My Mind Is In 2014

As I listen to Al Green's Lay It Down, I've already thought ahead to 2014. 2013 was overall good, but now I'm looking forward to 2014. My biggest highlight of 2013 was my blog website reaching the 20,000+ mark. Right now, my blog views stand at 25,590, and I know that number will increase because I write nothing but the best. I can write on just about any subject, but what I write about is my passion. I can't write about foolishness, although I'd get 100,000 views in 5 minutes. As I was going to the gym this morning, I gave God thanks for all he's done in my and my family's lives. Now, it's time to chart my course for 2014. 2014 is going to be a breakout year for several reasons. 1. A Facebook friend who's an entrepreneur just e-mailed me some documentation on how to increase my views and comments, so I'm going to incorporate that information into my writing starting January. I've been thinking a lot about Google AdSense, and I've decided to monetize my blog website using AdSense, along with the information I received from a Facebook friend. If you have a talent, might as well get paid for it. Much of my vision for 2014 is monetary, because I have a lot I want to accomplish and it's going to require funds. From monetizing my blog website to looking for other income streams, that's my focus. I'm returning to reading in the new year as well; I've got 3 new books that require my attention, so I will minimize my Facebook time. I'm still going to promote my messages, but I feel some things take precedence. Being a visionary means looking into the future. You strategize on how you can maintain your momentum or make improvements to improve your outcome. I'm excited about what 2014 has in store for me, because I speak positivity and blessings over me and my family's lives. My mind used to be in 2013, but now...my mind is in 2014. Each year prepares you for the next. What you didn't do in '13, you have 2014 to start anew. Out with the old, and in with the new. Or, as some people would say "New Year, New Me." Ok..have several seats because many people are coming into 2014 with 2013 mindsets. That's a phrase I could stand NOT to hear.

The Game Has Changed

A man asks a woman on a date, but she doesn't have the funds to pay for a babysitter. Her date knows this, and offers to pay for a sitter. Should she accept? Here's my take: It's a nice gesture that would earn him brownie points, but he is not obligated to pay for her a sitter; that's her responsibility. If she knew she wouldn't be able to afford a babysitter, maybe she shouldn't go out. She could have family or friends watch her child(ren) while she's out. Let me explain why it would be a nice gesture: A man who asks a woman out is trying to make a good first impression. If there's a child involved, what better way to get bonus points by offering to pay for a sitter for her child(ren)? Any woman would appreciate that kind gesture because he didn't have to pay for a sitter, he did it out of love. At the same time, she would be indebted to him because he paid for her sitter. Not too many men would offer to pay for a sitter without expecting payment. Depending on the child(ren)'s age(s), the kid could watch themselves. A favor today, becomes a duty tomorrow. If he's willing to pay for a babysitter, there's no telling what else he's willing to do. Sorry, but this goes into simp territory. Nowadays, many women are opportunists. They're looking for an easy mark, and if they can get a man to pay for a sitter for her child, she can get him to do anything. He's trying to land her, so he's going to do whatever it takes to get her, even at the expense of his dignity. If a woman readily accepts a man paying for a babysitter, she's going to continue expecting that and MORE. Depending on the woman, a man paying for her child's sitter may be considered an insult. The woman will think he wants something in return because he paid someone to watch her child. It's more acceptable to pay for a date, than for a babysitter. I'm looking at this from a single mother's perspective: He would be in a class of his own, but the child would be introduced before their time. A lot of single mothers frown upon introducing their child so early in a relationship. There will come a time where she may not be able to find a sitter or he won't have the funds to pay, and she won't want to see him. That's what men need to look at: What am I getting out of this? There's no guarantee that the date will be a success, so men should be very careful what they're willing to do for a woman in order to win her heart. Too many men give the world for a woman that may not be interested in him, he becomes jaded & the next thing you know, he's on Relationship Talk whining about how all women aren't squat because of a nice gesture gone wrong. You cannot do for everyone all the time, because some people see you as an easy mark. A wise man said: "If you're not willing to play the game, sit on the sidelines and watch the other players." The Game has definitely changed, for the worse.

