Relationship Investment

Any smart investor looking to invest in a corporation does their due diligence. They ask the hard questions like "What's my return on investment? Why should I invest in your company as opposed to the others? How does your company stack up against its competitors?" Investors ask these tough questions because they want a return on their investment, which is $$$. If I'm pouring millions into a company then I have a right to ask tough questions because I don't want my money to go to waste. Relationships work the same way. When getting to know a person, you start off with basic conversation like name, where you're from, what are your hobbies, etc. Those are filler questions to get the ball rolling but as you dig deeper, you find out who a person is by how they think. Relationships should be looked at according to business. What is my Return On Investment? Nobody wants to invest in someone that's not going to generate residual income. Men, think of women as potential investments: What value can she add to your life that doesn't already exist? Why should you choose her over the others? Ladies, same thing. If you're investing time into him and you're not getting the right return, get rid of him and find someone that will give you the right return for your investment (which would be time). In a relationship sense, residual income refers to seeing the person blossom into what they're going for. If he wants to be successful, you encourage him to go hard for his and when he makes it, he remembers those who helped him along the way and want them to shine with him.

Why Keep Up With The Jones If They're Broke?

Keeping Up With The Jones is a term used to describe people who try to get the latest clothes & gadgets. The people you try to keep up with probably make more money than you and are debt free so that's why they can splurge like they do. If your income is limited, you can't spend money like water. You can but you'll pay for it later in worrying about how you're going to pay this bill & that bill. I want to splurge from time to time but if my money won't allow it and I have bills due, I do the responsible thing and take care of bills first, then if there's anything left over, I either splurge on that or save because you never know when emergencies are going to come up. I keep $10-$20 for emergencies. Keeping Up With The Jones is almost like imitation because you see someone with a new car, you go out and get a newer ride; someone upgrades their home, you do the same and so on. It never ends. Be content with what you have. If you have a car and home that's paid off, keep those items for the simple fact they are PAID FOR. Why go back into debt if you don't have to? Doesn't make sense to me. Material posessions don't define me because the way I see it: As long as I can get nice clothes at a discount and have a nice car that's paid for while making good money, that's enough for me. I don't need to drive luxury vehicles or live in grand mansions. All I want to do is live comfortable and I'm fine with that. Keeping Up With The Jones has never been my thing. They can have the country club dues, the $10,000+ mortgage per month. With what most wealthy people pay in club dues and other expenses, I could take that money and invest in high-risk/high return stocks, mutual funds or invest in real estate. Here's a couple scenarios to illustrate how people try to Keep Up With The Jones:

Scenario 1: The Jones have a 5 br 3 ba home with a 3 car garage a boat an RV, 2 Seadoos and 3 ATV, They have a Benz, and Audi, and a Beamer. You think they are doing well? Mrs. Jones has $3 in her coach wallet in her coach purse while Mr. Jones has nothing in his Kenneth Cole Wallet.

The 3 American Express cards, the 2 Visas, the Mastercard, and the Discover are maxed out

The only way the Discover card gets paid is from the cash back check they get every month.

Scenario 2: Mrs Jones must shop, get her hair and nails done. Mr. Jones must golf and pay country club dues.

At first glance, it may look good to keep up with the Jones', but if your money isn't right, you'll pay for it later  in the form of worrying about how you'll meet your monthly bills. Too many people try to ball out of control which results in misplaced priorities.

The Two Faces Of Miami

Why are the worst areas of cities considered "real"? This documentary is symbolic of every major city in the US. The good side of major cities are promoted heavily while the hellholes are hidden, causing inner-city residents to make documentaries showing people that their city isn't posh like the media portrays. I see both sides of the fence because while you want to sell your city to attract visitors, you also want to let potential residents and tourists know what areas to stay away from. The above documentary isn't exclusive to Miami, every major city has a similar documentary about their city being misrepresented in the media. If people are relocating to a city, they need to know the good & bad so they can make an informed decision.

Not Checking In=Cheating?

Why do women think that because a man doesn't check in with her he's cheating? He's your man, not your Parole Officer. That's childish. As long as he hasn't given her a reason to cheat, she should trust him enough to continue coming home to her. If not, she's not doing her job. If a man isn't itching to come home after a long day's work and would rather kick it with his boys, something's wrong. It's not him, it's HER. Please Learn This. No one wants to feel as though they have no outlet. It's usually women that are guilty of this because many men would have no problem with their lady having a night out with the girls or doing something solo. By right he shouldn't because if she hasn't given him a reason to mistrust her (and vice versa), he should stop the insecurity (that goes double for her). Some men know they have something great at home, but yet want to stay in the streets and play. It's not always that the lady is doing something wrong or not doing something at all; some men are just dogs, it's in their nature! I must flip the script with this question: If women know a man is a dog, she lays down with him and has his child(ren), what does that make her? Yes, some men are just foul so that should cause women to be extra cautious about who they give themselves to. I will say this, a real man that knows what he has at home would be itching to come home to be with his lady. Even then, both couples need time independent of each other. A woman can give a man her all and for some boys its still not enough. In that case, she should go the other direction. No sense in staying with someone who isn't giving as much as you are to the relationship. Relationships take TWO willing participants. We all have played to be something we are not to obtain something we desire at one time or another. Some dogs can imitate man qualities, this is a fact. This is what you call a wolf in sheep's clothing. Extra caution is necessary to guard yourself against these wolves in sheep's clothing because they look for a weak moment and once your guard is down, they show their true colors and you're looking crazy because you were fooled by their act. That's the problem right there, he's a BOY and not a MAN. A man has nothing to hide; he understands his woman wanting him to check in with her not because she's trying to be controlling, but because she's concerned for his safety. A boy would catch feelings if his woman wanted to know his whereabouts. This is where timing comes in hand, if you rush into something without getting to know who the individual is, then whether you are male or female, you set yourself up to be deceived!

