A Real Woman

 

Also taken from the Facebook page Grown Man Logic: A REAL WOMAN is a God fearing woman of morals, ethics, values, is able to leave something to the imagination that possesses an air of sophistication and class. She understands her independence, knows her worth and has enough sense to know if a man is feeding her nonsense. She is hard working, treats people with respect, expresses gratitude when deserved, appreciates the finer things along with the little things life and people offer. She takes pride in her body and does not or easily allow men to even enter her domain or realm in that physical aspect until it is known that her man of interest is truly interested. She’s confident, understands beauty is within and doesn’t need to brag about looks or anything pertaining to herself because it is shown by the way she carries herself and her daily actions. She is strong enough to walk away at the first sign of cheating or abuse (physical, emotional or verbal) with her head held high! Are you a REAL WOMAN?

My View: Emphasis on the last sentence: She is strong enough to walk away at the first sign of cheating or abuse (physical, emotional, or verbal). I feel bad for some women who stay in abusive relationships, but I can't feel sorry for any woman who allows herself to be abused repeatedly. At some point, she has to buck up and get out of there, even if her life may be at risk. She has her father, male friends and other male relatives that will put Boots To Behind on the abuser.



A Real Man

The following is a very good explanation of what a real man should be. I got this from the Facebook page Grown Man Logic (If you're on Facebook, like his page). Without further ado: A REAL MAN is a man who is God centered, values his word and is 100% accountable for his actions. He is the backbone of his family if he has one and is hard working. He is reliable so when he is needed in any shape or form, he is able to come through with a solution, resolution, or compromise. He understands what is most important and what isn’t. He is a role model for not only his kids but all youth. A real man knows when to speak, when to listen and doesn’t partake in gossip. He gives his all in whatever he does, does what’s right even when it’s unpopular and treats all women with respect! He is strong enough to walk away at the first sign of cheating or abuse (physical, emotional or verbal) with his head held high! Are you a REAL MAN? 

My $.02: This is the best definition I have read about a real man. In a nutshell, a real man stands for what he believes in, doesn't cave under pressure and keeps God at the forefront. I like the last sentence "He is strong enough to walk away at the first sign of cheating or abuse. This coincides with what I believe: Anyone who stays with someone that abuses them has serious issues. It's not love when someone's going upside your head or dogging you.



R.I.P. To Manhood

 

I'm reluctant to write about this picture, but I have to put these moist men on blast. First off, under no circumstances is it EVER acceptable for a man to be this fruity. Look at this dude, he's wearing boyshorts and embracing his moistness. Come On Now! This man has hips like a grown woman (I hope this is photoshopped). This fruity, homosexual agenda has to cease & desist, and I bind this perversion in the name of Jesus. I take authority over all men who DO NOT embrace manhood, and I command this fruity spirit to loose itself from this man and those like him. It's safe to say that manhood is on the decline, because old-school men would never be this fruity. Ever since this homosexual agenda has been pushed, more and more gays are open about their sexuality and flaunting it like the mess isn't wrong. When that fire & brimstone hit, I feel for some folks because it's a wrap for them. I'm wagering this man didn't have a father growing up, leaving his single mother to raise him. No man with a strong father figure would allow his son to turn out like this. Some fathers will disown their sons if he was into being fruity like this man. This nonsense is crazy. The reason why I say R.I.P. To Manhood is because moist men are replacing manly men. One of my Facebook friends calls today's man, the new woman. You have women embracing manly principles and men embracing womanhood. The game has been twisted, and I don't like it one iota.

I Want To Be Like Nicki Minaj

 

Nojma Reflects

February 19

So...this picture was emailed to me, and supposedly this is supposed to be the "new" Barbie Doll, though at this moment, I don't think that has been confirmed by Mattel. At any rate, the message attached to the email was that, I was the "perfect person" to declare and express my outrage at the depiction of Black Women that is negatively represented by this doll.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I am NOT outraged. A depiction is a "representation" and unfortunately this doll represents how some Black Women see themselves. I can name two public Black Women right off the top of my head, Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj. In fact, Nicki calls her fans Barbz and she calls herself the "Black Barbie Doll" and has taken several pictures wearing a blond weave and blue eyes.

Nicki also has a huge fan base that is not only limited to young girls, but grown women as well. So we have grown women calling themselves Barbz, and are imitating a woman that wants to be known as a plastic mold, hence the fake hair, eyes and things of  that nature.

I can also walk out of my house, into any store, mall or bank or wherever I go and see a Black Woman almost dressed identical to the doll, so why should I be outraged at what is a very accurate representation of some Black Women?

Whenever I write an article, the first and most consistent rebuttal of deflection is "well not all Black Women act like that", and I keep telling you that is irrelevant. There are ENOUGH Black Women that don't recognize the beauty of their skin, regardless of the tone, that don't recognize the beauty of their hair, regardless of the texture, that don't recognize the beauty, power and protection that comes with modesty, that don't appreciate the beauty of their own eyes, so they get blue contacts, or contacts to make their eyes lighter, because we still are digesting the inferiority complex that has been fed to us, and we still suffer from self hatred, so the doll represents an accurate portrayal of the percentage of Black Women that still suffer from all of the above.

If this image upsets you, then instead of looking at the Maker of the doll, maybe you should look at the MUSE.

 

My View: Some people want to emulate their favorite celebrity, but some black women take it TOO FAR. Dressing up to the T like Nicki Minaj, really? Whatever happened to being comfortable in your own skin? Nicki Minaj is just a puppet for the record industry; she's paid to dress like a Barbie just so young girls and grown women can gobble it up. The sad thing is that this doll is more authentic than many real life clowns. It's hilarious some women would want to emulate a doll! That's almost as ridiculous as some men emulating Diddy, Rick Ross, Jay-Z or Michael Jordan. I'm comfortable in my own skin, always have & will be. Don't get me wrong, I admire everyone who has paid their dues to get where they're at in life, but make sure you stay true to who you are. Somewhere down the line, class & style will have to come into play.

Pimp Confessions

It's a true story! What comes to mind first, the church, the women or the men?

*** LADIES BEWARE OF NEW MEN IN CHURCH ***......

CONFESSIONS OF A PIMP

I WAS TALKING ONE DAY TO A OLD SCHOOL PIMP.
HE BEGAN TO TELL ME HOW HE WAS ABLE TO PULL MANY WOMEN RIGHT OUT THE CHURCH AND USE THEM FOR HIS PERSONAL GAIN.
I THOUGH ABOUT ALL THAT HE SAID AND I WANTED TO SHARE THIS WITH MY SISTERS IN THE LORD .
MY SISTERS BE AWARE THERE ARE MANY OTHERS OUT THERE WITH THE SAME MENTALITY AS THIS OLD SCHOOL PIMP.

HERE IN DETAIL IS THE PLAN HE SHARED WITH ME.

I KNEW THAT THE MAJORITY OF WOMEN IN CHURCH WERE THERE BECAUSE THE CHURCH WAS THE LAST RESORT FOR THEM. THEY HAVE BEEN BEAT UP , DOGGED , AND BROKEN BY LIFE AND BY MEN. THE CHURCH IS THE ONLY PLACE OF SAFETY MANY OF THEM KNOW.

KNOWING THIS I WOULD DRIVE AROUND ON SUNDAY MORNINGS LOOKING FOR A CHURCH WITH A SMALL TO MEDIUM SIZED CONGREGATION.

I WOULD WAIT UNTIL I WAS SURE SERVICE HAD ALREADY STARTED, THEN QUIETLY SLIP IN AND SIT AS CLOSE TO THE BACKDOOR AS POSSIBLE.