Brian vs. CJ

This should be a no-brainer as to what kind of man ladies choose. Some women would choose CJ, and then want Brian after she's done wrong. The issue is, men like Brian are quickly snatched off the market by good women so the bitter, lonely women are left to their demise. Think about it, Brian has everything going for him so why wouldn't a woman choose him? Like I said, some women's priorities are royally screwed unless she herself is a hoodrat. If a woman is a hoodrat, of course she would pick a similar man because he's on her level. A hoodrat should never desire a man who has himself together, because they're in two different places. You have Brian, who's done very well for himself, never been in trouble with the law, involved in his church and keeps himself up physically, and you have the street dude CJ. Not all street dudes are bad people, they just made bad choices. Deep down, some street dudes lost their way and need help getting back on track. Brothers like Brian are usually rejected in high school and college, because they're focused on their future. They want to build a future for themselves before they think about a relationship. Bettering themselves takes precedence over finding a woman in school (although people do find mates in higher education). The mindset of a woman in college as opposed to her early 30's is vastly different. She looks at the outside, rather than a man's heart. Looks matter, I get that; but looks fade over time, and then what? You're going to need more to fall back on. Brian graduates with his MBA, and the same woman who rejected him is now checking for him. If Brian is smart, he'll reject her with good reason. She wasn't with him shooting in the gym (working hard to better himself), so she has no right to come along for the success. The woman Brian chooses is someone on his level; someone who he can build a life with, and will bring out the best in him and he in her. So what if his sex game is bad? Sex isn't everything in a relationship, so people need to stop putting sex on a pedestal like it's the be all, end all of a relationship. Besides, a couple's sex life diminishes with age. A couple's sex life sizzles in their 20's & 30's, peaks in their 40's, and then fizzles out as they age. You'll barely get a tiny spark once the couple hits their 60's and up.

Virtuous Woman: By The KingMaker Micha'el-Cordele Rolle

 

The-kingMaker Micha'el-Cordele Rolle

She may be a "good woman" but is she a virtuous woman?

A man can be surrounded by beautiful "good women", but none or maybe few are virtuous. I often hear women say why they are a "good woman", but rarely can a woman tell you why she is virtuous.

The question of "Who can find a virtuous woman" is so intriguing to me because: This was a question proposed to King Lemuel (Solomon), from his mother. Now what we do know is that in his position as king, he had over 700 wives of royal birth, and 300 concubines. Even with all these women, his mother Bathsheba didn't believe that he had found a virtuous woman.

Many women today, either (1) want to be a stay home wife or (2) want to be a working woman, but usually not "embracing" the role of both, but that's just part of it.

The virtuous woman that the King's mother told him to see if he could find…
(1) Her husband was able to trust her and her decision making (Prov. 31:11)
(many women today condone cheating, or talk about why they can't fully trust a man.)

(2) She was domesticated (Prov. 31:13-16)
(Many women today see being domesticated as being offensive, they would rather be called a B---h than be asked to manage a home.)

(3) She was a business woman by day, She understood business, and how to handle it. Not idle, not lazy… not on welfare. (Prov. 31:16)
(I hear many women complain that if they have to be a mother, they won't be able to do anything. This woman understood that she was her own entrepreneur)

(4) She was compassionate (Prov. 31:20)
In today's society, most women are "every man for himself" and it's hard to find individuals that generally care for another's well being.

(5) She was proud to be called by her husband's name, and her husband was a powerful man because of her. (Prov. 31:23)

(6) She was smart, sweet and wise (Prov. 31:26)

(7) Strength and honor are her clothing…
(The way many women present themselves on the internet, killed that for many of them.)
A man has to be proud to take you somewhere…

(8) Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
(Her husband is proud to say "that's my wife" and the kids are proud to say "that's my mom")

(9) "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all."
—— She is the best of the best…

10. And last but not least… "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."

She may be beautiful, but it is her love for the Lord that will make her virtuous….



On Her Back

Today's message is titled On Her Back. Women talk about carrying weight on their own, but that weight feels good when she's on her back. What do I mean by this? It's simple. The majority of black children are born to single moms, with the father nowhere in sight. I can't respect a man that hits it and runs. You helped make the child, stay around to raise it. There's a new organization that's rapidly growing, and it's called the On Her Back committee. The On Her Back Committee is comprised of several women that talk about carrying the weight on their own, but when she's on her back, that weight feels good. She lays down with some random (man), then gets upset when he vanishes into thin air. I find it hard to sympathize with jaded women because she bit on his bait. He lifted her up, just to break her down later; that's an old-school pimp move. After he's gotten what he wanted from her, he's gone. Very few men are going to pursue a long-term relationship with a woman they've slept with, unless there's strong feelings between them. That's not all, some women talk about carrying weight on their own just so they can have a reason to say how strong they are. True strength isn't broadcasted, it's shown in silence. Nobody's supposed to know what you're going through, except you and God. Believe it or not, many people secretly are happy for your struggle because that means they're doing better than you. Here's a few sample statements: I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, I'm strong & independent, I'm this, that, and the third. Ok...who is she trying to impress? Sure, her carrying the weight may be legit, but that's stuff you keep to yourself. I feel bad for women who have to do things on their own, but sometimes, they willingly choose to carry that weight. Then again, I think some women carry weight long enough to allow a man to relive her, just so he can get her on her back. Women need to understand that It's ok for a woman to be on her back, WITHOUT the weight of a man. What I mean by on her back, is relaxing without a care in the world.