Also if the signs are there from the beginning, do not dismiss them because they are future warning signs that something might not be right. I'm too real a man to deceive a woman like that, my morality wouldn't allow it. I would keep it real with a potential mate from the start and if she walked away, I consider it a blessing because she couldn't handle a real man. Some dogs can imitate man qualities so it's extra important a woman has good discernment. If you get an uneasy feeling about the person you meet, it's for a reason. Don't ignore that feeling because it could spell heartbreak. Too many women don't pay attention to a man's character and instead are focused on how tall/buff he is, how his money is looking, what kind of car he drives, etc. Those things will lose value over time. It's his inner core that will stick out to you. How he thinks, feels, his drive, spirituality, etc. TAKE YOUR TIME in getting to know someone (this goes double for men). Start off as friends and see where the relationship goes. This is what I see: Most males today are BOYS. Men know how to prioritize. Boys want their cake and eat it too. Let a man come home at 1am, 2am in the morning and his woman is waiting to verbally pounce on him. "Where have you been? I know you haven't been working all day." The woman can indeed be a GREAT catch and he'll still spend more time with his FRIENDS than he does with HER. What are you in a relationship for if you don't want to dedicate time to your partner?! It makes NO SENSE. And if SHE doesn't interest you anymore then you need to LEAVE and stop blaming her when you don't have to stay and play games along with her! I do believe in SPACE though and a life OUTSIDE of the relationship -- so yes, you BOTH should spend some time with your friends. But your mate should always be #1 no exceptions!!!

Love Reassurance

Everyone wants to hear how much their mate loves them, right? Of course they do. Otherwise, if your mate doesn't tell you how much he/she loves you, you start to doubt the relationship. For some reason, women need constant reassurance their man loves them. Depending on the man, he may not have an issue reinforcing his love for his woman but if he's like most guys, he prefers to show better than tell. A woman that's secure in her relationship understands her man loves her regardless of whether he tells her 50 times a day or once a day. Men are about action rather than speech. Ladies, you shouldn't need constant reassurance your man loves you. As long as he does right by you, that's all you need. Just because a man doesn't tell his woman 50 times a day he loves her doesn't mean he doesn't care about her, it's just that she should know by how he treats her. If the woman is someone that needs to hear "I love you" because that's her love language, then I understand wanting to hear it regularly. Should my woman be one of those ladies, I will school her on how men show affection and from that point, the rest is on her on how she receives my knowledge. As long as your mate showers you with affection on the regular, that should suffice. I think people who need constant reassurance of their mate's love for them are a little insecure. To me, their day isn't complete unless they hear "I love you" a certain number of times. You can tell someone you love them until the cows come home but actions always..ALWAYS speak louder than words. Telling someone you love them and not backing up your words with action doesn't add up. Your love for your spouse will always be credible if you tell and show him/her you love them.

Richard Mourdock - Pregnancy from Rape is Something God Intended to Happen

Everyone has said things they wish they could take back, but no one (to my knowledge) has said something so vile like this. To suggest that God intended for a child to be born via rape is dead wrong. Comments like this confirm atheists belief that if God is so loving and merciful, why does he allow bad things to happen to decent human beings? From that viewpoint, I can understand why atheists think like they do. This guy came out of his mouth to say some crap like this. True, God does take what the enemy means for evil and creates good but God doesn't allow someone to be raped; that's mega FLAW. That's like God allowing some children to be born healthy and others with one or more debilitating disabilities and I won't believe that for one minute.Or how about some people having a good start in life and others having the odds stacked against them from early on? More bull. Really? God intended the rape to happen? Well, there you have it folks.

Deflection

Mention men's issues and people shout the house down. Mention women's issues and you get deflection and combativeness. Seen it many times over on FB and real life; it never fails. The deflection many women display when you try to correct them just proves the very case. Wonder why men don't play the deflection/combative game? Men are usually better at receiving correction because we're used to getting our behinds handed to us, therefore we make the proper adjustments. Men may deflect, but never to the degree of women. Men were usually raised to take responsibility for what they say/do and that sticks with them throughout life. Women are used to being coddled that sometimes people overlook their transgressions. In a woman's eyes, she's never wrong. She always thinks she's right and nobody can tell her otherwise. Deflection is not a good look on ANYONE, man or woman. Deflection shows your inability to take ownership and no one wants to be around someone like that; unless of course deflectors seek out those who tell them what they want to hear instead of what they NEED to hear. You have some men that throw their brick and hide their hand and to me, they're little boys, not men. A man stands behind what he says even in the face of opposition; he's not afraid to catch heat for how he feels and thinks. I read a lot of Facebook threads and when someone makes valid points, there's always someone who says "y'all do it too, what about you guys" That may be true but to deflect the truth of a situation is crazy. This is a good example of the craziness I read on Facebook on a regular basis: If a woman checks a man, women call her courageous and a hero. If a man checks a woman, women say he hates women and his mother. Both sides have issues they need to work on but at the same time, when the focus is on a particular person, place or thing, DO NOT deflect in any way, shape or form.

