Message! See, I thought there was only one type of simp, but after reading this, there are 10 kinds of simps. This was posted on the Stop Simping Movement Facebook page by an anonymous member.
The 10 Types of Simps:
Simping has plagued many men in the past and now in the present. The reason it wasn’t so bad in the past was because simps would stay under the radar. Now with the advances in technology and the messages of certain people in our society, simping is out and about in a major way. While many men simp, not all men do it in the same way. A lot of simps can fall into more than one category. I’m going to give you my rundown and definition of the types of simps out there. They are as follows:
• The Thirsty Guy
• Male Attention Whores
• The Sugar Daddy
• Mr. Fix-It a.k.a The Handyman
• Captain Save-A-Hoe
• The Hollywood Romantic
• The Deep Sea Diver
• The Mangina
• The 6x8 Simp
• The Power Simp
THE THIRSTY GUY: The most common form of simping that you will see nowadays is that of guys being thirsty. Have you been out in public and seen an attractive female being harassed by a guy or group of guys that you can tell she clearly has no interest in being around or talking to? This is/are thirsty guy(s) in full force. Thirsty men think that just because a female says no the first time doesn’t mean she’ll say no the 25th time. He will constantly badger the female in hopes that she will eventually give in because in his mind he thinks that by chasing her and being aggressive that he’s showing her that he’s a strong man (which clearly isn’t the case). He lives by the mantra, "Women liked to be chased". The problem is that while some females do like being chased to a certain degree, they also appreciate it when a man can get a clue that she’s not interested in him. However, the thirsty guy will keep on coming and coming, refusing to take no for an answer. I’ve seen it on full display with my own eyes, where females are literally running down the street to get away from thirsty guys. Many people feel there’s a difference between being thirsty and being a simp. I was reading an online forum, and a guy on the forum posted this question: "Would you rather be thirsty or be a simp?" Thirsty guys ARE simps, period. The reason that thirsty men are simps is because they’re hard-headed, can’t take no for an answer, and are so desperate for female attention it’s sickening. You see thirsty guys in person, and you definitely see them online, go to Google.com or any other search engine and type in "The 25 Thirstiest Comments on Rihanna’s Instagram". I damn near fell out my chair laughing at all the thirsty comments that guys were leaving on her page. There are guys on there begging, pleading, saying they’ll give their right arm for just a minute with her. That’s being thirsty. That’s also simping. Get it? Got it? Good. Tariq Nasheed, who I mentioned earlier, the host of Mack Lessons Radio, came up with the term "Twimpin’", which is guys simping on Twitter. I also believe that the term "Fimpin’" must also be established, which is guys simping on Facebook. Have you been on Facebook or Twitter and a female posts a picture of herself online and a bunch of guys start blowing her up with comments on how good she looks, how he’d love to hit that, etc.? Each and every one of them is a thirsty ass guy giving her a bunch of unnecessary attention (I will go deeper into this in another chapter when I talk about "Attention Whores"). Thirsty guys also believe in the power of numbers. When you usually see a thirsty guy trying to get at a female, it’s usually a group of guys all surrounding one or two females. I really wish they would realize how lame they look with ten guys trying to holler at two women. The good part is, an advanced player or a mack can usually school a thirsty guy (when he’s by himself) and let him know that he’s got the game all fucked up and change his thirsty ways.
MALE ATTENTION WHORES: You see this type of simp all over the place everywhere you go. He’s the guy in the Escalade on 26" rims, system slapping, talking on his cell, wearing glasses even when the sun isn’t out, and trying his hardest to make an impression. He’s the guy with all the latest fashion up to date from the most expensive department stores. He’s the guy who’s still wearing a long, shiny chain and jewelry like it’s still 2005, and making sure he shines like so. He wants everyone, especially females, to give him attention so he can feel important. This gives him a completely false sense of self-confidence. Basing your confidence on the external and not having confidence on the internal is the making of a recipe for disaster. These male attention whores are major simps because of their insecurity and need for attention from females. Macks, advanced players, and real men don’t strive for attention from females, or anybody for that particular matter. They DRAW attention because of the way they carry themselves and their actions. When your presence in general is fly, you will draw attention to yourself regardless of whether you want it or not. The male attention whore doesn’t understand this basic concept and that’s why he goes around trying to get attention instead of letting it come to him. Now, I know that there are some legitimate guys out there who have paper, and can afford to roll an Escalade or another luxury SUV sitting high off the ground and shop at the best stores. The difference between male attention whores and guys that really do have money is that guys with real paper don’t have to show it off. I will go more into detail in the "Attention Whores" chapter. The male attention whore flashes everything he has in order to draw females in. What he doesn’t get is that everyone can see right through him for what he really is, and that he’s full of shit. The only reason females get with a male attention whore is to use them, period. They know all they have to do is stroke his ego and they got him hook, line, and sinker. In order to keep up his front of having paper and his insecurity in himself, he’ll go broke taking her on shopping sprees, eating out at nice restaurants and whatnot. When he has no more money to spend the female will toss him out like old leftovers in the fridge, usually for someone who has more money. In most cases, she’s already been seeing the other guy on the side for quite some time while she uses the male attention whore for money and anything else she can get out of him. Then he’ll complain and whine about how women are just gold diggers who use men for their money when he used his money to get her in the first place. The male attention whore will get his money back up and repeat this vicious cycle of simping over and over again.
