She's Not About That Life

Strawberry Letter | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

You have women who can't get committment from their men to save their lives, and she pulls this. The next time I read a Facebook post about how men have committment issues, I'm showcasing this Strawberry Letter along with my response. People must realize that women & men have committment issues. Let the world tell it; men are afraid of committment. Looking at this letter, I can't tell because if all the men she's dated were so "good", why is she shook by marriage? Lots of reasons: She's not ready for marriage, she's afraid of failing as a wife, she has some maturing to do, etc. Marriage is nothing to be played with. You're making vows to that (wo)man and God to be there for each other in sickness & health, rich & poor, etc. Best case scenario, she's not ready for marriage and decides to take time to figure out who she is and what she wants. She won't be a statistic as an unwed mother because she followed her discernment. She won't waste years with someone who's not right for her.

Worst case scenario, she gets married and has children with the wrong person. Years later, she realizes she married the wrong man. The end result is a lengthy custody battle, divorce & alimony, child support payments, etc. Most of all, she'd be another baby mama & there's far too many OOW mothers in the black community. She wants marriage & children, but when the opportunity presents itself, she chickens out and calls the wedding off two days before the ceremony. I don't blame her parents and friends for being agitated towards her, because I'm sure they've told her many times to make up her mind. She needs to make up her mind: Either she's about that married life, or she's not. No sense in wasting her & the other men's time. If she had good discernment, she would know who's the right man for her and she'd have no hesitation about marriage. She must be a top-notch woman if she's been engaged 18 times. Some women are lucky to make it to engagement. My hope is that she learns to be sure of her desire for marriage.

Empty Promises

Strawberry Letter | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

This is a classic case of the tables turning: She had his back when he was down, and now that he's come up, he's acting brand new. The more I read these Strawberry Letters, the more confirmation I get that the only person I can put stock in is God. Unlike people, God doesn't act brand new with us, although we act brand new with him. You all know what I'm talking about: We get in a bind (through no fault of our own, or by our doing) and ask God to deliver us. He delivers us, and we get to showing our behinds like we pulled ourselves out of our mess. Correction: GOD pulled us out of our mess, because if it wasn't for him, we would still be in the same predicament, or worse. Back to the story, she has every right to feel some sort of way. How anyone could act brand new toward the person who helped them come up is beyond me. He should be ashamed of himself because if she brought up how she had his back, he would be in his feelings. She's answered her question of what she needs to do: LET HIM GO. Couples are supposed to have each other's back.

When you're in a relationship with someone, you're supposed to bear one another's burdens (within reason). It goes along with the phrase: "One person struggles, we all struggle." When one person is weary in a relationship, the other one feels the effects indirectly. If she can't count on him to be there for her in her struggle, she shouldn't be with him. She sounds like a good-hearted woman, so she has her answer. She can continue dating this guy, and it's more of the same behavior, or...she can know her worth and find someone who will appreciate her, because it sounds like he doesn't.