Cleopatra Treatment vs. Jezebel Personality

You can't expect Cleopatra treatment if you're acting like Jezebel. Cleopatra was one of the most powerful female rulers of her time. She had a beauty like no other and used her charm to influence male rulers. Cleopatra didn't have to throw her weight around to let people know she was in charge, it showed in her grace and most of all, her influence. She never (to my knowledge) acted out of character. In most depictions, Cleopatra is portrayed as a great beauty, and her successive conquests of the world's most powerful men are taken as proof of her aesthetic and sexual appeal. She knew how to make herself agreeable to everyone. Jezebel was a Biblical figure, she was the wife of King Ahab. Jezebel is a term used to describe a spiteful woman. What baffles me is Jezebel women who feel they deserve Cleopatra treatment. How can a woman of poor moral character demand she be treated like Cleopatra? SHE CAN'T. A real man is not going to give the wrong woman queen treatment. Real men will always gravitate towards Cleopatra-type women because they know she will do right by him. She won't have an attitude because her man will go above and beyond to keep a smile on her face. With a Jezebel woman, that's not the case. No matter what a man does, it's never good enough. She nitpicks about everything and her intent is to drive him away (which she usually succeeds). Most Jezebel women don't care if they drive people away but you have a few who do. By the time Jezebels begin to work on themselves, they've done enough damage to where NOBODY wants to be around them. A Cleopatra woman is powerful, yet humble & respectful. She's no pushover but knows her role. A Jezebel woman is an overly opinionated woman that has to have the last word. She always thinks she's right and no one can tell her different. She has very few, if any friends. Of the friends she may have, they are fellow bitter Jezebel women who don't have the balls to tell her the truth. A Jezebel woman will never be endearing to anyone due to her negative disposition. On the contrary, Cleopatras are highly sought after women due to their pleasant disposition.

Tell It Like It Is Friday: Episode 2

Tell It Like It Is Friday, episode 2: Action.

-Lame is an unemployed man who leaves the house at 7am and returns at 5pm acting like he put in a full day on the job.

-Lame is a man that finds it acceptable to lay on the couch while his woman brings home the bacon. No woman wants a lazy man.

-Lame is a woman who wants to be the man

-Lame is a man who wants to be the woman

-Lame is Mitt Romney's disrespect towards our country's CEO

-Lame is Romney's son saying the stupid mess he said about tagging President Obama. 

-Lame is men with no testicular fortitude.

-Lame is men who co-sign women on everything to gain coochie points.

-Lame is the music industry. "Gold all in my chain, gold all in my ring, ice in my mouth, diamonds on my grill; nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga"

-Lame is a woman who holds her education over her man's head.

-Lame is women who think belligerence and combativeness is strength. No, it makes you look stupid.

-Lame is this team dark-skin/light-skin bullish.

-Lame is when you spend more time outside than inside the home.

-Lame is when a woman thinks her man is cheating because he's working late.

-Lame is when a man tells a woman she's full of crap, she attacks his manhood: You're gay, you hate women, you hate your mother bla bla bla bla.

-Lame is people who expect to drop weight by taking some magic pill that lets you eat whatever you want. Malarky.

-Lame is when people don't mind their business

-Lame is blacks that want more out of life are ridiculed for being "white"

-Lame is making fun of someone for a stuttering problem.

-Lame is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results.

-Lame is a woman who calls a man "gay" for turning down her sexual advances. Newsflash: There are real men who aren't phased by T&A.

-Lame is men who overlook women as the perpetrators in domestic violence cases.

-Lame is a woman who curses. Cursing is NOT ladylike. Please Learn This.

-Lame is when you're married and think you can live like your single. Once you get married, FREEDOM GOES OUT THE DOOR.

-Lame is 1 in 88 children being diagnosed with autism. Back in the day, autism, like other disorders/disabilities were seldom.

-Lame is preachers who are afraid to tell it like it is because they don't want to lose 1/3 of their congregation.

-Lame is thinking that love pays the bills. Love doesn't, hasn't and will NEVER pay the bills.

Top 10 Blog Hits

 I've done 159 blog commentaries since debuting The Chill Zone and I've written some bangers. Here are my Top 10 blogs I've written:

1.Embracing The Struggle-90 views, 2 comments

2.Light Skin vs. Dark Skin and What Is A Man/Woman-54 views

3.Only God Can Judge Me-33 views, 6 comments

4.Black Men & Women's Plight-29 views

5.Foreigners owning businesses in black neighborhoods, 28 views

6.State Of Society Address, Men & Women As Friends, Stop Being A People Pleaser 24 views

7.Black Relationships, I Trust You God, No I Don't-23 views

8.Giving Your Best To The Wrong Person, Relationship Expectations, Where The Real Men At, Welcome To The Chill Zone-22 views

9.Women Raising Boys-21 views

10.Lazy Men, Men Retreating From Their Lady-20 views.