THE SUGAR DADDY: This is the old guy who comes at women (usually younger), with his cash out. He tells them as long as they are with him he’ll buy them whatever they like (T.I’s "You Can Have Whateva You Like" is their anthem). He break off tons of paper, he’ll put them in an apartment or house (depending on how much money he has), buy them a car, take them out to fancy restaurants, nice trips, jewelry, etc. There is a catch though, the Sugar Daddy is the only type of simp that can flip the game and put you in a position beneath him. See, the Sugar Daddy’s main objective is to trick off all his paper on a female and put her in a position where she’s dependent on him. If he’s able to accomplish that, then the tables are turned. He’ll be the one with everything and the female will have nothing of value of her own. Since the car, apartment/house, and cell phone are probably in his name, the female becomes powerless to really do anything. This is usually the case when he’s already married. He’ll make sure that there’s no way that the female can get to his wife to expose him or blackmail him. If she decides to go that route and step her boundaries, he’ll just kick the female to the curb and replace her with a new one. Only female players (gold diggers) can keep the Sugar Daddy in a complete simp position.
MR. FIX-IT a.k.a. THE HANDYMAN: This type of simp is the guy who a woman can call to fix things around her spot, mow her lawn, clean the gutters, etc. This guy will skip work for a day to do a bunch of stuff around her house that she asked him to do. The main problem with this simp is that he’s always at a female’s beck and call 24-7. He’ll be out kicking with his people and as soon as the female calls, he’ll drop everything to go help her. He thinks by constantly helping her out, he’s going to get somewhere with this female. This couldn’t be further from the truth; he will get put in the friend zone faster than a NASCAR driver. The only time she’ll reach out to him is unclog her toilet because the condom from the guy who’s beating her pussy up might’ve got stuck in there and needs to get out.
CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HOE: I was born and raised in the Bay Area, California. In 1993, E-40 and The Click, dropped the hip-hop classic "Captain-Save-A-Hoe". The song talks about the simp who goes after ratchet and bad luck females (usually to their own fault), claiming to be their knight in shining armor. This is the guy who will treat a female who is a literal hoe like a queen even with the writing all over the wall. Guys (and girls) who have messed with her will tell him she’s a hoe and other females will tell him about her hoish ways if they have been eyewitnesses to it. The Captain will just call all of them haters and proceed to find out how big of a hoe she is the hard way. The Captain will then go into Super Simp mode just to try and prove everyone wrong. He’ll spend time with her kid(s), (because of her hoish lifestyle she’s almost guaranteed to have at least one child, but it’s usually more with multiple fathers) drive her everywhere if she doesn’t have a car (which there’s a good chance she doesn’t), trick off all his paper on her, take her out to eat and shopping on the regular, and many more bitch-ass moves. Remember Kurupt’s verse on "Xxplosive" on Dr. Dre’s Chronic 2001?:
"Captain Save Em’-All-Day?/Well, save this dick/Bitch nigga/You more of bitch than a bitch/You ain’t into hitting pussy or hitting a switch/You into hitting bitches off with a grip/You punk bitch."
Captain-Save-A-Hoe is also the guy who stays in and watches the kids while she goes out regularly at night (usually the weekend nights) to engage in hoishness. The only reason a guy should get involved with a hoe is for sex, PERIOD. Even then you can do better than a hoe that every guy (or female) in town has been with. The reason a Captain-Save-A-Hoe goes after women like this is because he lacks self confidence, he wants to feel as if he’s needed, won’t search for women out of his local vicinity, and he thinks it’s easy sex. He thinks getting with known local sluts and not treating them like every guy before KNOWS how to treat them, he can get on her good graces. This backfires tremendously on him. See, the hoe knows she’s a hoe, and that guys treat her the way they do because of her actions. In her mind, when she wants to change, she’ll change. Until then she’s going to be a hoe. Captains think that by being sweet to her, he can "save" her from herself and change her. One of the oldest rules of the game (and life in general) is that YOU CAN’T TURN A HOE INTO A HOUSEWIFE. This is why so many men get caught up thinking it can be done. I’m sorry, but it can’t be done, PERIOD. Men need to stop trying and let hoes be hoes. Need further proof? Look at Chad (Ohcocinco) Johnson, the NFL football player. He married Evelyn Lozada of VH1’s Basketball Wives reality TV show. If anyone of you has seen the show, then you know that Evelyn is a hoe who spent her adult life fucking NBA basketball players left and right. Basically, she’s a groupie hoe who’s been ran through by numerous ballers. Chad married this chick, and 38 days into their marriage they get into a huge fight. She has the police called on him claiming that he head-butted her and he gets arrested. Due to the incident and his arrest, in the span of 72 hours, he gets dropped from the Miami Dolphins (the team he was playing for) and Evelyn files for divorce. Because he didn’t follow the golden rule, and became Captain-Save-A-Hoe, he lost everything. You fuck hoes, not wife them. The Captain-Save-A-Hoe’s lack of confidence in himself to pull quality women has him scraping the bottom of the barrel. If the captain got any confidence in himself, he wouldn’t look twice at a hoe. His lack of self-confidence has him looking for acceptance in other people, yet he doesn’t truly
ACCEPT HIMSELF. Because he doesn’t truly accept himself, and wants to be needed he will search out for a partner that he feels can’t do without him, i.e. broke hoes who don’t have shit to their name.
