Not Easily Broken: I Feel Trapped

 

Aside from a conversation with a friend, I got the inspiration for this post from the movie Not Easily Broken. Not Easily Broken is a powerful movie because it shows the highs & lows of marriage (infidelity, arguments, etc). Anyone who has been married for over a decade can tell you they've had their share of ups & downs. Towards the end of the movie, Dave Johnson (Morris Chestnut) faces temptation when he consoles a widow whose son died during a swim meet. At some point, couples will feel trapped in marriage. The question is: What do you do when you feel trapped in marriage? A couple has been married 40 years until the husband suffers 3 massive strokes. One stroke is bad enough, but 3 massive strokes? One stroke could take out most people, but anyone who's lived through 3 massive strokes, and a heart valve can tell you that was God. Only God can sustain someone through all that. As a result, his entire brain is affected. He has trouble speaking, he's mad at the world and takes it out on his wife. His entire personality has changed, and with good reason. Anybody's demeanor would change if they've been through that kind of hell, let's keep it 100. Because of this, the husband is disabled. He can't do what he did before, so he's dependent on his wife. To take some of the pressure off the wife, the daughter decides to move in with her parents to help care for her father. She's distraught from seeing her dad's health deterioriate. Women are emotional creatures, so it doesn't take much for them to shed tears. I was telling my friend that a man's identity is being able to do for self. If he's dependent on someone to care for him, that's not a good look for him because pride won't allow him to ask for help. The wife must be able to anticipate what he needs, and when he needs it. For someone with deterioriating health, you never know what's going to happen so you have to be on stand-by. It's understandable that a single mom caring for aging parents has her own obligations, and many parents are understanding of that. When you get married, you take vows of for better or worse, sickness & health, rich or poor, etc. You don't have time to be "trapped". If you feel trapped in marriage, you shouldn't be married. It's one thing to have cold feet prior to marriage; it's another to feel trapped in marriage. Mess like this makes me NOT want marriage because if I'm going to get married, I know what I'm getting into. Who's to say that my future wife (should I decide on marriage) is going to feel the same way? I don't know. Did (S)he feel trapped during the honeymoon phase? No. Of course (s)he wouldn't feel trapped during the honeymoon because everything's sweet. When one spouse falls ill, we'll see how that works out. Much of your day is spent caring for an ill spouse, they're pissed at you for their failing health even if you had nothing to do with it. It takes A LOT of love & patience to stick by an irritable spouse. I don't care what nobody says: If you've been through 3 massive strokes & a replaced heart valve, your personality would change too. Maybe not to the degree of being mad at the world and going in on your spouse, but your demeanor would change significantly. Being disabled, and having to depend on your spouse for basic necessities is a lot for any couple. People must know what they're getting into when they say "I Do". 





New Year, NOT New You

It's January 1, 2014. Each new year brings new beginnings. The time to let go of the old, and bring in the new. A recent catchphrase has been popularized, and it's "New Year, New Me" Every year, you read tweets and Facebook statuses that read New Year, New Me. I'm not one to judge, because I truly believe some people act on the New Year, New Me phrase. There are those who say it just to hear themselves talk. You talk that New Year, New Me garbage, but 9 times out of 10, you're going to be the same when 2014 ends. Let me explain: How many people can honestly say they've said New Year, New Me and ACTED on it? *Crickets* Ok, so if you're not committed to becoming a new person, why say New Year, New Me? I know, because it sounds good. It sounds good when you utter a phrase because it inspires motivation to want to improve. The problem lies when some people act it, but they can't back it. As I have gotten older, (and I would like to think wiser) I have realized that I have not, nor do I currently understand this “new year new me” phenomenon. I ponder if at the stroke of midnight, people will start morphing before my eyes into these super productive, ultra skinny, money saving, non-partying, you fill in the blank people before my eyes, and the reality is that nothing happens at all. In fact, according to the Journal of Clinical Psychology, (University of Scranton) only 8% of people are successful at achieving the resolutions they set for the new year. What does that tell you? The other 92% of people talk a good game. I understand things happen, but if you can't back it up, please don't speak it. It's not a good look to say New Year, New Me and do nothing to make that a reality.   