Plenty More Where Those Came From.

Thirsty Men & Women

If someone tries too hard to attract the opposite sex's attention, they're seen as thirsty. Examples: Going all out for someone who doesn't want you in hopes they will change their mind. There's billions of people in this world to get worked up over one person that doesn't want you. Where they do that at? I've always seen thirsty men and women as desperate because they try so hard to get someone that may/may not be interested in them. If there's mutual interest, build upon that and be on your way. Being thirsty is borderline stalkerish, in my opinion because you don't know when to stop. Many women ask why are men so thirsty? My response is that women are dry. A dry woman is a desperate woman that will do any & everything to get a man, short of selling her soul. These types aren't used to being alone and crave manly flesh. Yes, humans were created to be in relationships but at the same time, your satisfaction should not derive from another person. I can honestly say I am NOT thirsty by any means. If I'm feeling a woman, I strike up conversation and if not, I move on and vice versa. I'm not excusing a thirsty man's behavior because while a man goes for someone he wants, it does come off thirsty with the sexual innuendos, the immediate texts/calls/e-mails the same day after the date, etc. After you go out with somebody, you should give them 24 hours of breathing room. This way, both of you can have time to process the date and find out if there's continued interest. Some people may appreciate the immediate contact post-date but to me, it would KIND of be a little weird to go out with a woman and things went so well she decided to contact me immediately after our date. Makes me wonder what was she doing before we went out? Did she have other outlets prior to meeting me? I guess I'm being too hard on thirsty men and women because some people go hard for something or someone they want. I can respect that. There's a time & place for everything. Just like women don't like thirsty men, most men don't like thirsty women (at least I don't) unless there's strong attraction.

Absent For The Struggle, Present For The Blessing

Success is nothing without someone to share it with. Therein lies the problem, the person showing interest in you is with you because you're doing well for yourself but take away the fame & fortune, also the perks and watch those so-called friends and your so-called s/o scatter like roaches. Everybody should want someone who has drive but don't check for somebody who's already made it just so you can get half of everything THEY slaved for when you weren't there during the struggle. Some men and women are good for that, absent for the struggle but want to share in the blessings. She wants to commandeer the ship when she didn't help build the ark.  Not long ago,  I came across a Facebook status that went something to this effect: A husband & wife are married and the husband has a successful business that the wife helped build. Should she get half if they divorce? My response was that if she helped him become successful in his business, yes she deserves half. She played a part in his blessing so by right, he should give her half. If he was already established in his business and she came on board asking for half, then she shouldn't get one dime. If you have someone that has been with you since Day 1, you keep that person on your team because it's hard to find REAL friends. Everybody's checking for you when the bottles are popping and everything's sweet, but when you hit a rough patch that's when you find out who your true friends are. It's amazing that people can be THAT flaw to ignore you when you're struggling but when you become successful, they flock to you like nothing happened. This is why successful people should keep their circle small because not everyone who comes into your life is for you. I know where I'm going in life and each day I pray that God will put the right people in my life to help me reach my dream(s). Having the right people in my corner ensures they aren't there for celebration, but they truly want to see me shine. THOSE are the people I cherish and will keep on my team. A successful future is in the works and I'm so close to making it, I can taste it. In making it, I will watch the people in my corner. You have to because there are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Who You Are vs. Who You Become

People say love me and accept me as I am. BUT what if what you are isn't what you could be? What if they want to love you up to your potential? Are you going to turn that down? Shouldn't a person love who you could be also? I think real love encompasses who you are now AND what you could be with changes that benefit everyone. Yes, a person should love you for who you are but if they see greatness in you, you would be cheating yourself and him/her but refusing to allow that person to love you. I understand loving somebody for who they are based on personality & core values but if you're like many people, you want someone that will help you grow into the person you're called to be. People want someone that will be an asset and not a liability. Being an asset involves pushing someone toward their destiny, being an asset is correcting your spouse in love because you care enough about their well-being to want the best for them and vice versa. If I'm with a woman, my desire is to be the best man I can be for myself and my woman. This can't happen if I refuse her correction. Even if many people never admit it, everyone wants a real man or woman on their team. Somebody that will admonish, yet continue showing them love as they evolve into the (wo)man they're supposed to be. If someone refuses to let you love them based on who they could become, you need to rid yourself of them for they showed you their true colors. They showed you they aren't committed to growth, even if it's for their benefit. Who wants someone like that? Not me and other likeminded folks. Growing up, our parents used to admonish us not only for wrongdoing but because they wanted the best for us. When you were little and your parents corrected you, you thought they were being mean but now that you're older, you see their wisdom. Your parents have been down the same road you're traveling so what's new to you isn't a surprise to them. I will cherish those in my life who love me enough to admonish me to my potential. By loving & accepting someone as they are up to their potential, you take pride in knowing they have evolved into the person they were meant to be. They have you to thank for it.