THE HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC: The reason behind his simping is that he wants his own real-life Hollywood romance movie. He’s too influenced by the media and pop culture into becoming the "perfect guy" for women. He’s the biggest pushover and has no backbone whatsoever because society tells not to have one and to be "sensitive" to women and their needs. He tricks excessively, never raises his voice, or states his opinion, or anything else that strong, confident men do when dealing with females. He’ll literally base his whole dating philosophy on mainstream media ideas. What he doesn’t realize that those guys in the movies are ACTORS who are following a set agenda with the roles they play in movies, TV, etc. Real-life women know it’s an act and they take it for what it is. Women are attracted to men that can show strength and power, not overly sensitive men who are weak, in other words, REAL WOMEN WANT A MAN WITH A BACKBONE. I’m not saying that you have to be overtly macho and all that. You do need to show that you can take charge though. Because the Hollywood Romantic thinks that he constantly has to cater to women, he comes across as not having a backbone, thus turning them off completely.
THE DEEP SEA DIVER: Is a simp who tries to pull women by boasting how good he is at eating pussy. He’s usually a teenager, but there are some older ones too. He thinks that by eating a female’s pussy he’s got the gateway to sex and eventually her as a partner. He is so very, very wrong…. When a guy (with good game) encounters a "head doctor" (a female who’s good at oral sex), he usually uses her for one thing: a blowjob. He’ll have her suck his dick until he busts and then he’ll be done until next time he wants some head, he rarely (if ever), gets in the pussy. The Deep Sea Diver is the male equivalent of the female head doctor. Women will have him muff dive until they get off, and then kick him to the curb. She then usually has another guy (a player or mack with tight game) come knock the pussy out while the Deep Sea Diver is beating off wishing he was inside her. Even if you’re exceptional at eating pussy, you don’t let a female know it until it’s time to actually have sex. You can make subtle hints if you two are having freaky sex talk/text and sending each other body pics through your phones. This will build up her intrigue and excitement, and thus, turn her on even more. I pretty much guarantee if you play it this way when you’re through eating the pussy, she’ll be begging for your dick inside her and not calling the next guy to hit it.
THE MANGINA: Is the simp who makes you wonder if he has a pussy between his legs. When it comes to arguments of sexes, this guy will always take the females’ side. He will say things like "It was women who brought us into this world", and other BS that basically lets you know that he’s a female ass-kisser. Many "self-help" and relationship books geared towards females are written by manginas. The mangina kisses a female’s ass simply because he wants to be in her good graces. He wants to be in her good graces for various reasons from sex and affection, to money and attention (as done by manginas who have books, movies, lectures, etc.). This usually works to a tee on females who can’t peep the game from jump, because women with game can see right through the mangina. Most manginas know this, and that’s why they only step to average females who need the attention. The problem with the mangina is that he knows he’s just kissing ass just to get whatever he can out of them. There are some who are really that simpish, but most of them are on that BS just to get something out of whatever females they can. Most manginas are very bitch-made and when a real man asserts himself he will usually cower down because he doesn’t want any part of a physical confrontation. This is another reason manginas use females, so that they can become a shield to hide behind. Have you ever you gotten into a heated argument with a guy who was bitch-made and decided to get bold, and it got to the point where you thought you might have to lay hands on him and a female/group of females stood there and defended him? That man is a mangina. Manginas are also the guys referred to as "dirty macks". A dirty mack is the guy who will get at another’s man woman by stabbing him in the back, or just throw heavy amounts of salt in your game because he’s jealous of how you’re having your way with the females you’re dealing with. This is why you NEVER bring a mangina into your circle. He will try to fuck up your situations with females out of sheer jealously, because he’s a weak, insecure, brown-nosing simp. Besides trying to get at your girl behind your back, he’ll snitch on you if he witnesses you with another female, or he’ll say snide remarks and low-key insults when you’re with your female and all of you are together. Yes, the mangina is basically a female in a man’s body, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re grabbing their ankles at night.