I WOULD SHOW NO EMOTION BUT WOULD LOOK AS IF I AM INTERESTED IN WHAT THE PREACHER WAS SAYING.

WHEN OFFERING TIME CAME I WOULD UNFOLD MY MONEY AND WALK DOWN THE ISLE MAKING SURE MY $100.00 BILL WAS SEEN .

WHEN CHURCH WAS OVER I WOULD LEAVE IMMEDIATELY WITHOUT SHAKING ANY HANDS, OR SPEAKING TO ANYONE.

THIS ONE TACTIC WOULD AROUSE THE SINGLE WOMEN CURIOSITY.

NOW THEY ARE THINKING " WHO WAS THE GUY THAT CAME IN?"

THE NEXT SUNDAY I WOULD GO BACK AND REPEAT THE SAME ROUTINE BUT WHEN CHURCH IS OVER I HANG AROUND WAITING.

WHAT AM I WAITING FOR, I AM WAITING ON THAT ONE WOMAN WHO WILL START A CONVERSATION AND GIVE ME CERTAIN SIGNS.

WHEN SHE SHAKES MY HAND HOW DOES SHE DO IT? WILL SHE SHAKE MY HAND AND IMMEDIATELY REMOVE HERS...
 

OR

WILL SHE ALLOW ME TO HOLD ON TO HER HAND AND START CONVERSATION?

DOES SHE SMILE WHILE LOOKING ME IN MY EYES?

DOES SHE BAT HER EYELASHES, WHILE SMILING?

DOES SHE CONSTANTLY MOVE , OR FOCUS ON MY EYES AS WE MAKE CASUAL CONVERSATION?

NOW THIS CAN TAKE LESS THAN A MINUTE BUT FROM THAT SMALL MINUTE I CAN TELL IF SHE IS GOOD TO GO.

AFTER CASUAL CONVERSATION I LEAVE MAKING A NOTE OF HOW SHE LOOK AND NEXT WEEK I AM NOW LOOKING FOR HER.

THE NEXT SUNDAY I RETURN, WAIT UNTIL SERVICE IS OVER AND THEN I WALK DIRECTLY TO HER. I MUST MAKE SURE THAT ALL THE OTHER WOMEN SEE THIS . I WANT HER TO FEEL SPECIAL LIKE SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD AT THIS MOMENT.

I SHAKE HER HAND, AND HOLD ON TO IT FOR A BRIEF MOMENT. THEN THE COMPLIMENTS COME.
I MUST ASK HER " DID YOU DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH YOUR HAIR, YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY"
HERE IS THE BIG ONE THAT WORKS ALMOST EVERY TIME.

CAN YOU TAKE ME TO MEET PASTOR?

SHE IS NOW COMFORTABLE WITH ME AND SHE IS READY TO TAKE ME TO MEET THE PASTOR OF THE CHURCH.

SHE INTRODUCES ME, AND I COMPLIMENT THE PASTOR ON HOW MUCH HIS SERMONS HAVE HELPED ME.
HE SHAKES MY HAND AND ASKS, "DO YOU HAVE A CHURCH HOME?"
I WILL REPLY WHILE LOOKING AT THE WOMAN............." NO I DON'T BUT I BELIEVE THE LORD HAS DIRECTED ME HERE" I AM SAYING THIS WHILE NEVER TAKING MY EYES OFF HER.

NOW EVERYONE THINKS, HE HAS FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HER......THANK YOU JESUS GOD HAS SENT HER A HUSBAND.

THIS IS ALL PART OF THE PLAN. ITS PART OF THE GAME.

I GET HER PHONE NUMBER, CALL HER UP BECAUSE THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT THE WORD OF GOD I DON'T UNDERSTAND. GET A DINNER DATE TO DISCUSS SCRIPTURE, AND WINE AND DINE HER AND TREAT HER LIKE A QUEEN.

AFTER ABOUT A MONTH OR TWO WE ARE HAVING SEX, YET SHE IS STILL ACTIVE IN THE CHURCH. WE ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER AT HER HOUSE AND SOMETIMES AT MY HOUSE.

I STOP GOING TO CHURCH BUT SEND MY OFFERING AND SOON I WILL CONVINCE HER TO STAY AT HOME WITH ME ONE SUNDAY KNOWING IF SHE MISSES ONE SUNDAY IT WILL BE EASY TO MISS ANOTHER ONE.

SOON THE ABUSE WILL START, AND AFTER THE ABUSE I GET INSIDE HER HEAD. I BREAK HER DOWN MENTALLY UNTIL SHE FEELS THAT SHE IS NOTHING AND UGLY AND WORTHLESS, AND I AM THE ONLY SALVATION FOR HER.

NOW IS THE TIME TO PUT HER TO WORK WHICH IS EASY.

I DRUG HER MAKE HER DEPENDENT ON ME AS THE SUPPLIER OF HER HIGH AND SHE IS NOW ON THE STROLL MAKING DADDY'S MONEY. WHATEVER I PUT INTO THIS INVESTMENT I GET BACK TEN FOLD. EASY MONEY!!

 

 

My View: Some men are predators so if it takes going to church to find their prey, that's what they do. If he had any sense, he would become a pastor; more money and women. He has a flock full of women he can guilt out of money. "Counseling Session" is a fancy way of showing her some attention so he can get up in it.

How To Get A Good Man: Trina Rogers

Trina BabyTee Rogers

How can women be mad at men who treat them like crap when they walk around in life looking and acting like $%#@? They have no respect for themselves, they don't know how to treat a good man, they have more kids than they have bedrooms, they can be heard over the music at a club, they lie, cheat and steal their way through every day of their life but have the nerve to EXPECT God to bless them with a good man. Many of them wouldn't recognize a good man if he came in a FedEx package. Good men are everywhere, but women's definition of one is seriously distorted. A good man isn't defined by money or material things or even looks. Loads of money doesn't make him intelligent, material things won't make him treat you like a Queen, and good looks won't keep him from smacking the mess out of a woman. How they treat themselves is how he will treat her. The characteristics women look for cause them to be blind to the truth and settle for what they have been told will make them happy. Being told, "Get a cute man with money so you won't have to worry about anything!" That kind of thinking has brought us Basketball Wives and Love and Hip Hop, and we see how happy those women are. What women display to the public is what they attract. If she consistently goes to the clubs, half-dressed, can't carry on a decent conversation and offering booty, don't get mad when you go home with the guy looking for nothing more than sex. They will always get back what they put out. When women embrace despicable actions, they can no longer place the blame on men and their reactions. Wanting better is not, I repeat NOT, wanting a man to do all the work in a relationship while she continues to be a trifling, low-life, disrespectful, mattress tester. The men are not the problem. Never have been. Men deserve a woman who knows her place in life, in a relationship, and in the home. If they don't know what their place is, they need to change the environment, friends and especially attitude. When women decide to change the inner mentality, the outward persona becomes captivating, and they open their minds and lives to the best things life has to offer. EVERYTHING THEIR HEARTS DESIRE!

 

My View: Ms. Trina Rogers has mastered the art of how to attract & keep a man. I wish her the best in her relationship because she's a great woman. There aren't too many good ones like Ms. Trina. That being said, many women expect a man to give them the world when they don't have a passport. Most men have no problem pampering a good woman, BUT she must be worthy. A real man will never wine & dine a woman that's not worthy. What sense does it make to give gold to a bronze lady? That's silly. A Tier 1 man will always seek out a Tier 1 woman.



