Peace In Your Home

Everybody likes peace & quiet. Who has time to do battle when they battle enough outside the home? That's ridiculous. Home should be the ONE place where you can retreat to in order to escape the BS of the streets. If you can't have peace in your own house, something is wrong. A man gets up at 5am to hit the gym for an hour and a half, then he puts in a full day on the job. Once he comes home, here comes his wife hitting him with nonsense he had nothing to do with. Check this, she's had her own battles and she's going to unload on him? That's foul. If she was going to act a fool, she should've taken a few hours to debrief before unloading her attitude on him. NO ONE should be responsible for your bad attitude. If you need time to debrief, do whatever you have to do in order to get your mind right. Pray, scream to the mountaintop, vent to your best friends, whatever you see fit. It speaks volumes about you if a spouse unfairly gives their mate their attitude. Men & women are equally guilty of this.

I stand by my premise that if there's no peace in your home, something is wrong. There are times to confront, and times to let it ride. Personally, I don't have time to come home to a woman with a horrible attitude. I can have the best day, and here comes this witch spewing her poison. I'm liable to put her in her place, and dare her to move. That's the difference between some men and women: Many times, women make mountains out of molehills. What's not important to him, is important to her. With men, they confront when necessary and move on. This is why people need to gauge their prospective mates very carefully. Will I have peace with him or her? If so, we can make something shake. If not, both should go their separate ways. You go to war outside your home, and you bring that mess into your home? That's dumb.com. I refuse to sacrifice my peace of mind to do battle with my spouse. Then again, I won't have that problem because I will stress to my prospective woman that if we're going to get married, you WILL NOT unleash your attitude on me for any reason. If you're having a bad day, take time to debrief and let me know what's on your mind.

Then again, how many women DON'T like to argue? A small percentage. They think it's "healthy".



Mixing Business With Pleasure

Mixing Business With Pleasure?

 

There's a common theme among workplace romances: Don't eat where you work. In layman's terms, don't get involved with someone from your job. You see your colleagues 40 hours out of the week (which is more time than most spend with their families), and you're going to develop feelings? That's bonkers. Too much can go wrong getting involved with a colleague, and the relationship goes downhill. Here's an example: You and a colleague are competing for a Director position because the present Executive Director was promoted to Vice President. The position is in Miami, and you two work at the Atlanta office. Once the opening is up for grabs, you and your colleague go to war. Both employees have been on point since they were hired and continue to shine. The supervisor knows she can come to her superstars for help with her assignments because they will help her produce top notch work.

The man and woman do overtime, seek out additional projects and they go all out like never before because both of them want that Executive Director position. Here's the catch, they've been attracted to each other for quite sometime, but they didn't act on their feelings because they want to keep business and pleasure separate. Both the man and woman agree to work on a big project. As they're working on this project, they exchange ideas and their relationship grows closer. Once they put the finishing touches on this major assignment, they agree to dinner & a movie. They enjoyed a weekend together and report for work on Monday morning, keeping their relationship professional. When a man & woman have a good working relationship, it carries over into their personal life. They're a little more flirty than usual, and they have lunch together. No harm right? Right. Remember, these two are doing a good job (so far) of separating business from pleasure.

When the Executive Director announces the promotion, the man gets the promotion because he's considered an expert at his position, so that garners him the respect amongst his colleagues. His co-worker friend acts like she's not jealous, but deep down she is. He's excited, and when he goes to share the good news with her, she side eyes him. You know how some co-workers act when they don't get the promotion they want: Envy is magnified x 100. I don't see myself getting involved with a woman I work with; that would be awkward. The moral of the story is: It's not worth it to mix business with pleasure, because when a promotion is on the line, people's worst side comes out.

 

Does Social Media Hurt Relationships?

Does social media hurt relationships? That depends. Some people say yes, others say no. Truthfully, it's a little of both. Some couples don't allow outsiders to meddle in their relationships (as they should), and others will let any & everyone interfere in their business. Go on social media right now, and you'll read various statuses about social media interference in relationships. My personal view is this: While I do believe that social media does hurt relationships, the success or failure of any relationship hinges on the couple. Relationships require work, and nobody has time to let outsiders mess up what they're trying to build. If a couple is going to be on social media, they should establish their relationship status so as not to create confusion.

Once the relationship is established, any suspect behavior should not happen. Commenting on other (wo)men's pictures saying (s)he's fine or I want to get with this and that person. There have been stories where people have broken up over social media. Those relationships weren't strong to begin with. There's more to the story than we know. It takes a level of trust to be in a committed relationship, and be on social media. Think about it: An engaged man is on Facebook or Twitter looking at pictures of curvy women. One woman catches his eye, and he inboxes her wanting to "get to know her". Conversation flows and he arranges to meet this woman. As they're getting to know each other, his fiancee doesn't cross his mind because he's wrapped in getting to know this other woman.

The conversation turns to sexting, and sexting turns into cheating. The woman starts to suspect something with her fiancee and starts interrogating him. At first he says he was working late, then he graduates to hanging with his boys. Some men won't openly admit their cheating because they don't want to hurt their mate. While there is validity in social media hurting relationships; for the most part I believe that if a relationship doesn't have a solid foundation, it will not last.

Multiple Dating

GSRT Member Question:

When you are single and dating, is there anything wrong with dating more than one person at a time? A guy I met a couple of weeks ago – we’ve been out twice – once for lunch, and we also went to the movies. He said it's a turn off for him when he meets a woman that is “dating around” and unless I am willing to date only him, he's not interested.

My thing is, part of being single and dating is getting to know people and if I just met a man, why on earth would he think I would drop everything and focus on him? Isn’t that the point of dating until you meet a person you want to commit to?

What is your opinion?