THE 6X8 SIMP: This is the man who is a simp because he’s spent most, if not all, his adult life behind bars in a 6x8 cell. Because he has been in jail/prison his whole life he hasn’t had time to interact with the opposite sex and go through the various stages of involvement with females that he would have had he not been locked up the whole time. Unless he’s gay, (which is VERY questionable considering he’s been in jail most of his adult life) he wants a woman in his life. This is what he spends a lot of time thinking about when he’s doing his bid. So when they get out, they’ll jump on the first female that gives them any attention at all. The problem is, we know which types of females usually give attention to guys who’ve been in and out of jail/prison: chickenheads, hoodrats, white trash, generational welfare recipients and other types of low class/low budget females. These females gravitate towards these men for the simple fact that they know that they’re automatically in a position of power over these guys (a position they know they couldn’t get over the average guy unless he’s a simp) and because they want to feel needed and wanted. They have power over these men because they know that they’re fresh out of jail/prison and there’s a good chance that they’re on parole/probation and any incident will get him sent back to prison faster than a group of broke thirsty guys chasing one lone female leaving the club. They will feel wanted and needed because this guy has been locked up most his adult life and he most likely hasn’t taken the time to find out what he truly wants and needs in a female. He knows that because he’s been locked up most of his life that the majority of women who have their stuff together aren’t checking for a guy like him. This creates a negative mind state for him that he has to scrape the bottom of the barrel to get a female to be with, and this shows in the females that he gets involved with. He knows he’s messing with the throwaways and leftovers, but he will just be glad to have an actual pussy that he can stick his dick inside, and become pussy-whipped (as mentioned earlier). The 6x8 Simp is usually seen around a lot in normal society, he’s the swolled-up, hard-looking guy who’s got the three/four hundred pound chick with him that looks a hot mess, and you’re wondering what a guy that looks like him is doing with a female like that. Now you know why he’s kicking it with her and if/when he gets it together mentally and spiritually he’ll kick her to the curb realizing he can do a hell of a lot better.
THE POWER SIMP: The simp that should be feared by women (and all of society in general). He’s the simp that has absolutely no control over his emotions and is capable of doing ANYTHING as a result of that. This is what all the simps described above become when a female decides to kick him to the curb (Except the Sugar Daddy, who only acts like this on rare occasions. This is because of his age and he knows there are many more young women that can replace the one who just dropped him). Simps don’t know how to handle breakups at all. When the simp gets cut off by a female he goes off the deep end because he feels so hurt by her. SIMPS CANNOT HANDLE REJECTION AT ALL. Remember when I mentioned the YouTube videos and the guy in New Mexico? Those are perfect examples of a power simp. The power simp will be out on Saturday night, at a poppin’ nightclub, with wall-to-wall single females, see the female he used to mess with there with another guy, get into a huge fight with him, get the club shutdown, and ruin everyone’s night. The main thing the power simp will do is blow up a female’s phone repeatedly with calls and text messages trying to get her to reply back to him. When she doesn’t reply, he’ll either text or leave a voicemail telling what a bitch, slut, hoe, whore, gold-digger, etc. that she is and tell her that he’s through with her…. Then he’ll hit her a few hours or days later, whining, crying, begging her, telling her how much he misses her, how he can’t get her off his mind, and other lame stuff trying to get a reply from her again. Because he’s hard-headed, he doesn’t see how pathetic and bitch-made that he looks. The power simp is NEVER over a female no matter what he says. Just when you think he’s gone for good….He pops back up like the crazed killer who can never be killed in a horror movie. The power simp can put a female in a real life horror movie. Especially with these actions that power simps will/may do once a female cuts them off:
• Stalking (either in real life, on the Internet, or both)
• File a law suit in civil court to try and make the female pay for money and gifts that he gave willingly (you see this on court TV shows all the time, and the judge always tells them because there was no contract or agreement she doesn’t have to pay back anything)
• Write/sing/perform a song/poem about how wrong the female did him (if you listen to a lot of break up songs by male artists, you’ll hear a lot of simping in their lyrics. Or go a poetry reading and at least one guy will have a poem about a bad break up with a girl. After hearing him read it, you ask him how long they dated for and he tells you two months.)