Dolphins take stadium pitch to Miami Gardens - Miami-Dade - MiamiHerald.com

Dolphins take stadium pitch to Miami Gardens - Miami-Dade - MiamiHerald.com

 

This has been a hot topic for Miami-Dade for a while. I remember 10 years ago, Miami Gardens didn't exist. Before the name change, Miami Gardens was called Carol City (many locals still refer to the area as Carol City). Once the name changed, Miami Gardens annexed areas like Carol City, Norwood (Norland), Bunche Park, etc into one giant city. Many major cities put their sports stadiums in the city center so fans won't have to drive for miles to get to attractions. Take AmericanAirlines Arena, home of the Miami Heat. AA Arena is located in Downtown Miami, along Biscayne Bay. Close proximity to Brickell, South Beach over the bridge, among other attractions in Central Miami. SunLife stadium is 15 miles from Downtown Miami so for Dolphin fans, they would have to travel into Miami city limits for social activities. There are no hotels or major attractions in Miami Gardens; sure, there's Wal-Mart right across the street from the stadium, but that's it. The stadium was expected to bring millions into the city, but we see how that turned out. Another reason why there's not much benefit is this: Location. First mistake was putting Sun Life in a dilapidated ghetto. Who wants to travel to the hood for a Dolphins game? Very few people. Put SunLife closer to attractions, and watch the benefits roll in. It's very simple: People want to be close to where the action is, and if I'm going to a sporting event, I want to know what's jumping off nearby so I can decide if I want to attend. Driving 10 miles out of the way to attend events is NOT the move. Since there's little to no economic impact for Miami Gardens, maybe the stadium could relocate to the city of Miami. Miami is big enough to accommodate the stadium.

Strawberry Letter: Greek Love

Dear Steve and Shirley, I have been married for six years, and my husband is a part of a Greek letter organization. My husband and his fraternity brothers love getting together to "fraternize," as he calls it. During these moments, they either attend strip clubs or have parties where strippers are present, go on out of town trips to Miami or Vegas, or on a regular weekend, hang out at the local clubs. I am a part of a Greek organization myself, so I understand the importance of bonding activities, but I think their activities go too far, to the point where I feel very disrespected as his wife. I have expressed my feelings to him and he does not get it, and says I should understand since I am Greek myself. Our relationship is perfect until the moment he tells me about one of his events and it totally compromises our relationship, and I get extremely upset. Is this a natural feeling to have? Am I being disrespected? What are your thoughts on his actions? 

 

My View: I don't see a reason for her to be upset. She said it herself that she's Greek, so she should know what goes on. As long as her husband and frat brothers aren't doing anything shady, she needs to lighten up. A man should never want to stay under his woman 24-7 unless he's a homebody like her. Just like women need bonding time with their girlfriends, so do men. There's something about a brotherhood between men that just doesn't exist between a group of women. I can understand her anger because of the strippers. Anytime you have a group of men and strippers are involved, that raises concerns. Sadly, some men can't control themselves around strippers. That goes double for a married man because he has a wife at home, and going to a party with strippers will give her the impression that he's going to cheat. The husband could've kept the events from his wife, but he respects her to let her know what's going on; many men wouldn't bother telling their wives. Flipping the script, how would he feel if his wife and a group of her friends were engaged in similar activities? Depending on the husband, I'm sure he would be livid. "What you doing going to a male strip club? You better not be creeping with another man." I understand her frustration, but she needs to trust her husband. If he's not being shady, he should be able to engage in whatever activities he wants. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything. Then again, there's too much temptation that could arise from him going to the strip club or parties (with strippers) with his friends. Many men aren't strong enough to withstand temptation. Think about it, you and a few of your boys are in the strip club, and a stripper and some of her friends invite you'all to her house for a get-together, what do you think is going to happen? He might want to slow down just a little bit.

Strawberry Letter: I Want The Ex To Be The X

Dear Shirley and Steve, I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 2 years. We have had some bumps in our relationship, just like any other normal relationship. I'm so confused and noticing little things about him. Just recently his grandmother passed, and I noticed his (first love) ex- girlfriend (whose name is still on tatted his chest) was there at the funeral. That wasn't the problem, I understand that she wanted to pay her respect to a woman that she knew, and show the family support during their time of needs. After the funeral, she went to his grandmother house along with his brother's ex. My husband wanted to go to his grandmother's home in the beginning, but quickly changed his mind. I received a call from my sister in law informing me that they were waiting on my husband. I notice weeks prior to his grandmother passing, he would wear a ring she gave him when they were dating. I would get mad and ask him why is he still wearing that ring, and he needs to get rid of it. Even during the funeral, he kept his left hand in his pocket (hiding his ring at least to me). I was angry at him for hiding the fact that he knew she was there, and that is the reason he changed his mind on going there so quickly. So many things are running through my head: Is he hiding his marriage from her? Does he still have feelings for her? Please help because I'm just lost for words, and it is bothering me. Thanks   

 