My Mind Is In 2014

As I listen to Al Green's Lay It Down, I've already thought ahead to 2014. 2013 was overall good, but now I'm looking forward to 2014. My biggest highlight of 2013 was my blog website reaching the 20,000+ mark. Right now, my blog views stand at 25,590, and I know that number will increase because I write nothing but the best. I can write on just about any subject, but what I write about is my passion. I can't write about foolishness, although I'd get 100,000 views in 5 minutes. As I was going to the gym this morning, I gave God thanks for all he's done in my and my family's lives. Now, it's time to chart my course for 2014. 2014 is going to be a breakout year for several reasons. 1. A Facebook friend who's an entrepreneur just e-mailed me some documentation on how to increase my views and comments, so I'm going to incorporate that information into my writing starting January. I've been thinking a lot about Google AdSense, and I've decided to monetize my blog website using AdSense, along with the information I received from a Facebook friend. If you have a talent, might as well get paid for it. Much of my vision for 2014 is monetary, because I have a lot I want to accomplish and it's going to require funds. From monetizing my blog website to looking for other income streams, that's my focus. I'm returning to reading in the new year as well; I've got 3 new books that require my attention, so I will minimize my Facebook time. I'm still going to promote my messages, but I feel some things take precedence. Being a visionary means looking into the future. You strategize on how you can maintain your momentum or make improvements to improve your outcome. I'm excited about what 2014 has in store for me, because I speak positivity and blessings over me and my family's lives. My mind used to be in 2013, but now...my mind is in 2014. Each year prepares you for the next. What you didn't do in '13, you have 2014 to start anew. Out with the old, and in with the new. Or, as some people would say "New Year, New Me." Ok..have several seats because many people are coming into 2014 with 2013 mindsets. That's a phrase I could stand NOT to hear.

The Game Has Changed

A man asks a woman on a date, but she doesn't have the funds to pay for a babysitter. Her date knows this, and offers to pay for a sitter. Should she accept? Here's my take: It's a nice gesture that would earn him brownie points, but he is not obligated to pay for her a sitter; that's her responsibility. If she knew she wouldn't be able to afford a babysitter, maybe she shouldn't go out. She could have family or friends watch her child(ren) while she's out. Let me explain why it would be a nice gesture: A man who asks a woman out is trying to make a good first impression. If there's a child involved, what better way to get bonus points by offering to pay for a sitter for her child(ren)? Any woman would appreciate that kind gesture because he didn't have to pay for a sitter, he did it out of love. At the same time, she would be indebted to him because he paid for her sitter. Not too many men would offer to pay for a sitter without expecting payment. Depending on the child(ren)'s age(s), the kid could watch themselves. A favor today, becomes a duty tomorrow. If he's willing to pay for a babysitter, there's no telling what else he's willing to do. Sorry, but this goes into simp territory. Nowadays, many women are opportunists. They're looking for an easy mark, and if they can get a man to pay for a sitter for her child, she can get him to do anything. He's trying to land her, so he's going to do whatever it takes to get her, even at the expense of his dignity. If a woman readily accepts a man paying for a babysitter, she's going to continue expecting that and MORE. Depending on the woman, a man paying for her child's sitter may be considered an insult. The woman will think he wants something in return because he paid someone to watch her child. It's more acceptable to pay for a date, than for a babysitter. I'm looking at this from a single mother's perspective: He would be in a class of his own, but the child would be introduced before their time. A lot of single mothers frown upon introducing their child so early in a relationship. There will come a time where she may not be able to find a sitter or he won't have the funds to pay, and she won't want to see him. That's what men need to look at: What am I getting out of this? There's no guarantee that the date will be a success, so men should be very careful what they're willing to do for a woman in order to win her heart. Too many men give the world for a woman that may not be interested in him, he becomes jaded & the next thing you know, he's on Relationship Talk whining about how all women aren't squat because of a nice gesture gone wrong. You cannot do for everyone all the time, because some people see you as an easy mark. A wise man said: "If you're not willing to play the game, sit on the sidelines and watch the other players." The Game has definitely changed, for the worse.

