Proud Single Mother

Nojma Reflects

Monday

One ugly cycle that grows with each generation is the unfortunate belief that the Father is not a necessary component to the healthy development of a child. Rather than considering cases where the Father was forced out of the child’s life or the Mother has made an executive decision to alienate the sperm donor, we would rather buy into the simple narrative that the child’s “daddy just ain’t sh*t.

Black Mothers can be the most amazing and valuable creatures on this planet, but to defend the Black Mother by not encouraging her to self-examine would be a horrible mistake. I know a lot of women aren't necessarily single by choice, but it's seems that some of us like to PROUDLY BOAST of our "Single Mothers Status" and that we are holding it down. What exactly are we holding down?

As Mothers, by embodying this “Strong, Single Mother Image” are we ultimately planting the seed in the minds of our daughters that being a single mother is ok? Are our actions being nestled in their subconscious as a guide to conduct herself when she becomes an adult? As much as we say we don’t want our children to repeat our mistakes or follow in our footsteps, will “glorifying single motherhood” solidify that her journey will be the same as ours? What about our sons? By proudly boasting that the “single mothers are holding it down”, are we not relaying a message to our son that the presence of a man isn't needed or desired in the family structure?

My View: This doesn't apply to ALL single mothers because there are single moms that are doing a wonderful job raising strong, respectable sons. The single mother who's raising a child on her own is usually forced into that role through no fault of her own. The father decides he wants no part of his child(ren)'s life so he walks out on his family. I can't respect a man that creates a family and leaves, then has the nerve to come back after the children are grown & successful. That's extremely foul on my end. If a father's not willing to step up and raise the child(ren) he helped create, the mother has NO CHOICE but to raise her daughter alone. A father's presence in the home is critical, because studies show a child raised in a two-parent home will be productive as opposed to a child growing up in a single parent home. In a way, I can understand the strong, single mother image because a single mother is teaching her daughter that life goes on without her father. If he doesn't want to be in her life, I'll handle it on my own. When single mothers say they're holding it down, I think they mean they're making the best of a bad situation; they're determined to raise productive children without the help of a man. Of course, many single mothers want help raising their son or daughter, but life goes on for them. There are good men that WANT to do right by a single mother and her child(ren), but she won't allow him to discipline her child because she's hung up on how her ex mistreated her. Don't get me started on how some single mothers won't allow their man to discipline their child, even if (s)he's acting out of  order. This is a man that has gotten to know her and her child(ren) and wants to build a life with them.