Baby Boy Prayer

Dear Lord,

Please forgive us for all our sins we have brought upon us. And look down upon us with forgiveness for all our sins we will have in the future. I know you understand that brothers ain’t perfect, but we try Lord. We try to keep our heads up in bad times. This is a bad time. Show us the way. And if you can’t show us the way, then forgive us for being lost.

This prayer was from the movie Baby Boy starring Tyrese Gibson and Omar Gooding. I think it's a great prayer because it's asking for forgiveness before you sin. When you look deeper, this prayer can also mean you want forgiveness for deliberate sin (the kind you have no remorse for and commit just because). If you sin with no remorse, then I don't know if you should pray this kind of prayer. God knows our intentions long before we act on them so in a sense, asking him to look down on us for forgiveness for the sins we will have in the future is kind of a protective covering because God won't be surprised when you foul up; after all, he made us. It's almost like the Fall Of Man, God knew Adam & Eve would eat the forbidden fruit and already had a backup plan just in case: Sending Jesus to die on the cross for us. That's what I got from the Baby Boy prayer, a prayer of advance forgiveness.

Lame Is...

-Lame Is When a woman expects a man to do this, that and the third for her but she's not bringing anything to the table.
-Lame is when a man feels that just because he's bringing the money home, he can do what he wants with no accountability.
-Lame is when women get passes for living with their parents until 25 or 30 but it's frowned upon for a man to do the same (even if he's saving up for his own place)
-Lame is when you ask someone about their finances on the first date. Red flags all across the board. Asking about finances so soon signals you're checking for someone's pockets, NOT THEM.
-Lame is when a woman expects a man to deal with her attitude/baggage when she won't tolerate one iota of his nonsense.
-Lame is when you require someone to give you the world when you don't even have a passport.
-Lame is when a mother puts her man over her children. WTH? Your kids were there before him.
-Lame is when you're in a relationship and want to live like your single. Newsflash: You lose all freedom when you get into a relationship.
-Lame is wearing stripper shoes and expecting not to be judged.
-Lame is buying a new car every year when your car runs good AND IS PAID OFF.
-Lame is booty dancing in the club on Saturday night and in church the next morning praising God like the mess ain't wrong. Really? 
-Lame is when you ridicule someone for a disability. I don't play that AT ALL and will check it on the spot.
-Lame is ignoring someone back in school but when you see them successful, you're checking for them. Exit stage left (or right, but either way EXIT)
-Lame is a woman who can't, doesn't, won't or has no desire to learn how to cook. The old adage is true ladies, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
-Lame is when people expect Obama to fix in 4 years what Bush screwed up in 8. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Obama inherited a weak economy when he stepped in office. People think Romney/Ryan gonna go hard for the middle class and poor? Chile Please.
-Lame is thinking arguments are healthy in a relationship. They ARE NOT. Most people don't know how to argue without cussing & hollering, cheap shots, etc.
-Lame is women saying men are women haters, he's gay, hates his mother because a man has the courage to put a woman in her place, therefore he tells her in so many words she's full of crap.
-Lame is using deflective maneuvers to shift the focus off the intended target. 
-Lame is men who don't take care of their responsibilities.
-Lame is women who enable sorry men. I can understand helping a man get back on his feet but he should also be making moves on his own.
-Lame is when men and women complain about their no-good spouse but they knew or should have known they weren't compatible from the start.
-Lame is when you lay down with someone and have their child(ren), then say they're no good. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU?
-Lame is when blacks ridicule black people who want to make something of themselves. The critical blacks take pride in being a goon.
-Lame is when women are attracted to thugs instead of stand-up brothers but get mad when a stand-up guy rejects her after leaving the thug who gone upside her head.
-Lame is men who all they look for in a woman is her big booty and cute face.
-Lame is rejecting the wisdom of your elders especially since they have been down the same road you're traveling. They can tell you what does & doesn't work.

Living For God vs. Satan

I don't care what kind of Christian you are, EVERY Christian has wondered if living for God is worth it. Those who say they haven't are lying. Everywhere you turn it seems like the wicked are doing better than God's people. Where they do that at? Christians are held to a higher standard but you would think that by living right, blessings would come down like rain (which they do) but some people have walked with God for years on end and have nothing to show for it. I read a tract that puts this into perspective: Working For God: The benefits & pay are low, but the retirement is out of this world. When I read that, I immediately confirmed my decision to stay close to God because although it seems like the wicked are prospering, they're not. The wicked are storing up their wealth for the righteous without realization, and they don't know it. Yes, life sucks but we live in a fallen world so that's to be expected. When you're living for Satan, he's already got you. When you're living for God, that's when you have a bull's-eye on you because the enemy will pull out all stops to get you to come over to his side. When you reject wisdom & correction constantly, you reach a point of no return which means you're on dangerous ground. I never want to reach the point of no return so that's why I have to stay soaked in the word. God's been too good to me for me to turn my back on him. Proverbs 2:22 says: Let the wicked be rooted out of the land. When you constantly reject correction & wisdom, you're considered wicked in God's eyes and will eventually be done away with.