 

My View: If you're dating more than one person, something's wrong. To me, you can't make up your mind as to who you want, so you have to date multiple people. In this scenario, I agree with the man because he wants to get to know this one woman, and she's "dating around". I'd be turned off by a woman who's dating around too because to me, that shows she doesn't know what she wants. She has to date this & that person in order to find out what she's looking for. That's what turns most (wo)men off. When you have someone who's wanting to get to know you, you turn your attention to them. It's skankish to date multiple people; If that's what some people do, more power to them. That couldn't be me. If I'm interested in a woman, all my focus goes to her because I see something in her that I may not find in anyone else.

If I'm interested in a woman, I'm interested in HER. I don't have time to be dating multiple women because to me, that's foul. What if the woman I'm dating has feelings for me and wants to marry me? I can't do that if I'm dating multiple women. If I'm trying to get into polygyny, then I'd get to know multiple women because the premise of polygamy is for building. One woman does this, the next woman does this and that, etc. Dating around is nothing more than an inability to decide who you want. You date one person on this day, the next person on that day, and so on. To me, dating around reflects poorly on (wo)men because it means the (wo)men involved are being led on.

Say a woman dates around, and she's vibing with several men at the same time. All these men are what she's looking for so she has difficulty choosing the perfect man. At some point, these men will find out about each other, and the woman will look crazy because she led each man to believe that he was the one. That's why I'm against dating around, because feelings will be hurt.



Public Service Announcement

Attention all men: Stop hooting & hollering because a woman gave you sex. What gives you the right to do a praise dance over something she's giving to every other man? That's silly to me. When a man gets sprung over nooky, that tells me he's not used to getting any from a woman, and he doesn't know how to act. It also means he's hard up for sex to where a woman finally sleeps with him, and he doesn't know what to do. He tries to make her pleasure palace exclusive: She can't sleep with other men, or do this & that, etc. It's her body, and she can do what she pleases with it. If she wants to share her cookies with every Tom, Dick & Harry, that's her perogative. Thank goodness I've never been thirsty for sex because I couldn't spend all my resources chasing after something she's giving to every other guy. You can tell when a man's not used to female attention, because when a woman offers the cooch, he starts acting crazy and salivating at the mouth. Some women do this, but not to the degree of men.

Expanding on yesterday's commentary about bad sex, loyalty is a lost art among some couples. Women leaving men over bad sex, men being within their right to leave because she let herself go; it's bonkers to me and gives me more ammunition to remain single. You don't truly know people like you think. People can and will tell you anything just to get in good standing. Once you let your guard down, they show you sides of them you didn't know about. You can prepare all you want, but all that preparation is put to the test once you get into a relationship with someone. If a woman is willing to leave her man over bad sex, she's doing him a favor. She wasn't into him for who he is, she was checking for him because she felt he could blow her back out. If a woman let herself go and her husband was no longer attracted to her, and he left her, all the women would call for his crucifixion. Here come the "that dog, he's not a real man, he's trifling, etc" shots. I see why most people choose to remain single, because they see the lack of loyalty among some couples, and would rather not deal.

 





Bad Sex=I'm Gone

 

Today's message is titled Bad Sex=I'm Gone. The above picture was posted in one of my Facebook groups. The responses are varied thus far, and confirmed my view that loyalty is a lost art. If you have someone who's good to you but the sex is bad, why would you leave? That's stupid to leave an otherwise good relationship over sex. The fact that men and women would leave over sex just shows how far we've fallen in society. Last time I checked, there's other ways to connect besides sex. Deep conversations, doing things together you both enjoy, etc. I can't be too upset because everyone's different, so being different involves different outlooks based on personal experiences. For me, I couldn't imagine leaving a good woman over bad sex. If we're compatible in other areas, then I can overlook bad sex; I'm dead serious about that. As a couple gets older, their sex life diminishes.

Many responses signaling departure are coming from women, go figure. Women place more value on sex than men do, and why wouldn't they? For women, sex is about emotional connection. You're connecting in a way that can only be explained through sexual activity. Some men don't value sex as much because some men will sex this & that woman, lay the bill on the table and leave a tip. I can understand why women value sex the way they do, but not to the point where if her man isn't laying it down right, she's gone. Thank God I'm not hard to please like most people. Basically, if a woman does right by me (and I return the favor), it doesn't matter if she's bad at sex; we'll improvise. Besides, as we get older our sex life will probably diminish due to lack of desire. There's more than one way to connect with your spouse, sex doesn't have to be the only option.

I'm going to post a few responses from T Lavon Lawrence:

"There is no RIGHT man - everything within a relationship changes - like the wind and the tide, emotions evolve, attachments rise and fall, perspectives and desires move from one aspect to another. What stokes your flame now will inevitably die out and your furnace will need a different type of fuel. Oh the hypocrisy you're going to demonstrate when things stop working in your female body when the changes hit you - and you turn to your man and he's not feeling you because your 'drives' aren't what they used to be."

"Every woman in here is going to change on her man - nature has made that a guarantee - and when it happens, your body is going to go insane, and your man is going to have to suffer for it. According to this mindset I'm seeing, he's justified in leaving you for another woman whose equipment is still in high-performance working order - no matter how good you treat him."

 

T Lavon's response show how loyalty is a lost art among some women. According to these two statements, a man would be justified in leaving or cheating on his woman if her equipment malfunctioned. That wouldn't go over well because the minute a similar picture was posted, women would be calling him a dog, sorry, etc. for not staying with his woman through her down time.

 

 



I Think (S)he lying

 

This post caught my attention in one of my Facebook groups. It deals with the issue of sexual partners. Whenever a (wo)man is meeting a potential mate, this topic usually comes up. Why does it come up? Because you want to know about their sexual health. With too many diseases running amok, it's important not to take a chance on your health. It seems that more men are demanding to know a woman's sexual status. If she's honest about the number of partners, he'll think she's lying or a ho. You can't win with some men, so I see why women opt not to answer, or give a false number. Then again, men are known to lie when a woman flips the script. If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question.

