Donald Sterling Banned For Life

I want to give kudos to NBA Commissioner Adam Silver for his swift smackdown on Donald Sterling. Donald Sterling deserved his punishment because he had no right saying the craziness he did. If it wasn't for those black players and fans, he wouldn't have a team. It's good to know that the Clippers were ready to boycott if Sterling wasn't banned and rightfully so. I wouldn't want to play for a racist owner even if I was making good money. Well...I would continue playing, but I would request a trade because it would've been a matter of time before my money was looking funny. Sterling is protected by free speech, so he had the right to look stupid with his racist remarks. Make it so bad, he said it in private and STILL got caught up. The players could've raised hell, but they decided to be smart and let their rep speak on their behalf. Because of Adam Silver's quick action, he sent a message that racism will not be tolerated among NBA owners, and management.

I have no sympathy for Donald Sterling because he brought this on himself. If he would've kept his mouth shut, none of this would've happened. This situation proves one thing: Just because you have the right to say something, doesn't mean you should say it. You never know who's watching. In the corporate world, your comments will always come back to haunt you (for good or bad). Donald Sterling took a major loss: Lifetime ban from NBA (including any association with the league), possible mandatory sale of the Clippers, and a $2.5 million fine. The $2.5 million fine won't hurt him because he's a billionaire. I do hear he's facing millions in lawsuits from other issues. He's catching it from all sides, and Karma is running amok in his life. Donald Sterling has made racist comments all along, only this time he was caught. I wouldn't be surprised if further investigation was conducted on Sterling.

It's one thing to be prejudice, but to be a racist in authority is something else.



Father & Son

Steve Harvey Strawberry Letter: I met Richard at work. He was my boss, and we quickly developed a sexual relationship, but it wasn't just sex. It was my first grown-up relationship. I visited him at his home & spent the night. I had half my belongings in his house. We took trips together, holidays and celebrated birthdays together. It was an amazing relationship. Here is the problem, I was 22 when I met him, and he was 47. Even though he was a rich, gorgeous, and charming 47-year old, he was not the best in bed. I think this is where my interest began to develop for his 17 year old son, exactly 3 years into our relationship. I was getting bored; it was the same routine in bed. I thought to myself, I'm too young for this. Now keep in mind, I'm only 25 at the time and this 17 year old thought I was the sexiest most delicious thing that he has ever seen. Being Latina made that even more appealing to this kid. Long story short, one night it was just me and the kid. Both a little too intoxicated, and delved into our desires. Two years after that encounter, I'm stuck between a father and son who are at war with each other because they both claim to love me. I don't know what to do. I think I love them both.

 

This lady has earned a full scholarship to hell. She slept with an underage boy, and now she caused father & son friction. I don't understand what she sees in this kid. She should get someone her own age, and leave this kid alone. What could they possibly have in common other than having slept together? Oh I get it, he "loves" her. He loves her because he boned an older woman; this will score him big points with his friends for sexing an older woman. Aside from the legal issues, she caused a rift between a father & son. That was the drink talking because they were in the heat of the moment while making out. Liquid courage will bring out all kinds of emotions you never knew you had. That's all temporary because once that high wears off, you're back in reality. She had to know he sucked in bed prior to getting involved, and even then...given his age, he's not the same young stallion he was in his 20's and early 30's.

I know older (wo)men develop feelings for young (wo)men all the time, but that's acceptable if the couple is in adulthood. A 47-year old being attracted to a 32-year old is more acceptable than being 50 and dating a 19-year old, now that's just crazy. I doubt the father and son "love" her, they love sexing her; there's a difference. I'm looking at the mindset: A 47-year old and a 25-year old couldn't have anything in common because they're in two different stages in life. The 25-year old is still enjoying being young with no worries of later adulthood. The 47-year old has more wisdom from life experience, and is usually set in their ways. If kids are in the picture, the 25-year old will be forced into being a stepparent before their time. Not many 20-somethings are cool with being stepdad/mom so early in their lives.

She knows what to do, so she should stop playing stupid and keep it moving. This relationship is based on lust, not love. It's levels to this.



Donald Sterling Racist Recording "Don't Bring Black People to My Games,...

 

The black community is in a blaze over what Clippers owner Donald Sterling said. In short, he doesn't want black people coming to his games. Last time I checked, his team & fanbase is majority black, so what is he going to do if black Clipper fans stopped coming? His money would dry up due to lack of attendace. I don't know the racial make-up of the Los Angeles Clipper fan base, but I'm guessing it's majority black, from what I've seen on televised games. You have whites who support the Clippers, but for the most part, the Clipper fanbase is black. Let's not get on the majority-black Clipper team. The entire Clipper team wore their jerseys backwards as a solidarity show. They wanted to let Sterling know he was foul for his comments.

