Submission, Sex & Silence Pt. 2

In my last entry, I discussed Submission, Sex & Silence as being the 3 keys to a successful relationship. This is Pt. 2 on this subject. Khrystle Nichole gave some very good responses, so I'm going to post them here.

 

Khrystle Nichole

I think men and women have taken the term "submissive" out of context. You don't have to be argumentative. Men, nor women should be combative. It's called having a conversation, which people have a hard time doing. No man or woman is always correct, and it's really about knowing how to choose your battles, men and women alike.

Submission is mutual, which is what most men forget. It's easy for a man to scream submission to his lady, but there will come a time where he has to submit to her, and then what? Some men will never tell you that side of submission. Choose your battles, is it that serious? It takes a lot for submission to happen because you're entrusting yourself to another person's care, with no guarantee they will look out for your best interest.

Oh, and as far as the sex goes, why is the woman always the blame for a lackluster sex life? Trust me, there are a lot of men out here who REALLY don't know the art of great sex!!!

It's not all about her riding him like a surfboard. You can't go surfing if there aren't any waves.

There is truth to this. The men preaching about sex, are some of the same ones who don't know what they're doing. When your relationship is right, everything.....submission, sex and silence falls into place!



Submission, Sex & Silence

All committed relationships boil down to the three S's: Submission, Sex, and Silence. Most men use the three S's as a way of screening their potential lady. Let me break down each of the 3 S's:

 

1. Submission-It's no secret that men want a submissive woman. No man in his right mind would want a hellcat who challenges him at every turn. Most women have this warped mind that being combative is a sign of strength, when it's not. A combative woman will NEVER be endearing to a man because that tells him she doesn't trust his judgment. Also, submission is seen by women as being a doormat. Submission is a beautiful thing, provided the woman submits to a worthy man. If he's thorough, why would she have a problem submitting? Submission puts a woman in position to get whatever she wants from her man.

 

2. Sex-For most men, they want their lady to be a freak in the sheets. She must be able to back it up, and ride him like a surfboard. Lack of sex is probably the main cause of infidelity in relationships. If (s)he's not getting it from their mate, (s)he will look elsewhere. Couples have to do whatever it takes to keep those flames going.

 

3. Silence-Know when to speak up, and know when to remain silent. No man wants a mouthy woman because most men equate mouthy women with combativeness. If you're always flapping your gums, you don't know how to keep quiet. In a court of law, there's a saying that rings true: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can & will be used against you. Men can be just as mouthy as women, which for me isn't a good look. When men speak, it's succinct. When women speak, they go on and on.

Woman Of My Dreams? NOT.

Strawberry Letter: My wife and I have been married for several years, and we've been together since our teens. My wife is everything ANY man could want! Beautiful, smart, caring, ambitious. You name it, she's got it!!! Here's the proof: The day our 1st child turned six months old, I went to Iraq. While I was gone, she managed to raise our child alone, graduate HS early, work, AND go to college. She sent me care packages when I needed them most, AND I never missed any of my rare chances at a phone call!!! Even though she went through hell to graduate college, she was by my side from duty station to station. While she was in medical school, I got orders to another base. If we went, she would've had to quit school. I don't think so, so I got out of the military. She graduated a year later. I was blessed with a great paying job, so we moved back home. Soon after, she started her career. Now, we finally have a stable home. Like I said, everything ANY man could want. She's the woman of my dreams...but, she's not. I've prayed about it & did counseling, too. I'm not sure when, but I stopped being in love with her. Don't get me wrong, I'd give my life for her (as mad as I'd be about it). It's not fair to her that she's giving me everything, but I can't do the same. I want a divorce, but she doesn't deserve to have her heart broken either. What do I do?

 

My View: Let me get this straight; this man has a good woman who gives him everything, and he wants a divorce? I would expect this behavior from women, but a man pulling this? He should be ashamed of himself. Most men would kill for a woman like this. As I think about this, somewhere along the line he fell out of love with her. It's normal for couples to go through dry spells; they fall out of love with each other and then rekindle their flame. Before he divorces this woman, maybe he should try to remember when they first met. What attracted him to her? She's beautiful, smart, caring and ambitious. Those traits would make EVERY woman endearing to a man. Unlike a lot of (wo)men, I'm not going to assume he's gay because that's crazy. Just because a man has this uneasy feeling doesn't make him gay, so people need to cut that mess out. My heart goes out to this woman because I don't think he told her what's on his mind.

