Aside from a conversation with a friend, I got the inspiration for this post from the movie Not Easily Broken. Not Easily Broken is a powerful movie because it shows the highs & lows of marriage (infidelity, arguments, etc). Anyone who has been married for over a decade can tell you they've had their share of ups & downs. Towards the end of the movie, Dave Johnson (Morris Chestnut) faces temptation when he consoles a widow whose son died during a swim meet. At some point, couples will feel trapped in marriage. The question is: What do you do when you feel trapped in marriage? A couple has been married 40 years until the husband suffers 3 massive strokes. One stroke is bad enough, but 3 massive strokes? One stroke could take out most people, but anyone who's lived through 3 massive strokes, and a heart valve can tell you that was God. Only God can sustain someone through all that. As a result, his entire brain is affected. He has trouble speaking, he's mad at the world and takes it out on his wife. His entire personality has changed, and with good reason. Anybody's demeanor would change if they've been through that kind of hell, let's keep it 100. Because of this, the husband is disabled. He can't do what he did before, so he's dependent on his wife. To take some of the pressure off the wife, the daughter decides to move in with her parents to help care for her father. She's distraught from seeing her dad's health deterioriate. Women are emotional creatures, so it doesn't take much for them to shed tears. I was telling my friend that a man's identity is being able to do for self. If he's dependent on someone to care for him, that's not a good look for him because pride won't allow him to ask for help. The wife must be able to anticipate what he needs, and when he needs it. For someone with deterioriating health, you never know what's going to happen so you have to be on stand-by. It's understandable that a single mom caring for aging parents has her own obligations, and many parents are understanding of that. When you get married, you take vows of for better or worse, sickness & health, rich or poor, etc. You don't have time to be "trapped". If you feel trapped in marriage, you shouldn't be married. It's one thing to have cold feet prior to marriage; it's another to feel trapped in marriage. Mess like this makes me NOT want marriage because if I'm going to get married, I know what I'm getting into. Who's to say that my future wife (should I decide on marriage) is going to feel the same way? I don't know. Did (S)he feel trapped during the honeymoon phase? No. Of course (s)he wouldn't feel trapped during the honeymoon because everything's sweet. When one spouse falls ill, we'll see how that works out. Much of your day is spent caring for an ill spouse, they're pissed at you for their failing health even if you had nothing to do with it. It takes A LOT of love & patience to stick by an irritable spouse. I don't care what nobody says: If you've been through 3 massive strokes & a replaced heart valve, your personality would change too. Maybe not to the degree of being mad at the world and going in on your spouse, but your demeanor would change significantly. Being disabled, and having to depend on your spouse for basic necessities is a lot for any couple. People must know what they're getting into when they say "I Do".
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