One Mistake=Eternal Punishment

 

Pretty self-explanatory if you ask me. Nobody is perfect except Jesus. The Bible does say let he who is without sin cast the first stone...I thought so *everyone drops stones*. Nobody can say they haven't made one mistake because if they do, their first mistake is lying. We live in an imperfect world, so it's a given you will be hurt (intentionally or unintentionally). You can choose to overlook their mistake or stew over them doing you wrong. I've arrived to a point where I could care less if people hurt me intentionally, because they will be accountable to God at Judgment Day. Besides, they're keeping it moving; not knowing or caring about you being hurt by them. Some people have no conscience so that's why it's easy for them to mistreat people and act any kind of way. If someone is overall good to you and others around them, they do deserve a pass especially if they mean well. With people being flawed, the only person you can depend on is Jesus because unlike people, he will never fail you. He boasts an undefeated record. Everyone would be perfect in an ideal world, but such is not life. Only thing folks can do is focus on the good & not bad. If I've had more good times than bad with a person, I couldn't see myself writing someone off because they made bad choices. I would teach them and ensure that I'll have their back, as they do better next time. The most well-meaning people aren't immune to bad choices; it happens to the best of us.

 

The Mess I Don't Like

Greg Cross: One thing I cannot stand about my race, is the fact that no matter how screwed up we are, those with common sense & does not want to join the ignorant clan better not say nothing! The sad part is, that blacks are quick to ridicule other blacks for wanting to act like civilians calling them sellouts, Uncle Toms, wannabe whites, & so many other stupid mess to the point to where I want to tell those lames to SHUT UP! You want to continue acting like a slave, be my guest. But if you want to live like a civilian & have the lifestyle of a free man, then stop ridiculing blacks who want more for themselves.

Let me get this straight, civilized blacks aren't supposed to say nothing when they see the ignorant clan running amok? That's flaw. While I do believe that people have free will to do as they please, I also feel that the actions of a few dictate how the majority is viewed. It's not right, but that's what happens. Some blacks are quick to clown other blacks that want better for themselves, and won't go along with the pattern of self-destruction. I've heard it all before: Sell out, Uncle Tom, white, etc. The funny thing is, the sensible blacks that were ridiculed for doing good in school and staying out of trouble have the last laugh because THEY go on doing big things in life. They're enjoying life while the blacks who ridiculed them aren't about nothing. Many of those blacks are dropouts, in trouble with the law and complaining about not being able to find work because nobody will hire them. Newsflash Genius: If you did the work and stayed out of trouble, you could've joined the ranks of law-abiding, productive blacks but noooo...you wanted to rip & run the streets, tell education to go to hell and sass your parents and other elders. I shouldn't be surprised because Isaiah 5:20 states "Woe to those who call evil good & good evil." When you take a stand against foolery, you should expect opposition from those who want to keep ratchetness alive. When someone is used to getting their way, they can't handle another person standing up to them. It's best to check nonsense before it festers. When some blacks choose to engage in ignorant, buffoonish behavior, it makes the entire race look bad. There's a saying that I live by: One person can & will mess it up for everybody.

Men Need Encouragement, Too

The inspiration from this blog came from a Facebook friend Tee Wallbanger. He asked the following question in No Nonsense (which is a group of likeminded individuals that take a stand against ratchet ideologies & mindsets):

What could be done to motivate and encourage more black males to be more upstanding, righteous, Godly, militant for justice, intelligence, logic & peace that have succumb to being feminist slaves & supporters, simps, P-thugs(thugs for vagina), and P-hounds and bred to be so for generations.... Without having them stifled, debilitated, discharged or shut down when they think about all of the pretty & attractive female sexual attention, activity & possibilities of sex with such females they will be missing out on if they try to stay the course, and the ridicule, bullying, violence & alienation they would have to endure from their own family/relatives & people?

 

My Response: Great question. It starts with security. A man that's secure in his manhood doesn't have to engage in wreckless behavior to prove he's a "real" man. He's an upstanding brother so that's good enough for him. Men taking a stand for righteousness regardless of who's slighted and last but not least, STOP SIMPING. Stop powdering every woman's behind for no reason. It's not a good look. In the process of repairing, one must realize the error of their ways, so they will not continue being spanked by life.



Black Christians Can Do No Wrong!

 

This is one of the reasons why atheists have a good argument against Christians. At least an atheist makes it clear that they don't believe in God, whereas some Christians, it's unclear why they believe in God. if you are not living a righteous life, then the word "hypocrite" should not be in your vocabulary. To call someone a hypocrite when you know you are not living up to God's standards makes the namer, not the named, the hypocrite. Only righteous people can rightly use the word hypocrite. Only Jesus called others hypocrites, not even his enemies called him a hypocrite. Never fear being called a hypocrite by the wicked. To set someone on fire is callous, cruel and I bet you that if you would do that to them or attempt, they die from fright. Remember, people who inflict pain cannot take it. Here's where Tommy starts preaching: How can you love GOD WHEN YOU AIN'T FAITHFUL TO HIM BUT EXPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND TO BE FAITHFUL TO YOU! That's malarky to me. Most, if not everything Tommy has stated about black Christians is spot on: Quick to hoop & holler for the Lord, but disrespect someone and cuss them out if they call you on your hypocrisy. You're proving them right! Christians are flawed, YES, but at what point do you (wo)man up and make the proper adjustment(s)? Many Black Christians hide behind "Only God Can Judge Me" or "All have sinned and fallen short of God's glory". It's true, BUT...that doesn't absolve you of simple respect for others and yourself. When you do wrong, don't throw God in the mix and expect to have others co-sign your foolishness.

Proud Single Mother

Nojma Reflects

Monday

One ugly cycle that grows with each generation is the unfortunate belief that the Father is not a necessary component to the healthy development of a child. Rather than considering cases where the Father was forced out of the child’s life or the Mother has made an executive decision to alienate the sperm donor, we would rather buy into the simple narrative that the child’s “daddy just ain’t sh*t.

Black Mothers can be the most amazing and valuable creatures on this planet, but to defend the Black Mother by not encouraging her to self-examine would be a horrible mistake. I know a lot of women aren't necessarily single by choice, but it's seems that some of us like to PROUDLY BOAST of our "Single Mothers Status" and that we are holding it down. What exactly are we holding down?

As Mothers, by embodying this “Strong, Single Mother Image” are we ultimately planting the seed in the minds of our daughters that being a single mother is ok? Are our actions being nestled in their subconscious as a guide to conduct herself when she becomes an adult? As much as we say we don’t want our children to repeat our mistakes or follow in our footsteps, will “glorifying single motherhood” solidify that her journey will be the same as ours? What about our sons? By proudly boasting that the “single mothers are holding it down”, are we not relaying a message to our son that the presence of a man isn't needed or desired in the family structure?

My View: This doesn't apply to ALL single mothers because there are single moms that are doing a wonderful job raising strong, respectable sons. The single mother who's raising a child on her own is usually forced into that role through no fault of her own. The father decides he wants no part of his child(ren)'s life so he walks out on his family. I can't respect a man that creates a family and leaves, then has the nerve to come back after the children are grown & successful. That's extremely foul on my end. If a father's not willing to step up and raise the child(ren) he helped create, the mother has NO CHOICE but to raise her daughter alone. A father's presence in the home is critical, because studies show a child raised in a two-parent home will be productive as opposed to a child growing up in a single parent home. In a way, I can understand the strong, single mother image because a single mother is teaching her daughter that life goes on without her father. If he doesn't want to be in her life, I'll handle it on my own. When single mothers say they're holding it down, I think they mean they're making the best of a bad situation; they're determined to raise productive children without the help of a man. Of course, many single mothers want help raising their son or daughter, but life goes on for them. There are good men that WANT to do right by a single mother and her child(ren), but she won't allow him to discipline her child because she's hung up on how her ex mistreated her. Don't get me started on how some single mothers won't allow their man to discipline their child, even if (s)he's acting out of  order. This is a man that has gotten to know her and her child(ren) and wants to build a life with them.