• Get the female’s name or face tattooed on themselves (THE ULTIMATE SIMP MOVE)
• Commit suicide (in extreme cases)
90% of victim-related crimes against women are done by an power simp who couldn’t handle being kicked to the curb, you hear about it all the time from stalking to cold-blooded murder. Good examples of guys who are power simps are guys who are emo. The term "emo" is short for emotional, and a guy who can't control his emotions is a simp. It doesn’t matter whether they’re Goth or not, when you hear somebody call a guy emo, just call it like it is and say he’s a major simp. The power simp is the guy throughout history that has blown shit out of proportion that didn’t need to be over a female. Think about the Trojan War for example, it all started because Helen of Troy ran off with Paris and her husband, Menelaus, was so upset about it that he started a war between the Trojans and Greeks that lasted for ten years. If Menelaus had of dealt with the situation like an advanced player or mack, he would’ve let her go and focused on the thousands (or millions) of women that could’ve easily taken her place. Thousands of lives would’ve been saved and there would’ve been peace instead of constant war and bloodshed. All forms of simping are dangerous, but being a power simp is the most dangerous form of simping there is. Because of his inability to control his emotions, he’s dangerous to anyone he’s involved with (male or female), but most of all he’s dangerous to himself. – Anonymous
Simping has plagued many men in the past and now in the present. The reason it wasn’t so bad in the past was because simps would stay under the radar. Now with the advances in technology and the messages of certain people in our society, simping is out and about in a major way. While many men simp, not all men do it in the same way. A lot of simps can fall into more than one category. I’m going to give you my rundown and definition of the types of simps out there. They are as follows:
• The Thirsty Guy
• Male Attention Whores
• The Sugar Daddy
• Mr. Fix-It a.k.a The Handyman
• Captain Save-A-Hoe
• The Hollywood Romantic
• The Deep Sea Diver
• The Mangina
• The 6x8 Simp
• The Power Simp
THE THIRSTY GUY: The most common form of simping that you will see nowadays is that of guys being thirsty. Have you been out in public and seen an attractive female being harassed by a guy or group of guys that you can tell she clearly has no interest in being around or talking to? This is/are thirsty guy(s) in full force. Thirsty men think that just because a female says no the first time doesn’t mean she’ll say no the 25th time. He will constantly badger the female in hopes that she will eventually give in because in his mind he thinks that by chasing her and being aggressive that he’s showing her that he’s a strong man (which clearly isn’t the case). He lives by the mantra, "Women liked to be chased". The problem is that while some females do like being chased to a certain degree, they also appreciate it when a man can get a clue that she’s not interested in him. However, the thirsty guy will keep on coming and coming, refusing to take no for an answer. I’ve seen it on full display with my own eyes, where females are literally running down the street to get away from thirsty guys. Many people feel there’s a difference between being thirsty and being a simp. I was reading an online forum, and a guy on the forum posted this question: "Would you rather be thirsty or be a simp?" Thirsty guys ARE simps, period. The reason that thirsty men are simps is because they’re hard-headed, can’t take no for an answer, and are so desperate for female attention it’s sickening. You see thirsty guys in person, and you definitely see them online, go to Google.com or any other search engine and type in "The 25 Thirstiest Comments on Rihanna’s Instagram". I damn near fell out my chair laughing at all the thirsty comments that guys were leaving on her page. There are guys on there begging, pleading, saying they’ll give their right arm for just a minute with her. That’s being thirsty. That’s also simping. Get it? Got it? Good. Tariq Nasheed, who I mentioned earlier, the host of Mack Lessons Radio, came up with the term "Twimpin’", which is guys simping on Twitter. I also believe that the term "Fimpin’" must also be established, which is guys simping on Facebook. Have you been on Facebook or Twitter and a female posts a picture of herself online and a bunch of guys start blowing her up with comments on how good she looks, how he’d love to hit that, etc.? Each and every one of them is a thirsty ass guy giving her a bunch of unnecessary attention (I will go deeper into this in another chapter when I talk about "Attention Whores"). Thirsty guys also believe in the power of numbers. When you usually see a thirsty guy trying to get at a female, it’s usually a group of guys all surrounding one or two females. I really wish they would realize how lame they look with ten guys trying to holler at two women. The good part is, an advanced player or a mack can usually school a thirsty guy (when he’s by himself) and let him know that he’s got the game all fucked up and change his thirsty ways.
MALE ATTENTION WHORES: You see this type of simp all over the place everywhere you go. He’s the guy in the Escalade on 26" rims, system slapping, talking on his cell, wearing glasses even when the sun isn’t out, and trying his hardest to make an impression. He’s the guy with all the latest fashion up to date from the most expensive department stores. He’s the guy who’s still wearing a long, shiny chain and jewelry like it’s still 2005, and making sure he shines like so. He wants everyone, especially females, to give him attention so he can feel important. This gives him a completely false sense of self-confidence. Basing your confidence on the external and not having confidence on the internal is the making of a recipe for disaster. These male attention whores are major simps because of their insecurity and need for attention from females. Macks, advanced players, and real men don’t strive for attention from females, or anybody for that particular matter. They DRAW attention because of the way they carry themselves and their actions. When your presence in general is fly, you will draw attention to yourself regardless of whether you want it or not. The male attention whore doesn’t understand this basic concept and that’s why he goes around trying to get attention instead of letting it come to him. Now, I know that there are some legitimate guys out there who have paper, and can afford to roll an Escalade or another luxury SUV sitting high off the ground and shop at the best stores. The difference between male attention whores and guys that really do have money is that guys with real paper don’t have to show it off. I will go more into detail in the "Attention Whores" chapter. The male attention whore flashes everything he has in order to draw females in. What he doesn’t get is that everyone can see right through him for what he really is, and that he’s full of shit. The only reason females get with a male attention whore is to use them, period. They know all they have to do is stroke his ego and they got him hook, line, and sinker. In order to keep up his front of having paper and his insecurity in himself, he’ll go broke taking her on shopping sprees, eating out at nice restaurants and whatnot. When he has no more money to spend the female will toss him out like old leftovers in the fridge, usually for someone who has more money. In most cases, she’s already been seeing the other guy on the side for quite some time while she uses the male attention whore for money and anything else she can get out of him. Then he’ll complain and whine about how women are just gold diggers who use men for their money when he used his money to get her in the first place. The male attention whore will get his money back up and repeat this vicious cycle of simping over and over again.