Sterling's racist rant reminds me of Tommy Hilfiger saying years ago that he doesn't want blacks wearing his clothing, and you see that didn't stop blacks from wearing his clothes. As foul as Sterling is for his rant towards blacks attending his games, blacks will continue showing up to Clipper games. Call me crazy, but if the owner has prejudice views towards my race, then he's prejudice against me because I'm black. I'm not going where I'm not wanted, so if he doesn't want me at Clipper games, he doesn't want my money. Some prejudice people are funny because they want your money, but they don't want you at their establishment. Snoop Dogg and Lil Wayne were a couple celebrities who spoke out against Sterling, and I can't blame them.

The down side of free speech is clowns like Sterling are allowed to make racist remarks; there's nothing that can be done. Honestly, the girlfriend should break up with this clown because she's biracial. It won't be long until he makes racist statements towards his woman's race. If she condones his behavior, that's her perogative. I couldn't be with someone who's prejudice towards my race of people, because they would be referring to me indirectly.

 

 

Does Marriage Equal Career Success?

If you get the same answer from one or more people with stats to back it up, it has to be true. Some of the most prominent people (CEO's, executives, etc.) have one thing in common: They're married. Common sense would tell you that the higher you go in your career, the more responsibility you'll have. Look at President Obama: US President, husband & father. Taking care of a family is one thing, but being the US President is another. The President has to do what's best for the entire country, even if some people won't agree with his decisions. Michelle seems to do a very good of holding it down with him, even though she's got her own initiatives going on. If there's ever a time where a helper is most needed, it's when you're tasked with running a country and your family. Will there ever be a single US President? Probably not, but it could happen. In the eyes of public opinion, if you're not married then you're not stable, and to me that's ridiculous.

I'd like to see a single US President one day, because (s)he could show the public that a single person can be just as, if not more responsible than a married person. Think about it: A single US President could devote more time to their job because their responsibility would be to the country. At times, a single US President would feel overwhelmed because of how much is on his or her plate; (s)he would have to shoulder the burdens alone. The more responsibility you have, the greater need for help so I understand where a supportive spouse would come in. Prominent people have a lot of responsibility so I understand why they're married; their spouses can carry some of the load. I think it's crazy to assume that singles aren't capable of high-level positions because of marital status. If anything, I think a single person is better suited for a high-level position because they can devote more time to their career. They don't have the responsibility of juggling work & family.

 



Big-City Women Vs. Small-town/Mid-sized city women

Big-city women are different from small-town & mid-sized city women. The majority of big-city women are opinionated, have the hustler mentality and tend to be materialistic. Small-town women are down-to-earth and know how to cater to their man. From a relationship aspect, small-town women run circles around big-city women because a big-city woman is used to getting what she wants. Men throw themselves at her with impunity, so she doesn't have to do anything to attract a man. Take a woman who was raised in a small-town or mid-sized city. She knows that a relationship takes two; both are pulling their weight to make the relationship work. If I had my pick between a small-town woman and a big-city woman, I'd go with the small-town woman because big-city dating is cutthroat. A woman from a major city has a different mindset based on her upbringing.

Why do big-city women have different mindsets than small-town women? It's simple. Women in the big-city are raised to be go-getters and strong. I guess they have to be because there's always people looking to take kindness as weakness, so to protect oneself, you adopt a tough exterior. A small-town woman is into a simpler life. She's looking for compatibility, and could care less about material things. She's used to living at or below her means so if she meets a likeminded man, they can relate to each other because they have the same upbringing. Take a couple in which the man is from a small-town and a woman is from the big-city; they are opposites so there's not much they could have in common. When you join two people together with different mindsets, sometimes they'll click, others not so much. I could date a woman from the big-city, as long as we vibed well and she was humble.

Professional big-city men are starting to see how materialistic big-city women are, so they choose not to deal with them, and I can't blame them. Yes, there's more opportunity in the big-city and when you've reached a level of success, you tend to seek out a likeminded (wo)man. What you value goes into how you live life.



Black Women Outnumber Men In Church

 

Black Women Outnumber Men In Church

It's no secret that black women, and women as a whole outnumber men in church. Why do black women outnumber black men in the church? For the most part, women are much more interested in being led by the Holy Spirit and since pastors are called by God to spread the gospel, women pack churches nationwide to hear what God has to say through the pastor. The women become so obligated to the Pastor and his wife that they neglect their own healthiness and homes. They seek out the Pastor instead of God on every decision, and oftentimes the Pastor is biased and gives advice that benefits him & his household. There are pastors who are led by God, and will advise their members to pray about their situation before seeking additional counsel. I think all pastors should require their members to read their Bible before coming for counseling. The Bible will have their answer.
Some women are notorious for saying the following: I Don't Need A Man, Jesus Is My Man. The word "my" signals ownership. No one can have him but you. You never hear men saying "Mary is my woman" or "I Don't need a woman, my momma is my #1 lady" No, because we know how foolish that sounds. I understand why some women would say the aforementioned statement, because many women have no desire for marriage so they have to stake claim somehow. Because many pastors know that their congregation consists of mostly women, they tell women what they want to hear and she eats it up. If I was being told what I wanted to hear, I'd be going there too. Pastors know how to appeal to women's emotions, so that's why many women flock to the church every Sunday & Wednesday.
Most men know the deal, so it's hard for a pastor to run game on them. Some men won't be with a Christian woman because that Christian woman is committed to upholding her standards at his expense. That's why the Bible says that believers should not be unequally yoked, because of conflicting beliefs. Also, many men know that the biggest freaks can be found in church. All it takes is the right wordplay, and she'll be screaming Jesus, but it won't be for the right reason.