Encouraging Her Man

Nojma Reflects

Tuesday

Brothers, ya'll mind if I ask you a couple of questions?

If you have a woman in your life, that sees the best in you, that sees your potential and has the desire and the will to cultivate the best in you by exercising said will does that make you feel emasculated? 

If the woman in your life realizes, recognizes and respects you as the head of the house, and if she assists in you in finding means to maintain the house, while understanding that doing so doesn't make you less of a man, but it makes her what SHE is...which is your helpmate, does that make you feel emasculated?

Once you have articulated your goal(s), or your plan of action to better yourself, which in turn will better your family, and the woman in your life supports you, and is willing to help bring your goals into a concrete reality...does that make you feel emasculated?

If this world has already deemed you a failure, but the woman in your life says eff that! I see you as a success, does that make you feel emasculated?

OR do you feel emasculated when the woman in your life jumps on the you aren't nothing bandwagon with everyone else? Or when she expects you to be this well made prepackaged man, even though she isn't a well made prepackaged woman. What exactly makes you feel "supported"and what makes you feel "emasculated?"

It's been said that the message I promote of supporting you and building you up is really emasculating you as men, so what better way to know than to hear from men? I appreciate all feedback. Thank you Brothers!

My View: Every man wants a good woman that will build him up, not tear him down. For me, this question is self-explanatory. I'll take the good woman who builds me up and I will do the same for her. I don't see how any man could feel emasculated by a good woman who's willing to help him be the best man for her and himself. Then again, some men have been so beaten down by their woman that when a good one comes into his life that supports & cares for him, he doesn't know what to do. To me, a man should feel emasculated if his woman is tearing him down, not building him up. That kind of woman is a keeper, because I know she will have my back during my struggle and will share in my prosperity.

Man Still Paying Child Support 25 Years After Childs Death

 

You know, this is sad. 25 years after the child's death and the baby's dad is STILL paying child support. If the child's dead, then who's the money going to? The mother. Going further, I have to wonder while the child was alive, what was the mother doing with the child support money. I hope she wasn't spending the child's money on herself; I hope she was using the money to care for the child at the time (s)he was living. It's common for single mothers to use their child's support money to pamper themselves. It's too much like right for the mother to give back all the money she received. That would mean no more shopping sprees, no more eating out at Red Lobster among other things. I'm very sure she's STILL receiving the support to this day. Why would she give it back? Free money for her to do as she pleases, right? If someone's benefitting off another's mistake, they're not going to acknowledge the error and make amends. No, they're going to continue milking the system. I support men taking care of their children's financial needs, but this is uncalled for; so ridiculous! Like someone said, after it was found out, no one did anything to stop the process and give that man his money back. These women see their child as a check, and nothing more. Few women fight to have an upstanding father in the home with them, raising them properly, while loving and caring for them at the same time. But, MANY of them will fight for them to pay, while ducking and dodging full ownership of the mistakes they've made in choosing to get pregnant quite possibly at the wrong time and by the wrong person(s).

Single Until Grown

For any woman that's been through a divorce and had children by her ex, much focus is put on raising the child(ren), and rightfully so. Some single mothers would rather raise their children first before jumping into the dating pool, which makes sense. Coming out of a relationship where you've invested years with a person, that's not one you get over quickfast. I was watching a talk show and it gave some real advice. Listen to your children!!! If your child has negative feelings about a person, don't make them be around that person. As a matter of fact, you might not need to be around that person either. It's said that much abuse can be avoided by just listening to your children and their instincts. What fools an adult may not fool a child. Use your instincts! Some single mothers don't have that discernment. Many single moms are hard up to have a man in their home that they don't research him. For all she knows, he could be a sex offender. Some men believe that the way to a woman's heart is through her children. If a man is asking personal questions about a single mom's kids, that's red-flag all day. One of my Facebook friends brought up a great point: She stated "The child(ren)'s father would have to meet any man she's interested in." I like that approach because no man will try anything in the presence of another man, not unless he wants a boot to his behind. By the time the child meets the significant other, strong feelings have already been established. Then a womas has to decide-WHEN do they meet the kids? Some say wait. Others say right away. Women don't want to look like they are parading a bunch of men in front of their children looking for "the one". I think in many cases, it's best if a single mother focuses on raising her children before she gets back in the dating scene. She may be older, but at least her children will be grown and on their own so she and her new man can live out the rest of their years in bliss.

Bobby Womack - "If You Think You're Lonely Now"

 

"If y'all don't mind I'd like to talk about this woman of mine
She's always complaining ‘bout me never being at home
But when I'm there broke
She's telling' me about the things that her girlfriends' got
What she ain't got, and she wants me to go out and get ‘em for her
But, but girl, I can't be in two places at one time"

 

Nojma Reflects: Sisters, if we think we are lonely now, what will we do when the Brothers get TIRED of us always telling them about their faults and flaws. There is a growing consensus among the Brothers, and they are TIRED of us telling them about their destructive behavior, while REFUSING to acknowledge our OWN destructive behavior. We talk about Black Men exercising other "options" but what we never talk about is WHY they are exercising other options and for SOME, why we are no longer an option for them.

 

My View: What he is saying is that his woman is more concerned about keeping up with other women and making a good impression than she is about her man who is working overtime to give her the life she said she wanted. So she feels lonely because he's not there but he feels neglected and tired of her nagging. So if you think you're lonely because I'm out working wait until I'm gone! A man will only tolerate so much from his woman until he plays this song for her.

 

Mama Needs A Man Too

 

"Be a good girl for Mommy" was the last thing she heard her mother say. She saw him approaching her, and she looked at her mother in confusion, then in fear as he took her in the bedroom. "Mommy HELP ME!" "Be a good girl for Mommy" is what her mother whispered to herself, as she tried to ignore the pleas of help from her daughter. "I've done what he's asked me to, he won't leave me now."

In the next room, the young girl looked at the man in trepidation as he looked at her with lust in his eyes. He touched her, groped her, muffled her screams and robbed her of inonocence. She laid there and tried to put herself in another place. She remembered going to the park, riding the rides, where she felt so free, but the tears rolling down her face reminded her that she was currently being held captive. Afterwards she lay there, paralyzed with pain, he exited the room a sick smile on his face.

Her mother ran to him, "I did good right?, you won't leave me". He said "you did real good, I will stay as long as you let me have BOTH of you." Scared to be alone, she agreed, her daughter walked out the room, looked at her mother, hatred reflected in her eyes, their relationship, much like her innocence irretrievable and beyond repair.

How many young Sisters does this happen to on a daily basis? Their innocence sacrificed so what? Mama can have a man, after all "mama gotta have a life to right?"

Then we wonder why our daughters have low self esteem, why they lie on their backs for validation or acceptance. Are we as women that lonely for someone to lay with that we offer our daughters as consignment? Are we that desperate to be touched that we call our daughers liars, when they come to us, telling us what our so called "man" has done to them? Are we that blinded by our own personal needs that we accuse our daughters of seducing HIM? Sadly, many of us ARE! We are worried about the pimps in the street, but what about the Mothers, that double as MADAMS!