He mentioned being in the military, so that could be a reason why he's feeling this way. When you're in the military, you're gone for months or up to years at a time, so you lose valuable time with your (wo)man. The absence takes its toll on the relationship that the spouse becomes indifferent to their presence. While he was away, she's accomplished a lot in his absence and upon his return, it's like he doesn't recognize her anymore. She's been taking care of business in his absence, so she's gotten used to not having him around. Sometimes, people are in our lives to save us from ourselves, so I think he should pray about it before he makes a move. He's risking divorce in pursuit of something he's unsure of. Contrary to popular belief, life is not a gamble, it's a sure thing if you play your cards right. I have one question though: Could there be someone else?

He's looking for another opportunity elsewhere and wants complete freedom to pursue it. Otherwise, he has no reason to leave. He goes to great lengths to explain how she's a wonderful woman. A man doesn't leave a happy home unless he's looking at greener grass in the neighbor's yard that's distracting him from appreciating his own grass.



Dahlia Speaks (How To Be A Woman)

I was cruising the How To Be A Woman page, and came onto this post. I have no problem with tattoos, as long as they're done tastefully. When you're tatted up, that does look crazy. I know it's one's body, but some things you shouldn't go overboard with. I'm leery of tattoos in general because I've read reports where people contracted HIV & AIDS from infected needles. Yeah, that was enough to turn me off from tattoos. Read Dahlia's words of wisdom regarding tattoos:

 

Tattoos *repost*

There's nothing wrong with tattoos, for the most part. The body is one of the greatest canvases. However, it is wise to do proper research and choose wisely when getting a tattoo.
Ladies, an abundance of tattoos splattered all over your body may project something negative. If you have Pookie, Man Man and Lil Grill's names tattooed on your body with a plethora of other ratchet tattoos, it makes you look trashy. If you have Tinkerbell on a flaming $100 bill next to the name of your street or the word "Bitch" tattooed on yourself, that looks trashy. If you're going to get a tattoo, be mindful of what you're getting and where you're putting it.
What you put on yourself says a lot about you. If you put trashy and outrageous tattoos on yourself, you will be viewed as, and may be treated as such. Ladies don't put on garbage and expect to smell like roses, so don't put garbage tattoos on yourself. If you choose to decorate your canvas with tattoos, go for it, but always do it tastefully. Stay classy ladies.
 ~Dahlia

 

 



ID Channel

Shout out to Khrystle Nichole for this status: If you're thinking about getting married, or want to stay married, don't watch the ID Channel. Who would want to ever get married after watching shows like "Wives with Knives", "How Not to Kill Your Husband", and "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" And if you're single, there is a show for you too...."Stalked:Someone's Watching".

 

The above status came straight from a friend's Facebook. There is humor in this, but much truth. Those shows are good to watch because you don't know your mate like you think. Anybody can put on a good show to attract you, but when you spend enough time with them, that's when they show their real selves. The common theme in all these shows is the couples didn't do their homework on each other. They were in lust, not in love. The easy part is falling in love with a person: The constant I love you texts, calls, the smoochie-smoochie action, etc turns into I hate you, I can't stand you, I want a divorce, etc. Why do people think that relationships are supposed to be rose petals? In a perfect world, that would be ideal, but because we live in a fallen world, the reality is that divorce, infidelity, and shows like Wives With Knives exist.

If you get to the point where you second guess your relationship, it's time to exit stage left. Life is too short to waste on the wrong person. You have people who WANT a loving relationship, but can't find one through no fault of their own. I heard a saying that rings so true: The wrong people end up together, and the right people have a hard time finding each other. Let's discuss Who The @#$% Did I Marry? The show title alone rings a bell because all couples have wondered this at times. The first argument that ensues, one or both parties scream "Who Did I Marry? Depending on how bad the argument, the aftereffects could leave a devastating impression on the marriage, and could lead to divorce. It's important to keep calm and relax before a spouse says something they may regret. Once the damage is done, in most cases it can never be repaired.