Bae, I want to go

GSRT Member Question: Do you feel it's appropriate for married men/women to take separate vacations? We've been married for 2 years; it seems like every time I turn around, my husband is going away for a weekend or a few days with the boys - fishing, trips to Vegas, hiking trips, golf trips etc--wives are never invited. We took ONE vacation together last year, but he went away with his boys 5 different times! I don't like it and feel that once or twice a year with the guys is plenty. He says I'm being insecure, but if he can make time for getaways several times with his boys, why not his wife?

 

A husband & wife are under no obligation to take vacations together, although it's encouraged. From time to time, couples need to be away from each other so they can appreciate the time they have together. Like the old saying goes: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Think about it, if you're under your spouse 24-7, 365, then something is wrong; You need time to miss your (wo)man. It sounds like he doesn't love his woman because if he's always hanging with his boys, then that tells me there's something going on in their relationship that's causing him to withdraw. Maybe she's not meeting his needs, maybe he's cheating, there are too many variables to consider. She mentions they took one vacation together and he went off with his boys 5 times that year: There is some reason to be concerned because any man with a good woman would enjoy her presence on vacation with him.

There is no reason for any (wo)man to spend more time with their friends than spouse. I get their friends were there before (s)he came into the picture, but true friends would respect their relationship, and if they see something wrong, they would admonish him/her to fix things with their (wo)man. Another reason could be that she's not into fishing, going to Vegas, hiking and golf, and he doesn't want to upset her by bringing her on those trips where she won't enjoy herself. This is what she can do: Plan and schedule the trips she'd like to take with him. Put them on the calendar & tell him that those dates are RESERVED for you and him. Do not budge on it. It's ok for him to let loose with the guys as long as she gets hers. If she's getting neglected, then she's allowing it. She can also go away with her friends.

One gripe I have with questions like this is that if a man does something not involving his woman, she's quick to throw out he's cheating. If there's no evidence of cheating, there's no reason to assume infidelity. Some men actually have other things on their mind than sleeping with women.

Waiting To Have Children

GSRT Member Question:

Me and my fiance are getting married in June, but one thing we can't agree on is birth control. He says we should accept as many kids as God chooses to bless us with.
I would like to wait a year or two (we are both 29). We still have school loans and we just put a down payment on a house and will have a mortgage now. I feel we should enjoy our marriage and also be sure we remain stable with the new mortgage before having children. I also know kids are expensive and I think birth control is on order. 
We have gone back and forth about it and he finally said "do what you want", but he's resentful and keeps bringing it up. We have to agree on something before the wedding. We have talked to our pastor and he supported my husband's point of view and said we need to have faith that God would provide financially for any kids we have, but I'm still not feeling it.
Thoughts?

 

God gives us common sense.  She's doing the right thing by holding off until you are ready in the many varied ways it takes to raise a family. 1) Financially, it costs about $500,000 to raise a child from birth to 21. 2) It is a known fact that marriages without children are much more stable and happy than ones with children because of the added stress of responsibility. I suggest she lets him know that for the moment you are going to use BC after all, it IS her body that will carry the load of pregnancy and your mind that will need to deal with the bulk of the raising because she's the mother.  Her thoughts of waiting until they are financially able, marriage solid and stable are spot on. She's thinking smart.  She should stand firm and trust her God given instincts and intelligence. She must not be pushed into a situation where at the end of the day SHE'LL be stuck with the burden, and not him. He should understand that it is not a 'control' issue, but simply one of expediency. She seems wise, thoughtful, and faithful. He'll appreciate it later, trust. Many times men really don't know what's best, but that's what wives are for, to advise, educate, and influence for the BETTER.

Student loans and a mortgage? He sounds crazy talking about having children given loans and mortgage? Depending on the size of the loans, they should pay off the loan first and then revisit the idea of having children. It's best to have little or no debt before having children so one can provide for the child(ren). If this couple is debt free, they will have no worries about their child(ren)'s needs. Birth control is a responsible decision. She should have the number of children that she can financially & emotionally support. Too many people are bringing children into this world and their money isn't right. It's good to trust God for provision, but God also gave us brains to use in the decision making process. She must do what's best for her, even if he won't like it.