Too many of our children are being raped, molested and sodomized by men that their mothers failed to investiagate, all because Mama was "lonely." Is your loneliness worth the terror your children might face at the hands and actions of a sick and twisted pedophile?

Sisters, be more mindful about who you decide to bring into your houses, don't compromise the safety of your daughters and sons, because you don't have a man. Be patient and wait on God to bring the Man He created specifically for you. You can have a " man" in your house, it doesn't mean he will be a GOOD man.

Your children are not for sale nor or they for sacrifice. As mothers we are supposed to protect our children from harm, not PLACE them in harms way. Look beyond YOUR flesh, and protect your children so that THEIR flesh will remain free from tamper and harm.

Peace.
(c)2011 Nojma Muhammad

 

My View: Mama needs a man, but NOT at the expense of her child. Too often, mothers put their desire for a man ahead of their child(ren). If a mother bear protects her young on instinct, what's some women's excuse for putting a man over their child? That mess is foul. I'm calling it like I see it and saying he's not a man, but a MONSTER. A monster is someone too evil to be considered human, and a pedophile fits the profile of a monster; they prey on defenseless children. A consolation prize is that prisoners exact the same punishment on child sex offenders when they get to prison, that is if they make it through the day. In many instances, child sex offenders are killed the day they get behind prison walls because in prison culture, sex offenders who harm children are looked at in extreme disgust. Women need to be very careful who they let into their lives because children come first. If he's an upstanding man, he will respect that. In many cases, that man will love that child like (s)he was his own. The touching part of this story is the child's hatred for mom reflected in her eyes, because she allowed this animal to violate her. You know the saying Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? That is what this girl will grow up, scorned. Unless she can find forgiveness in her heart towards this animal AND her mother for allowing this atrocity, all men better look out because she's on a warpath of anger & bitterness. Every man she meets will have to pay for the sin of this animal. A mother's desire for a man SHOULD NOT come before her child(ren). THAT PART.



B**** vs. Black Woman

 

Black Woman, you see that picture on the left, that's a picture of a BITCH! You see the picture beside it? That's you BLACK WOMAN!!!! Notice the difference between the two pictures? If you call yourself a bitch, you are calling yourself a female dog, and that's it. It doesn't matter if you try to flip it, and say you're a "bad bitch" you're a "boss bitch" your'e "THAT bitch", a bitch is a FEMALE DOG! Now if you are calling yourself a bitch, why are you complaining that you can't find a good man? Bitches and Men don't mate with one another! As a self proclaimed bitch your ONLY OPTION AS mate is a fellow dog.

Now tell me what can a man do with a bitch? Not a damn thing! What man is going to wife a BITCH? What kind of future or legacy can a man build with a BITCH? How can a BITCH secure the future of a MAN? How can a BITCH give comfort to a MAN? A BITCH can't! You can't be his woman if you're willing to be his BITCH. Black Woman, stop using this word to define you. A Bitch can only breed dogs/mutts, but Black Woman you have the capability to produce GODS! You can't produce God, calling yourself a BITCH! A bitch can't give birth to a Nation, but dammit Black woman YOU CAN!!!!!

 Before we fall back into our "deflection comfort zone" and talk about what Men do, Women call each other Bitches, Women call themselves bitches, and women ANSWER to the word bitch when called one. Women have turned the word bitch into a term of endearment among each other, and there is nothing endearing about being a female dog. So, we as women can’t talk about the word bitch being used in everyday life, when WE use it in everyday life, we can’t talk about a misogynistic society without talking about our CONTRIBUTIONS to a misogynistic society, we can’t talk about the word bitch being used in today’s music when female artists use the word bitch in today’s music. If we talk about any of those subjects without placing some accountability on the women who are just as guilty, then again, it is hypocrisy at it’s finest.

You're NOT going to be sucessful attempting to convice me that we can flip that word, because I am going to keep bringing you back to the original defintion. I do pray that I can be sucessful in telling you your DIVINE nature, your purpose and the beauty of embracing WOMANHOOD.

 

My View: It's funny how some black women will flip out on a man for calling them a B, but think nothing of referring to themselves as such. I feel like this, women can't get upset at men for calling them B's & H's if they refer to themselves as such. Whenever I hear the B word discussed on Facebook or in the streets, I say this: A b***h is an unruly female dog; you know what happens to unruly dogs, they get put to sleep. Like Ms. Nojma states: A b***h is nothing to be proud of. Where are the women that will check a man who calls her that word?

 

Try Before You Buy?

Nojma Reflects

February 13

For all the women that feel that you need "test drive" your man. ...keep having test drives if you want to, all you will do is accumulate a lot of mileage and wear and tear.
When I got my first car and went on a test drive, my Uncle gunned it, he hit the brakes hard, he said that he was trying to see how safe it would be for me, so on the test drive he drove it in a "rough manner", and we ended up getting the car. Not the car we test drove but another one, my Uncle told me to never buy the car that you take for a test drive, because EVERYONE has already tested it, so always go with the one that hasn't been touched, or barely touched at all.

 

My View: The greater the mileage a car has, the more wear and tear you will accumulate. Relationships are the same way because if you get with someone that has a lot of wear and tear, you'll have to constantly work to maintain the relationship instead of getting to know the person. Depending on the kind of car you want, some people test drive cars and purchase the very car they test drive because they made up their mind on what car they wanted. When you're investing years with a person, you better be sure you can handle the mileage they come with. You can't pick & choose what you like/don't like in someone. Either look past their shortcomings or exit stage left. I like the analogy: Never buy the car you test drive, because everyone has already tested it, so go with the car that hasn't been touched or barely touched at all. When I take a chance on a woman, I want someone fresh out the gate, with little to no mileage because as we're on this road together, I get the benefit of getting a return on my investment.

 

 

 

 

 



Pt 2 Why Are Innocent People Being Attacked Over Tommy Sotomayor?

Why Are Innocent People Being Attacked Over Tommy Sotomayor? Pt 1

 

You know, it's one thing not to like Tommy but it's another to go after his loved ones. That's foul on so many levels. If you don't like someone, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM! Period! It's simple. This is one of the most heartfelt commentaries from him because he breaks it down as to why he feels the way he does. And for those black women that go to the trouble of trying to make him look bad, you fools should be ashamed of yourselves. All you're doing is validating what Tommy is saying so why prove him right? It's stupid. But see, most people don't understand that. They couldn't get to Tommy so what do they do, pull that ho card and go after his family. That's the mess I don't like. Katt Williams always said: Don't get mad at the haters for doing their job. Even though he was right, you don't go after someone's loved ones because 1. They will come back harder on you and 2. They will press charges. When you don't powder behinds, people won't like you. I feel for this man and pray for his safety. Nobody needs to go through this.

AMAZING Hadiya Pendleton's Mother Funeral Remarks

 

It's hard for ANY parent to lose their child(ren) to gunplay, but it's a sad reality of our world. I don't care what anyone says, when you take God out of the equation, this is the result. Hadiya was a 15-year old honor student from Chicago who had everything going for her: Smart, pretty, destined for doing big things, etc. Two Chicago gang members were charged Monday in the death of a 15-year-old honor student. They mistook her and her friends for members of a rival gang and attacked the group in retaliation for a shooting that injured one of the men over the summer, according to police. Nonetheless, a child had her life tragically cut short. She will never be able to experience senior prom, going to college, getting a good career, marriage, etc. The way her mother held it together was amazing. She was strong even if she had reason to break down. It's a cold world when children's lives are cut short. Shakes Head.

