There's two things that I've learned that is essential to having healthier relationships with ppl. The first one is to vet them. The second is to be selective with who you allow to gain access to you.
Many times, we often make the mistake of thinking that just because they are in close proximity to us, (work, church, social groups) in our age group, have similar interests and etc, that it automatically means they get a pass and we're supposed to just bond with them or give them a space in our lives. It's a no.
We must vet people before we label them anything significant. We can't lean on first impressions, clicking, or "vibes". We may have to allow things to unfold within 6 months to a year so that it's not a superficial connection. Meaning, don't be so quick to tell them your life story unless Holy Spirit nudges you to do so. Dont be quick to volunteer your time or overextend yourself. Don't be quick to show them your wounds or vulnerabilities.
It's during this time that mental notes should be taken. Learn to listen to what' they're saying without remixing it to what you think they meant. Exude patience. Pray and ask God to reveal their character, heart, and motives to you. Observe, but don't be suspicious.
During this time, check and make sure you're not comparing them to anyone from your past. That you aren't seeing them through unhealed lenses. Also, it's not always accurate to go by what someone else has told you about them. Make the decision to think for yourself and get to know them for yourself.
Sometimes others will lie because they personally don't like them, or they know nothing about them and speak from assumptions with no receipts. Either way, be open to new ppl, but use wisdom before you allow how they "seem" to cause you to gravitate to them or make room for them in your life.