Pearls: By Trina Rogers

This was too good NOT to share. Written by Trina Rogers (Facebook friend):

 

Everything on this earth that is precious or rare, is hidden or hard to obtain. Pearls are hidden at the bottom of the ocean and diamonds are put through intense pressure to become an irreplaceable stone. This same "precious" label should be put on a woman's body. Women need to understand how important our "temple" is to humanity so it doesn't become a sales item in a discount retail store, accessible to low-budget customers. To a real "investor" your essence is worth finding, working for, and cultivating for a life long purpose that benefits the world. When it comes to your significance, don't advertise. When you give it away, you devalue the prize.



Rewriting Wedding Vows

Most people have no concept of committment, so I'm going to rewrite the wedding vows. Normally, a couple's wedding vows go like this:

 

Do you take this (wo)man to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife

to have and hold

Through Sickness & Health

Better or Worse

Richer Or Poorer

After the couple recites these vows, they say "I Do"

 

Revised Version

Do you take this (wo)man to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife?

To have and to hold

Through good health

For Better

Richer

Until I find someone better

As long as you don't piss me off

 

When I think about it, why wouldn't the wedding vows be revised? Some people want the perfect mate, even if they aren't perfect. I agree that if you have yourself together, you should seek a likeminded (wo)man. Two whole people make for a power couple because they have similar character. I'm going to use the 80/20 rule. You're gonna get 80% of what you need in a relationship, no more no less. Someone comes along supplying the missing 20%, and you're considering leaving the 80% thinking you're gonna get something better from that 20. Once you leave, you realize that you messed up because what you thought was better, fell short of what you previously had. That 80 you left has moved on with someone who adores them, and motivates them to grow. The catch is, (s)he is right there by their side. Even if someone better comes along, (s)he won't stray because they're satisfied with the one they're with; not many people are that committed to their partner. Why do you think some men marry younger women? Because they're no longer attracted to their wives. Women marry young too, and given the right circumstances would leave their husbands in a flash. There was a time where marriage was valued, but those times have long passed. Some people treat marriage like a car dealership: They have a good car (spouse) that they've invested time in, that car has done right by them, and as soon as a newer model comes out, they trade in their spouse for a newer one.

 

 

What's Mine Is MINE

Todd & Kandi recently got married, and if I recall, their wedding will be televised on Bravo at a later date. Their pre-nup is set up like all marriages should be: You leave with what you came with. Kandi's very smart because she left her possessions in her child's name. I can't fault her for that because she worked hard to achieve what she has, and for her to lose half to divorce is crazy. Todd said it himself that he doesn't want any of Kandi's money, he's got his own. Once upon a time, people got married for the right reasons, but that's not the case today. Today, marriages are approached like a business contract with the terms and perks outlined. In a perfect world, there would be no divorce, but with half of first-time marriages ending in divorce, you have to protect yourself.

How many couples can honestly say they married for love? If they're honest, they'll list love as one of the factors, but let's be honest...marriage has legal and social benefits. Married (wo)men are supposedly more likely to be promoted because companies see them as established, married couples recover from illness faster, tax breaks, etc. Taking all these into consideration, everyone should rush to get married. You can marry with the best intentions, but many couples really don't know each other like they think. Couples will only share what they want each other to know. Let's be real, most couples don't know how to fight fair, they take information to use it against their partner.

I'm not mad at Kandi for playing it smart. If Todd divorces, why should he get anything? He made the choice to leave her, so he leaves with what he came. Why should anyone be entitled to half of what you've worked hard to build? That's silly. This is why I believe rich should marry rich, and middle-class marry middle class because both sets are on the same page, so if one leaves, they can still survive. Approach every life event with the best intentions, but use your brain. Clearly, Mama Joyce didn't raise no fool.



Second Thoughts

Situation (posted from Grown Soul & Real Talk): We've been married for over a year; we are both in our early 30's and agreed to start a family right away. I found out I was pregnant 2 months ago. My husband's attitude has completely changed. Now he's moody, he's worried about how expensive raising a child is, he hasn't touched me sexually since we found out, and he spends more time away from home. I've tried to talk to him and he says he's processing the pregnancy and coming to terms with the fact that our lives are about to change forever. I don't get it. We agreed to this before we were ever married, and even after we got married. Why the switch up? And how long do I wait out his processing?

 

Pregnancy is a scary time for men and women. She's going through the changes physically, so she's going to need a little more reassurance from her husband that she's still beautiful. Women start to gain weight, be a little more emotional than usual, labor pains, eating for 2, lack of sleep, etc. Women go through a lot during pregnancy. Men go through a lot during pregnancy as well: He's worrying about his child(ren)'s health; whether they will be born disabled or healthy, he's thinking of how he can provide the best life for his family, etc. Pregnancy is a scary time for both. At the same time, if they've agreed to start a family right away, what's the problem? Is he having second thoughts or does he have another woman? A lot of men would be excited their lady is birthing his child(ren). That's HIS seed inside her.