If you find someone that hasn't slept around and is a good fit, keep them around. You won't find too many quality mates in today's world. I understand quality is different for everyone. My personal viewpoint is this: If I want to know a woman's sexual past, I'm going to ask. If I don't/won't like the answer, it's best I not ask. I will be 100 and say I want a wholesome woman. I want to be her first & only. At the same time, every woman has a past so it's up to me to decide what I can handle. However, I know that someone's past doesn't define them unless they let it. If I meet a woman who's a great fit for me, but she slept with someone prior to me, I probably wouldn't trip over it too much AS LONG as ties were cut with her ex. I don't have time to be #2. It's either me or him.

No (wo)man wants a loose person. If so, that's sad and it goes to show you that some people are desperate to park in anyone's garage. How can some people be comfortable about sexing this & that person? That's crazy to me because they're playing Russian Roulette with their life. There have been news articles of men & women catching deadly diseases for sleeping around. That will not be me because I have goals to accomplish, and I can't do what needs to be done if I'm spending more time humping & jumping around. I consider a person loose if they've had more than 5 sexual partners. Some (wo)men like loose partners; to each their own. Couldn't be me. The only person I want to be loose with is my wife.

 

 

 





Getting Into A Relationship: Proceed With Caution

 

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you read this Caution sign? To me, the sign is obvious; proceed with caution. In life, it's important to use caution before undertaking a major event. If not, you could get caught up in something you have no business being in. Relationships are no different. In fact, you should exercise caution before you enter a relationship with someone. It baffles me people would accept the first person who walks into their life. Did (s)he do a background check on them? No, they saw a good looking (wo)man and their thirst meter went on overload. This is straight from my heart: I take relationships VERY seriously because I want my first long-term relationship to last, and in order to do that, I have to be very careful who I open up to. Not everyone has my best interest at heart, so why would I open up to the wrong woman? That's silly. I'm in several Facebook groups and we frequently discuss relationships. I read many people's relationship situations, and I shake my head because the posters come off so jaded. Women write off men as dogs, men call women ratchet, etc. When it comes to failed relationships, I learn a lot from other people's failed relationships, and I determine NOT to make the same mistakes they did.

Can someone be TOO cautious? That depends. If you're trying to protect yourself from hurt, no. As stated before, not everyone you meet is going to have your best interest at heart. If you can avoid pain, do so. No sense in putting yourself through unnecessary drama. This is why many people with failed relationships are bitter, because they were too trusting with their heart. They took the first good looking (wo)man walking and lost their senses; telling everything on the first date, spending hundreds trying to impress them so they can stay, etc. The relationship game has changed, and not for the better. You have men bordering on simp territory selling out for women's approval, and women eating that up while she says to herself  "I've got this man wrapped around my finger. I'm not checking for him, but if he's wining & dining me, why not?" After the courting phase, comes marriage. Marriage is a whole different ballgame because what's done in the dark, comes to light. You find out things about a person you never knew. For everyone that's too trusting with their heart, be careful. Trust the wrong person and they'll have you looking crazy

 





Stop Trying So Hard!

 

This photo makes me sick because this man is trying too hard to get a greeting from this woman with an attitude. If you speak to her, and she won't speak back...keep it moving. Thank goodness I'm not hard up for a woman speaking to me. If she speaks to me, I speak back and keep moving. If not, oh well. Maybe she's got a lot on her mind, maybe she doesn't feel like talking, or as this picture states: Some black men have made her mad, and she's taking it out on him. I don't have time to force a greeting out of a woman, or anyone for that matter. 9 times out of 10, I'm going on about my day so I'll do a quick hi and ride out. It's not that serious for a man to go out of his way to make a woman acknowledge him. This picture goes into simp territory.

Contrary to what this picture states, many men DON'T want to "holla", they just want to speak to a woman and keep going. It's considered rude to ignore someone's greeting to you, so maybe he has a point. The "I Love You" comment was a bit much because they don't know each other, so why would he tell her he loves her? I love you is what couples tell each other and their children, extended & immediate family, etc. The thirst is critical for this man because there's no telling the lengths he will go to get her to acknowledge his greeting. These men need to tighten up, and stop fishing for greetings from women. A man's day should not be dictated by a woman's greeting. If she wants to act stupid, that's her problem. You cannot make others' problems, your problems.

As far as I'm concerned, she could be turned off by his constant attempts at getting her to speak. Most women will speak when spoken to. In the event that someone doesn't speak, chalk it up to them having a lot on their mind. I think of this man as someone who likes to make a woman happy. He wants to know what's on her mind, and won't stop until she opens up.



Strawberry Letter: Wife On Edge

Good Morning: I am a 24 year old wife and mother of two. I have been married a year, and I am already on edge and ready to get a divorce. Last year, after my husband and I got married I found some emails from some of my husband's "female friends" and his ex girlfriend where he told them the only reason he got married was because the military gave him more money. Needless to say I was pissed and was ready to separate, but after his begging, pleading and crying I decided that I would stay. The very next month I saw emails and text messages between him and his ex girlfriend where she was totally disrespecting me and he allowed her to do it. Again I went off but did not threaten to leave or anything I just snapped. He left on deployment for 6 months; about 2 months after he returned I went to the doctor and found out that I had contracted an STD. Of course he denied being with anyone while he was gone, and I know I had not been with anyone else. That was the first crack in our relationship. He then turned very mean and would randomly get upset with me and I had no idea why. Recently I just picked up his phone and saw that he and a female "friend" had been exchanging pictures of body parts that should not be shown. Even though he has never hit me physically, that hurt as if he punched me. I confronted him about it, and he made up every reason for why it was okay. I am really on edge and stuck between staying and going. I really don't want to be anybody's fool, but I do love my husband. What should I do?