I've never watched any of those shows because I don't know what times they come on, but I will make sure to catch them, because knowledge can come from everywhere, even from negativity. As far as being single is concerned, I don't doubt the stalker issue one bit. Some people see what they want, and will stop at nothing to get their mate. The problem arises, does the person want to be pursued? I wouldn't mind being stalked by an attractive woman, but she must have a sound mind and good character. Nothing worse than being stalked by someone you have no interest in.

Honor Your Father & Mother

If you're familiar with the Bible, you know that Ephesians Chapter 6 tells children to honor their parents so they will live long and well. How does an adult child honor a father who allowed them to get sexually violated by a relative when she was young? Fathers are admonished to be providers & protectors of their families. Being a protector means shielding your child(ren) from all (un)seen dangers. I was watching Iyanla Fix My Life when the Pace sisters were featured. One of the sisters revealed she was violated at a young age, and she held onto that secret well into her adulthood. As I got into the show, she mentioned that although her father was flawed (as all people are), she still respected him because that's what she was taught by the Bible.
That was big of her to continue respecting her father even though he knew who violated her daughter and did nothing. Maybe she didn't tell because he wouldn't believe her, maybe she didn't want to cause a family split, who knows? Not too many adult children would have respect for their parents if they failed to protect them while they were little. Whether that's right or wrong is left to interpretation. Because of a fallen world, this monstrosity happens. It's not right, but it's the truth. I will never understand how parents can fail to protect their children from the predators of society. Once the child gets grown and able, (s)he can protect themselves.
The toughest thing to do is to find it in your heart to respect your parents, even if they allowed unfair things to happen to you on their watch. If you're a Christian, you're supposed to do this even if it it hurts: Do I honor my parents? Of course I do. If I was violated as a child, and my parents knew who did it, but did nothing..I couldn't look at them in the same way. I'd respect them, but it would be tough to be close to people that were entrusted to protect me and they let me down.

DAD WHIPS 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FOR NOT COMING HOME FOR 3 DAYS.!!

 

I think the father was more upset at his daughter dressing like a ho than being gone for 3 days, although I'm sure that played a factor. If a teen daughter goes missing for 3 days and returns looking like a ho, there were problems in the home and with the parenting long before she pulled a disappearing act. He wanted a reason to let loose on his daughter. Some people are saying he went too far, others are supportive of the daughter's slave beating.

 

Three Points:
1.The daughter should've thought about the repercussions before she acted like a floozy. Like Kevin Hart says: She gonna learn today. She won't do that Ho behavior no more.

2. The father took it waaaay too far. You don't drag your daughter and beat them like a slave. Now, she's gonna be scared of her dad (not good) for life. Her view of men will be tainted by this very memory.

3. Girls are fast nowadays, so any ho behavior they think about engaging in, you have to drive it out of them before they end up in a Luke (Miami hip hop legend) video. Obviously, her home life sucks that she had to run off for 3 days. Couldn't be my daughter.

You Don't Tithe? No Help From The Church

The Bible makes mention of tithing; it states that Christians are supposed to give a tenth of their income to the church so there can be meat in the storehouse. What happens when a Christian who isn't a church member comes to the church for help? Do they get turned away or get the help they need? There's a reason why most churches have benevolence funds, because members fall on hard times and those funds are a safety net. I feel like this: If you don't tithe to your place of worship, you can't come to the church for assistance. You tithe to your favorite ministries (there's nothing wrong with that), but you can't financially support your local church, and you have the audacity to reach out for help? Have several seats.

That's like coming to a party with your cup, but didn't chip in on the alcohol. Not only is that awkward, but crazy. You didn't bring any drinks, but you want to drink the alcohol. That's not going to go over well with the other patrons. Most churches will help outsiders in need, but their first priority is to their congregation. It's only fair for churches to help tithing members first, and everyone else afterwards. I think it's ridiculous for some Christians to think they're entitled to help from a church they don't go to, let alone tithe at.