Why do some men think their lady WON'T change physically during childbirth? She's carrying a child for 9 months and that baby is going to be kicking inside her, causing her to feel a little more fatigued. She's going to feel ugly at times, and her man needs to reassure her beauty. Obviously, she doesn't feel sexy because look at how he treats her? He's never touched her sexually since the news. He's expecting her to keep that pre-pregnancy body throughout their pregnancy. I can't speak for him, but I would try to smash every chance I get, especially since she's preggo. He could be trying to come to terms with the pregnancy because he knows what's ahead. He's got a lot of responsibility ahead of him, and I'm not sure he's ready for fatherhood, otherwise he'd be a lot more supportive.

I hope he can "process" things in the middle of night when the baby starts crying. I think he'll come around & love her more than ever before. He's just trying to come to grips with the changes that are ahead. 

Mimi's Sex Tape

Mimi Faust from Love & Hip Hop Atlanta has a sex tape out and it's gone viral over the Internet. Make it so bad, she has a daughter and she's getting her back knocked out by her friend Niko. Call me crazy, but aren't sex tapes supposed to be for the couple's eyes only? You never put out a private act for the world to see. The fact that she has a daughter is more sickening. What are kids at her school gonna think? Kids can be very vicious, and the last thing you want is word to get out that your mom's getting her back knocked out by some guy. If you recall on Tyler Perry's House Of Payne, Malik and Jasmine (Laramie Doc Shaw & China McClain)'s mother Jeanine (Demetria McKinney) was on drugs and later on, she got her life straight. She comes to visit her children when Malik fires off on her, saying how her addiction was the butt of classmates' jokes.

I remember when Kim Kardashian dropped her (in)famous sex tape, and she blew up off that. Maybe, Mimi is trying to come up like Kim Kardashian. What many people don't understand is that Kim Kardashian was somewhat famous prior to the sex tape, and the tape just cemented her fame even more. It seems like everywhere you turn, some reality star is making a sex tape. Kim K made one, now Mimi dropped one, and apparently Nicki Minaj has a sex tape out. I believe that sex is a private act that's to be shared with the one you love. No one needs to see your personal business. When I read about Mimi's sex tape, I thought little of it because I don't like porn. I just feel it's tacky for a couple to put their bedroom business on display. These people have to realize that once the video is posted, it's online FOREVER. Even if they die, that memory will be etched in the minds of millions.

Somehow, I really believe Mimi dropping a sex tape is going to make her famous. It worked for Kim Kardashian, so why wouldn't it work for Mimi? Sex does sell. The sex industry grosses over a billion dollars annually, so I guess for Mimi and many other women, dropping a sex tape is their gold mine.

She's Too Nice

Can a woman be too nice to the point where it's a turnoff? Is there such thing as too nice, cooperative, etc? That depends on the man. I can't speak for other men, but I'll take a cooperative & nice woman anyday. I don't have time to be combative with my lady, that's for the birds. I don't know why, but some men actually prefer a woman that'll give them a challenge. When you get a challenging woman, you'll definitely get more than you asked for. Even if you're doing your job as a man, she'll find something to buck up against you about. Unless you're ready for her to always speak her mind (even when it's not warranted at times), you'll be better off with the nice & cooperative woman. Nice & cooperative doesn't mean docile, it means that she has her own mind, but trusts her man to lead in the right direction. Most people confuse cooperative with docile.

A man has the right to desire whatever woman he chooses, according to his personality. A strong man wants a strong woman, and a chill man wants a chill woman; to each their own. I'm strong & meek when needed. I don't have to thump my chest to prove I'm a strong man; it speaks for itself. Most men will desire a nice & cooperative woman, and why wouldn't they? A man goes to war outside his home: He deals with stress from his job, loved ones, etc. The last thing a man should be getting stress is from his woman. If a man says with a straight face that he loves a combative woman, then he has no right to complain about her nature. He likes her combativeness, remember? A woman that's "too nice" & cooperative runs circles about a combative lady because that nice & cooperative woman is committed to building with him, not against him.



Amazon: I'll Give You $5,000 To Quit

Paying Employees To Quit

 

I read an article about Amazon paying disgruntled employees $5,000 to quit. The premise behind this pay-to-leave strategy is that if you don't like your job or the company, leave. How many people are foolish enough to take this offer? In the back of my mind, I'm thinking set-up. If people voluntarily walk off and take the money, that saves them from any paperwork & severance pay. If some employees take the money, there's no unemployment obligations for the state & the company gets a tax write-off. For Amazon, it's a win-win. Thinking deeper, this could be a test to see who's loyal to the company. Many employees have no loyalty to their employers, and with good reason: Many companies aren't loyal to their employees. Layoffs are prevalent in this economy, and even the best employees aren't immune.