 

My View: This is why I have little respect for marriage, because of situations like this. Doesn't anyone respect the sacred bond of marriage anymore? Goodness. Couples messing around on each other, then they have the nerve to come home to each other like the mess isn't wrong. If you're not going to be faithful to your spouse, you have no business getting married. I see why couples get married, for the financial & legal benefits. Monogamy is a lost art in today's world. People get together, and have others on the side. Look at what happened to this woman: She caught an STD because her husband was messing around with another woman. I truly feel bad for her, and her children. How can he be upset with her and HE was the one who cheated? Some of these men piss me off with their deflection. He's upset with his wife because HE cheated.

Once he begged, pleaded and cried, I knew she was going to take him back. Men know how to play on women's emotions, and that's what he did and she fell for the okie doke. He wasn't sorry, he was sorry he got caught. He cheated on her several times (sexting included), and she wants to stay? That's crazy. No wonder men continue to cheat, because they know their women will take them back. Of course he's going to deny being with anyone else; he doesn't want problems with his wife. She went off on him the first time, so he's not letting that happen again.. I'm not trying to be mean, but if she stays with him after everything he's put her through, she deserves everything she gets. Women need to tighten up and stop allowing these men to play them. If he cheats once, LEAVE. People do what you allow, and cheating is no different. Infidelity is grounds for divorce, and the Bible says so.

 You can get married with the best intentions, and your partner will still cheat. This is why discernment is important: If you have an uneasy feeling about someone, it's for a reason. Something about them doesn't mesh with your spirit. If caution is thrown to the wind, you have no reason to catch feelings because (s)he knew something wasn't right, and (s)he went forward with the relationship. Infidelity should warrant immediate divorce because if cheating happens once, it will happen again. How much pain is one supposed to endure in marriage? Happiness should always trump loving someone through the rough times. He gave her an STD; that right there should tell her to exit stage left.



Scenario: What's In Your Heart, Comes Out Of Your Mouth

 

A man and his woman get into an argument, and she says hurtful things to her man. She's never been the violent type, but this time she slaps him, and tells him to get out. He leaves and she calls her man to apologize for stepping out of character and putting her hands on him. Does he?
A. Accept her apology and go back home?
B. Avoid her calls until he cools off?
C. End the relationship

 

There is no universal answer because each man is different. One man may accept her apology and go back home to his wife, another man may avoid her calls until he's had time to calm down, or the last man would end the relationship. There is no reason for couples to lay hands on each other in anger; that is unforgivable. Yes, rough times will come in marriage, but that doesn't warrant physical abuse. Sure (s)he may apologize for putting hands on you in anger, but who's to say they won't do it again the next time they get angry? You don't know, so it's best to have zero tolerance for ANY abuse in a relationship. Some people are very good at manipulation, they apologize for their transgression just so they can have another opportunity to go upside your head. Why would he avoid her calls until he cools off? By that time, it may be too late to reason with people like her. In matters like this, she just didn't decide to slap him. She's had a lot of built-up anger to let loose on her husband.

 Answer C would be a no brainer for me, and let me explain why: I cannot let this slide because who's to say she won't do it again? I'm not about to risk it. Had I gone upside her head, I'd be dead wrong and be in jail. I'll forgive her, but I will never forget. I couldn't look at her the same way. She can apologize all she wants, but the damage was already done. THAT cannot be erased. When someone's angry, you find out their true colors. Nobody gets that angry for no reason; it's a build-up of previous issues . She didn't decide to beat on me for no reason; she's held in a lot over time and it all came to a head when we had an argument. There's no coming back from that episode. She can apologize all she wants, but she would be gone. I have zero tolerance for physical abuse. If I wouldn't let anyone else beat on me, what makes her think I'll let her do the same? No, I'd walk away and work on a divorce. I wouldn't pray about it, nothing. No amount of prayer would restore this incident. In situations like this, you don't know someone until you see them at their worst. Once you've seen them at their worst, what's in their heart will flow out of their mouth.



Somebody's Got To Do It

 

If a man isn't being a man, somebody's got to do it. That "somebody" means the woman. How many women think this way? More than we know, and that's sad. In every relationship, there's an order that must be followed (if a person's single, the order doesn't apply.): The man is considered the head over the woman. God set it up like this for a reason. Most women don't agree with or like the order, but they need to take it up with God. If a woman senses a man isn't fulfilling his role, she needs to leave him. She has no business staying with a man that's comfortable in letting the woman lead. Women lose respect for their men if he allows her to bulldoze him. Contrary to women's combative nature, many women do want an assertive man that will check them. I don't know of any woman that wants a man to let her rum amok and endanger him/her(self). Sadly, many women enter relationships with weak men, then get upset when she has to take charge. Well, someone has to take charge in a relationship or there will be chaos. If a man's not doing his job, it's on the woman to do one of two things: Get rid of him or tell him to shape up. A woman shouldn't have to tell her man to tighten up, his game should be tight daily. Every day, a man should strategize on how to position his family for survival after he leaves this world. I don't know too many men that would be cool with letting their woman lead, although they do exist. If a man is fine with letting his woman lead, that's his perogative. He needs to understand that his woman will lose respect for him as time passes. She may not say it, but she's thinking it. First, the dirty looks; next, silent treatment, and it takes one argument which will reveal everything she's felt up to that point. No woman should have to be the man in her relationship. If he's not doing his job, cancel him and move on to a more thorough man. The issue is, a no-nonsense man won't allow his woman to get away with nonsense so when she tries it with him, he's gonna put her in her place, and dare her to move. Wait, a woman CAN be the man in her relationship, but that would make her a hermaphrodite. She can't decide if she wants to wear the pants or the panties in a relationship.

