The Game Has Changed

A man asks a woman on a date, but she doesn't have the funds to pay for a babysitter. Her date knows this, and offers to pay for a sitter. Should she accept? Here's my take: It's a nice gesture that would earn him brownie points, but he is not obligated to pay for her a sitter; that's her responsibility. If she knew she wouldn't be able to afford a babysitter, maybe she shouldn't go out. She could have family or friends watch her child(ren) while she's out. Let me explain why it would be a nice gesture: A man who asks a woman out is trying to make a good first impression. If there's a child involved, what better way to get bonus points by offering to pay for a sitter for her child(ren)? Any woman would appreciate that kind gesture because he didn't have to pay for a sitter, he did it out of love. At the same time, she would be indebted to him because he paid for her sitter. Not too many men would offer to pay for a sitter without expecting payment. Depending on the child(ren)'s age(s), the kid could watch themselves. A favor today, becomes a duty tomorrow. If he's willing to pay for a babysitter, there's no telling what else he's willing to do. Sorry, but this goes into simp territory. Nowadays, many women are opportunists. They're looking for an easy mark, and if they can get a man to pay for a sitter for her child, she can get him to do anything. He's trying to land her, so he's going to do whatever it takes to get her, even at the expense of his dignity. If a woman readily accepts a man paying for a babysitter, she's going to continue expecting that and MORE. Depending on the woman, a man paying for her child's sitter may be considered an insult. The woman will think he wants something in return because he paid someone to watch her child. It's more acceptable to pay for a date, than for a babysitter. I'm looking at this from a single mother's perspective: He would be in a class of his own, but the child would be introduced before their time. A lot of single mothers frown upon introducing their child so early in a relationship. There will come a time where she may not be able to find a sitter or he won't have the funds to pay, and she won't want to see him. That's what men need to look at: What am I getting out of this? There's no guarantee that the date will be a success, so men should be very careful what they're willing to do for a woman in order to win her heart. Too many men give the world for a woman that may not be interested in him, he becomes jaded & the next thing you know, he's on Relationship Talk whining about how all women aren't squat because of a nice gesture gone wrong. You cannot do for everyone all the time, because some people see you as an easy mark. A wise man said: "If you're not willing to play the game, sit on the sidelines and watch the other players." The Game has definitely changed, for the worse.

Brian vs. CJ

This should be a no-brainer as to what kind of man ladies choose. Some women would choose CJ, and then want Brian after she's done wrong. The issue is, men like Brian are quickly snatched off the market by good women so the bitter, lonely women are left to their demise. Think about it, Brian has everything going for him so why wouldn't a woman choose him? Like I said, some women's priorities are royally screwed unless she herself is a hoodrat. If a woman is a hoodrat, of course she would pick a similar man because he's on her level. A hoodrat should never desire a man who has himself together, because they're in two different places. You have Brian, who's done very well for himself, never been in trouble with the law, involved in his church and keeps himself up physically, and you have the street dude CJ. Not all street dudes are bad people, they just made bad choices. Deep down, some street dudes lost their way and need help getting back on track. Brothers like Brian are usually rejected in high school and college, because they're focused on their future. They want to build a future for themselves before they think about a relationship. Bettering themselves takes precedence over finding a woman in school (although people do find mates in higher education). The mindset of a woman in college as opposed to her early 30's is vastly different. She looks at the outside, rather than a man's heart. Looks matter, I get that; but looks fade over time, and then what? You're going to need more to fall back on. Brian graduates with his MBA, and the same woman who rejected him is now checking for him. If Brian is smart, he'll reject her with good reason. She wasn't with him shooting in the gym (working hard to better himself), so she has no right to come along for the success. The woman Brian chooses is someone on his level; someone who he can build a life with, and will bring out the best in him and he in her. So what if his sex game is bad? Sex isn't everything in a relationship, so people need to stop putting sex on a pedestal like it's the be all, end all of a relationship. Besides, a couple's sex life diminishes with age. A couple's sex life sizzles in their 20's & 30's, peaks in their 40's, and then fizzles out as they age. You'll barely get a tiny spark once the couple hits their 60's and up.

Virtuous Woman: By The KingMaker Micha'el-Cordele Rolle

 

The-kingMaker Micha'el-Cordele Rolle

She may be a "good woman" but is she a virtuous woman?

A man can be surrounded by beautiful "good women", but none or maybe few are virtuous. I often hear women say why they are a "good woman", but rarely can a woman tell you why she is virtuous.

The question of "Who can find a virtuous woman" is so intriguing to me because: This was a question proposed to King Lemuel (Solomon), from his mother. Now what we do know is that in his position as king, he had over 700 wives of royal birth, and 300 concubines. Even with all these women, his mother Bathsheba didn't believe that he had found a virtuous woman.

Many women today, either (1) want to be a stay home wife or (2) want to be a working woman, but usually not "embracing" the role of both, but that's just part of it.

The virtuous woman that the King's mother told him to see if he could find…
(1) Her husband was able to trust her and her decision making (Prov. 31:11)
(many women today condone cheating, or talk about why they can't fully trust a man.)

(2) She was domesticated (Prov. 31:13-16)
(Many women today see being domesticated as being offensive, they would rather be called a B---h than be asked to manage a home.)