Why should employees be loyal to a company that cares nothing about their welfare? Employers forget that employees are the backbone of the company. Without dedicated employees, the C-level executives would have to do their jobs, in addition to what the employees do daily. If employers want employee loyalty, show appreciation for the people who help build your company. Given how tough finding a job in this economy, people better be thankful they have one, even if they don't like it. If you don't like your job, use it as a stepping stone to something better. Keep doing what you're supposed to do, and look for another job on your own time. Many employers are looking for any reason to let someone go, and if it means paying money to do so, that's what they do.

If I enjoy my job & it's a good fit, I'm staying right where I'm at, because I may not find another job better than what I have now. I understand giving disgruntled employees a way out because you don't want them to drag morale down. Then again, that employee should've done enough homework to know if they would like the company or not prior to accepting the employment offer.

I Want A Man, & I Need Him Now!

Today's topic is a play on an old JG Wentworth commercial: The commercial states: It's My Money And I Need It Now! Flipping the script, I say: Some women want a man, and they need him now. I read a Facebook post from a woman that used to be content being single, but now she's getting desperate for a man. First off, why switch now? You're fine being alone and all of a sudden you want someone in your life. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Learn how to be alone before you can be with someone. Use the alone time to work on yourself. I can't stand some (wo)men that are so desperate for a (wo)man, they'll sacrifice their principles. The first person that comes along, you fall head over heels for them. Never mind them having a life before & after you; you just want someone to have on your arm. When you get desperate for a (wo)man, you act thirsty and that turns many people off. You're thinking with your hormones, and tend to throw caution to the wind.

I'm not saying it's wrong to desire someone to spend your life with; humans were designed for companionship. What I'm saying is that a (wo)man shouldn't get so caught up in finding someone that (s)he compromises their principles. What you require of someone, you throw your standards out the window as soon as a pretty young thing comes along. Never mind that oftentimes, wolves appear in sheep's clothing. Sometimes, a toxic person will come as a stand-up (wo)man just to get close to you. Once they wear you down, that's when their toxic nature comes out. I suppose many people talk a big game about being content with singleness, but after careful thought...those same folks realize that a committed relationship could be a blessing.

It's ok to want someone to spend the rest of your life with, but needing them is a different story. What if God wills you to be single forever? Are you going to go against his will, or is (s)he going to continue fighting hard to have someone in their life?

Chasing Booty

A single, successful, attractive man has an offer to sleep with an equally attractive, single & successful woman. Is there any reason why he wouldn't jump at the chance to knock her back out? Most people think men are thirsty horndogs that are all about sex, so one would expect him to knock her back out. Some men would sleep with her because those men aren't thinking straight anyway. Their main focus is wam, bam, thank you ma'am. Once a man has nailed an attractive woman, he's on his way because he got what he came for (on the flip side, she got what she wanted because some women will initiate sexual contact). Usually, men who spend all their time and money chasing booty have nothing going for themselves, so they base their self-worth on the kitty.

People are surprised to hear of men who aren't concerned with getting some kitty. These men are on their grind, and sex isn't important to them. They're too busy to chase after a woman who's probably had several guys run up in her already, so he knows the headache that could result. It's said that if you sleep with a (wo)man, you've slept with those before her. How do those sloppy seconds, thirds & fourths taste? I rest my case. It's bananas how some people think that men haven't evolved past high school. In high school, that man probably would've nailed the first cutie he saw; now that he's matured, he realizes what's most important: Building his own legacy. Contrary to what some people think, there are men who aren't led by their other head.
A man that's reached the pinnacle of his personal & professional life doesn't have time to chase after kitty. Women have never paid him any mind before, so why would he check for a woman now? In most cases, he's not because he wants to stay on top of his game. Once a man has reached the top, the only place he can go is down. Most successful men aren't trying to come down, they want to remain on top; if they see a woman as a distraction, she won't get the chance to deter him because he'll cut her off before she has a chance to approach. The premise behind this message is that there are men that place little to no value on chasing booty. What you value, goes into how you live your life.

Will You Marry Me? In 1 year or less.

I hear of couples that have gotten engaged in a year or less, and I ask myself: What's the rush? Getting to know someone takes longer than a year, and you're going to propose to them based on lovey-dovey feelings? That's silly to me, but to each their own. It's easy to get to know a person's good side, but when their bad side shows him, that high wears off. I couldn't propose to my lady after a year or less of knowing her. Even if I know what to look for (which I do), I believe in taking things slow. We have plenty of years ahead of us, so slow down ma'am. There's a reason why half of first marriages end in divorce, and I'm willing to wager that haste (among other factors) had something to do with it. It seems like nobody wants to wait anymore, everyone rushing into marriage.

There are couples that have gotten married a year after meeting each other, and are doing very well. I salute those couples because they obviously hit it off to take a big step so soon. Seldom does a couple hit it off and end up married a year later, but I know it happens. A couple should take a minimum of 2 years to get to know each other before becoming engaged. I say 2 years because that gives you enough time to find out as much about them as possible. You see them at their best & worst, and in between. 2 years is enough time to figure out if you are compatible with that person, something that can't be accomplished in a year or less. The first year is the lovey-dovey phase, where you're so enamored with that person that you see no wrong.