Engagement Ring

Why do women make a big deal about the cost of an engagement ring? A woman should appreciate her engagement ring, regardless of cost. Some women have this notion that if a ring doesn't cost 5 figures, he didn't put much thought into choosing her ring. I say that's false; You can get a good engagement ring at a jewelry store in the mall for $1000-$2000, tops. No need to spend one's annual salary on a ring. You make $65K a year, and your ring budget is $30K. What? That's almost half one's salary. I could NOT see myself spending half of my salary on an engagement ring. Most women that want huge engagement rings don't realize they are paying for the engagement ring themselves. Some women want a man to save 3 months salary to purchase a ring. If he's not rich, that 3-6 months has to come from somewhere, and usually from financing. Not many people can drop 6 months salary on a ring, and think nothing of it. Many Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, so most people can't afford to drop $10K on an engagement. If you're wealthy, of course. A smart man would spend no more than $1000-$2000 on an engagement ring for his fiancee. A good woman wouldn't want her husband going broke buying an engagement ring. Think about it, the 3-6 months salary he's saving on the engagement ring could be better spent saving for the wedding or saving for a down payment on a house. People don't think like that; spending 5 figures on an engagement ring is living for the moment. I get he wants to make sure his lady is spoken for, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying some women shouldn't place so much emphasis on the cost of the ring. A lifetime together should be more important than how much an engagement ring costs. If you're rich, and can afford to drop $30K or so on an engagement ring, more power to you. If you're like many Americans, you're on a budget, and you have to watch every penny. I just think it's crazy to spend your annual salary on an engagement ring, not realizing you have to live afterwards.
 

Oprah Winfrey Interviews Joel Osteen - In Defense of Joel Osteen

 

Last night, Oprah sat down with famed megachurch pastor Joel Osteen. In this interview, he keeps it 100 all the way. They discuss a variety of faith-related topics. I remember listening to John Osteen several years ago on television, and that's how I heard of Joel. Originally, Joel wasn't checking for the pulpit, but God called him to preach the gospel. It's funny how God has a way of FORCING you into his agenda. Looking at Joel Osteen right now, I know he's making his dad proud. I remember Lakewood's humble beginnings in Northeast Houston. The church stayed in the ghetto for quite sometime before it moved to the former Rockets arena, the Compaq Center (formerly The Summit). Of the time Lakewood was in a black area, it made a difference in the hood. John Osteen died of a heart attack in '99 (the year I graduated from high school), so Joel took over. Joel Osteen is coming to Tallahassee, FL on March 14, 2014 so I plan on attending. I've been praying for a chance to see Joel Osteen live, and now I have my chance. I enjoy Joel's messages because they're succinct; he gets to the point in 30-35 minutes. Joel's style is a combination of motivational & inspirational preaching, and people need that. Life beats you down enough, and the last thing some people need is a fire & brimstone preacher. I understand the need for rebuke, but if all your sermons consist of doom & gloom, nobody's checking for that. Let me address something right now: I'm SICK & TIRED of Joel Osteen's critics. People always have something crazy to say about that man's blessings. When you honor God, he will honor you; simple as that. Joel came from humble beginnings and paid his dues, so he deserves to shine. Joel knows where he came from, so I don't think he's worried about his critics. When God blesses you, be ready for jealousy (even from your loved ones). Most people can't stand seeing another person doing better than them, so the natural thing to do is hate. People have this ridiculous notion that Christians are supposed to be broke & poor. First off, God wants his children to have the best in life. There's nothing holy about being poor & broke. You worry about where your next meal is coming from, you see others dressed better, and you want what they have. It baffles me that people think because a Christian is well-off, that they're worldly. God fills our lives with blessings, when we obey him. So, the world is supposed to be blessed but Christians aren't? Have seveal seats. Just because some people are accustomed to struggle, doesn't mean they should portray that on everyone. In closing, shout out to all Christians who are doing very well for themselves and stay humble. Keep on keeping on.

Not A Homewrecker?

Grown Soul & Real Talk:

I just wanted to say that every woman involved with a married man is NOT a home wrecker. Sometimes, things just happen and before you know it, you’re in your feelings and involved with that person. Also, sometimes it IS the wife’s fault the marriage is failing!
I’m saying this because I was involved with a married man for a year, and he actually divorced his wife and married me – he wasn't playing games and stringing me along.
My question, why do people automatically think it’s the other woman’s fault, she stole somebody’s husband, etc? Sometimes, it’s more complicated than that.

 

My View: A woman involved with a married man isn't a homewrecker. Wow...then I suppose a man who cheats on his woman isn't a cheater. The logic people use to excuse their misdeeds. The truth is this: A woman involved with a married man is a homewrecker, period. Because she can't get her own man, she seeks to get involved with a married one. Make it so bad, the married man doesn't leave his wife for the other woman. Why do some women think that because they get with a married man, he's a good man? Last time I checked, a good man would never disrespect his wife by having a side woman. That's all the other woman is, a side woman. Sometimes, it is the wife's fault the marriage is failing. She's not what he envisioned, not doing her job as a wife, etc. Various things can lead to a man seeking happiness outside of his marriage. Now, a man cannot be stolen. Chances are, he and the other woman were already plotting to see each other; they needed the right time to do it. Being with someone married is wrong, but we decide to do the wrong thing sometimes. People just have to be grown enough to deal with the consequences. She's ok with a man with no loyalty, integrity, or maturity & therefore found herself in love with such a person. That makes sense for her because she lacks those qualities. It doesn't matter if it's his fault, her fault, both of their faults. You see one side of the story. Was she on their journey from the beginning?? So how can she make any judgments according to what he said? It takes two to tango. Both of them are wrong. You end things as a virtuous person & ONLY then is it right to move on with someone else. Ultimately, it's the husband that chose not to be 100% committed to his vows for better or worse, through sickness and in health. In closing: If cheating was on the table, the marriage should've been over long ago. Keep in mind that he cheated on his wife with HER; so she cannot be upset when he blames her for stepping out on the relationship. Stories like that just give people more ammo NOT to get married, because someone can do all they can to make their spouse happy, but if a person wants to cheat, they're going to cheat.