My View: I think he still has feelings for his ex, because why would he continue wearing the ex's ring? That doesn't make sense. If you've broken it off with someone, you get rid of all mementos: Rings, tats, etc. Holding onto reminders of your ex signals there's still some feelings left. This ex is his first love, so that's enough to consider that maybe the ex wants to get back in his life. He needs to make up his mind as to who he wants; his wife or ex-girlfriend. The wife has answered her own questions because she confronted him, but he denied. If he has nothing to hide, he would be straight with his woman and say "I'm wearing the ring my ex gave me, but I don't have any feelings for her. You're the only woman for me." She may not believe him because he's wearing her ring, but if he's giving her no reason to doubt him, she should relax. To me, wearing the ring your ex gave you signals there is still some attraction, and it's a matter of time before the ex slithers into his marriage. She could be attending the funeral to be his comfort; I wouldn't put it past her. Funerals have a funny way of revealing the truth about family matters. I don't see anything good coming out of this situation. If another woman is creeping her way into a marriage, it's the husband's responsibility to shut it down. This is an example of why you can't trust anyone, even in marriage. If an outsider can slip & slide into a covenant, something's wrong. The reason he's hiding his marriage from her is because he still has feelings for her. The End.

Cold Feet

Repost From A Friend: Between listening to my Christian program, hearing people share their stories, etc., I always hear about someone that put their trust in another person and end up with nothing. How does this happen? I can never surrender my all, just not happening. And certainly not giving up my money and trusting another person with my wellbeing and survival. NEVER.

 

My View: Cold feet is a term used to describe the nervousness couples feel when they're about to get married. So many thoughts run through their mind, from not being a good wife/husband to being a perfect parent. Those feelings are normal because it shows some people take marriage seriously. You're making vows to each other, and to God to hold each other down through the good, the bad, and the ugly. You don't know someone until you see them at their worst. Anybody who has followed Real Housewives of Atlanta knows what I'm talking about. Porsha Stewart was married to former pro football player Kordell Stewart. They're in the middle of a nasty divorce, and on a recent Atlanta Housewives episode, Kordell packed Porsha's things and sent them to her mother's home. Kordell must've been really upset with Porsha for him to do what he did. Honestly, I didn't see Porsha and Kordell working out anyway because Kordell was a little controlling. Porsha had to get permission from him to go spend time with her friends, he gave her a monthly stipend, etc. I guess Porsha was so desperate for a man that she didn't take time to get to know Kordell. Porsha was a doormat, and Kordell capitalized on that. What I'm saying is this: When you're meeting someone for the first time, they will paint themselves in a good light. Why wouldn't (s)he? Their goal is to attract someone they can spend their life with. If you're upfront about your faults, that can turn some people off because although no one's perfect, people do want to know your good qualities. As time goes on, you share your flaws/faults with the other person. After sharing, it's on them to figure out the next step. When you marry a person, you're stepping out on faith. You're trusting that you made the right decision with God's guidance. You're entrusting your wellbeing to someone else, to care for you like your parents have. It takes a lot to trust someone with your heart, and believe that they will take good care of it. In today's world, trust is uncertain because you don't know if a person's an opportunist; looking to marry you for what you can do for them. Opportunists do exist; they come into your life to use you for their benefit, and leave. They got what they wanted, and have no more use for you. People used to stay together for 50+ years (those couples exist, but they're rare), now you have couples getting divorces after 1 year or even a few months. The above Repost From A Friend proves that marriage isn't for everyone, and it's not. Some people don't want the headaches that come with marriage.



Affection Or No Affection?

 

Scenario: A married woman is caught between two men she loves dearly: 1. Her husband shows her no affection, and 2. Another gentleman who worships the ground she walks on. Her husband feels that they're together for life, regardless of whether he gives her affection or not. This other man is 16 years her junior.

 

My View: I agree with the husband. Regardless of whether a man shows his woman affection or not, they're together for life. My question to her is, why would she marry her husband if he's not showing her affection? It's no surprise that women need touch several times a day. Women thrive on affection, because it makes them feel loved. A man can go days, weeks, or months without affection and he's fine. You won't hear a man complaining about his woman not showing him love, because some men have other things to occupy their time. A man has to truly love his woman in order to show her the affection she needs. If a man isn't being affectionate with his woman, something's wrong. Either he's cheating with another woman, or he doesn't find his wife attractive. This young man is playing on her emotions. He's telling her what feels good, but he doesn't want a relationship with her. If she was single, it would be a different story. He worships the ground she walks on, because he's not living with her. Here's what I know about men who sleep with married women: They like easy targets, but when you leave your husband and he has to do the heavy lifting, you will be wishing you stayed. Nothing to think about; finish this with the other guy, and work on your marriage. Did it occur to you that you do not have your husband's affection, because he knows he doesn't have yours? Any man will lay with her and talk mess, but won't marry her. She has it twisted; her marriage is loveless because she's giving her loving to another man. Has she tried telling her husband how she feels? Most people don't do that. Cut ties with the young man for a moment, then she needs to tell her husband how she feels, and tell him what she"will" do if he doesn't shape up. If that doesn't wake him up, or he gets angry, yet still doesn't want to change, then she has her answer. Get a divorce, and make a clean break. True, marriage isn't something you just up and throw away, but its only worth salvaging if "both" parties are working to make it better. Otherwise, she's wasting her time. This is  assuming that the problem isn't her.

