Chasing Booty

A single, successful, attractive man has an offer to sleep with an equally attractive, single & successful woman. Is there any reason why he wouldn't jump at the chance to knock her back out? Most people think men are thirsty horndogs that are all about sex, so one would expect him to knock her back out. Some men would sleep with her because those men aren't thinking straight anyway. Their main focus is wam, bam, thank you ma'am. Once a man has nailed an attractive woman, he's on his way because he got what he came for (on the flip side, she got what she wanted because some women will initiate sexual contact). Usually, men who spend all their time and money chasing booty have nothing going for themselves, so they base their self-worth on the kitty.

People are surprised to hear of men who aren't concerned with getting some kitty. These men are on their grind, and sex isn't important to them. They're too busy to chase after a woman who's probably had several guys run up in her already, so he knows the headache that could result. It's said that if you sleep with a (wo)man, you've slept with those before her. How do those sloppy seconds, thirds & fourths taste? I rest my case. It's bananas how some people think that men haven't evolved past high school. In high school, that man probably would've nailed the first cutie he saw; now that he's matured, he realizes what's most important: Building his own legacy. Contrary to what some people think, there are men who aren't led by their other head.
A man that's reached the pinnacle of his personal & professional life doesn't have time to chase after kitty. Women have never paid him any mind before, so why would he check for a woman now? In most cases, he's not because he wants to stay on top of his game. Once a man has reached the top, the only place he can go is down. Most successful men aren't trying to come down, they want to remain on top; if they see a woman as a distraction, she won't get the chance to deter him because he'll cut her off before she has a chance to approach. The premise behind this message is that there are men that place little to no value on chasing booty. What you value, goes into how you live your life.

Will You Marry Me? In 1 year or less.

I hear of couples that have gotten engaged in a year or less, and I ask myself: What's the rush? Getting to know someone takes longer than a year, and you're going to propose to them based on lovey-dovey feelings? That's silly to me, but to each their own. It's easy to get to know a person's good side, but when their bad side shows him, that high wears off. I couldn't propose to my lady after a year or less of knowing her. Even if I know what to look for (which I do), I believe in taking things slow. We have plenty of years ahead of us, so slow down ma'am. There's a reason why half of first marriages end in divorce, and I'm willing to wager that haste (among other factors) had something to do with it. It seems like nobody wants to wait anymore, everyone rushing into marriage.

There are couples that have gotten married a year after meeting each other, and are doing very well. I salute those couples because they obviously hit it off to take a big step so soon. Seldom does a couple hit it off and end up married a year later, but I know it happens. A couple should take a minimum of 2 years to get to know each other before becoming engaged. I say 2 years because that gives you enough time to find out as much about them as possible. You see them at their best & worst, and in between. 2 years is enough time to figure out if you are compatible with that person, something that can't be accomplished in a year or less. The first year is the lovey-dovey phase, where you're so enamored with that person that you see no wrong.

Once the lovey-dovey phase wears off, you really see where your partner stands. When the money's drying up, are they down for the long haul? It's easy to stick around when the money pours like the Mississippi. The love is tested in sickness & health, rich or poor, etc. People need to think marriage through very carefully before making that leap. You cannot know everything about a person in one year or less. Getting to know someone is a lifetime affair, one that shouldn't be taken lightly.

Project Woman

It takes a special woman to realize a man's potential, and help him make his potential reality. Not many women will work with a struggling man (through no fault of his own) because they expect a man to have his stuff together before he steps to her. I can understand having your stuff together before getting into a relationship, because nobody has the patience to help someone who's struggling. Most struggles are of our own doing, others are through no fault of our own. Many people had to struggle to get where they are today, so they should know how it feels to NOT have someone give them a chance. Everybody has their choice to take a chance on someone or not, but once that person makes it, everybody wants to be around them. They weren't shooting in the gym with you, but want to celebrate your championship victory.

What is a woman's motive for helping a struggling man come up? As stated in the beginning, most women want to see their man succeed, so if she has the connections to make it happen for him, she invests in him. Once he makes it, she lights up because she was the catalyst behind his success. Then again, some women have ulterior motives behind helping a man come up. Think about it: At any given time, she can hold that over his head. Women are very good at remembering what they've done for their man, so she can easily pull out that weapon to use in an argument. Even the most stand-up women aren't above hitting below the belt. She can easily say, "I Made You!". He can't say anything because she's telling the truth. She did make him.

The message behind this topic is to have your own, man or woman. Once you earn your own, no one can ever take that away from you. While it's good to accept help from someone who's where you want to be, it's even better when you incorporate what they've taught you and take off running. They've given you the tools, you do the rest.

Marrying Like My Father

If women marry men like their father, then that explains why some women are unmarried. Marinate on that for a minute. It's understood that a girl will marry a man like her father. If her father is a stand-up guy, that's what she gravitates to because that's what she was exposed to. Conversely, if her father was a dog, then either she will marry a no-good man or would rather not marry at all. Can you honestly blame a woman for not wanting to marry like her father, especially if he was foul? No. She's been through a lot, so she doesn't want anymore headaches. It breaks my heart to see good women get hurt by no-good men, and these good women turn bitter because many of them didn't know what to do with a good man because she wasn't exposed to that coming up.