Wedding Beef

GSRT Member Question:

I'm getting married next month. Our Dad left our mom for a younger woman a little over a year ago. He also tried to do our Mom dirty in the divorce, and both he and his new woman treated her really badly. They've supposedly made peace with it and everyone has moved on.
This woman he's with now is very disrespectful to our mom when we're around her and my Dad. We have asked her to not talk badly about our Mom when we are around but she continues to make horrible comments now and then. We also told her our Mom has been nothing but civil and doesn't say anything about her or our Dad so she needs to be a woman and stop all this noise. Our Dad never says anything, or lets her know she's out of line.
I told my Dad when I got engaged that his new "woman" was not welcome at my wedding for many different reasons. Now he says if she can't come, he's not coming either. I said fine--don't come, but my fiance says I should try to talk to my Dad again and make amends.
WTF? Am I being unreasonable?

My View: Weddings are a time for celebration, not drama. If her father wants to act stupid, LET HIM. If he's scared of his woman to where he won't check her for being free with the mouth, there's not much the daughter can do. Maybe it's for the best her father & his woman don't show up, because that's less drama for her to deal with. The fact that her father won't check his woman shows his true colors. Think about it: He tried to do her mom dirty in the divorce, and both of them treated her like a dog. Big ups go out to her mother for not sinking to these degenerates' level. Just because they're acting stupid, doesn't mean her mother should sink to their level. Their treatment towards her mother is proving one thing: She (the mother) is on their minds, but the mother is keeping it moving. The fact that her father & his new woman won't come to the wedding is a blessing because they would've tried to sabotage her wedding day. Divorce brings out the ugly in people, and that's one of many reasons why I'm reluctant to get married. I see where the fiance is coming from, but you can't make amends with someone who's bent on not coming to your wedding, especially if you think they're going to sabotage. I wouldn't try to talk sense into her father, because men are bullheaded so it would be futile. If she decides to make amends, she can do this: Meet him away from his new woman and from your mother. She explains to him again why she doesn't want her there and make the reasons clear. If he is still adamant that he is not coming, then wish them well. Life is too short for this nonsense. This is her wedding day, she shouldn't be stressing over a couple of clowns. Building up to the wedding, she should be excited about the planning process: Picking out her wedding gown and the reception. It's foul for her father not to come to her wedding because his new woman can't come too. Weddings are for the bridge & groom's closest friends & family. She sounds like trouble, so I wouldn't want her at my wedding either. A daughter's greatest joy is walking his daughter down the aisle on her big day, and her father won't give her that honor. Deep down, she will never forgive her father if he doesn't walk her down the aisle.



Big Dummy

 

Today's blog message is based on this Zane letter. Read on:

I just want to say, you are the best at what you do! Go head!! I have a huge issue. I’m 35 and when I was a sophomore in college, I met this really sexy white boy, he was the president of one of the biggest frats on campus. I had never been with a white boy before, and he had never been with a black girl so we messed around, and soon started dating. I’ll be honest, I really started dating him because he came from money, he was already admitted to law school, and I knew his future was going to be super bright. As soon as his family saw us together, they cut him off completely, but he worked his way through law school, and is now successful. We ended up getting married and we have 2 extremely gorgeous children, I have to admit, mostly due to his good genes. My husband and I work out religiously, and all the women I work with both old and young all get hot when he comes to bring me lunch or take me out to lunch every Monday and Friday. He's a fantastic provider and the best dad, me and our kids are his world. Recently, his family has come around to accepting us and so all is good… here’s the problem, my husband is white.

I can tell that my husband is extremely attractive, but he's not black. Unlike I thought about white boys, he's seriously packing down below and he goes all out in bed. Never a complaint there, hes like 99% perfect but, I've always been down for my chocolate men. Anyways, 2 months ago we hired a driver at my place of work, he’s 6’5 & 250 lbs of chocolate sexiness!! I lightly flirted with him and he with me, and soon we were sexting. He gets me HOT!! He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!! On Saturdays, my husband takes the kids for the day and they let me have a "mommy day" usually for me to go to a spa or to do whatever I want. Last week, they came home early and caught me off guard while sexting. We had been sending pictures of body parts and my husband looked thru my phone. Zane, do you know what he did? He CRIED. Wtf? What man cries?? I thought he was going to get mad, but he cried. What a punk. He cried for days, I've never been so turned off. He might be secretly gay, or just a sissy. Men don’t cry they get angry, I thought he was going to look for the dude I was sexting, but hes talking about counseling! UGH!! I want a REAL MAN!! Ive been thinking about filing for divorce so that I can get things started with my chocolate man, he wants to move in with me when I get a place. I don’t mind leaving the kids with my husband, that’ll give me more privacy anyway. Do you think my husband has been on the DL? My best friend and I no longer talk bc she thinks I’m in the wrong, am I? I want a strong black man, not this sissy boy. Please help!!