All For One, One For All

I'm a firm believer that one person can mess it up for everyone. Read Genesis 3:1-24 for a good example. Adam and Eve were given dominion over the Garden Of Eden. They could eat of any tree except the forbidden fruit. God gave them STRICT instructions on what they could/could not enjoy and like many of us (myself included), they did the opposite. Adam & Eve's disobedience cost us a peaceful life. If Adam & Eve obeyed God, we would be living good right now. There wouldn't be disabilities, poverty, sickness & disease, unemployment, crime, etc. The Fall Of Man is a perfect example that one's decision affects everyone. Everyone likes to say "It's none of your business what I do" and that maybe true to a degree, but like it or not, everyone's decision(s) affects someone else, whether they like it or not. My mom used to tell me when I was younger when I would get upset because I couldn't get what I wanted. She said "It's not all about you". I can remember being in school and every time one kid messed up, the whole class suffered. At the time I didn't understand why but as I got older, I learned early on that when one kid does wrong, everyone gets punished based on that kid's transgression. I still think this way for the most part except for minor exceptions. It's not fair, but it's life. Maybe some people will think twice before they do crazy things. The business world works the same way: If an employee repeatedly violates HR, either HR will bring the hammer down or the supervisor makes a policy holding ALL his/her staff responsible for the action(s) of one or a few. This is to deter future offenses. Everything you say & do, affects someone else whether you like it or not.

Do For Self

Some men kill me when they say "I want a woman that'll take care of me" That woman existed in the 40's & 50's but today's modern woman isn't having it. A man should be able to take care himself and not be dependent on a woman to cook & clean for him. The older I get, the more I realize that a woman can't do anything for me I can't already do for myself. If I have laundry that needs to be done, I do it myself. If I'm hungry, I throw something together and keep it moving. Why depend on someone to do what you should be able to do for yourself? No one should be dependent on anyone for basic self-sufficiency. It never fails. What happened to men taking pride in being able to do for self? Now you have men that actually brag about how their woman takes care of them like his mother. As a man, yes I want a woman with some characteristics of my mother BUT she has to be her own person. I have one mother, I don't need another one. Honestly, I would be embarrassed to know that I was living with my wife and wasn't pulling my weight. Even if she says she doesn't mind, deep down she really does and it's just a matter of time before it comes out in a verbal boxing session. There's no honor in someone doing for you what you can do for yourself. Each person should bring their own unique personalities into a relationship so both parties can learn from each other. Equally ridiculous is women who say they want a man just like their father. WTW (What The What)? That sounds like incest to me for anyone who says they want their mate to be like their parents. True, their parents may show them what to look for in a mate (which I can understand) but to have a cookie-cutter version of your parents through your spouse is not the move, AT ALL. When two people are together, they should HELP each other, not TAKE care of each other. A better term would be to care for one another. One person isn't doing all the work but both parties are caring for one another. Being taken care of sounds like what our parents did when we were children/teens, but when you become an adult, you should know how to take care of yourself. I'm all for pampering my special lady (whoever she may be should I confirm I want a relationship) but I couldn't expect her to take care of me, nor should she expect me to do so & vice versa.

Superhero Men

Monday Gospel: From Norm J Blunt (Facebook friend): "Men who say we need to heal our women are the ones who hurt them in the first place."

These superhero brothers are something else; always seeing a need to swoop down with their cape to save the day. No man should have to heal ANY woman because 9 times out of 10, she brought the hurt on herself. The Captain Save 'Em Phenomenon needs to cease and desist. Women are not damsels in distress (although they may play that role at times) so they can hold their own. This is a good example of how men try to gain women's favor by coming to her rescue. Women don't play the superhero role for men because men can hold their own. I'm all for stepping in on a woman's behalf if she's being harassed but if she can hold her own most of the time, there's no need for a man to swoop down and save the day. This happens too much in relationships where a man takes on the responsibility of healing a broken woman. I will say that there are instances where a man would be needed but it shouldn't be all the time. If a woman was being harassed, she would look for a guy to help her out, which would be understandable. There is a balance between being needy and independent .And what does it say about you when you have to be saved all the time? Either you are putting yourself in some bad situations or making bad decisions. Yes, we all have issues and can use healing but if you can fix your own problems, what you need help for? Most of the time, you have the solution in your face but are too lazy to do the work. I call it like I see it. Men who play superhero to women ARE trying to gain their favor, period. Otherwise, some of these men wouldn't go to the lengths they do to "fix a woman". It's only ridiculous to some women who expect a man to play this role. Flipping the script, men wouldn't expect, nor would they want a woman to help ease his burden(s) because most men have too much pride to admit they need help. I'm all for adding value to a woman's life but at the same time, she should already know her worth. In a relationship, you should be adding value to your mate's life and if not, why are you with them? Perhaps the person wants to help ease their mate's burden, but that's a very thin line between helping them through their rough time(s) and playing superhero, which would be enabling because you aren't giving them the tools to help themselves while being right at their side.

What Does That Make You?