Never Been In A Relationship=Suspect?

Everywhere you turn, it seems like someone's in a relationship. Your loved ones are getting engaged, married, or just starting out as a couple. I'm happy for everyone who has found their special someone, because you have someone to share your heart with. At the same time, getting into a relationship is like stepping out on faith because you're uncertain of whether this person is for you. You lay your heart on the line with no certainty as to whether (s)he will reciprocate. There's a stigma that someone who's never been in a relationship wouldn't know how to handle one, and I say that's false. Just because you've never been in a committed relationship doesn't mean you wouldn't know what to do. I'm in relationships everyday with my loved ones, and the knowledge I learn; if God sees fit for me to be in a relationship, I will apply to my relationship with my woman. During the friendship, you're being evaluated as a potential life partner. How you fare as a friend, determines how you will do as a significant other. If you're vibing with someone as a friend, you two will usually get along great as a couple. It doesn't mean there won't be clashes, but the history you two have will not allow a beautiful bond to go sour. Remembering how you two got through rough times as friends will carry over into your committed relationship. I look at things different in this topic: Someone who's never been in a relationship can know what to do just as much as an experienced person. If you take your friendships, and apply that knowledge to a committed relationship, you can know what to look for just the same as someone who's been in a relationship before. What raises red-flags to me is people who've been in multiple relationships in a short time. They jump from one (wo)man to another, because they don't want to be alone. If you can't handle being single, there's no way you can handle being with someone. Then again, when I look at people who've never been in a relationship, I see them as complacent. They're used to being solo, so they've accepted that they aren't cut out for a committed relationship. It's bonkers that something is assumed to be wrong with a person who's never had a relationship, and they're over 30. Some people don't want a relationship for the simple reason of accountability. Being in a relationship involves being accountable to someone else, and everyone doesn't want that. You have to compromise, deal with another person's issues, etc. That's too much for anyone, honestly. Some people see relationships as restricting, because it won't allow them the freedom to be who they are.

Selfish & Friends: Straight From My Inbox

Selfish & Friends

STRAIGHT FROM MY INBOX:
My husband now wants a paternity test of our 14 year old son after he watched some show on TV! I refuse to give him one because it's stupid and pointless. Yes, I cheated on him but I was young and dumb then and I didn't value our marriage. But just because he watched some show is not a reason for a test. What do y'all think?

 

My Response: This is where Maury gets his material from. She was young & dumb, and didn't value the marriage so she stepped out on her man. That's a reason *sarcasm*. Men, this is why you need to be careful who you lay down with because some of these women are foul. There's no telling how many men she's been with; she's listed herself as only being with her baby's dad, but you just don't know. Shows like Maury paint a valid picture about the court system; women sleeping with random men and not knowing who the baby's father is, so she gets a DNA test to find the baby's true father. I'm not going through all that, so that's why I don't put myself in precarious situations. The sad thing is, she doesn't seem to care. He's right to ask for a paternity test, SHE CHEATED! If he was smart, he wouldn't have laid down with her, but that's too much like right. Situations like this happen far too often, and the child suffers. I know I've never been in this situation (thank God I'm not), but stuff like this makes me jaded. What if I meet a woman and we produce a child? Is she going to be honest about me being the only man she's been with? Who knows. I've said this before & I'll say it again: People don't respect marriage. A couple gets married, gets bored with each other and they decide to spice things up: 3somes, swinging, and the infamous open marriage. You're either married or you're not. There's no such thing as an open marriage. Men, keep your thing in your pants.

Random Thoughts

1. People will always cheat because there's someone willing to cheat with them; think about it, it's true.

2. "I Need A Man That Can Handle Me"-Miss, you're grown, you should be able to handle yourself.

3. Some women are quick to say what a real man does, but when a man flips the script and says what a real man should do, it's a problem.

4. Cold weather is not the time for cuffing someone's (wo)man, because you have to return them like a library book.

5. Relationships have to be 100-100. It's not dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got.

6. The 80's & 90's were the best television decade. You had A'Team, Magnum P.I., Alf, Hunter, etc.

7. Preachers of L.A. wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's good to see shows depicting preachers as regular human beings.

8. A fight requires two participants. If one person walks away, the person walking away wins every time. Let the one looking for a fight look stupid.

9. The level of your destiny should determine your marital status. Look at President Obama: Husband, father, and president of the US; that's A LOT of responsibility for one man.

10. I shared a Facebook photo of an 18-year old dog who was blind & toothless. The owners gave them up, because they got tired of him. Wow...why get a pet if you're not going to care for it long term? El Stupido.

11. People approach marriage like a contract: What's In It For Me? How Can I Benefit? With that mindset, no wonder the divorce rate is over 50% for first marriages.

12. Some women think they're winning by being the side chick, but in reality, they're losing. The man is only with you for sex.

13. It's easier to deflect, rather than reflect.

14. It must be nice to be self-made; getting ahead without the support & help of others. All you have is your hustle and intellect.