Disgusted White Girl Vs. Black Royalty

Had to repost..White women's opinion of black women & a brother's response Please take a moment and read this. Pretty Deep! Thumbs up to this black man. Enjoy.

It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!

Dear Jamie: I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know. Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA RESPONSE

Dear Jamie: I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses.

Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women. Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.

Read your history! It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women. I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill. No offense taken, none given. Signed, Black Royalty

 

Wow!! We must pass this on to make the day of the Black Queens and remind our black kings of what they have

 

 

My View: Two things wrong with this letter: 1. The white woman thinks she's God's gift to black men by giving a list of black men who married "one of us" (in her words) and 2. While the response has valid points, it was a black woman posing as a black man with that response because if you pay attention to the rhetoric, NO MAN gets THAT emotional in his response. I'm all for praising good, strong black women but to me, the response was glorified simpery. Let's keep it real; as I recall, didn't Cuba Gooding get caught up in some drama because his white woman called him a nigger? That's what I thought. No man who has his stuff together is going to be intimidated by a woman of equal or greater success. Why would he? Most men who are on point seek out a likeminded woman to build a life with. Just like successful women seek out successful men, the reverse is true.

Black History Facts (Miami, FL)

It's Black History Month so I'm dedicating this blog commentary to some notable Black History facts about Miami, FL:

 

1. D.A. Dorsey was one of the first American black millionaires in the South. He once owned Fisher Island, which is an exclusive part of Miami filled with multi-millionaires and billionaires.

 

2. Overtown, Miami's oldest black neighborhood served as a place of rest and refuge for black entertainers who weren't allowed to lodge at prominent venues like Eden Roc and Fontainebleau where they performed. Further, many prominent blacks like Joe Louis, W.E.B. Du Bois and Zora Neale Hurston lodged and entertained in the neighborhood.

 

3. Miami Gardens (which used to be called Carol City before the name change in 2003) was the last city in northern Miami-Dade where blacks moved to escape real ghettos like Opa Locka, Liberty City (including Brownsville) and Overtown.

 

4. Liberty Square (commonly referred to as Pork & Beans) is the first public housing project for blacks in the Southern United States, and one of the first built in the nation. It was first built in 1934 and has expanded over the years. The boundaries are NW 67th to the North, NW 62nd St. to the South, 12th & 15th Avenues to the East & West.

 

5.  Arthur McDuffie (December 3,1946 – December 21, 1979) was an African American who died as a result of injuries suffered at the hands of five white Miami-Dade police officers after a traffic stop was conducted. He had led the officers on a high-speed chase on his motorcycle, and was driving with a suspended license. The officers were acquitted of charges in McDuffie's death.

One of the worst race riots in United States history broke out in the black neighborhoods of Overtown and Liberty City in Miami after the officers' acquittals. The federal government tried Veverka, one of the officers, on civil rights violations in 1980; he was acquitted. In 1981 Dade County paid McDuffie's family a settlement of $1.1 million after it filed a civil lawsuit against the officials.

 

6. Peace In The Hood is an annual festival held in Miami's Liberty City. It is named in honor of Uncle Al, a famous DJ who was murdered in the Miami streets. Every year, around Uncle Al's birthday, Liberty City residents celebrate his legacy and philosophy of non-violence.

 

7. The Hampton House was a popular Miami motel and social hub for blacks in the 50's & 60's. It was the only motel open for blacks during segregation, featuring luxurious accommodations with valet parking, 24-hour food service, a banquet hall and a jazz club where all colors of people congregated to hear the best performers of the day. And not only was the jazz great, the Hampton House was important historically. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and Muhammad Ali were frequent guests.

Before You Do

  

 

 

 LEARNING FROM EXPERIENCE
 A dog was so faithful that the woman could leave her baby with it and go out to attend other matters. She always returned to find the child soundly asleep with the dog faithfully watching over him. One day, something tragic happened.
 The woman as usual, left the baby in the "hands" of this faithful dog and went out shopping. When she returned, she discovered rather a nasty scene, there was a total mess. The baby's cot was dismantled, his nappies and clothes torn to shreds with blood stains all over the bedroom where she left the child and the dog. Shocked, the woman wailed as she began looking for the baby.
 All of a sudden, she saw the faithful dog emerging from under the bed. It was covered with blood and licking it's mouth as if it had just finished a delicious meal.
The woman got angry and assumed that the dog had devoured her baby. Without much thought she beat the dog with a wood to death. But as she continued searching for the"remains" of her child, she beheld another scene.
 Close to the bed was the baby who, although lying on the bare floor, was safe and under the bed where the body of a snake was torn to pieces in what had been a fierce battle between the snake and the dog which was now dead. Then reality dawned on the woman who now began to understand what took place in her absence. The dog fought to protect the baby from the ravenous snake.
 It was too late for her now to make amends because in her impatience and anger, she had killed the faithful dog. How often have we misjudged people and torn them to shreds with harsh words and deeds before we have had time to evaluate the situation?
 This is called SIN OF PRESUMPTION. Presuming things our way without taking the trouble to find out exactly what the situation really is. Little patience can drastically reduce major lifelong mistakes. Who Are You misjudging right now? Don't think what you think others are thinking. Take time to get the whole truth.

My View: The lady should be kicking herself repeatedly because in her haste, she takes out her dog who was protecting her child. I hope she feels like crap (by right she should) because there was no reason for her to fly off the handle. Her first thought was the dog devoured her baby, but after careful observation, she realized the dog was keeping her child safe. It's too late to make amends because once the damage is done, there's no coming back. How many of us have done this? Presumed the situation our way instead of taking a step back? The issue with presumption is it never ends well because the person's judgment is clouded. They're thinking one way when 9 times out of the 10, the situation is different. Reacting in anger, harsh things are said and done and once you realize it wasn't all that to begin with, it's too late. That person will never look at you the same & rightfully so. You may feel remorse, but it's too late. The damage has been done. So Before You Do, get all the facts and make your move. There's nothing worse than looking crazy by jumping the gun only to realize you don't have a reason to fire off.

Richard, Why Are You Single?

Most of my friends & acquaintances are in relationships and doing alright for themselves; I'm proud of their accomplishments and reinforce that every chance I get because some of them have been through a lot to get where they are. The longer I've been alone, the more frequently I'm asked by my mom & dad, "Son, you don't have a girlfriend yet?" My response has always been "If it's meant to be, God will make it happen." It makes sense because even though the Bible says it's not good for man to be alone, he doesn't hold it against me if I choose not to get romantically involved. Besides, I've got goals to accomplish, stuff to do in life and a relationship is going to get in the way of my ambition. Some people think there's something wrong with you if you choose not to jump on the relationship train. Relationships are a lot of work, and not everyone is willing to work at a relationship. For me, I have to REALLY care about a woman to give her my all; that's something I don't take lightly. You give up your freedom & independence; you are entrusting your heart to another person believing they will do right by you and with all these failed relationships going around, I'm not risking that. For me, it's all or nothing. I need a guarantee that if I'm clicking up with a woman, it's going to work. She's right for me and I for her. To do this, I'm taking it slow. I'm a good man that's willing to give my goodness to the RIGHT woman (and she reciprocates), but at this point other things take precedence. I'm happy for everyone that has found their soulmate, but some people aren't cut out for a relationship. Depending on their ambition, whatever they're undertaking requires 100% focus and when you're focused on a dream, you can't be burdened by a relationship. Your spouse wants you to devote more time to them and your aspirations require full concentration if you want to get where you desire to be.

