Marrying Like My Father

If women marry men like their father, then that explains why some women are unmarried. Marinate on that for a minute. It's understood that a girl will marry a man like her father. If her father is a stand-up guy, that's what she gravitates to because that's what she was exposed to. Conversely, if her father was a dog, then either she will marry a no-good man or would rather not marry at all. Can you honestly blame a woman for not wanting to marry like her father, especially if he was foul? No. She's been through a lot, so she doesn't want anymore headaches. It breaks my heart to see good women get hurt by no-good men, and these good women turn bitter because many of them didn't know what to do with a good man because she wasn't exposed to that coming up.

You have dads who have raised upstanding women to know what to look for in a man. As time passes, these women don't want marriage. Why? Because marriage is a big responsibility. A friend pointed out to me (I still find it hard to believe) that many women aren't naturals at wifely duties. How some women can't be good at women roles is beyond me, but I digress. Anyway, a woman doesn't have to be a wife in order to have basic housekeeping skills. Every (wo)man has the right to NOT want marriage, and that's fine. I've said this long ago and it bears repeating: Not everyone is cut out for married life. If more people were honest with themselves about their desires for marriage, the divorce rate for first marriages wouldn't be 50%.

While many women marry men like their father, there are those who marry the opposite of him. For example, a woman can have a deadbeat father and decide to marry the opposite. She's tired of being hurt, so she's determined NOT to marry someone like dad. I salute those women for wanting better than what they had, and taking steps to correct. Just because a woman grew up with a sorry father, doesn't mean she has to repeat the cycle. She can look at the kind of man her father is, and marry opposite.

Question: Equal Contribution

The following question was posted by The King-maker Michael-Cordele Rolle: If a single man moves in with a single mother of 3 (they have yet to get married), what percentage should he contribute to household expenses if they make the same amount of money?

 

My Answer: Before I answer the question, I have to say this: Why would a single man with his own income move in with a single mother? That doesn't sound right to me, but it happens. Some of these men move in with the mother and children, he eats them out of house and home and he contributes nothing. The sad thing about it is that some women allow it! The only reason I can come up with is he wants a free ride. Assuming he has a good rapport with her, she won't require that he contribute to household expenses. He's eating for free and has a warm bed to come home to every day after work. Throw in some loving, and he's living like a king. If they make the same amount of money, I think there should be equal contribution. She pays half of the expenses, he pays the other half.

It's unrealistic to think that moving in with a woman who has kids somehow let's him off the hook for taking care of them. The kids will be part of the arrangement. That's why it's best to just avoid the situation altogether if he isn't willing to deal with the children as his own. Anytime a man moves in with a woman with kids, there will be an expectation that he contribute in some way. Very few, if any women will let a single man live with them free & clear; throw in children and that's a different ball game. I think some women are so desperate for companionship that they'll settle for a man in their home, just to say she has someone. If money is more important than peace of mind, more power to her. Any mother with good moral character will care more about her children before you.

 This was a good comment: Kala Brown It's a man's responsibility to provide food & shelter for his wife or woman if they decide to live together. When you make the decision to move in with a woman, you're basically saying I'm ready to assume the responsibility of her & whatever comes along.

 

CAUTION: By Nojma Reflects

The following message is from Nojma Reflects. She gives brothers sound advice to consider before they lay up with this & that woman.

Brothers, you have to really be mindful regarding who you choose to reproduce you. The Black Woman has become one of the most rebellious women on the planet. There is a blatant attack on Black Men, their masculinity, their authority, their presence and their influence. A woman will be so quick to tell you what you can't do for "her" child, then paint you as a dead beat father.
You are leaving your children in the wombs and in the care of immoral, loose, rebellious, bitter and unapologetic women. Think about how aggressive the Black Woman has become on the attack of your manhood. She will quickly tell you how you are "less than", but negate that fact that something about you was more than enough, at least at one point in time, because she laid down with you. She will use your child as leverage, punishment, a pawn or a means to punk you. If you won't be your man, she will try to make you her bitch, by having you jump through hoops, bow down and kiss the ring.

She wants to let you know that SHE is in control, you are at the hands of her mercy. She will tell you when you can see your children. She has the ability to determine how your children view you, even if the view is temporary.
Black Men don't get caught up in the pretty face and the nice physique, because while that is pleasing to your eye, you need to make sure that her MIND brings you the MOST satisfaction, otherwise you run the risk of your legacy being housed in the womb of your future warden.

My View: As usual, Ms. Nojma is right on target. Why would some men be so careless as to entrust their seed to some random? This is your child you're talking about, someone that's going to be a part of you for the next 18+ years, and you're just going to throw it away on a whim. That couldn't be me. I understand that some couples get together under the best intentions, and divorce still happens. If you don't see yourself with someone long-term, it's best not to have a child with them; just my view.

 



Seek & Ye Shall Find

If you go looking for something, you will find it. Chances are, you won't like what you're looking for so sometimes, it's best to leave things alone. Let situations unfold on their own. Honesty is big in relationships, as it should be. Some couples take that to extremes by giving their partner their SSN, password, bank account information, etc. In a perfect world, you can trust your significant other with that information, but you don't know if they're going to use your information against you. It's best not to reveal sensitive information until you're certain (s)he is thorough. The reason being is so you can have time to observe some things about them; see how they get down before you go sharing your government name. Some people feel if you withhold from your mate, you have something to hide. Whatever happened to personal space?