THE SUGAR DADDY: This is the old guy who comes at women (usually younger), with his cash out. He tells them as long as they are with him he’ll buy them whatever they like (T.I’s "You Can Have Whateva You Like" is their anthem). He break off tons of paper, he’ll put them in an apartment or house (depending on how much money he has), buy them a car, take them out to fancy restaurants, nice trips, jewelry, etc. There is a catch though, the Sugar Daddy is the only type of simp that can flip the game and put you in a position beneath him. See, the Sugar Daddy’s main objective is to trick off all his paper on a female and put her in a position where she’s dependent on him. If he’s able to accomplish that, then the tables are turned. He’ll be the one with everything and the female will have nothing of value of her own. Since the car, apartment/house, and cell phone are probably in his name, the female becomes powerless to really do anything. This is usually the case when he’s already married. He’ll make sure that there’s no way that the female can get to his wife to expose him or blackmail him. If she decides to go that route and step her boundaries, he’ll just kick the female to the curb and replace her with a new one. Only female players (gold diggers) can keep the Sugar Daddy in a complete simp position.
MR. FIX-IT a.k.a. THE HANDYMAN: This type of simp is the guy who a woman can call to fix things around her spot, mow her lawn, clean the gutters, etc. This guy will skip work for a day to do a bunch of stuff around her house that she asked him to do. The main problem with this simp is that he’s always at a female’s beck and call 24-7. He’ll be out kicking with his people and as soon as the female calls, he’ll drop everything to go help her. He thinks by constantly helping her out, he’s going to get somewhere with this female. This couldn’t be further from the truth; he will get put in the friend zone faster than a NASCAR driver. The only time she’ll reach out to him is unclog her toilet because the condom from the guy who’s beating her pussy up might’ve got stuck in there and needs to get out.
CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HOE: I was born and raised in the Bay Area, California. In 1993, E-40 and The Click, dropped the hip-hop classic "Captain-Save-A-Hoe". The song talks about the simp who goes after ratchet and bad luck females (usually to their own fault), claiming to be their knight in shining armor. This is the guy who will treat a female who is a literal hoe like a queen even with the writing all over the wall. Guys (and girls) who have messed with her will tell him she’s a hoe and other females will tell him about her hoish ways if they have been eyewitnesses to it. The Captain will just call all of them haters and proceed to find out how big of a hoe she is the hard way. The Captain will then go into Super Simp mode just to try and prove everyone wrong. He’ll spend time with her kid(s), (because of her hoish lifestyle she’s almost guaranteed to have at least one child, but it’s usually more with multiple fathers) drive her everywhere if she doesn’t have a car (which there’s a good chance she doesn’t), trick off all his paper on her, take her out to eat and shopping on the regular, and many more bitch-ass moves. Remember Kurupt’s verse on "Xxplosive" on Dr. Dre’s Chronic 2001?:
"Captain Save Em’-All-Day?/Well, save this dick/Bitch nigga/You more of bitch than a bitch/You ain’t into hitting pussy or hitting a switch/You into hitting bitches off with a grip/You punk bitch."
Captain-Save-A-Hoe is also the guy who stays in and watches the kids while she goes out regularly at night (usually the weekend nights) to engage in hoishness. The only reason a guy should get involved with a hoe is for sex, PERIOD. Even then you can do better than a hoe that every guy (or female) in town has been with. The reason a Captain-Save-A-Hoe goes after women like this is because he lacks self confidence, he wants to feel as if he’s needed, won’t search for women out of his local vicinity, and he thinks it’s easy sex. He thinks getting with known local sluts and not treating them like every guy before KNOWS how to treat them, he can get on her good graces. This backfires tremendously on him. See, the hoe knows she’s a hoe, and that guys treat her the way they do because of her actions. In her mind, when she wants to change, she’ll change. Until then she’s going to be a hoe. Captains think that by being sweet to her, he can "save" her from herself and change her. One of the oldest rules of the game (and life in general) is that YOU CAN’T TURN A HOE INTO A HOUSEWIFE. This is why so many men get caught up thinking it can be done. I’m sorry, but it can’t be done, PERIOD. Men need to stop trying and let hoes be hoes. Need further proof? Look at Chad (Ohcocinco) Johnson, the NFL football player. He married Evelyn Lozada of VH1’s Basketball Wives reality TV show. If anyone of you has seen the show, then you know that Evelyn is a hoe who spent her adult life fucking NBA basketball players left and right. Basically, she’s a groupie hoe who’s been ran through by numerous ballers. Chad married this chick, and 38 days into their marriage they get into a huge fight. She has the police called on him claiming that he head-butted her and he gets arrested. Due to the incident and his arrest, in the span of 72 hours, he gets dropped from the Miami Dolphins (the team he was playing for) and Evelyn files for divorce. Because he didn’t follow the golden rule, and became Captain-Save-A-Hoe, he lost everything. You fuck hoes, not wife them. The Captain-Save-A-Hoe’s lack of confidence in himself to pull quality women has him scraping the bottom of the barrel. If the captain got any confidence in himself, he wouldn’t look twice at a hoe. His lack of self-confidence has him looking for acceptance in other people, yet he doesn’t truly
ACCEPT HIMSELF. Because he doesn’t truly accept himself, and wants to be needed he will search out for a partner that he feels can’t do without him, i.e. broke hoes who don’t have shit to their name.