I don't understand people sometimes. They complain about their mate being no good but they're still with them. If that man/woman is no good, yet you lay down with them and have their children, what does that make YOU? Shakes Head. Going a little further, if a man is no good but the woman lays down with him and bears his children, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE HER? She loved him when they were getting busy and now they can't stand each other? That's craziness. If someone is no good and you stay with them, you're no better than they are because you knew/should have known how they were before the relationship. People will always show you their true colors. Some may show you off top, others will show you their true selves in the relationship's advanced stages. When red flags about a person's character come up, pay close attention because they're trying to tell you something about themselves. Nobody wants to think the worst of their partner but you have to do your due diligence because if not, you could be setting yourself up for heartbreak. The issue is most people's discernment is poor so they overlook the major while focusing on the minor. When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them. 9 times out of 10, they aren't lying. If the small stuff isn't a detriment to your relationship, then let it go. If you (man or woman) have your stuff together and are looking for a likeminded person to spend your life with, it behooves you to pay close attention to the clues they give as to what they're really like; this way you won't be surprised when you find out he/she wasn't what you thought they were. So many people end up looking crazy when they find out that man/woman wasn't what they expected. Had they done their due diligence, this wouldn't be an issue. Some people find out their mate's true colors and still stay with them, hence what does that make you? You can't lay down in mud and expect not to get dirty. If someone's married and you cheat with them, that makes you a cheater as well because you have partaken in destroying a happy home. Therefore, that makes you foul just like him/her who's cheating on their spouse. People have no right to complain about their spouse being no good when the offended chooses to stay with them.

Know Your Role

In life, everyone has their assigned roles. Men have their roles and women have theirs. Confusion comes into play because you have women who try to play men's roles and men who try to play women's roles. This commentary was inspired from Ms. Trina Rogers of Facebook. She posted on her status: "Please don't ask for things you are not willing to give! I was called to duty moments ago. I was asked "why don't men just cater to a woman and let her be who she is?" *Lightening Rod!!!* If you have to ask a question like that, you don't need a man! (hence the reason you don't have one) KNOW YOUR ROLE! Give a King his kingdom and become his Queen! Have you ever heard of a poor, unhappy queen? The man has his place! So do you! Until you acknowledge it and play your part, you will be alone!" She dropped a bombshell. Many women need to soak up this knowledge on how to keep a man. I understand there are women who want no part of relationships and that's fine, to each their own. Ms. Rogers status was for women who want to be in a relationship. To answer the "why don't men just cater to a woman and let her be who she is" question, some women want to live like they're single and you can't do that. When you're in a relationship, ripping & running should be history. Doesn't mean both parties can't have their own lives, just that everything one or both say & do affects the other. You can't stay out until 3am and expect not to be questioned by your spouse, it doesn't work like that. Nobody wants someone who doesn't know their place. In order for people to find their desired mate, they MUST do their due diligence. Don't go for the first man/woman you meet, do your homework. Find out EVERYTHING you can about them and proceed accordingly. If they give off personality red flags, pay close attention because it's those red flags that give you a glimpse of who they are. If you meet a person that doesn't know their place and bucks against you, WHY would you still move forward with them? You're setting yourself up for drama because you're trying to get him/her to know their role and they're telling you they aren't going to conform. Exit stage left because there's no sense trying to turn someone into who you want them to be. They're good for someone, just not you. Some women like to throw out controlling towards a man that won't let their woman do what they want without impunity. A man that's the head of his house is supposed to be controlling! A man is responsible for leading his family to be the best they can be and if he's letting them do whatever, he's not exercising his God-given authority. God created man to be in charge such that the woman can feel covered.

Pre-Made Families

I can't be the only one noticing that pre-made families are becoming the norm. Many people you have romantic interest for are bringing kids from previous relationship into the mix. Makes me blessed NOT to have had children by the wrong woman. If you can't see yourself with someone long-term, you shouldn't lay down and have children with them. This is for those who don't care who they lay down with; they just want some of that good good. It seems like childless men & women are becoming extinct; you are hard pressed to find someone who doesn't have children. I'm not against having kids but if you're going to lay down with someone, make sure it's with someone you see yourself with long term. Too many children are being born out of wedlock. There was a time where couples WAITED until they got married and had good jobs before deciding to bring children in the mix, but now it's like find out if you're sexually compatible with a person before marriage. So you have to lay down with someone before you figure out whether you're compatible with them or not? That's backwards logic if I've ever heard some. A child comes into the world and boom, you two decide you aren't compatible and the child is left to suffer for the parents' stupidity. I approach relationships from an old-school stance: Get to know someone first before laying down with them in a marriage context. Besides, sexual activity between a married couple is more meaningful because the couple shares a part of themselves with the one they love; the person who takes good care of their heart and has the utmost respect for them. If a couple gets together with the best intentions and they decide to have children but the relationship still goes sour, then I can overlook that. Many times, you do see yourself with a person long term but one or both people mess it up somehow. You gotta do what's best for your child(ren) and if it means leaving that sorry man, so be it. This is for those who don't care who they lay down with, that's the nonsense I was referring to. Just creating babies en masse.

