What Does That Make You?

I don't understand people sometimes. They complain about their mate being no good but they're still with them. If that man/woman is no good, yet you lay down with them and have their children, what does that make YOU? Shakes Head. Going a little further, if a man is no good but the woman lays down with him and bears his children, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE HER? She loved him when they were getting busy and now they can't stand each other? That's craziness. If someone is no good and you stay with them, you're no better than they are because you knew/should have known how they were before the relationship. People will always show you their true colors. Some may show you off top, others will show you their true selves in the relationship's advanced stages. When red flags about a person's character come up, pay close attention because they're trying to tell you something about themselves. Nobody wants to think the worst of their partner but you have to do your due diligence because if not, you could be setting yourself up for heartbreak. The issue is most people's discernment is poor so they overlook the major while focusing on the minor. When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them. 9 times out of 10, they aren't lying. If the small stuff isn't a detriment to your relationship, then let it go. If you (man or woman) have your stuff together and are looking for a likeminded person to spend your life with, it behooves you to pay close attention to the clues they give as to what they're really like; this way you won't be surprised when you find out he/she wasn't what you thought they were. So many people end up looking crazy when they find out that man/woman wasn't what they expected. Had they done their due diligence, this wouldn't be an issue. Some people find out their mate's true colors and still stay with them, hence what does that make you? You can't lay down in mud and expect not to get dirty. If someone's married and you cheat with them, that makes you a cheater as well because you have partaken in destroying a happy home. Therefore, that makes you foul just like him/her who's cheating on their spouse. People have no right to complain about their spouse being no good when the offended chooses to stay with them.

Know Your Role

In life, everyone has their assigned roles. Men have their roles and women have theirs. Confusion comes into play because you have women who try to play men's roles and men who try to play women's roles. This commentary was inspired from Ms. Trina Rogers of Facebook. She posted on her status: "Please don't ask for things you are not willing to give! I was called to duty moments ago. I was asked "why don't men just cater to a woman and let her be who she is?" *Lightening Rod!!!* If you have to ask a question like that, you don't need a man! (hence the reason you don't have one) KNOW YOUR ROLE! Give a King his kingdom and become his Queen! Have you ever heard of a poor, unhappy queen? The man has his place! So do you! Until you acknowledge it and play your part, you will be alone!" She dropped a bombshell. Many women need to soak up this knowledge on how to keep a man. I understand there are women who want no part of relationships and that's fine, to each their own. Ms. Rogers status was for women who want to be in a relationship. To answer the "why don't men just cater to a woman and let her be who she is" question, some women want to live like they're single and you can't do that. When you're in a relationship, ripping & running should be history. Doesn't mean both parties can't have their own lives, just that everything one or both say & do affects the other. You can't stay out until 3am and expect not to be questioned by your spouse, it doesn't work like that. Nobody wants someone who doesn't know their place. In order for people to find their desired mate, they MUST do their due diligence. Don't go for the first man/woman you meet, do your homework. Find out EVERYTHING you can about them and proceed accordingly. If they give off personality red flags, pay close attention because it's those red flags that give you a glimpse of who they are. If you meet a person that doesn't know their place and bucks against you, WHY would you still move forward with them? You're setting yourself up for drama because you're trying to get him/her to know their role and they're telling you they aren't going to conform. Exit stage left because there's no sense trying to turn someone into who you want them to be. They're good for someone, just not you. Some women like to throw out controlling towards a man that won't let their woman do what they want without impunity. A man that's the head of his house is supposed to be controlling! A man is responsible for leading his family to be the best they can be and if he's letting them do whatever, he's not exercising his God-given authority. God created man to be in charge such that the woman can feel covered.

Pre-Made Families

I can't be the only one noticing that pre-made families are becoming the norm. Many people you have romantic interest for are bringing kids from previous relationship into the mix. Makes me blessed NOT to have had children by the wrong woman. If you can't see yourself with someone long-term, you shouldn't lay down and have children with them. This is for those who don't care who they lay down with; they just want some of that good good. It seems like childless men & women are becoming extinct; you are hard pressed to find someone who doesn't have children. I'm not against having kids but if you're going to lay down with someone, make sure it's with someone you see yourself with long term. Too many children are being born out of wedlock. There was a time where couples WAITED until they got married and had good jobs before deciding to bring children in the mix, but now it's like find out if you're sexually compatible with a person before marriage. So you have to lay down with someone before you figure out whether you're compatible with them or not? That's backwards logic if I've ever heard some. A child comes into the world and boom, you two decide you aren't compatible and the child is left to suffer for the parents' stupidity. I approach relationships from an old-school stance: Get to know someone first before laying down with them in a marriage context. Besides, sexual activity between a married couple is more meaningful because the couple shares a part of themselves with the one they love; the person who takes good care of their heart and has the utmost respect for them. If a couple gets together with the best intentions and they decide to have children but the relationship still goes sour, then I can overlook that. Many times, you do see yourself with a person long term but one or both people mess it up somehow. You gotta do what's best for your child(ren) and if it means leaving that sorry man, so be it. This is for those who don't care who they lay down with, that's the nonsense I was referring to. Just creating babies en masse.