15. Something's wrong when Christians have a higher divorce rate than the rest of society as a whole.

16. Having one disability is bad enough, but to have multiple disabilities? That's heartbreaking. How bad could someone's genetics be to where they're born with multiple disorders? Goodness.

17. Just like women have no use for a man with no direction, men have no use for a woman who has no ambition. She wants to ride his coattails.

18. What Do you bring to the table? I brought my own table, what about you? You don't have one? I'm sorry, exit stage left.

19. A guy breaks up with his woman over compliments & likes from a Facebook photo...craziness.

20. Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.

I Will Not Marry You

Every woman in a relationship looks forward to their man proposing to them. That is the ultimate goal in courting, to lead to marriage. What happens when she says no? That's the ultimate dagger in a man's heart, because he's looking forward to making his fiancee his wife, and she says no. When a woman says no, it could be for several reasons: She's not ready for marriage. Let's be honest, marriage is a big responsibility. You have to ask yourself these questions: 1. Can I love this person past their flaws? 2. Am I truly the (wo)man (s)he is looking for? 3. Will I love them through the rough times? 4. Am I, the husband, willing to seek God for direction for my family? 5. Is (s)he willing to put my desires ahead of his? Those 5 questions are what every couple leaning towards marriage should ask. The answers to those questions will determine the future progression. Oprah is a good example; her and her man live together but don't want marriage. She says she can't live up to the responsibility of marriage, and I respect that. Not everyone wants the responsibility of marriage, but they want marriage benefits. How good is your relationship with yourself? Do you know you? Are you at peace with yourself? These should be the first questions you ask a person when meeting them. If they can't answer the questions, that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't suitable as a mate. Just make sure they have a willingness to figure these things out and go from there. Your purpose might be to help lead them to that peace or purpose. How well one knows themself determines if they're ready for marriage. If a person's used to being single with no accountability, then marriage wouldn't be a good look. They meet a marriage-minded (wo)man, and things are going smooth until the question is popped: Will you marry me? All of a sudden, crickets chirping. Once things are carefully thought out, (s)he realizes they aren't ready to be tied down, so the woman is crushed because he got her hopes up. The moral of this commentary is to know yourself. Know what you can & can't deal with. If you propose to your spouse, and they say no, end the relationship and both of you go your separate ways.

Church Politics

The last couple of nights (Sunday & yesterday) had me ticked off, so I'll address Church politics. I'm not going into the details, but hear me when I say this: Politics have no place in church because of hidden agendas. Some people get into church leadership to push their agenda, and the politics get worse if board members are cool with some of the congregation. The congregation speaks into his/her ear, and that board member will vote in favor of their supporters. In this aspect, church politics and general politics go hand in hand. Church is supposed to be a hospital, where sick people come for healing. Almost every religious organization has a leadership team which consist of a Bishop, who's the head of the organization, and his leadership team. The Bishop and leadership team is tasked with overseeing the hundreds of churches under it's umbrella. From time to time, the Bishop will travel to a few churches as a guest speaker. Other times, he (the Bishop) or a representative will show up just to monitor church operations. When a pastor resigns or retires from a church, the Bishop & leadership board, as well as the church board come together and seek God for the next pastor. This process can take anywhere from 6-12 months, or longer. When searching for a pastor, that requires serious consideration. Is he filled with the Holy Spirit? Is the pastor of high moral standing, and if so, does he have people he's accountable to? A pastor with no accountability is a dangerous person because (s)he's left unchecked. That pastor can push whatever agenda they see fit. Now, onto the good part: I said that every church has a board, right? Correct. You would think that a CHURCH board is able to seek God together for the direction of a church, but that's not the case. People have motives that always come out at the right time. You don't believe me? Let your pastor resign from your local church, and the search committee get together to find a pastor. One person is going to have this criteria, another is going to have this, and so on. Conflict will happen because anytime you get a group together, there will be differing viewpoints. Some church members are close with the board so they're able to influence the board to vote a certain way. Example: A pastor preaches a couple sermons as part of the interview process for Sr. Pastor. Next couple of nights, your church hosts a Q&A session where church members can ask the candidate whatever's on their heart. This pastor admits his moral failure, been through restoration and has never committed that sin again. A couple members can't get past his moral failure, so they bring it up EVERY chance they get. Depending on what denomination the pastor is a part of, restoration is a definitive NO. Ok, if God can forgive & restore, what's the Assemblies of God's problem? This is the nonsense that makes unsaved people want nothing to do with Christianity. From a church perspective, a process of selecting a pastor should be in place. This way, the congregation can have a say in who their next pastor is. The only time I'm against politics in church is when there's hidden agendas. You don't know who's on the church board with hidden agendas. All church members can do is pray that the board is doing their job correctly. It doesn't mean the members agree with the board's every decision, it means that the search committee is being led by the Holy Spirit, and NOT their agendas.

Too Much Sex?

