for righteousness. If the world can stand for what they believe in, why can't God's people do the same? Some of these Christians need to tighten up and stop being so scared of being labeled as close-minded, intolerant, narrowminded, etc. because they don't or won't co-sign ungodliness. I have no ill will towards anyone BUT if I see something that's ratchet, I will speak against it with no fear of being labeled as intolerant or regardless of what heat I will catch. Hey, if some Christians want to be the Cowardly Lion, go right ahead. As a spiritual leader, you are held in highest regard in God's kingdom. A spiritual leader is almost like God's right hand man because (s)he spends countless time in prayer seeking God for direction on behalf of the congregation and for his/her family and themselves. The Bible says that God's judgment will fall more severely on his people if they overlook unrighteousness and that's true because God's kingdom is set up for himself & his people. Christians are to govern what goes on down here and if there is anything that would threaten godly conduct & character, we (myself included) are to stamp it out at all costs. Those who have a problem with it...tough nuggets. Christians need to stop seeking societal acceptance and stand out like God intended. If you lose friends because you took a stand, that's a blessing because they showed you who they are. That's how I see it and I'm learning that lesson everyday. I pride myself on being fearless, not afraid to take a stand even if it means I'm on my own (with the proper exception of Jesus).

Stereotypes

I hate stereotypes just as much as the next person. Stereotypes are nothing more than pre-conceived ideas about something, someone or a place that is never grounded in truth. When you find the truth, you should look crazy because you had your pre-conceived notions and you were proven wrong. Everyone is stereotypical to a degree, myself included. The difference between me and most people is I'm not ashamed to admit I have stereotyped from time to time but after getting to know something, someone or a place, I had the wrong idea but was too lazy to put in work. What burns me up more than stereotypes is people who live up to them. Stereotypes no longer become pre-conceived notions if they are backed up by facts and consistent behaviors. If you don't want to be stereotyped, DON'T live up to the notion. Why is this difficult to understand? Here's an example: Blacks (African-Americans for the politically correct crowd) are stereotyped for almost everything: killers, thugs & gangsters, morally depraved, etc. I know not all blacks fit the above but a vast majority do. It's the majority that make it bad for everyone. There are blacks that are law-abiding citizens but as with everything else, a few bad apples spoil it for everyone. Reminds me of when I was in school & one kid messed up but the entire class got punished. That's crazy but I understand because in order to prevent future destruction, the whole must suffer for the mistakes of the few. Again, I don't like it anymore than anyone else but that's life; one person can and will mess it up for everyone else. If you don't want to be labeled as a thug-don't exhibit thuggish behavior. If you don't want to be labeled as loud & ghetto, DON'T ACT LOUD & GHETTO. For every problem, there's a solution. The solution is to do the opposite of the negative behavior. You lose your right to complain if you feed into stereotypes. You may not be abusive or loud, but if you act in that manner and people notice, they will label you accordingly.