Hard Lessons Learned

Throughout my 33 years of life, I've seen a lot so I'm qualified to share some tough lessons I've learned over the years:

 

1. "If you want a friend, be a friend". I used to think this was true, but not anymore. You can go out of your way to be friends with a person, but some people refuse to like you. Keep it moving.

2. You can become successful through hard work-Again, false. In the business world, you advance by sucking up to management or being cutthroat.

3. Fathers & sons will naturally be close-100% False. Some fathers know nothing about their children. A father's job is to speak life into his children, not criticize them.

4. People Stay Married-Wrong.com. With no-fault divorce, people are quick to divorce over petty reasons. It's a surprise when I read about a couple that's been married for 50+ years.

5. We are told that everyone deserves trust, but not everyone can be trusted.

6. You're born alone, you'll live alone, and you'll die alone.

7. I'm my own best company. I spend so much time solo, it's become second nature. Those who don't accept it, that's their problem.

8. God is the only friend I'll ever need. Unlike people, God will not lie on you, or mistreat you.

9. A husband and wife are wearing I love My (Wo)man shirts, but the woman is performing fellatio on another man. It's a dirty world.

10. More than ever before, children are a lot more mean. There was a time when bullying didn't exist.

11. The Bible has made some women lazy. A woman will always use the Bible to justify why she doesn't have to do any work in a relationship.

12. I'm about peace in my life, which explains why I have extremely low tolerance for drama.

13. I can cut a person loose and not think twice.

14. It takes a lot for me to open up to people. Until I feel comfortable in opening up to someone  new, they'll get small talk.

15. I don't force anyone to like me. If you like me, good. If not, exit stage left.

The Popularity Of The AK-47

 

This is a picture of an AK-47, also known as a "chopper" among the inner-city black community. AK-47s are relied on by gangs and hood stars to cause carnage in black communities. Research murder cases in inner-city ghettos across America and what do they have in common? The AK-47 assault rifle was used in the carnage. I can see why AK's are so popular because of their 100-round capabilities (some versions you can shoot up to 600 rounds a minute). Someone shooting an AK can do serious damage in a short amount of time. New Orleans in particular, is known as Chopper City because of the abundance of assault rifles that flow through New Orleans daily. Going further, Chopper City has been adopted by New Orleans' Uptown ghetto, where it's necessary to own an assault rifle for survival. AK's were first used by military servicemen, and somehow they got into the wrong hands.

I remember the North Hollywood shootout where 2 gunmen sprayed police with AK-47 gunfire. Over 130 rounds were fired and you swore it was the Wild West. The two gunmen died in the same gunfire they sprayed because one of the LA officers fired rounds of his own into him. In January 2009, 9 people were shot and 3 died in Miami's Liberty City. A group of people were shooting dice at a duplex on NW 70th St & 15th Ave (down the street from Northwestern High) when a gunman opened fire with an AK-47. Some of the shooting victims had their faces completely torn off from the bullets. A similar incident happened in Overtown a couple months later, except that there were 3 gunmen, one of which had an AK. That incident, 12 people were shot and 4 died. These are a couple instances in which the AK-47 was used as the murder weapon. There are too many assault rifles floating around major cities, which contributes to the escalation of the murder rates.

You can listen to ghetto rap and there will be a few mentions of spraying enemies with AK-47 fire, or you can go on YouTube and view live footage of ghetto residents showing off their AK's, shotguns or Tec-9's. The AK seems to be the weapon of choice to use in street wars. They've given hood guys a sort of swagger like they can't be touched, because their "chopper" will do damage to clowns.



Why Go Back?

When God brings you out of a mess, why go back? That makes no sense to me. Remembering the frustration is enough for me and other likeminded folks NOT to go back. I'm about moving forward in life, and I can't move forward if I'm busy going back in the same mess I got out of. Here's an example: You made that last payment which means you're debt free. Anyone who's been out of debt will tell you the work it took to get out of debt: Reducing expenses, having to work 2 jobs to generate extra income, etc. They enjoy debt-free status because they have no financial worries. If they want to take a vacation, they can do so free & clear. While I hate to see people wrapped in mess, I also believe that if they've gotten out of a situation, they SHOULD NOT want to be in the same spot. I've been in mess before, and once God delivered me, I didn't return.