Relationship Issue: I want to ask for advice, my wife of 18 years has a vicious sex drive, it's been like this our entire marriage, but lately I can't keep up. We have sex 4 times a day during the work week and 10-12 times during the weekend. It gets so bad that my penis gets sore, and dry heaves because my sperm pouch is depleted. I don't know how to approach her about sex toy options because she's very religious, and want to keep things natural. I love her to no end and enjoy our intimacy, but it's starting to get frustrating and very tiresome. Please answer maturely because I ain't no punk, I just want to please my wife sexually, but it's hard to perform this frequently.

 

ME: What's the problem? His wife has a high sex drive, nothing wrong with that. I can't stand some men who complain about their woman's high sex drive. This tells me that men aren't built like they used to, because there was a time where a man would love a woman with a high sex drive. Someone needs to tell this man "what you won't do, someone will." "I love her to no end, and enjoy our intimacy" I can't tell, because most men would have no problem making their woman tap out. I could never fix myself to complain about my wife's sex drive, because as a husband, I have a responsibility to render affection that's due her (that's Biblical), and vice versa. The whole toy idea is ridiculous, and if I was her, I'd tell him to shove his suggestion. The bottom line is that he needs to man up, and give his wife what she wants. If he can't keep up, he better start working out so he can increase his energy level. Studies show that regular exercise and good diet does wonders for stamina. She may be using sex to fill other voids emotionally, psychologically, financially, etc. Sounds like she's bored and needs a job and some hobbies. Loving sex is good, but what else does this couple do? I think she is a nympho and because of her religious convictions, she sexes him so much to keep from going elsewhere. But she needs to get a grip though. Tone it down and let him recover. Glad after 18 years they still on like that, but dude is feeling like he's ready to retire!

Do You Really Love Me?

Anyone who's in a relationship has asked this question. This question is designed to get couples thinking. It's easy to say "I love you because....", it's another when you have to think critically about your answer. The depth of your answer can make or break a relationship. When a man asks his woman "Do You Really Love Me", he wants to know if she would love him without the accolades, success, and material posessions. Also, when a man asks his lady does she really love him, 90% of the time, he wants something. Example: A man and woman are home chilling, when she asks a favor of him. He doesn't want to get off his couch, but after much coercion, he gives in. What sealed the deal is when she asks "Do you really love me?". A man wants to know his woman will love him when he's going through a rough period, not when the bottles are popping and everything's sweet. It's easy to love your mate when there's sunshine; that love is tested when it seems like they're catching hell from all sides, your spouse included. I don't have a problem being asked this question if she's unsure of my love for her. Sometimes, women & men are unsure of their mate's love for them, so they need clarification every now & then. It's said that women need reassurance their man loves them. That's where the discrepancy lies because men show better than tell. A good man shows his woman how much he loves her by how he treats her. If he's treating her right, that should be good enough for her. Noooooo, some women need to be told 200 times a day "I love you". Words alone aren't going to cut it. As with everything, actions speak louder than words. Then again, some people are built like that: They appreciate the action of being shown love, but hearing those words "I love you" is icing on the cake. People have different love languages: Some want to be shown love, others want to be told they are loved, and others are a mix of show & tell. I'm a combination. I would rather be told I'm loved, THEN shown. The action is far more precious than words.

A Season For Everything

In the 60's, the folk-rock band The Byrds popularized the song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" It climbed to the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and gained worldwide popularity. People seemed captivated by the lyrics. Interestingly though, except for the last line, those lyrics are from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes. "To everything there is a season," proclaims the writer of Ecclesiastes, "a time for every purpose under heaven" (3:1). He then lists some human experiences: birth & death, gain & loss, tears & laughter, mourning & dancing. Just as the seasons in nature change, so do the seasons in our lives. Our circumstances never stay the same for long. Sometimes we welcome change in our lives. But often it's difficult, especially when it involves sorrow and loss. Yet, even then we can be thankful that God doesn't change. "I am the Lord," He said through the prophet Malachi, "I do not change" (Malachi 3:6). Because God remains the same, we can rely on him through life's shifting seasons. His presence is always with us (Ps. 46:1). His peace has the power to guard our hearts (Phil. 4:7), and his love provides security for our souls (Rom. 8:39). People like change when it's beneficial to them. If change doesn't benefit them, many people resist change. Life is full of seasons, everyone will go through good & bad seasons. You can have a run of success until something rocks your world, then what? Whether we like it or not, there is a season for everything. I wish we didn't have bad seasons, but we live in a fallen world; so we take the good with the bad.