Can I withdraw money from my 401K if I refuse to put money in? Can I use my ATM card if I never make a deposit? If I was in a motor cycle club and I refuse to pay dues, could I get them to fix my bike with due money? Yet, people think they can come a get money from the church house. Getting a true understanding of the word is worth more then any benevolence one can receive. Churches exist to help their members, not be everybody's sucker. If that means putting restrictions on who you help, so be it. You're not going to make everyone happy because there are some people you won't be able to help.



I'm Bossy-Kelis

 

Back in '06, Kelis dropped the song "I'm Bossy" The theme is to empower women to be more assertive. Many women carry that over into their relationships with men, and wonder why they can't keep one. Unless the man is a simp (there are weak men who actually like bossy women), no real man wants a bossy woman. Men are strong-willed and tough, and if you put a bossy woman into the mix, there will be friction because both man and woman will want their way. There can never be two chiefs in a relationship because of the inevitable conflict. It's somewhat acceptable for a man to be bossy because men are authoritative by nature, but for a woman to be bossy...that's not hot. I'm not saying she has to be a doormat (most women wouldn't go for that), but there's a fine line between assertive and demanding.

Ever since "I'm Bossy" came out, women have eaten this song up like a buffet. Regular women from time to time scream I'm Bossy. I don't have time to deal with a bossy woman because no matter what I do for her, it may never be good enough. A bossy woman will have a man jump through many hoops just because. No one has time for that. If a man wants a bossy woman, that's his perogative; he needs to understand that he can't complain about her being unreasonable because he chose her. Obviously, he liked her bossy nature if he slept with her. One thing's certain, I wish I would be interested in a bossy woman. I don't have to worry about that because I'm more laid-back so it's natural for me to want a laid-back woman.

I don't understand how some men LIKE bossy women, that has never clicked with me. Maybe he likes a bossy woman in the bedroom, but I digress. The only men who like domineering women are simps, and we all know simp men have no backbone. If simps want bossy women, they can have them.

 

 

You're That Chick

You're That Chick: Destroying a family because you can't get your own man, knowing good and well he's not leaving his wife. You're just a side piece to him.

You're That Chick: Sleeping her way to the top because she can't get there on talent and hard work.

You're That Chick: First one to say she doesn't like drama, but always in the midst of it.

You're That Chick: Telling a man what his role is, but when he tells a woman what her role is, it's a problem.

You're That Chick: Posting all your drama on Facebook, then get upset when people judge you.

You're That Chick: Complains about thirsty men in her inbox, but her pics have her bent over with her butt tooted in the air. She brought that on herself.

You're That Chick: Being combative with men, but want to cower when he puts you in your place, and dares you to move.

You're That Chick: Faithfully tuning into Scandal Thursday evening, but don't know how to cook.

You're That Chick: Teaching your son how to "beat it up". I believe that's called incest. Ewwww.

You're That Chick who thinks it's cute to have your little girl cussing up a storm. No, it's not. I'm sick of seeing these videos of little ghetto children cursing like grown folks. That's not hot, and never was.

You're That Chick who thinks she can raise a boy into a man. Look at all these effeminate young men, and I ask how's that working out for you?

You're That Chick who would rather spend $500 on weave than your child(ren).

 

*If all of these make a woman "that chick" then she needs to do some serious soul-searching. Being "that chick" is nothing to be proud of.

Powerful Revelation About Prayer

This was posted on Kala Brown's wall. It's long, but worth the read. Read On:

 

Last week, I had a conversation with my brother Ivan Christopher about prayer. He happened to mention that someone recently told him that they would pray for him, and he asked them not to. When I asked why he refused the prayer, Ivan said, "Because I don't know the spirit from which that man prays. And, he might be sending me negative energy without me knowing it."

This ...is very interesting. The power of prayer comes not from the conscious section of the mind, but the subconscious. In many people, the two are not in alignment. For example, a person whose idea of GOD and prayer are based on suffering and struggle, might make a prayer as follows:

"Dear God, please help (insert name here). I know he has been struggling with debt, and is in a bad place. He is dealing with problems and issues that he needs to overcome, please help him. I know we are not worthy. But, please help him get out of his struggle. Please help him get away from the pain. Please help him get out of poverty...."