Then again, some people want to return to the same mess they've gotten out of. Why? Your answer is good as mine. When you're trapped in a bad situation, you're taking steps to get out. At first, your motivation is high because you're hustling everyday to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Once a certain amount of time passes, you become desensitized to your situation that once you make it out, you're like "Ok...and?" It's like some people don't know how to handle brighter days, because they're used to trouble. They miss the struggle, so they sabotage their success by making foolish moves. Some people play games with God by praying for a way out, and when he gives them a way, they sabotage their exit by being content in their struggle.

Don't ask God to deliver you, if you're going to sabotage your exit strategy. By sabotage, I mean throwing yourself a pity party. That may work temporarily, but it will fail long term because people will get tired of you coming to them and you don't take heed.



What Happened?

What happened between, "You're so awesome", "Princess you're everything I've prayed for", "Honey you're everything I've always wanted and more", "Sweetheart, I think about you all day", "I pray for you everyday", "When I get up in the morning, you're the first person that's on my mind", "I love you more than you' ll ever know", "Baby, you mean the world to me" that lead to you and that person not speaking anymore or to, "I hate you", "I wish we never met", "You make me sick", "I never want to see you again", "Don't call me again". I mean, how does a person come from being everything you've always wanted to being everything that you never wanted?

 

My Answer: Life happened. The person put their best foot forward and it backfired. While you should present the best version of yourself, keep it real. Let someone know pisses you off, because they won't be caught off guard when you're at your worst. If someone can't handle you at your worst, keep it moving. You have nothing to be ashamed of by showing the bad side of who you are. We all have our not-so-good areas about ourselves. It's funny how representatives are the first one to show up. What is a representative? In this instance, a representative shows up in place of the person to put in a good light. After the representative has shown up, the real person is left in all their flaws. It's important to not be fooled by the representative. Allow the person to get to know the real you and vice versa.

I'm all for putting your best foot forward, but many people value honesty in their mate. They want their (wo)man to keep it real as much as possible. Let them know your good and bad side, and the right person will respect that. Some people want to see no wrong in their spouse, so they want a cookie-cutter, perfect version of their mate. There are people who respond to that, and that's fine; to each their own. The interesting part about this story is that it's exactly how relationships start: Baby you're the greatest turns into I want a divorce. People rush into relationships and become blinded by the person's true colors. Once (s)he shows their true colors, you're stuck trying to figure out how to respond. This wouldn't have happened if both parties were honest from the start. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to relationships.

Allow people to show you who they are, don't get caught up in the representative. When people allow themselves to fall in love with the representative, they may not like what they eventually discover.

 



I Sexed My Boss

 

This story involves a high-ranking executive and his female subordinate. Read on: This very handsome broker has been flirting with me ever since I started working at this major commercial real estate company downtown. he would always make a point to stop by my desk, ask me out to lunch, with the entire group, and make excuses to give me the best work assignments. Last week we were both working late in the office, I was at the copy machine, I wore a short skirt that day, he came up behind me, and pushed me over the copy machine and made hard, passionate love to me. I did not stop him. Over the weekend I thought about it. Can I sue and get a few million? I don't want to ruin his career but I need the money. Will the company give me a large settlement out of court?

 

Her boss tore her behind up, literally; now she wants to sue? This is the mess I don't like. The interesting thing is that she could come up off this, because it's her word against his. She didn't say no, so she must have liked it. He's showing her all this attention, so what did she expect? She had to have known he was coming to collect, and did he ever. The clues are there: She wore a short skirt, and he pushed her over the copy machine and started making love. By her dress alone, she wanted something to go down. This is why people SHOULD NOT get involved with their co-workers because too much can go wrong. Yet & still, somebody will disregard sound wisdom and get caught up in some mess. I have no sympathy for people who willingly jam themselves up. What happened to learning from others' mistakes?

If they were going to mess around, they should've kept it professional while at work. Common sense tells you not to eat where you work. Simply put, don't get involved with someone you work with. Not many work romances are successful because of the cutthroat nature of the business world. Everybody wants to be CEO, so they're going to step on people to get there. You're eyeing that hot executive and so far things go smooth, until you two are competing for a C-Suite position (she's Executive Director and he's VP of Operations). He gets the COO position over her and she's jealous, so she starts to frame him for sexual harassment. He's found guilty and is placed on leave with pay until the matter is settled. Still, you're going to check for someone at work? Use the brain God gave you. Like the classic B.B. King song says: The Thrill Is Gone, the thrill is gone away.