THE HOLLYWOOD ROMANTIC: The reason behind his simping is that he wants his own real-life Hollywood romance movie. He’s too influenced by the media and pop culture into becoming the "perfect guy" for women. He’s the biggest pushover and has no backbone whatsoever because society tells not to have one and to be "sensitive" to women and their needs. He tricks excessively, never raises his voice, or states his opinion, or anything else that strong, confident men do when dealing with females. He’ll literally base his whole dating philosophy on mainstream media ideas. What he doesn’t realize that those guys in the movies are ACTORS who are following a set agenda with the roles they play in movies, TV, etc. Real-life women know it’s an act and they take it for what it is. Women are attracted to men that can show strength and power, not overly sensitive men who are weak, in other words, REAL WOMEN WANT A MAN WITH A BACKBONE. I’m not saying that you have to be overtly macho and all that. You do need to show that you can take charge though. Because the Hollywood Romantic thinks that he constantly has to cater to women, he comes across as not having a backbone, thus turning them off completely.
THE DEEP SEA DIVER: Is a simp who tries to pull women by boasting how good he is at eating pussy. He’s usually a teenager, but there are some older ones too. He thinks that by eating a female’s pussy he’s got the gateway to sex and eventually her as a partner. He is so very, very wrong…. When a guy (with good game) encounters a "head doctor" (a female who’s good at oral sex), he usually uses her for one thing: a blowjob. He’ll have her suck his dick until he busts and then he’ll be done until next time he wants some head, he rarely (if ever), gets in the pussy. The Deep Sea Diver is the male equivalent of the female head doctor. Women will have him muff dive until they get off, and then kick him to the curb. She then usually has another guy (a player or mack with tight game) come knock the pussy out while the Deep Sea Diver is beating off wishing he was inside her. Even if you’re exceptional at eating pussy, you don’t let a female know it until it’s time to actually have sex. You can make subtle hints if you two are having freaky sex talk/text and sending each other body pics through your phones. This will build up her intrigue and excitement, and thus, turn her on even more. I pretty much guarantee if you play it this way when you’re through eating the pussy, she’ll be begging for your dick inside her and not calling the next guy to hit it.
THE MANGINA: Is the simp who makes you wonder if he has a pussy between his legs. When it comes to arguments of sexes, this guy will always take the females’ side. He will say things like "It was women who brought us into this world", and other BS that basically lets you know that he’s a female ass-kisser. Many "self-help" and relationship books geared towards females are written by manginas. The mangina kisses a female’s ass simply because he wants to be in her good graces. He wants to be in her good graces for various reasons from sex and affection, to money and attention (as done by manginas who have books, movies, lectures, etc.). This usually works to a tee on females who can’t peep the game from jump, because women with game can see right through the mangina. Most manginas know this, and that’s why they only step to average females who need the attention. The problem with the mangina is that he knows he’s just kissing ass just to get whatever he can out of them. There are some who are really that simpish, but most of them are on that BS just to get something out of whatever females they can. Most manginas are very bitch-made and when a real man asserts himself he will usually cower down because he doesn’t want any part of a physical confrontation. This is another reason manginas use females, so that they can become a shield to hide behind. Have you ever you gotten into a heated argument with a guy who was bitch-made and decided to get bold, and it got to the point where you thought you might have to lay hands on him and a female/group of females stood there and defended him? That man is a mangina. Manginas are also the guys referred to as "dirty macks". A dirty mack is the guy who will get at another’s man woman by stabbing him in the back, or just throw heavy amounts of salt in your game because he’s jealous of how you’re having your way with the females you’re dealing with. This is why you NEVER bring a mangina into your circle. He will try to fuck up your situations with females out of sheer jealously, because he’s a weak, insecure, brown-nosing simp. Besides trying to get at your girl behind your back, he’ll snitch on you if he witnesses you with another female, or he’ll say snide remarks and low-key insults when you’re with your female and all of you are together. Yes, the mangina is basically a female in a man’s body, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re grabbing their ankles at night.