This prayer may have good conscious intentions. But, the subconscious mind (which is responsible for sending out the energy of prayer) does not process negation. In other words, it feeds off of the imagery that the person praying is painting. So, the above prayer is more than likely generating the energy of struggle, debt, bad placement, problems, issues, pain, and poverty. When this energy is focused on another, it is working to activate that energy in that person's life. And, the stronger the emotion (energy motion) is from the person praying, the more powerful the energy.

The best prayers come from a space of power and faith. So, if you're going to pray for someone, be sure that you are sending that type of energy out. Try something like:

"In the Name of (insert your label for GOD here), I command that a spirit of triumph comes over (insert name here)! I send powerful vibrations of wealth and success in his direction! Send this brother the power of wisdom and discernment, so that he can overcome anything in his path! We are made in YOUR Image and Likeness, thus are endowed with the power to create! Help this brother to utilize YOUR Creative Force to better his life. I know he can overcome anything. I know he has the power to achieve great wealth..."

That is virtually the same prayer. But, the polarity is much different. So, before you let a person pray for you, be sure that the energy that (s)he is sending to you will be positive, productive, and empowering. And, if you pray for another, you be sure to to the same. Otherwise, you just may be unconsciously helping to keep a person in the same space that you are trying to pray them out of. ~Wize Shabazz

 

Great Read, and puts prayer in perspective. While people who pray for you mean well, it's important to be in the right mindframe before you agree to let someone pray for you (and you pray for someone).

Never Trust A Man

Tina Campbell, one half of the group Mary Mary experienced infidelity from  her husband Teddy. Last night's episode was about Teddy cheating on Tina. What wasn't shown on TV was her kicking him out when he first revealed his infidelity to her. Anyway, they had a long discussion as to what drove him to cheat. They are currently working through this issue because Tina expressed her committment to For Better Or Worse. Tina's husband creeping showed that you can never trust a man. No matter how faithful a woman is to her man, it must be in him not to violate her trust. Once a man cheats on his woman, that's it. She will never be able to look at him the same again, and she shouldn't.

Why should a woman look at her man in a good light after he violated her trust? That's silly to me and is a cardinal reason why men repeatedly cheat on their women, because they know she will always take him back. I respect Tina's decision to forgive her husband, and try to work through it. I guess some people do take For Better or Worse seriously. If that were me, I would forgive her for cheating, but I couldn't look at her the same way. If I'm with a woman, I want to trust her to come home to me daily (and vice versa). Trust is very important to me, and if I can't trust her, I'm not checking for her. I hope they can work through their marital issues, because they make a great couple.

Tina's marital woes have shown that you can't trust a man. A couple can't be together 24-7 because of work committments. One can only hope that the time a couple is apart, they're honoring their vows. A man doesn't know what his woman is doing outside of his presence unless she tells him, and a woman doesn't know her man's daily routine unless he clues her in. Communication and honesty should be at the forefront of every couple's relationship.

On The Fringe

When butterflies hatch at Frederick Meijer Gardens in Grand Rapids Michigan, they do so in an indoor tropical paradise perfectly suited to meet their every need. The temperature & humidity are perfect. The food is a perfect balance of calories and nutrition to keep them healthy, no need to go elsewhere. Yet, some butterflies see the bright blue sky outside the conservatory and spend their days fluttering near the glass ceiling far away from the plentiful food supply. I want to say to those butterflies, "Don't you know everything you need is inside? The outside is cold and harsh, and you will die within minutes if you get what you are longing to have." I wonder if that's the message God has for me. So I ask myself, Do I look longingly at things that would harm me? Do I use my energy to gain what I need and shouldn't have? Do I ignore God's plentiful provision because I imagine that something just beyond my reach is better? Do I spend time on the fringes of faith? God supplies all our needs from his riches (Phil. 4:19). So instead of striving for what I don't have, I pray that I open my heart to gracefully receive everything I've already been given by him.