Some partners think if you withhold, you have something to hide. What does your spouse need with your SSN, your passcode to your smartphone, etc? Nothing. The only reason ANYONE would want the password to their mate's phone is to snoop; that's it. If you can't have an iota of privacy with your significant other, then they're not someone you should be with. Some people are so open that they give their (wo)man the password to their phone, in an effort to prove that "I have nothing to hide". If that's what (s)he wants, that's on them. That's extra ammunition for them to use against you if things should go south. Your (wo)man doesn't need to know everything about you. If you have to search your mate's phone for incriminating evidence, the relationship is doomed. You don't trust them to do right by you, so there's no reason for continue staying.

I don't have time to go through my woman's phone. If I THINK she's cheating, she's out the door (and vice versa). Why waste time trying to look for something that you know you won't like when you find it? You're setting yourself up for hurt when you go looking for incriminating evidence.

What Are You Doing Today?

A woman asks her man "What Are You Doing Today?" and he responds with "I'm going over to my friend Crystal's house to install her new flatscreen TV." The woman is apprehensive about his decision, because she thinks he's going to cheat. Does she stop him from helping his friend or trust him? For most women, this would be a no-brainer if he's been faithful in the past. It's not that she doesn't trust her man; she does, but she doesn't trust the woman because being a woman, his lady knows how conniving some women can be. Some women will conjure up any reason to get a man to come over her place: TV needs installation, relationship advice, car repair, etc. Even though she may let him go, there's always a possibility that he may cheat. In that case, the man has his mind made up to cheat before he carries out the action.
When a (wo)man wants to cheat, nothing will stop him. People are going to do what they want, no matter how good a (wo)man you are to them. It's almost not worth it to get into a relationship with someone because how much do you REALLY know them? People will show you their good side because they don't want their (wo)man to think ill of them; that's part of trying to attract someone to spend the rest of your life with. It takes a thorough man NOT to violate his woman's trust, because once trust is broken, that's a wrap. A legit man would make it clear to his lady friend that he has a woman, and he's not going to do anything to ruin his relationship. He can lay down the law, but it's up to his friend Crystal to respect that boundary.
Women have wiles. Again, he might not have any thought of anything, but that doesn't mean she is going to act right. Too many break ups over mess. Some women want to prevent that by any means necessary. On a serious note, what can a man call a female friend to do that's on the same level as him installing a TV or doing craft work? Probably nothing. This all boils down to trust. 

Submission, Sex & Silence Pt. 2

In my last entry, I discussed Submission, Sex & Silence as being the 3 keys to a successful relationship. This is Pt. 2 on this subject. Khrystle Nichole gave some very good responses, so I'm going to post them here.

 

Khrystle Nichole

I think men and women have taken the term "submissive" out of context. You don't have to be argumentative. Men, nor women should be combative. It's called having a conversation, which people have a hard time doing. No man or woman is always correct, and it's really about knowing how to choose your battles, men and women alike.

Submission is mutual, which is what most men forget. It's easy for a man to scream submission to his lady, but there will come a time where he has to submit to her, and then what? Some men will never tell you that side of submission. Choose your battles, is it that serious? It takes a lot for submission to happen because you're entrusting yourself to another person's care, with no guarantee they will look out for your best interest.

Oh, and as far as the sex goes, why is the woman always the blame for a lackluster sex life? Trust me, there are a lot of men out here who REALLY don't know the art of great sex!!!

It's not all about her riding him like a surfboard. You can't go surfing if there aren't any waves.

There is truth to this. The men preaching about sex, are some of the same ones who don't know what they're doing. When your relationship is right, everything.....submission, sex and silence falls into place!



Submission, Sex & Silence

All committed relationships boil down to the three S's: Submission, Sex, and Silence. Most men use the three S's as a way of screening their potential lady. Let me break down each of the 3 S's:

 

1. Submission-It's no secret that men want a submissive woman. No man in his right mind would want a hellcat who challenges him at every turn. Most women have this warped mind that being combative is a sign of strength, when it's not. A combative woman will NEVER be endearing to a man because that tells him she doesn't trust his judgment. Also, submission is seen by women as being a doormat. Submission is a beautiful thing, provided the woman submits to a worthy man. If he's thorough, why would she have a problem submitting? Submission puts a woman in position to get whatever she wants from her man.

 

2. Sex-For most men, they want their lady to be a freak in the sheets. She must be able to back it up, and ride him like a surfboard. Lack of sex is probably the main cause of infidelity in relationships. If (s)he's not getting it from their mate, (s)he will look elsewhere. Couples have to do whatever it takes to keep those flames going.

 

3. Silence-Know when to speak up, and know when to remain silent. No man wants a mouthy woman because most men equate mouthy women with combativeness. If you're always flapping your gums, you don't know how to keep quiet. In a court of law, there's a saying that rings true: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can & will be used against you. Men can be just as mouthy as women, which for me isn't a good look. When men speak, it's succinct. When women speak, they go on and on.