You Are The Company You Keep

The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you. Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. "A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses." The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad. Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends. Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above. "In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends." "Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them." "If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.

The key statement in all of this is "Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships." The keyword is RIGHT. Having the right people in your corner will yield dividends. Some people may not make the cut and that's ok. If you're trying to get somewhere in life, you will have to accept the fact that your circle will decrease and those who remain, are your teammates in this journey called life.

 



Strength IS NOT...

Nojma Reflects

49 minutes ago

Sisters, your strength isn't getting your hand and elbow in the perfect 90 degree angle as you place it on your hip, constrict your neck and roll your eyes as venom spews from your mouth. Your strength isn't assisting in the emasculation and castration of the Black Man. Your strength isn't in challenging him to an "I can do anything you can do but better contest". Your strength isn't in breaking down a man that society attempts to break down every day. You will never find peace if you constantly promote chaos.
We say a man can't handle a strong woman. The above is NOT strength. The above is being Willie Lynch's mouthpiece. Let me tell you what a strong woman REALLY is.
A strong woman is a GODLY woman. A strong woman understands the blueprint of our slave masters, but REFUSES to build HIS world, and concentrates on building GOD'S KINGDOM. A Strong Woman recognizes that wombs of many generations have built efficient slaves, and if both the physical and mental wombs placed us in this condition, then both the mental and physical wombs will free us from this condition.
A strong woman shows support, encouragement, she nurtures, consoles, revives, rebuilds, and she also repairs. Again if this society attempts to break the Black Man down then we have to put him back together again. A strong woman is studious , she is a master scientist in her kitchen, she nurses her family back to health, she is the dean in her home as she is the first teacher, she understands that as hard as it is for her, it is even harder for HIM. A strong woman knows the power of words, so she chooses them carefully. A strong woman doesn't absolve the Black Man of his duty, but cultivates the God within him so that he can effectively perform his duty. A strong woman doesn't turn the hearts of her children away from their father, she positions their hearts towards him.
#RealStrength101

 

My View: TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT! If I haven't said it before, I'll say it again: I enjoy Sister Nojma's writing because it's positive and she's not afraid to check women on their belligerent behavior. Every time a man calls a woman out for her nonsense, it's taken as an attack. Most men admire strong women, but a truly STRONG woman has her own voice, but is submissive to her man if he's leading honorably. Some women think challenging their man on everything is strength, but it's not. A man battles enough when he steps outside his home, and to come home to have to do battle with his woman is TOO MUCH. A man's home is his castle, the one place where he should have peace and if his woman isn't providing that for him, she can & will be replaced. Just like women will tolerate their man's foolishness for so long until she replaces him, the same applies to women. Usually, men won't think twice about replacing a woman that's not up to snuff.



Badges Of Dishonor

Nojma Reflects

February 5

Here are a couple of titles that we as Black Women need to stop wearing like they are a badge of honor.

1. Baby Mama- Too many of us not only proudly wear this title, but we also STRIVE to be one! This seems to be the new occupation on the scene. We don’t want to be wives, we want to be "baby mama’s" so we can have what we think will be security in the form of a child support check. We are training our daughters to be prostitutes when we teach them the "pay to play" mentality.

2. Miss Independent- I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, Do you know what that means? At the end of the day, as much as you say you are "independent" and you can do it everything by yourself, at the very core of your essence you know you don’t want to. If you are proudly claiming independence, then save your " I don't have a man woes" because a synonym for Independence is alone, and that is exactly where you will end up; ALONE!

3. Jump off-a jump off is a sex partner; nothing more nothing less. Is this all we are worth Sisters, simply fulfilling a DESIRE? Being a pleasure receptacle? Do you know how much mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wear and tear that places on us as women? If we feel that all we have to offer a man is sex, then don’t expect anything BUT sex in return. A man VIEWS you in the same manner in which you SEE yourself.

4-. Wifey- Sisters in order for a man to wife you, He has to MARRY you! Anything else is a glorified girlfriend. If you are already performing "wifely duties" what's his incentive to marry you? He has none!

5. Bitch and the Baddest one at that!-I have covered this word several times. A bitch is a dog. I mean that's it. And as a bitch your only option IS a dog. So you become a dog groomer. You wash a dog. You feed a dog. You train a dog, then you complain about "the dog in your house" but if you call yourself a Bitch, then you have INVITED this "dog" in your house and in your space, then complain when you get dogged out.

So starting today, let’s retire these badges of "dishonor" when choosing to describe ourselves. Let’s be what we REALLY are: beautiful Black Queens. You’ll get much more respect being a Queen than you ever will being any of the above.

 

My View: Once again, Sister Nojma hits a grand slam. If a man is getting wife benefits, he's not going to marry his woman. Why would he? She's giving him the milk for free. This goes for both men & women because if a couple is shacking up, but checking in with each other like husband & wife, giving each other marriage benefits, etc; there's really no reason for them to be married. They can continue doing what they do. Of all the terms that need to be retired, #5 should be at the top of the list. It's funny that some women will get upset at a man for referring to her as a b**** but when a rapper says, "Pop that p**** for me, b****, she races to the dance floor" Or, she replaces the B word with a list of positive characteristics (Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charming and Hell Of A Woman or other ridiculous traits to replace the real meaning of the word). On occasion, I'll post the following statement: You're not a bad b***h, you're doing bad, b***h! The above statements are nothing more than glorified negativity.



Unfaithful: Stories Of Betrayal

On OWN, there's a show that comes on at 10pm that chronicles unfaithful couples. Usually, it's the man who is doing the cheating. You have women who cheated on their husbands, but they're not as prevalent. I've gotten into Unfaithful: Stories Of Betrayal because I like to see what drives people to cheat. The common denominator is lack of affection. That's a copout because there's usually underlying motives than lack of affection. Just admit you're not happy and move on. The couples in the show must/should've known the signs so they wouldn't be caught off guard. Many times, the person will show their true colors. When they do, take heed. I won't lie, the women these men are cheating with were very shapely/attractive. This one woman Brianna was the total package: Brains, beauty and shape. Those are the kinds men need to watch because she's only interested in one thing. So the husband & other woman got to kissing & before you know it, clothes disappeared. I felt bad for the woman because she's thinking he's faithful the whole time. This show is indicative of real life because infidelity is a serious issue among couples. My thing is, why cheat? If you're not happy, leave. Don't waste her and your time. By ending the relationship on a clean slate, both people are free to find someone who fits them. Cheating is pointless because you're going to get caught. These men on the show are willing to throw away 10 yrs for some fresh cookie. Notice how the wife confronts him and he's looking stupid because he knows his goose is cooked. The happy ending is that many of those couples worked through it & are still together. I hope I never have to experience that because honestly, it would be a wrap. I have 0 tolerance for infidelity. If I've done right by her, she shouldn't have a reason to creep. Kudos to OWN for a great show! I watch faithfully.