Bumper Cars

Life is a lot like "bumper cars" at an amusement park. You get in your car, knowing that you will get hit...you just don't know how hard. When you get hit, you step on the gas pedal, chase the one who has hit you, and hope to bump that person harder than they have bumped you. That may be a fun strategy for bumper cars, but it's a terrible strategy for life. When you get bumped in life, bumping back only escalates matters and in the end everyone suffers damage. Jesus had a better strategy: Forgive those who have bumped us. Like Peter, we may wonder how many times we have to forgive. When Peter asked Jesus, "Up to seven times?" Jesus answered "Up to seventy times seven" In other words, there are no limits to grace.

We should always extend a spirit of forgiveness. Why? In the story of the forgiving master, Jesus explained that we forgive not because our offenders deserve it, but because we've been forgiven. He says, "I forgave you...because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?" Since we are among those who've been forgiven much, let's stop the damage and share that blessing with others.

Spending $8,000 On Booty

What man in his right mind would spend $8,000 on booty at the strip club? If you're Apollo Nida (Phaedra's husband on Atlanta Housewives), that's what you would do. When Kenya Moore made that statement, it reminded me of how messed up some people's priorities are. Spending $8,000 on booty is nothing to write home about; it's booty for goodness sake! If you're me, you're going to take that $8,000 and invest it or tithe 30%. I can't see myself going to a strip club, let alone spend thousands of dollars at one. Not everyone has good financial sense, and I'm ok with that. I'm sorry, but I laughed so hard inside when Apollo said he spent $8,000 at the strip club on booty. That's the dumbest thing ANYONE could do; then again, I don't put nothing past anyone.

No booty is worth $8,000; I'm being real with you. Here's my thing: What's the appeal about strip clubs? You pay to look at some woman gyrate on stage, and possibly give you a lap dance. I'm not understanding the appeal because I've never been to a strip joint, nor do I have the desire. Don't patrons realize these girls gyrate on men every night? At some strip clubs, you can even touch or sex the stripper in the VIP room. With so many diseases running around, the last thing people need is worries of catching something. I still can't get over how Apollo, or any man for that matter can drop 8 stacks on booty. LOL...hilarious. Some of these men are bananas. If I'm going to spend $8,000 on something, it better be worthwhile.

I could do a lot with $8,000: Put it into my account, invest it, give a generous donation to a charity I support, etc. Never would I spend 8 stacks on a body part. That's silly to me that anyone would throw money away on foolishness, but it happens. When the time comes to really need money, you don't have it because you spent it on booty.

 

Jesus Twerk

 

This video clip is of Deelishis (Flavor Of Love reality star, real name London Charles) twerking for Jesus. This clip is one of hundreds, if not thousands that circulate YouTube. Is praise dancing an approved way for women to twerk to gospel music? First off, there is no such thing as the Jesus Twerk, twerking for Jesus, whatever you want to call it. This is an example of how the enemy tries to counterfeit God's doing. A counterfeit looks identical to the original, except for one difference: The Jesus Twerk is usually performed by women in suggestive clothing. These women are shaking their behinds, but calling it Twerking for Jesus. I can see praise dancing because praise dance is about expression.

Of all the churches I've been to, the lady praise dancers had better sense than to twerk for the congregation. My church would boot them out with the quickness. It's shameful that Jesus is attached to foolishness. It's almost as bad as Gospel From The Pole (brief history: A stripper turned preacher is now preaching the gospel). When I think of twerking, Jesus is the LAST thing that comes to mind. I'm thinking of a scantily clad woman with boyshorts or a thong; woman starts clapping her cheeks together. Where's Jesus in all this "twerking"? Jesus would never co-sign this nonsense. The world has no respect for Christianity, so I wouldn't expect anything more.

There's not much difference between praise dancing and twerking. A praise dancer isn't going to ballerina dance to a Kirk Franklin song, they're going to let loose. Some gospel songs are designed for hooting & hollering, and I understand that. Twerking in God's house is disrespectful. When the moneychangers were conducting business in God's temple, Jesus got upset and overturned all the tables. In short, the twerk does not match Jesus work.