Brian vs. CJ

This should be a no-brainer as to what kind of man ladies choose. Some women would choose CJ, and then want Brian after she's done wrong. The issue is, men like Brian are quickly snatched off the market by good women so the bitter, lonely women are left to their demise. Think about it, Brian has everything going for him so why wouldn't a woman choose him? Like I said, some women's priorities are royally screwed unless she herself is a hoodrat. If a woman is a hoodrat, of course she would pick a similar man because he's on her level. A hoodrat should never desire a man who has himself together, because they're in two different places. You have Brian, who's done very well for himself, never been in trouble with the law, involved in his church and keeps himself up physically, and you have the street dude CJ. Not all street dudes are bad people, they just made bad choices. Deep down, some street dudes lost their way and need help getting back on track. Brothers like Brian are usually rejected in high school and college, because they're focused on their future. They want to build a future for themselves before they think about a relationship. Bettering themselves takes precedence over finding a woman in school (although people do find mates in higher education). The mindset of a woman in college as opposed to her early 30's is vastly different. She looks at the outside, rather than a man's heart. Looks matter, I get that; but looks fade over time, and then what? You're going to need more to fall back on. Brian graduates with his MBA, and the same woman who rejected him is now checking for him. If Brian is smart, he'll reject her with good reason. She wasn't with him shooting in the gym (working hard to better himself), so she has no right to come along for the success. The woman Brian chooses is someone on his level; someone who he can build a life with, and will bring out the best in him and he in her. So what if his sex game is bad? Sex isn't everything in a relationship, so people need to stop putting sex on a pedestal like it's the be all, end all of a relationship. Besides, a couple's sex life diminishes with age. A couple's sex life sizzles in their 20's & 30's, peaks in their 40's, and then fizzles out as they age. You'll barely get a tiny spark once the couple hits their 60's and up.

Virtuous Woman: By The KingMaker Micha'el-Cordele Rolle

 

The-kingMaker Micha'el-Cordele Rolle

She may be a "good woman" but is she a virtuous woman?

A man can be surrounded by beautiful "good women", but none or maybe few are virtuous. I often hear women say why they are a "good woman", but rarely can a woman tell you why she is virtuous.

The question of "Who can find a virtuous woman" is so intriguing to me because: This was a question proposed to King Lemuel (Solomon), from his mother. Now what we do know is that in his position as king, he had over 700 wives of royal birth, and 300 concubines. Even with all these women, his mother Bathsheba didn't believe that he had found a virtuous woman.

Many women today, either (1) want to be a stay home wife or (2) want to be a working woman, but usually not "embracing" the role of both, but that's just part of it.

The virtuous woman that the King's mother told him to see if he could find…
(1) Her husband was able to trust her and her decision making (Prov. 31:11)
(many women today condone cheating, or talk about why they can't fully trust a man.)

(2) She was domesticated (Prov. 31:13-16)
(Many women today see being domesticated as being offensive, they would rather be called a B---h than be asked to manage a home.)

(3) She was a business woman by day, She understood business, and how to handle it. Not idle, not lazy… not on welfare. (Prov. 31:16)
(I hear many women complain that if they have to be a mother, they won't be able to do anything. This woman understood that she was her own entrepreneur)

(4) She was compassionate (Prov. 31:20)
In today's society, most women are "every man for himself" and it's hard to find individuals that generally care for another's well being.

(5) She was proud to be called by her husband's name, and her husband was a powerful man because of her. (Prov. 31:23)

(6) She was smart, sweet and wise (Prov. 31:26)

(7) Strength and honor are her clothing…
(The way many women present themselves on the internet, killed that for many of them.)
A man has to be proud to take you somewhere…

(8) Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
(Her husband is proud to say "that's my wife" and the kids are proud to say "that's my mom")

(9) "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all."
—— She is the best of the best…

10. And last but not least… "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."

She may be beautiful, but it is her love for the Lord that will make her virtuous….



On Her Back

Today's message is titled On Her Back. Women talk about carrying weight on their own, but that weight feels good when she's on her back. What do I mean by this? It's simple. The majority of black children are born to single moms, with the father nowhere in sight. I can't respect a man that hits it and runs. You helped make the child, stay around to raise it. There's a new organization that's rapidly growing, and it's called the On Her Back committee. The On Her Back Committee is comprised of several women that talk about carrying the weight on their own, but when she's on her back, that weight feels good. She lays down with some random (man), then gets upset when he vanishes into thin air. I find it hard to sympathize with jaded women because she bit on his bait. He lifted her up, just to break her down later; that's an old-school pimp move. After he's gotten what he wanted from her, he's gone. Very few men are going to pursue a long-term relationship with a woman they've slept with, unless there's strong feelings between them. That's not all, some women talk about carrying weight on their own just so they can have a reason to say how strong they are. True strength isn't broadcasted, it's shown in silence. Nobody's supposed to know what you're going through, except you and God. Believe it or not, many people secretly are happy for your struggle because that means they're doing better than you. Here's a few sample statements: I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, I'm strong & independent, I'm this, that, and the third. Ok...who is she trying to impress? Sure, her carrying the weight may be legit, but that's stuff you keep to yourself. I feel bad for women who have to do things on their own, but sometimes, they willingly choose to carry that weight. Then again, I think some women carry weight long enough to allow a man to relive her, just so he can get her on her back. Women need to understand that It's ok for a woman to be on her back, WITHOUT the weight of a man. What I mean by on her back, is relaxing without a care in the world.