Chicago's Murder Epidemic

Unless you've been living under a rock, everyone has heard about Chicago's murder crisis. Not a week goes by where you don't hear about dozens of mass shootings; 25 people shot, 50 people shot, etc. It never ends in the Chi. It's nothing new because Chicago has been violent since the 30's. I remember notorious gangsters like Al Capone, who was involved in a deadly gang war with his enemies. Chicago's violence is generational. Violence really took off when the projects were up: Cabrini Green being the notorious of all Chicago projects. Cabrini was located in a rich area of Chicago so that's why it got the most coverage. I think the reason why violence took off had something to do with tearing down the projects; when the projects were up, crime was concentrated. Whatever crime happened was confined to the projects & now they're gone, former residents from each project moved into South & West side neighborhoods and brought those tensions with them. Anytime you have rival neighborhoods coming together, there's bound to be trouble. I think about Chicago's situation and I need to pray for them. They are going through it. What can be done to clean up Chicago? First, city officials can enact strategies that helped New York slash it's violent crime by over 70 percent post crack-era. Former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani adopted a no-nonsense approach to crime; clamp down on small crimes before they fester into major ones. Second (and I hate to say this), gentrification. Of every former ghetto that's been fixed up, crime has dropped considerably because the criminal element has been pushed out along with the poor. Rich buyers & developers move into the inner-city and buy up distressed areas and flip for profit. Lastly, the problems start at home. Kids follow their parents example & if they see their parents involved in thuggery, that's what they'll be drawn to based on their parents negative influence. Most importantly, kids need positive alternatives to the streets because if the gangsters are giving them love & support, that's where they go to. Murders peaked at 970 one year in the 70's. Then over a 3 year period in the early 90's, murders were 943, 931 & 928. At this rate, Chicago might go back to the 900+ murder days of the 90's if city officials & residents don't clamp down on the violence. Look at what New York has done, maybe Chicago needs to incorporate some of the strategies that helped NY become the safest big city in the country.

If You Play, You Pay

 

In every game, there's established rules of how the game is played. You have two or more players and as with all games, someone is bound to lose. How can you play the game and catch feelings when you lose? That's stupid.

Nojma Reflects

I remember a conversation I had with a coworker years ago. She was interested in a brother, and after maybe three weeks of knowing him, she didn't understand why he didn't want to sleep with her. He told her that he wanted to get to know her mind. She took that as rejection and decided that she was going to deliberately seduce him, so she did and they had sex. Afterwards, she was feeling proud of herself, and the next day her calls went unanswered. She didn't understand why. The Brother texted her and told her to stop calling him, he told her, she should be happy because SHE got what SHE wanted, but it was to bad that she couldn't be who HE wanted her to be.
So then she started dogging the brother out,and I said well he's correct. You wanted to sleep with him, so he slept with you. He told you that he wanted to probe your mind, but you feel that your value was in him probing your body. You offered yourself to him and you can't be upset that he took you up on YOUR offer.
I said the real issue is why do you see it as rejection if a man tells you that he isn't rushing to sleep with you, because he wants to get to know you better? That's the real question.
Sisters, it makes no sense to think that your womb is a way to a man's heart. Look at the human body. The heart is located ABOVE the waist, so how can you secure his heart by going PAST it?
Sisters your back is NOT the foundation upon which your relationship should be built on!

 

My View: She laid down with him and has the nerve to get upset because he didn't call her back? What you expect? He got what he wanted out of her and he's probably long gone. No reason for him to stay because he already got his. She tried to play the game and got caught up like Usher; she has the nerve to feel slighted? Some people need to learn that when you play, you pay.



Jason Castro-Only A Mountain Lyrics

 

Unless you have been living under a rock, you know this song is blowing up airwaves. I love this song because it puts life in perspective. Yes, you will have mountains but they're just that, MOUNTAINS. Just this moment, I played this song 5x because it's that good. Just a little bit of faith can change it all, yes. It's having faith that when you ask God for help in time of need, He will move that mountain. Whatever you ask, you shall receive, it says in the Bible. So if I ask God to help me with this mountain of trouble I am facing, I can have faith that God will help me and that those mountains will fall in Jesus' name. Tell them to fall, it'll fall. I will make it a point to play this song whenever I feel down.

Captain Save A Hoe

 

Ok, I'm all for defending a woman when necessary but some of these men take it too far. Some men fight tooth & nail to defend a woman's right to be ratchet. I'm thinking to myself  "Are you serious? You know her conduct is foul and you're co-signing her? I wonder what she's giving you in return for your defense" No man defends a woman's right to be ratchet unless she's giving him something in return, and I think we all know what that is. The thing is, most women aren't attracted to Superhero type men, a lot of them openly admit this. They're playing him for her benefit. That's exactly who these women attract, men who are like themselves, deflective, defensive and attitudinal, they don't want logical/objective and strong men that lead and set agendas. IT UNDERMINES THEM WANTING TO BE IN CONTROL. That's why they fight tooth & nail to maintain their interest. The man taking a stand is an affront to them. But you know what? These women can have the simps. If that's what they want, let's give 'em what they want. All the strong men can go elsewhere where the woman respects his authority as the head and WANTS him to lead. Ladies, you can do no wrong! Whatever issue you have, I promise you, it is NOT your fault. It's on the man! He caused you grave pain and I'm here to save you from accountability, truth, shame and responsibility! *Cue superhero music*

 

The Road Of Least Resistance

 

It's a given there will be SOME resistance in a relationship but how much is too much? According to some women, a man is supposed to love her at her worst, when she's not returning the favor. Nobody has time for that! If one person is doing all the giving and receiving, there's a problem.

I Don't Know Why Some Women Think That A Man Will Put up with any kind of nonsense. The average man operates on a 3 strike rule. The woman gets out of order 3 times before he leaves. I, on the other hand have zero tolerance when it comes to relationships. If I see a woman is about drama upon first encounter, she will be left behind. What do I look like wasting her & my time. No ma'am. My peace of mind is far more valuable than loving a woman at her worst. This isn't like back in the day, where old-school couples understood COMMITTMENT. In today's world, people are quick to toss you over miniscule reasons, and you can't blame them. Everyone's tolerance level is different. Some people have a high and low tolerance for attitude, agression & hostility. Ladies must remember it's the guy who asks the question, NOT YOU! Unless you want to pop the question yourselves; In that case, have at it. Get back to me with a report of how it worked out for you. A man will always travel the road of least resistance. I know for me, this picture is a no-brainer. I'm going with the woman who will play her position and I play mine. I'm about building a legacy and you can't do that with someone that's not on the same page. THAT PART!

2 Kinds Of Interest

Marvelous Marina Woods

women::: there are two kinds of interest from a man.
#1 simple interest - calling, texting, spending time, talking, dating, etc.
#2 special interest - may look just like simple interest in some cases, but special interest has a couple of additional components. a- sacrifice. a man with special interest may sacrifice his own free time to spend with you. he may sacrifice, and call you even though he is a self described "anti - talk on the phone person".

b- goal or principle. whereas a man with simple interest may continue to show you interest, a man with special interest demonstrates his interest with a goal in mind. he dates you with a goal of marriage as the stated end. simple interest men often date a woman and speak about marriage with the ol’ "maybe one day" line. the special interest man sees you as ‘A WIFE’ and uses contact with you to determine if you are ‘HIS WIFE’.

90% of ya’ll that are getting the simple interest man. His interest is copyable, and can be applied to any woman, anywhere. the simple interest guy IS NOT trying to sacrifice, and tailor his contact with you for your benefit. he says "why go through all of that, I can just pick someone else".

 

My View: This makes sense. The level of interest a man has in a woman determines how far he will go to make something happen. If a man really wants to be with a woman, he will move heaven & earth to make it happen, and she will respond in favor. If there's little or no interest, a man will come up with every excuse in the book not to spend time with the woman. In that case, she can't be upset because in so many words, he's telling her she's not worthy of his time. You can't force someone to be with you, they have to make that decision themselves. Let's be honest, a good man is hard to find. Even more difficult for a woman is to find a good man that will sacrifice his time to be with her. THOSE men aren't to be trifled with.