Reverse Psychology

Sometimes, it amazes me how relationships work. Two people show interest in each other and depending on the personalities, they may/may not be upfront. You could have one person that acts like they're not interested in which case, the woman has to step her game up to get him to notice her. The entire time she's thinking "What's wrong with me to where he's not interested? I need to throw myself at him a little more" Now this may or may not work, it depends on the person. To me, that's playing games because if you have to fake interest in order to get someone to notice you, you don't belong with anyone. Learn how to be real with your feelings and come again. If I'm checking for a woman, I'm going to be real about my desire for her. I'm going the extra mile to get and keep her because that's what a MAN does. A man will only chase a worthwhile woman, if a man's not interested in a certain woman he won't bother pursuing her because in his mind, she's not worth the chase. The same can be said for a woman interested in a man. I won't lie that reverse psychology does work because it keeps both on their toes, both parties are waiting on the other's next move. What some men and women fail to realize is that although there may be similarities, each person is unique and sometimes it's easier to "pick" up someone, but keeping them long-term is the real skill. Going further, it's easy to find a man/woman, hard to keep them because I've heard it said that what you did to get someone, you have to do to keep them. Personally, I would think she's a clown if she acted like she wasn't interested in me when she really was; the whole time I'm thinking "Miss, if you're interested in me, just say so." Nobody has time for games. Some people will keep it moving if you act like you aren't interested in them and rightfully so. Who wants to play games with someone when there's plenty fish in the sea?

Keeping It Real vs. Being Rude

Everybody keeps it real or so they say. There is NO gray area between being honest and flat out being rude. Keeping it real is when you don't compromise your core beliefs; you can speak the truth but do it in love. You don't have to tell someone about themselves in order to get your point across because you can check them in such a manner that they realize their own shortcomings and make the necessary adjustment(s). Being rude is having no regards for others feelings as you "tell it like it is". A lot of people who pride themselves on being frank are using honesty as an excuse to be jerks. They feel that telling it like it is involves hurting someone's feelings when that reflects poorly on THEM instead of the other person. Whenever I hear someone who says they keep it real, red flags go up because if you keep it real like you say, you don't have to broadcast your realness. People know you keep it real by the way you conduct yourself. Nothing worse than to proclaim realness and act contrary. People like this have the nerve to get upset when others call them out on their behavior then wanna say "You can't handle a strong personality". Last time I checked, having a strong personality does mean not letting people run over you but at the same time having respect for another's feelings. Some of the strongest people don't broadcast keeping it real, they let their actions speak for them. I respect people who really keep it real and don't use that as a front for being obnoxious. Rude people can exit stage left. It's one thing to keep it real, but it's another to make no apologies for your difficult personality. It's as if one is proud of using the "keeping it real" mantra as a front for being rude. I don't allow toxic people anywhere near me. For me, being real is more about action than words.

Thugging

I DO NOT embrace the thug life because of the dangers associated with it but I have to say this: These dudes talk about being goons/gangsters and having done this, that and the third but when the law is hot on them, they start singing like a song. So you can be out there with your boys robbing and killing and as soon as the police cut you a deal, you start telling this, that and the third. You get off and your boys are locked up for life all because you were too chicken to do that time like a man. Even the Mafia and other organized crime groups frowned upon ratting because if you got caught, YOU did your time. Yes, your friends would try to bail you out but if that didn't work, you stayed until your sentence was up. The Streets Are Watching and when you violate street law, your own neighborhood doesn't respect you. You may have to move out of your neighborhood because your life could be in danger. You have some cats that will shoot at their enemies and then call the police at the same time, what kind of mess is that? These fools kill me with how hard they claim to be but when the law put that pressure on them, they crack like an egg. Don't embrace the thug life if you can't deal with the dangers. Many times, you can't leave the streets alone because your enemies won't allow you to. If they don't get you, they go after your loved ones. Drug Dealers, Gangsters, Dope Boys, etc. are the first to tell you they will never work with the police but the cops know what's up, all they have to do is cut them a deal and the singing begins. These guys also try to lay low when street wars become too dangerous. 

The Cowardly Man

As a man, you're supposed to embrace man principles, just like women are supposed to embrace womanhood. The worst kind of man is one who co-signs women to gain their favor. These men agree with everything a woman says even if she's dead wrong. True, we're entitled to our views but some things you need to take a stand on. There are men who talk a big game around their boys but when an attractive woman comes around, they change their stance. I call these men cowards because they lack spine. It takes a real man to stand firm in his beliefs under intense opposition. Through it all, he never waivers. He garners the respect of all (even oppressors) because he stood up for what he believed in. It's easy to have a belief during the good times but your beliefs are tested in rough waters. Are you going to waiver or stand firm? Honestly, I  can't stand men who brown nose; where is his manhood? I understand that all men share the same gender but in terms of personality, many of them differ. You have men who embrace manhood and those who embrace woman ideologies. I'm a man through & through so I will always stand up for manhood. I'm not afraid of being labeled as chauvinistic because I adhere to traditional standards of manhood (man being provider, head of the house, etc). Going further than that, I'm strong enough to tell a woman she's dead wrong (and I expect the same from her). I see so much brown-nosing from men on Facebook; men co-signing women on any & everything and the minute he has an opposing view, she says he hates women, controlling, chauvinistic, etc. The SAME man changes his POV and he's back in her good graces. I want no part of these cowardly men because to me, they're women trapped in a man's body. For real. This is why fathers are critical in a boy's life because a woman CANNOT impart manhood into a boy because she's not a man. Boys raised around women are more likely to become effeminate because that's all they knew was women growing up. You have some young men who break that cycle and realize they need strong male figures in their life to impart manly wisdom. Effeminate men are not respected in today's society because most people view them as weak.