Bae, I want to go

GSRT Member Question: Do you feel it's appropriate for married men/women to take separate vacations? We've been married for 2 years; it seems like every time I turn around, my husband is going away for a weekend or a few days with the boys - fishing, trips to Vegas, hiking trips, golf trips etc--wives are never invited. We took ONE vacation together last year, but he went away with his boys 5 different times! I don't like it and feel that once or twice a year with the guys is plenty. He says I'm being insecure, but if he can make time for getaways several times with his boys, why not his wife?

 

A husband & wife are under no obligation to take vacations together, although it's encouraged. From time to time, couples need to be away from each other so they can appreciate the time they have together. Like the old saying goes: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Think about it, if you're under your spouse 24-7, 365, then something is wrong; You need time to miss your (wo)man. It sounds like he doesn't love his woman because if he's always hanging with his boys, then that tells me there's something going on in their relationship that's causing him to withdraw. Maybe she's not meeting his needs, maybe he's cheating, there are too many variables to consider. She mentions they took one vacation together and he went off with his boys 5 times that year: There is some reason to be concerned because any man with a good woman would enjoy her presence on vacation with him.

There is no reason for any (wo)man to spend more time with their friends than spouse. I get their friends were there before (s)he came into the picture, but true friends would respect their relationship, and if they see something wrong, they would admonish him/her to fix things with their (wo)man. Another reason could be that she's not into fishing, going to Vegas, hiking and golf, and he doesn't want to upset her by bringing her on those trips where she won't enjoy herself. This is what she can do: Plan and schedule the trips she'd like to take with him. Put them on the calendar & tell him that those dates are RESERVED for you and him. Do not budge on it. It's ok for him to let loose with the guys as long as she gets hers. If she's getting neglected, then she's allowing it. She can also go away with her friends.

One gripe I have with questions like this is that if a man does something not involving his woman, she's quick to throw out he's cheating. If there's no evidence of cheating, there's no reason to assume infidelity. Some men actually have other things on their mind than sleeping with women.