In closing, I hope people learn that it's not worth it to get involved with a colleague because you don't know someone's true colors until you get accolades they felt deserving of. What makes things complicated is you sleeping your way to the top.



Knowing What You Want

You're not supposed to go through broken relationships to know what you want. You should know what you want from the start. This status generated an interesting discussion on my page, so let me post a few comments from me and Latasha Primus' back & forth session:

 

Latasha Primus Now I must disagree (for a change lol) ... I didn't know what I wanted until I was in a relationship. Doesn't matter if it was broken or not, but I learned about myself and what I could and couldn't deal with.

Richard Hudson Observation works wonders. This very mindset is how families get destroyed. People are so used to failed relationships that they look at someone crazy that's able to pinpoint what they want from Day 1, and refuse to settle. It's actually a shock to some people when a person is able to pick the right person on the first try. Discernment is a blessing.

Latasha Primus I agree with that. You just don't want to discourage anyone when saying that people should know from the beginning without ever having been through a relationship or even dating. I get what you're saying, but how do you know what you like and what you don't unless you have experienced it? I am not talking about the majors like respect and honesty, but something as simple as personality types. Discernment is a blessing that comes through learning and practice.

Richard Hudson Again, I pay attention. I observe others' relationships to get an idea of what I do and don't like in a woman. Reading some of these rants from men and women in these Relationship groups teaches me what NOT to do...lol. Discernment can come through learning & practice, but...it's something we're born with. If you're meeting someone for the first time and as you get to know them, something about them isn't right; that's discernment kicking in trying to let you know that to proceed with caution.

Latasha Primus Just to be clear I don't think people should enter in relationships without having basic rules and boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries....

 

People can save themselves a lot of heartache if they would establish early on what will & won't work for them. Discernment is key. Like my FB friend Tasha stated, basic rules & boundaries should be established from the start. You don't want to leave someone guessing about their stance with you.

 

 



Hood 2 Hood

Hood 2 Hood is a DVD series that takes you through some of the nation's most dangerous neighborhoods on the East & West Coasts, Midwest & The South. In this DVD series, you have interviews with real drug dealers, gangsters and hustlers who talk about what goes on in their neighborhood, a little about their life, etc. Some of these guys are bold enough to show automatic weapons on camera WITH police in close range. The thing is, these guys have no fear of the law because with their profits from hustling, they can afford a top notch defense. This one group of drug dealers were riding in a nice Chrysler 600 and when the producer was chatting with them, the hustler showed him $75,000 in 2 cases. One briefcase had $50K, the other had $25K. The producer chimes in with statements like "In the hood, some people carry with the intent to kill," etc.

In every Hood 2 Hood DVD I've seen, there's one common denominator: A group of guys talking about how real it is where they live, anybody can get it, they tote iron, all their friends squeeze (shoot), etc. When you're living the thug life, you have to be tough because you're marked for death. You're fighting with dudes in your own hood, rival hoods, etc. so you never know when someone will shoot you down. That's why I couldn't be into the streets full-force, it's too risky. When you don't have hope, you'll look for it in the streets. Even some of the OG's (Original Gangsters) will tell these young cats that you may love the streets, but the streets don't love you. What they mean is that a young brother gives their life for the streets expecting something in return. The streets will give you nothing but jail or death, because at some point your criminal exploits will catch up with you.

Many of the characters in the Hood 2 Hood DVD series were murdered. I remember a story of a 17-year old gangster who showed $100,000 on camera and was bragging about getting money from hustling. Not even a day passed when some guys kicked in his door and put an AK to him demanding where the money is. Soon as they got the money, one of the gunmen shot him. Do I think Hood 2 Hood DVDs glorify carnage in black communities? Yes and No. Yes, because from the statements made, it sounds like the participants are glorifying death & destruction. No, because anyone who's lived in an inner-city neighborhood can tell you about daily life in the hood. Some inner-city residents are sick of the violence, but they can't afford to move anywhere else.