You have dads who have raised upstanding women to know what to look for in a man. As time passes, these women don't want marriage. Why? Because marriage is a big responsibility. A friend pointed out to me (I still find it hard to believe) that many women aren't naturals at wifely duties. How some women can't be good at women roles is beyond me, but I digress. Anyway, a woman doesn't have to be a wife in order to have basic housekeeping skills. Every (wo)man has the right to NOT want marriage, and that's fine. I've said this long ago and it bears repeating: Not everyone is cut out for married life. If more people were honest with themselves about their desires for marriage, the divorce rate for first marriages wouldn't be 50%.

While many women marry men like their father, there are those who marry the opposite of him. For example, a woman can have a deadbeat father and decide to marry the opposite. She's tired of being hurt, so she's determined NOT to marry someone like dad. I salute those women for wanting better than what they had, and taking steps to correct. Just because a woman grew up with a sorry father, doesn't mean she has to repeat the cycle. She can look at the kind of man her father is, and marry opposite.

Question: Equal Contribution

The following question was posted by The King-maker Michael-Cordele Rolle: If a single man moves in with a single mother of 3 (they have yet to get married), what percentage should he contribute to household expenses if they make the same amount of money?

 

My Answer: Before I answer the question, I have to say this: Why would a single man with his own income move in with a single mother? That doesn't sound right to me, but it happens. Some of these men move in with the mother and children, he eats them out of house and home and he contributes nothing. The sad thing about it is that some women allow it! The only reason I can come up with is he wants a free ride. Assuming he has a good rapport with her, she won't require that he contribute to household expenses. He's eating for free and has a warm bed to come home to every day after work. Throw in some loving, and he's living like a king. If they make the same amount of money, I think there should be equal contribution. She pays half of the expenses, he pays the other half.

It's unrealistic to think that moving in with a woman who has kids somehow let's him off the hook for taking care of them. The kids will be part of the arrangement. That's why it's best to just avoid the situation altogether if he isn't willing to deal with the children as his own. Anytime a man moves in with a woman with kids, there will be an expectation that he contribute in some way. Very few, if any women will let a single man live with them free & clear; throw in children and that's a different ball game. I think some women are so desperate for companionship that they'll settle for a man in their home, just to say she has someone. If money is more important than peace of mind, more power to her. Any mother with good moral character will care more about her children before you.

 This was a good comment: Kala Brown It's a man's responsibility to provide food & shelter for his wife or woman if they decide to live together. When you make the decision to move in with a woman, you're basically saying I'm ready to assume the responsibility of her & whatever comes along.

 

CAUTION: By Nojma Reflects

The following message is from Nojma Reflects. She gives brothers sound advice to consider before they lay up with this & that woman.

Brothers, you have to really be mindful regarding who you choose to reproduce you. The Black Woman has become one of the most rebellious women on the planet. There is a blatant attack on Black Men, their masculinity, their authority, their presence and their influence. A woman will be so quick to tell you what you can't do for "her" child, then paint you as a dead beat father.
You are leaving your children in the wombs and in the care of immoral, loose, rebellious, bitter and unapologetic women. Think about how aggressive the Black Woman has become on the attack of your manhood. She will quickly tell you how you are "less than", but negate that fact that something about you was more than enough, at least at one point in time, because she laid down with you. She will use your child as leverage, punishment, a pawn or a means to punk you. If you won't be your man, she will try to make you her bitch, by having you jump through hoops, bow down and kiss the ring.

She wants to let you know that SHE is in control, you are at the hands of her mercy. She will tell you when you can see your children. She has the ability to determine how your children view you, even if the view is temporary.
Black Men don't get caught up in the pretty face and the nice physique, because while that is pleasing to your eye, you need to make sure that her MIND brings you the MOST satisfaction, otherwise you run the risk of your legacy being housed in the womb of your future warden.

My View: As usual, Ms. Nojma is right on target. Why would some men be so careless as to entrust their seed to some random? This is your child you're talking about, someone that's going to be a part of you for the next 18+ years, and you're just going to throw it away on a whim. That couldn't be me. I understand that some couples get together under the best intentions, and divorce still happens. If you don't see yourself with someone long-term, it's best not to have a child with them; just my view.

 



Seek & Ye Shall Find

If you go looking for something, you will find it. Chances are, you won't like what you're looking for so sometimes, it's best to leave things alone. Let situations unfold on their own. Honesty is big in relationships, as it should be. Some couples take that to extremes by giving their partner their SSN, password, bank account information, etc. In a perfect world, you can trust your significant other with that information, but you don't know if they're going to use your information against you. It's best not to reveal sensitive information until you're certain (s)he is thorough. The reason being is so you can have time to observe some things about them; see how they get down before you go sharing your government name. Some people feel if you withhold from your mate, you have something to hide. Whatever happened to personal space?

Some partners think if you withhold, you have something to hide. What does your spouse need with your SSN, your passcode to your smartphone, etc? Nothing. The only reason ANYONE would want the password to their mate's phone is to snoop; that's it. If you can't have an iota of privacy with your significant other, then they're not someone you should be with. Some people are so open that they give their (wo)man the password to their phone, in an effort to prove that "I have nothing to hide". If that's what (s)he wants, that's on them. That's extra ammunition for them to use against you if things should go south. Your (wo)man doesn't need to know everything about you. If you have to search your mate's phone for incriminating evidence, the relationship is doomed. You don't trust them to do right by you, so there's no reason for continue staying.

I don't have time to go through my woman's phone. If I THINK she's cheating, she's out the door (and vice versa). Why waste time trying to look for something that you know you won't like when you find it? You're setting yourself up for hurt when you go looking for incriminating evidence.