Reverse Psychology

Sometimes, it amazes me how relationships work. Two people show interest in each other and depending on the personalities, they may/may not be upfront. You could have one person that acts like they're not interested in which case, the woman has to step her game up to get him to notice her. The entire time she's thinking "What's wrong with me to where he's not interested? I need to throw myself at him a little more" Now this may or may not work, it depends on the person. To me, that's playing games because if you have to fake interest in order to get someone to notice you, you don't belong with anyone. Learn how to be real with your feelings and come again. If I'm checking for a woman, I'm going to be real about my desire for her. I'm going the extra mile to get and keep her because that's what a MAN does. A man will only chase a worthwhile woman, if a man's not interested in a certain woman he won't bother pursuing her because in his mind, she's not worth the chase. The same can be said for a woman interested in a man. I won't lie that reverse psychology does work because it keeps both on their toes, both parties are waiting on the other's next move. What some men and women fail to realize is that although there may be similarities, each person is unique and sometimes it's easier to "pick" up someone, but keeping them long-term is the real skill. Going further, it's easy to find a man/woman, hard to keep them because I've heard it said that what you did to get someone, you have to do to keep them. Personally, I would think she's a clown if she acted like she wasn't interested in me when she really was; the whole time I'm thinking "Miss, if you're interested in me, just say so." Nobody has time for games. Some people will keep it moving if you act like you aren't interested in them and rightfully so. Who wants to play games with someone when there's plenty fish in the sea?

Keeping It Real vs. Being Rude

Everybody keeps it real or so they say. There is NO gray area between being honest and flat out being rude. Keeping it real is when you don't compromise your core beliefs; you can speak the truth but do it in love. You don't have to tell someone about themselves in order to get your point across because you can check them in such a manner that they realize their own shortcomings and make the necessary adjustment(s). Being rude is having no regards for others feelings as you "tell it like it is". A lot of people who pride themselves on being frank are using honesty as an excuse to be jerks. They feel that telling it like it is involves hurting someone's feelings when that reflects poorly on THEM instead of the other person. Whenever I hear someone who says they keep it real, red flags go up because if you keep it real like you say, you don't have to broadcast your realness. People know you keep it real by the way you conduct yourself. Nothing worse than to proclaim realness and act contrary. People like this have the nerve to get upset when others call them out on their behavior then wanna say "You can't handle a strong personality". Last time I checked, having a strong personality does mean not letting people run over you but at the same time having respect for another's feelings. Some of the strongest people don't broadcast keeping it real, they let their actions speak for them. I respect people who really keep it real and don't use that as a front for being obnoxious. Rude people can exit stage left. It's one thing to keep it real, but it's another to make no apologies for your difficult personality. It's as if one is proud of using the "keeping it real" mantra as a front for being rude. I don't allow toxic people anywhere near me. For me, being real is more about action than words.

Thugging

I DO NOT embrace the thug life because of the dangers associated with it but I have to say this: These dudes talk about being goons/gangsters and having done this, that and the third but when the law is hot on them, they start singing like a song. So you can be out there with your boys robbing and killing and as soon as the police cut you a deal, you start telling this, that and the third. You get off and your boys are locked up for life all because you were too chicken to do that time like a man. Even the Mafia and other organized crime groups frowned upon ratting because if you got caught, YOU did your time. Yes, your friends would try to bail you out but if that didn't work, you stayed until your sentence was up. The Streets Are Watching and when you violate street law, your own neighborhood doesn't respect you. You may have to move out of your neighborhood because your life could be in danger. You have some cats that will shoot at their enemies and then call the police at the same time, what kind of mess is that? These fools kill me with how hard they claim to be but when the law put that pressure on them, they crack like an egg. Don't embrace the thug life if you can't deal with the dangers. Many times, you can't leave the streets alone because your enemies won't allow you to. If they don't get you, they go after your loved ones. Drug Dealers, Gangsters, Dope Boys, etc. are the first to tell you they will never work with the police but the cops know what's up, all they have to do is cut them a deal and the singing begins. These guys also try to lay low when street wars become too dangerous. 

The Cowardly Man

As a man, you're supposed to embrace man principles, just like women are supposed to embrace womanhood. The worst kind of man is one who co-signs women to gain their favor. These men agree with everything a woman says even if she's dead wrong. True, we're entitled to our views but some things you need to take a stand on. There are men who talk a big game around their boys but when an attractive woman comes around, they change their stance. I call these men cowards because they lack spine. It takes a real man to stand firm in his beliefs under intense opposition. Through it all, he never waivers. He garners the respect of all (even oppressors) because he stood up for what he believed in. It's easy to have a belief during the good times but your beliefs are tested in rough waters. Are you going to waiver or stand firm? Honestly, I  can't stand men who brown nose; where is his manhood? I understand that all men share the same gender but in terms of personality, many of them differ. You have men who embrace manhood and those who embrace woman ideologies. I'm a man through & through so I will always stand up for manhood. I'm not afraid of being labeled as chauvinistic because I adhere to traditional standards of manhood (man being provider, head of the house, etc). Going further than that, I'm strong enough to tell a woman she's dead wrong (and I expect the same from her). I see so much brown-nosing from men on Facebook; men co-signing women on any & everything and the minute he has an opposing view, she says he hates women, controlling, chauvinistic, etc. The SAME man changes his POV and he's back in her good graces. I want no part of these cowardly men because to me, they're women trapped in a man's body. For real. This is why fathers are critical in a boy's life because a woman CANNOT impart manhood into a boy because she's not a man. Boys raised around women are more likely to become effeminate because that's all they knew was women growing up. You have some young men who break that cycle and realize they need strong male figures in their life to impart manly wisdom. Effeminate men are not respected in today's society because most people view them as weak.