THE 6X8 SIMP: This is the man who is a simp because he’s spent most, if not all, his adult life behind bars in a 6x8 cell. Because he has been in jail/prison his whole life he hasn’t had time to interact with the opposite sex and go through the various stages of involvement with females that he would have had he not been locked up the whole time. Unless he’s gay, (which is VERY questionable considering he’s been in jail most of his adult life) he wants a woman in his life. This is what he spends a lot of time thinking about when he’s doing his bid. So when they get out, they’ll jump on the first female that gives them any attention at all. The problem is, we know which types of females usually give attention to guys who’ve been in and out of jail/prison: chickenheads, hoodrats, white trash, generational welfare recipients and other types of low class/low budget females. These females gravitate towards these men for the simple fact that they know that they’re automatically in a position of power over these guys (a position they know they couldn’t get over the average guy unless he’s a simp) and because they want to feel needed and wanted. They have power over these men because they know that they’re fresh out of jail/prison and there’s a good chance that they’re on parole/probation and any incident will get him sent back to prison faster than a group of broke thirsty guys chasing one lone female leaving the club. They will feel wanted and needed because this guy has been locked up most his adult life and he most likely hasn’t taken the time to find out what he truly wants and needs in a female. He knows that because he’s been locked up most of his life that the majority of women who have their stuff together aren’t checking for a guy like him. This creates a negative mind state for him that he has to scrape the bottom of the barrel to get a female to be with, and this shows in the females that he gets involved with. He knows he’s messing with the throwaways and leftovers, but he will just be glad to have an actual pussy that he can stick his dick inside, and become pussy-whipped (as mentioned earlier). The 6x8 Simp is usually seen around a lot in normal society, he’s the swolled-up, hard-looking guy who’s got the three/four hundred pound chick with him that looks a hot mess, and you’re wondering what a guy that looks like him is doing with a female like that. Now you know why he’s kicking it with her and if/when he gets it together mentally and spiritually he’ll kick her to the curb realizing he can do a hell of a lot better.
THE POWER SIMP: The simp that should be feared by women (and all of society in general). He’s the simp that has absolutely no control over his emotions and is capable of doing ANYTHING as a result of that. This is what all the simps described above become when a female decides to kick him to the curb (Except the Sugar Daddy, who only acts like this on rare occasions. This is because of his age and he knows there are many more young women that can replace the one who just dropped him). Simps don’t know how to handle breakups at all. When the simp gets cut off by a female he goes off the deep end because he feels so hurt by her. SIMPS CANNOT HANDLE REJECTION AT ALL. Remember when I mentioned the YouTube videos and the guy in New Mexico? Those are perfect examples of a power simp. The power simp will be out on Saturday night, at a poppin’ nightclub, with wall-to-wall single females, see the female he used to mess with there with another guy, get into a huge fight with him, get the club shutdown, and ruin everyone’s night. The main thing the power simp will do is blow up a female’s phone repeatedly with calls and text messages trying to get her to reply back to him. When she doesn’t reply, he’ll either text or leave a voicemail telling what a bitch, slut, hoe, whore, gold-digger, etc. that she is and tell her that he’s through with her…. Then he’ll hit her a few hours or days later, whining, crying, begging her, telling her how much he misses her, how he can’t get her off his mind, and other lame stuff trying to get a reply from her again. Because he’s hard-headed, he doesn’t see how pathetic and bitch-made that he looks. The power simp is NEVER over a female no matter what he says. Just when you think he’s gone for good….He pops back up like the crazed killer who can never be killed in a horror movie. The power simp can put a female in a real life horror movie. Especially with these actions that power simps will/may do once a female cuts them off:
• Stalking (either in real life, on the Internet, or both)
• File a law suit in civil court to try and make the female pay for money and gifts that he gave willingly (you see this on court TV shows all the time, and the judge always tells them because there was no contract or agreement she doesn’t have to pay back anything)
• Write/sing/perform a song/poem about how wrong the female did him (if you listen to a lot of break up songs by male artists, you’ll hear a lot of simping in their lyrics. Or go a poetry reading and at least one guy will have a poem about a bad break up with a girl. After hearing him read it, you ask him how long they dated for and he tells you two months.)
• Get the female’s name or face tattooed on themselves (THE ULTIMATE SIMP MOVE)
• Commit suicide (in extreme cases)
90% of victim-related crimes against women are done by an power simp who couldn’t handle being kicked to the curb, you hear about it all the time from stalking to cold-blooded murder. Good examples of guys who are power simps are guys who are emo. The term "emo" is short for emotional, and a guy who can't control his emotions is a simp. It doesn’t matter whether they’re Goth or not, when you hear somebody call a guy emo, just call it like it is and say he’s a major simp. The power simp is the guy throughout history that has blown shit out of proportion that didn’t need to be over a female. Think about the Trojan War for example, it all started because Helen of Troy ran off with Paris and her husband, Menelaus, was so upset about it that he started a war between the Trojans and Greeks that lasted for ten years. If Menelaus had of dealt with the situation like an advanced player or mack, he would’ve let her go and focused on the thousands (or millions) of women that could’ve easily taken her place. Thousands of lives would’ve been saved and there would’ve been peace instead of constant war and bloodshed. All forms of simping are dangerous, but being a power simp is the most dangerous form of simping there is. Because of his inability to control his emotions, he’s dangerous to anyone he’s involved with (male or female), but most of all he’s dangerous to himself. – Anonymous
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