Once the lovey-dovey phase wears off, you really see where your partner stands. When the money's drying up, are they down for the long haul? It's easy to stick around when the money pours like the Mississippi. The love is tested in sickness & health, rich or poor, etc. People need to think marriage through very carefully before making that leap. You cannot know everything about a person in one year or less. Getting to know someone is a lifetime affair, one that shouldn't be taken lightly.

Project Woman

It takes a special woman to realize a man's potential, and help him make his potential reality. Not many women will work with a struggling man (through no fault of his own) because they expect a man to have his stuff together before he steps to her. I can understand having your stuff together before getting into a relationship, because nobody has the patience to help someone who's struggling. Most struggles are of our own doing, others are through no fault of our own. Many people had to struggle to get where they are today, so they should know how it feels to NOT have someone give them a chance. Everybody has their choice to take a chance on someone or not, but once that person makes it, everybody wants to be around them. They weren't shooting in the gym with you, but want to celebrate your championship victory.

What is a woman's motive for helping a struggling man come up? As stated in the beginning, most women want to see their man succeed, so if she has the connections to make it happen for him, she invests in him. Once he makes it, she lights up because she was the catalyst behind his success. Then again, some women have ulterior motives behind helping a man come up. Think about it: At any given time, she can hold that over his head. Women are very good at remembering what they've done for their man, so she can easily pull out that weapon to use in an argument. Even the most stand-up women aren't above hitting below the belt. She can easily say, "I Made You!". He can't say anything because she's telling the truth. She did make him.

The message behind this topic is to have your own, man or woman. Once you earn your own, no one can ever take that away from you. While it's good to accept help from someone who's where you want to be, it's even better when you incorporate what they've taught you and take off running. They've given you the tools, you do the rest.

Marrying Like My Father

If women marry men like their father, then that explains why some women are unmarried. Marinate on that for a minute. It's understood that a girl will marry a man like her father. If her father is a stand-up guy, that's what she gravitates to because that's what she was exposed to. Conversely, if her father was a dog, then either she will marry a no-good man or would rather not marry at all. Can you honestly blame a woman for not wanting to marry like her father, especially if he was foul? No. She's been through a lot, so she doesn't want anymore headaches. It breaks my heart to see good women get hurt by no-good men, and these good women turn bitter because many of them didn't know what to do with a good man because she wasn't exposed to that coming up.

You have dads who have raised upstanding women to know what to look for in a man. As time passes, these women don't want marriage. Why? Because marriage is a big responsibility. A friend pointed out to me (I still find it hard to believe) that many women aren't naturals at wifely duties. How some women can't be good at women roles is beyond me, but I digress. Anyway, a woman doesn't have to be a wife in order to have basic housekeeping skills. Every (wo)man has the right to NOT want marriage, and that's fine. I've said this long ago and it bears repeating: Not everyone is cut out for married life. If more people were honest with themselves about their desires for marriage, the divorce rate for first marriages wouldn't be 50%.

While many women marry men like their father, there are those who marry the opposite of him. For example, a woman can have a deadbeat father and decide to marry the opposite. She's tired of being hurt, so she's determined NOT to marry someone like dad. I salute those women for wanting better than what they had, and taking steps to correct. Just because a woman grew up with a sorry father, doesn't mean she has to repeat the cycle. She can look at the kind of man her father is, and marry opposite.

Question: Equal Contribution

The following question was posted by The King-maker Michael-Cordele Rolle: If a single man moves in with a single mother of 3 (they have yet to get married), what percentage should he contribute to household expenses if they make the same amount of money?

 

My Answer: Before I answer the question, I have to say this: Why would a single man with his own income move in with a single mother? That doesn't sound right to me, but it happens. Some of these men move in with the mother and children, he eats them out of house and home and he contributes nothing. The sad thing about it is that some women allow it! The only reason I can come up with is he wants a free ride. Assuming he has a good rapport with her, she won't require that he contribute to household expenses. He's eating for free and has a warm bed to come home to every day after work. Throw in some loving, and he's living like a king. If they make the same amount of money, I think there should be equal contribution. She pays half of the expenses, he pays the other half.

It's unrealistic to think that moving in with a woman who has kids somehow let's him off the hook for taking care of them. The kids will be part of the arrangement. That's why it's best to just avoid the situation altogether if he isn't willing to deal with the children as his own. Anytime a man moves in with a woman with kids, there will be an expectation that he contribute in some way. Very few, if any women will let a single man live with them free & clear; throw in children and that's a different ball game. I think some women are so desperate for companionship that they'll settle for a man in their home, just to say she has someone. If money is more important than peace of mind, more power to her. Any mother with good moral character will care more about her children before you.