My View: Basically, she's cheating on her husband by sexting with another man. To top it off, the husband cried? First off, if another man is trying to get at your woman, as her man you're supposed to handle that by any means necessary. This is why some men think very low of women, because of trifling broads like her. I get she and her husband aren't on good terms, but she doesn't have to hurt him. Make it so bad, she has no remorse either. I don't get how some people can make vows in marriage, then one spouse thinks nothing of hurting the other. Make it so bad, some people are proud to be hurtful to others. I don't blame her friend for not talking to her; I wouldn't either. Her friend doesn't respect her foul nature because she doesn't want to associate with slimy people. As the old adage goes: You are the company you keep; If you associate with crooks, you're one by association. "He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!!" Ok, I thought when a woman cheats, she cheats on a higher caliber man. The man she's cheating with isn't much of a catch according to her, but he's handsome. This woman has no respect for her marriage, let alone her husband. If the husband is smart, he will x out the counseling idea and beat her to the punch with filing for divorce. Infidelity of ANY kind is unforgivable. Who's to say the other man and her haven't already met, and got physical? She did mention wanting to move him in once she gets her own spot. He may be "foine" as she states, but she'll get tired of him living off her. Add his baby mama issues to the mix, and this is a recipe for disaster. I hope she knows what she's doing. Is she prepared for any baby mama drama? We'll soon find out.



Dating: 2 FOR $20 (Applebee's, Chili's)

 

When you ask someone out on a date, and you don't want your pockets to suffer, you can't go wrong with a $2 for $20 at Applebee's. Chili's has a similar deal, so whatever place is your preference, enjoy yourself. Best of all, many men wouldn't mind coming out of pocket for a woman with this kind of special. If someone has a problem with this, they're not the one. You share an appetizer, and get two full entrees all for $20. If my lady and I are going out one evening to dinner & a movie, I'd take advantage of this deal. Nobody has time to spent ridiculous amounts of money on dinner & a movie. I'm very frugal with my finances, because I just can't see going to a 5 star restaurant and paying $100 or so on dinner. It's not like you get a generous portion of food. If you do dinner & a movie, you're going to spend more than $20, I'm just saying. The cost increases if you live in a major city (Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Dallas, Houston, etc.). I do notice a difference in big-city women and women from medium-sized cities. Big-City women have more expensive tastes, and they expect a man to drop stacks for them even though she may not see herself with him long-term. A man and woman live in Chicago, and he asks her out on a date. The man & woman are both investment bankers at a major finance firm in Chicago. He asks her on a date, and she agrees. They both are making bank, so money isn't a thing. The guy is very frugal with his finances, and doesn't see a need to have expensive taste. The only expensive thing he owns is his 2014 Infiniti that he paid for in cash. On date night, the man & woman introduce themselves and they go to Applebee's for a 2 for $20 special. The woman isn't pleased because she thought he was taking her someplace nice. Because he asked her on a date, he had power to choose where they went for dinner. Besides, he's paying so I don't know what her deal is. They're having good conversation, and she starts loosening up. After dinner, he leaves the tip and they're on their way. The moral of this message is this: No date should cost more than $20, and if it does...offer to go dutch.

Daddy's Girl

 

I'm going to offend some folks, but I don't care who slighted. Just like women don't mess with mama's boys, we men don't/shouldn't seek out Daddy's Girls. Think about it: A woman runs to daddy as soon as she gets in a bind, because she knows Daddy will bail her out. How many fathers you know teach their girls to stand on their own? Very few, if any. Fathers pamper their daughters, and she grows up seeking a man just like Daddy. The whole Daddy's Girl mantra is not a good look, AT ALL. If mama's boys are frowned upon, Daddy's Girls should be frowned on as well. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear Daddy's Girl? A woman that's close to her father. She measures her husband based on the bar set by her father. If her father is honest, hardworking/ambitious, God fearing, that's who she wants in her husband. Let me expose the double standard: A woman living with her parents is going through a bad time, but a man living with his parents is considered a bum. Why is that? Men are expected to be able to survive on their own, we're not supposed to ask for help. If a man needs help, it's a last resort. He will exhaust all options before he finally asks for help. Women need a little more help being independent, which is why they're usually the last to move on their own. Should I choose parenthood, my job is to raise responsible children. My daughter wouldn't get any special treatment. I'd show her how a man should treat her based on affection shown to mom, & raise her to be independent so she wouldn't have to come to me for everything. My daughter wouldn't be thinking about boyfriends, she would be about her education. Should she find a suitable man, I meet him first to see what he's about. Out of all these skeezers, what makes my daughter special? Understand this, he hurts her, I hurt him. My princess will understand what it takes to keep a man happy. In my view, some Daddy's Girls are dependent on dad. If dad cuts her off financially, she beomces desprate to make it. She's never had to earn her way in life, because everyhing she ever wanted & needed was given to her by Daddy. Here's the Irony: Mama's boy is frowned upon because many mothers equip their sons with skills to be HER man. That's no different than a Daddy's Girl because he's teaching her how to be HIS man. If a man's getting to know his woman, he wants to be #1 in her life. With dad in the picture, that's going to be difficult because he's competing with her father to win her heart. I can understand why many men don't want Daddy's Girls, because she expects her man to be just like daddy. I will say this: A woman who grew up with her father knows how to relate to men. She recognizes a good man because that's what she saw growing up. A woman growing up without a dad may not know how to deal with men because she's never had that influence. She carries on being disrespectful towards men, until one claps back and checks her. There's pros & cons to dating a Daddy's Girl.



Real Men Do...(Insert Here)

 

Ladies,
 If you have never been with a real man, don't know how to treat a real man, don't know how to act around a real man and don't know how to submit to a real man, DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT A REAL MAN IS OR ISN'T. A real quality man knows what he needs to do and must do. If you aren't being a quality lady, you will never know what he is.
 

Too many females are saying, "A real man would...", "A real man needs to...", "A real man better...", but you aren't playing your part in being a real, quality woman. It's funny how so many females who supposedly know what a real man is... are single and bitter. Do you not see the problem?
 