Random Rant

Attention People: Stop saying that 40 is the new 30, 30 is the new 20, 50 is the 40, etc. That mess is annoying. What's with people subtracting 10 years off their current age? They must be trying to relive their glory years. Granted, you have some 40-somethings that look younger, but that's rare. Genetics and lifestyle choices play a role. For example, I have a Facebook friend who's 42, but you wouldn't know it because she takes exceptionally great care of herself: eats right, works out, and good genetics. Add plastic surgery and the oldest person can look as young as they want. You won't catch me saying 33 is the new 23, or some other craziness. I have a different mindset at 33, than I had at 23. See, the difference between me and most people is that I embrace getting older, because with age comes wisdom. The Bible speaks on this subject: When I was a child, I spoke, thought and acted as a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things. That tells me you can be a certain age, but still act childish. Look at some of these so-called adults; you would never know some of them are grown, but let them tell it. Childish behaviors: name-calling, tantrums, gossiping, etc. I expect that from kids and teenagers, because they don't know any better. This whole 30 is the new 20 mess is comical. What would you want to relive? You were the man in high school. You don't want to grow up because you'll have responsibilities. For me, I'm about moving forward and not going back because Lord knows I've been through a lot in life. My later days will be better than my former. The monikers people come up with on their free time...

Getting To Know Me

How can some people know everything about their partner in 3 months? THEY CAN'T. Getting to know someone takes a lifetime because you're discovering new information about them. They should know some of your likes/dislikes, what makes you smile, and some of what makes you tick. They should know your belief system, they should know how many siblings you have, and a little about your childhood. They should know the kinds of movies you like; just things your friends would know. It depends on if you believe in being physically intimate within the first 3 months of dating...if you do, they should know some of what pleases you. These are the basics of getting to know someone. Unless someone's an open book, they're not going to tell you their life story. Why would they? They don't know you like that (and vice versa). People have no discretion in what they reveal about themselves to others. Some things you should keep under lock & key, because they can and will be used against you. If I'm getting to know a woman, she's getting the basics of me: My name, age, occupation, hobbies. As I invest time with her, we share private details of our lives. I'm not expecting a woman to be so open with me off top. In fact, I would frown upon anyone who reveals such personal information to a complete stranger. I was taught to keep my guard up at all times, because I never know if that person will use my information against me. In the relationship realm, women expect men to know everything about them. It's not possible for a man to know his woman inside & out, because women change like chameleons: They're always showing new sides of themselves regularly, and unless a man asks the right questions, he will never understand his woman. If a man wants to know his woman, observe. Observe her in her world: How she reacts to situations, what makes her upset, how she views the world, etc. Observation in one's natural environment can tell far more about them than asking the right set of questions ever could.

Loving The Bad Before The Good

 

Any woman who's been in a bad relationship with a no good man, then found a good man to do right by her will co-sign this topic. My issue is: Why should a woman have to love a bad man before she appreciates a good one? That's bananas. Everybody should know how to appreciate a good (wo)man in their lives, but many don't. Some people have to learn the hard way; they have to go through several bad relationships before they can appreciate a quality spouse. Some women are so used to losing that they don't know when they've won. I don't know about anyone, but I couldn't see myself loving bad women before I finally get a good one. No, when or if a good woman comes into my life, I'm gonna appreciate her off top. She's going to get all my goodness and then some (I just hope she can handle it). Some people need to practice preventative measures: Get yourself together before a good (wo)man comes into your life. When you get that person, you'll know what to do. You won't have issues appreciating a good (wo)man in your life because you've worked on yourself. The reason why there's some validity to this statement is because some women jump into relationships with blinders on. They don't use discernment. Some women give their goodness to some random man, not knowing if he's going to appreciate it. When that man gets to acting stupid, she wonders why. You don't give the benefits in the beginning. Once you get to know someone and y'all are vibing, then you can give them the benefits of being involved with you. To give your benefits when you two are JUST getting to know each other; I can't see that. Many failed relationships can be alleviated if the couple practices caution. Stop giving the benefits without committment.

 

 



If It Wasn't For Me

I'm learning how to be more self-sufficient daily, because I want to get to a place in life where I don't have to acknowledge others' contributions to my success (with the proper exception of Jesus). People are good for this. "If It Wasn't For Me, you wouldn't be where you are today" In that case, you might as well NOT have done it for me if you're going to throw it up in my face. Pictures like this confirm my distrust in some people, and are why I'm very careful who I open up to; you just don't know. This is why I'm glad God blessed me with incredible discernment to READ (not read, but READ) people. If I'm giving to someone, I'm doing out of the goodness of my heart. They will never have to worry about me throwing my favor to them in their face, because I don't get down like that. If I'm going to throw my favors in a person's face, then I might as well be selfish. When you think about it, you're being selfish when you throw what you did/do for someone in their face. I'm getting to the point where I would rather struggle for success than accept handouts from someone. When I make it, it'll be because of me, and God as my guide. I'll appreciate the breakthrough more because of what I went through for it. I don't care how upstanding a person is, nobody is above throwing their favors in someone's face. I see why some people are self-made, because they don't want anyone responsible for their success. They want to depend on only themselves, and that's commendable. Sometimes you have to reach out for help; Other times, you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep pushing towards the finish line. Everyone keeps records of what they do for others to use as ammunition in an argument. Don't believe me? If you're friends with someone, and they played a part in your success, at some point you two are going to butt heads. What's the first thing that friend will say? "Remember when I helped you with this, that & the third?" People aren't slick. I know what it is.