 This was a good comment: Kala Brown It's a man's responsibility to provide food & shelter for his wife or woman if they decide to live together. When you make the decision to move in with a woman, you're basically saying I'm ready to assume the responsibility of her & whatever comes along.

 

CAUTION: By Nojma Reflects

The following message is from Nojma Reflects. She gives brothers sound advice to consider before they lay up with this & that woman.

Brothers, you have to really be mindful regarding who you choose to reproduce you. The Black Woman has become one of the most rebellious women on the planet. There is a blatant attack on Black Men, their masculinity, their authority, their presence and their influence. A woman will be so quick to tell you what you can't do for "her" child, then paint you as a dead beat father.
You are leaving your children in the wombs and in the care of immoral, loose, rebellious, bitter and unapologetic women. Think about how aggressive the Black Woman has become on the attack of your manhood. She will quickly tell you how you are "less than", but negate that fact that something about you was more than enough, at least at one point in time, because she laid down with you. She will use your child as leverage, punishment, a pawn or a means to punk you. If you won't be your man, she will try to make you her bitch, by having you jump through hoops, bow down and kiss the ring.

She wants to let you know that SHE is in control, you are at the hands of her mercy. She will tell you when you can see your children. She has the ability to determine how your children view you, even if the view is temporary.
Black Men don't get caught up in the pretty face and the nice physique, because while that is pleasing to your eye, you need to make sure that her MIND brings you the MOST satisfaction, otherwise you run the risk of your legacy being housed in the womb of your future warden.

My View: As usual, Ms. Nojma is right on target. Why would some men be so careless as to entrust their seed to some random? This is your child you're talking about, someone that's going to be a part of you for the next 18+ years, and you're just going to throw it away on a whim. That couldn't be me. I understand that some couples get together under the best intentions, and divorce still happens. If you don't see yourself with someone long-term, it's best not to have a child with them; just my view.

 



Seek & Ye Shall Find

If you go looking for something, you will find it. Chances are, you won't like what you're looking for so sometimes, it's best to leave things alone. Let situations unfold on their own. Honesty is big in relationships, as it should be. Some couples take that to extremes by giving their partner their SSN, password, bank account information, etc. In a perfect world, you can trust your significant other with that information, but you don't know if they're going to use your information against you. It's best not to reveal sensitive information until you're certain (s)he is thorough. The reason being is so you can have time to observe some things about them; see how they get down before you go sharing your government name. Some people feel if you withhold from your mate, you have something to hide. Whatever happened to personal space?

Some partners think if you withhold, you have something to hide. What does your spouse need with your SSN, your passcode to your smartphone, etc? Nothing. The only reason ANYONE would want the password to their mate's phone is to snoop; that's it. If you can't have an iota of privacy with your significant other, then they're not someone you should be with. Some people are so open that they give their (wo)man the password to their phone, in an effort to prove that "I have nothing to hide". If that's what (s)he wants, that's on them. That's extra ammunition for them to use against you if things should go south. Your (wo)man doesn't need to know everything about you. If you have to search your mate's phone for incriminating evidence, the relationship is doomed. You don't trust them to do right by you, so there's no reason for continue staying.

I don't have time to go through my woman's phone. If I THINK she's cheating, she's out the door (and vice versa). Why waste time trying to look for something that you know you won't like when you find it? You're setting yourself up for hurt when you go looking for incriminating evidence.

What Are You Doing Today?

A woman asks her man "What Are You Doing Today?" and he responds with "I'm going over to my friend Crystal's house to install her new flatscreen TV." The woman is apprehensive about his decision, because she thinks he's going to cheat. Does she stop him from helping his friend or trust him? For most women, this would be a no-brainer if he's been faithful in the past. It's not that she doesn't trust her man; she does, but she doesn't trust the woman because being a woman, his lady knows how conniving some women can be. Some women will conjure up any reason to get a man to come over her place: TV needs installation, relationship advice, car repair, etc. Even though she may let him go, there's always a possibility that he may cheat. In that case, the man has his mind made up to cheat before he carries out the action.
When a (wo)man wants to cheat, nothing will stop him. People are going to do what they want, no matter how good a (wo)man you are to them. It's almost not worth it to get into a relationship with someone because how much do you REALLY know them? People will show you their good side because they don't want their (wo)man to think ill of them; that's part of trying to attract someone to spend the rest of your life with. It takes a thorough man NOT to violate his woman's trust, because once trust is broken, that's a wrap. A legit man would make it clear to his lady friend that he has a woman, and he's not going to do anything to ruin his relationship. He can lay down the law, but it's up to his friend Crystal to respect that boundary.
Women have wiles. Again, he might not have any thought of anything, but that doesn't mean she is going to act right. Too many break ups over mess. Some women want to prevent that by any means necessary. On a serious note, what can a man call a female friend to do that's on the same level as him installing a TV or doing craft work? Probably nothing. This all boils down to trust.