Ladies, worry about being a real, quality lady instead of focusing on what a real man should or shouldn't do. When you meet him, you will know. But if you have yet to meet him, work on you. Be the best you, a high caliber lady before you ever talk about what a real man is. It's a new year, let's get it together!

~Dahlia

 

My View: The following Public Service Announcement was made by Dahlia of How To Be A Woman. How To Be A Woman is one of the most popular Facebook pages on social media. Daily lady lessons are taught by Lotus and Dahlia. I stand with these two women because they bring much-needed wisdom to today's women. Onto today's message: Women love to spout real man rhetoric like it's gospel. "A real man respects women, a real man refers to women as queens, no matter how they act, etc." First off, a woman has no right dictating what a real man should do, because she's not a MAN. It's like a man telling a woman how to be a woman. Never mind there are hundreds of Facebook pages telling women how to be women, but that's beside the point. A woman's definition of a real man is coming from a bitter place. For example, a real man refers to women as queens, even if she is ratchet. A queen is a woman who carries herself in high regard, because she's an extension of her king. If a so-called queen is acting ratchet, she demotes herself to the common hoodrat. A ratchet woman has no right to call herself a queen if she's not acting as such. When I hear a woman telling what real men do, it's coming from a biased place: In a roundabout way, she's telling men what real men do in order to emasculate him. How stupid does it sound for a man telling a woman how to be something she's naturally (or should be)? Sounds foolish huh? Exactly, that's how many men feel when a woman tries to tell him about his gender. A man has a better understanding of what real men do because he's a man. It's only fair that men make real men statements because they hold more weight coming from a man than women. Sure, some women may have merit in what they say about real men, but a man's experiences trump her view on what a real man is all about.

Not Easily Broken: I Feel Trapped

 

Aside from a conversation with a friend, I got the inspiration for this post from the movie Not Easily Broken. Not Easily Broken is a powerful movie because it shows the highs & lows of marriage (infidelity, arguments, etc). Anyone who has been married for over a decade can tell you they've had their share of ups & downs. Towards the end of the movie, Dave Johnson (Morris Chestnut) faces temptation when he consoles a widow whose son died during a swim meet. At some point, couples will feel trapped in marriage. The question is: What do you do when you feel trapped in marriage? A couple has been married 40 years until the husband suffers 3 massive strokes. One stroke is bad enough, but 3 massive strokes? One stroke could take out most people, but anyone who's lived through 3 massive strokes, and a heart valve can tell you that was God. Only God can sustain someone through all that. As a result, his entire brain is affected. He has trouble speaking, he's mad at the world and takes it out on his wife. His entire personality has changed, and with good reason. Anybody's demeanor would change if they've been through that kind of hell, let's keep it 100. Because of this, the husband is disabled. He can't do what he did before, so he's dependent on his wife. To take some of the pressure off the wife, the daughter decides to move in with her parents to help care for her father. She's distraught from seeing her dad's health deterioriate. Women are emotional creatures, so it doesn't take much for them to shed tears. I was telling my friend that a man's identity is being able to do for self. If he's dependent on someone to care for him, that's not a good look for him because pride won't allow him to ask for help. The wife must be able to anticipate what he needs, and when he needs it. For someone with deterioriating health, you never know what's going to happen so you have to be on stand-by. It's understandable that a single mom caring for aging parents has her own obligations, and many parents are understanding of that. When you get married, you take vows of for better or worse, sickness & health, rich or poor, etc. You don't have time to be "trapped". If you feel trapped in marriage, you shouldn't be married. It's one thing to have cold feet prior to marriage; it's another to feel trapped in marriage. Mess like this makes me NOT want marriage because if I'm going to get married, I know what I'm getting into. Who's to say that my future wife (should I decide on marriage) is going to feel the same way? I don't know. Did (S)he feel trapped during the honeymoon phase? No. Of course (s)he wouldn't feel trapped during the honeymoon because everything's sweet. When one spouse falls ill, we'll see how that works out. Much of your day is spent caring for an ill spouse, they're pissed at you for their failing health even if you had nothing to do with it. It takes A LOT of love & patience to stick by an irritable spouse. I don't care what nobody says: If you've been through 3 massive strokes & a replaced heart valve, your personality would change too. Maybe not to the degree of being mad at the world and going in on your spouse, but your demeanor would change significantly. Being disabled, and having to depend on your spouse for basic necessities is a lot for any couple. People must know what they're getting into when they say "I Do". 





New Year, NOT New You

It's January 1, 2014. Each new year brings new beginnings. The time to let go of the old, and bring in the new. A recent catchphrase has been popularized, and it's "New Year, New Me" Every year, you read tweets and Facebook statuses that read New Year, New Me. I'm not one to judge, because I truly believe some people act on the New Year, New Me phrase. There are those who say it just to hear themselves talk. You talk that New Year, New Me garbage, but 9 times out of 10, you're going to be the same when 2014 ends. Let me explain: How many people can honestly say they've said New Year, New Me and ACTED on it? *Crickets* Ok, so if you're not committed to becoming a new person, why say New Year, New Me? I know, because it sounds good. It sounds good when you utter a phrase because it inspires motivation to want to improve. The problem lies when some people act it, but they can't back it. As I have gotten older, (and I would like to think wiser) I have realized that I have not, nor do I currently understand this “new year new me” phenomenon. I ponder if at the stroke of midnight, people will start morphing before my eyes into these super productive, ultra skinny, money saving, non-partying, you fill in the blank people before my eyes, and the reality is that nothing happens at all. In fact, according to the Journal of Clinical Psychology, (University of Scranton) only 8% of people are successful at achieving the resolutions they set for the new year. What does that tell you? The other 92% of people talk a good game. I understand things happen, but if you can't back it up, please don't speak it. It's not a good look to say New Year, New Me and do nothing to make that a reality.