You're not supposed to go through broken relationships to know what you want. You should know what you want from the start. This status generated an interesting discussion on my page, so let me post a few comments from me and Latasha Primus' back & forth session:
Latasha Primus Now I must disagree (for a change lol) ... I didn't know what I wanted until I was in a relationship. Doesn't matter if it was broken or not, but I learned about myself and what I could and couldn't deal with.
Richard Hudson Observation works wonders. This very mindset is how families get destroyed. People are so used to failed relationships that they look at someone crazy that's able to pinpoint what they want from Day 1, and refuse to settle. It's actually a shock to some people when a person is able to pick the right person on the first try. Discernment is a blessing.
Latasha Primus I agree with that. You just don't want to discourage anyone when saying that people should know from the beginning without ever having been through a relationship or even dating. I get what you're saying, but how do you know what you like and what you don't unless you have experienced it? I am not talking about the majors like respect and honesty, but something as simple as personality types. Discernment is a blessing that comes through learning and practice.
Richard Hudson Again, I pay attention. I observe others' relationships to get an idea of what I do and don't like in a woman. Reading some of these rants from men and women in these Relationship groups teaches me what NOT to do...lol. Discernment can come through learning & practice, but...it's something we're born with. If you're meeting someone for the first time and as you get to know them, something about them isn't right; that's discernment kicking in trying to let you know that to proceed with caution.
Latasha Primus Just to be clear I don't think people should enter in relationships without having basic rules and boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries....
People can save themselves a lot of heartache if they would establish early on what will & won't work for them. Discernment is key. Like my FB friend Tasha stated, basic rules & boundaries should be established from the start. You don't want to leave someone guessing about their stance with you.
To a point that is certainly true - like wanting to go live in Paris and having the success of that hinge on whether or not you're actually ready for Paris and that Paris is ready for you. Even watching all the travelogues on living in Paris and hearing all the travel conversation about living in Paris and setting up the detailed checklist of what you want to do and how you want to live when you're there can never fully prepare you for the actual experience of going through it. Once you get to Paris then the full force of reality sets in and you find yourself having to make adjustments that you never saw coming - and it may just be the case that your thoughts ABOUT the thing are not the same as the thing itself. Indeed, the kind of psychological preparation promoted in this great post will likely increase the chance of successfully settling into life in Paris, but there's certainly the possibility of one's own 'UNKNOWNS' causing one to want to leave and go to Bora Bora instead. Great post.
ReplyDeleteAt times, it's tough to say what one will do until they're put in that situation.
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