(3) She was a business woman by day, She understood business, and how to handle it. Not idle, not lazy… not on welfare. (Prov. 31:16)
(I hear many women complain that if they have to be a mother, they won't be able to do anything. This woman understood that she was her own entrepreneur)

(4) She was compassionate (Prov. 31:20)
In today's society, most women are "every man for himself" and it's hard to find individuals that generally care for another's well being.

(5) She was proud to be called by her husband's name, and her husband was a powerful man because of her. (Prov. 31:23)

(6) She was smart, sweet and wise (Prov. 31:26)

(7) Strength and honor are her clothing…
(The way many women present themselves on the internet, killed that for many of them.)
A man has to be proud to take you somewhere…

(8) Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
(Her husband is proud to say "that's my wife" and the kids are proud to say "that's my mom")

(9) "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all."
—— She is the best of the best…

10. And last but not least… "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."

She may be beautiful, but it is her love for the Lord that will make her virtuous….



On Her Back

Today's message is titled On Her Back. Women talk about carrying weight on their own, but that weight feels good when she's on her back. What do I mean by this? It's simple. The majority of black children are born to single moms, with the father nowhere in sight. I can't respect a man that hits it and runs. You helped make the child, stay around to raise it. There's a new organization that's rapidly growing, and it's called the On Her Back committee. The On Her Back Committee is comprised of several women that talk about carrying the weight on their own, but when she's on her back, that weight feels good. She lays down with some random (man), then gets upset when he vanishes into thin air. I find it hard to sympathize with jaded women because she bit on his bait. He lifted her up, just to break her down later; that's an old-school pimp move. After he's gotten what he wanted from her, he's gone. Very few men are going to pursue a long-term relationship with a woman they've slept with, unless there's strong feelings between them. That's not all, some women talk about carrying weight on their own just so they can have a reason to say how strong they are. True strength isn't broadcasted, it's shown in silence. Nobody's supposed to know what you're going through, except you and God. Believe it or not, many people secretly are happy for your struggle because that means they're doing better than you. Here's a few sample statements: I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, I'm strong & independent, I'm this, that, and the third. Ok...who is she trying to impress? Sure, her carrying the weight may be legit, but that's stuff you keep to yourself. I feel bad for women who have to do things on their own, but sometimes, they willingly choose to carry that weight. Then again, I think some women carry weight long enough to allow a man to relive her, just so he can get her on her back. Women need to understand that It's ok for a woman to be on her back, WITHOUT the weight of a man. What I mean by on her back, is relaxing without a care in the world.

Dolphins take stadium pitch to Miami Gardens - Miami-Dade - MiamiHerald.com

Dolphins take stadium pitch to Miami Gardens - Miami-Dade - MiamiHerald.com

 

This has been a hot topic for Miami-Dade for a while. I remember 10 years ago, Miami Gardens didn't exist. Before the name change, Miami Gardens was called Carol City (many locals still refer to the area as Carol City). Once the name changed, Miami Gardens annexed areas like Carol City, Norwood (Norland), Bunche Park, etc into one giant city. Many major cities put their sports stadiums in the city center so fans won't have to drive for miles to get to attractions. Take AmericanAirlines Arena, home of the Miami Heat. AA Arena is located in Downtown Miami, along Biscayne Bay. Close proximity to Brickell, South Beach over the bridge, among other attractions in Central Miami. SunLife stadium is 15 miles from Downtown Miami so for Dolphin fans, they would have to travel into Miami city limits for social activities. There are no hotels or major attractions in Miami Gardens; sure, there's Wal-Mart right across the street from the stadium, but that's it. The stadium was expected to bring millions into the city, but we see how that turned out. Another reason why there's not much benefit is this: Location. First mistake was putting Sun Life in a dilapidated ghetto. Who wants to travel to the hood for a Dolphins game? Very few people. Put SunLife closer to attractions, and watch the benefits roll in. It's very simple: People want to be close to where the action is, and if I'm going to a sporting event, I want to know what's jumping off nearby so I can decide if I want to attend. Driving 10 miles out of the way to attend events is NOT the move. Since there's little to no economic impact for Miami Gardens, maybe the stadium could relocate to the city of Miami. Miami is big enough to accommodate the stadium.

Strawberry Letter: Greek Love

Dear Steve and Shirley, I have been married for six years, and my husband is a part of a Greek letter organization. My husband and his fraternity brothers love getting together to "fraternize," as he calls it. During these moments, they either attend strip clubs or have parties where strippers are present, go on out of town trips to Miami or Vegas, or on a regular weekend, hang out at the local clubs. I am a part of a Greek organization myself, so I understand the importance of bonding activities, but I think their activities go too far, to the point where I feel very disrespected as his wife. I have expressed my feelings to him and he does not get it, and says I should understand since I am Greek myself. Our relationship is perfect until the moment he tells me about one of his events and it totally compromises our relationship, and I get extremely upset. Is this a natural feeling to have? Am I being disrespected? What are your thoughts on his actions? 

 

My View: I don't see a reason for her to be upset. She said it herself that she's Greek, so she should know what goes on. As long as her husband and frat brothers aren't doing anything shady, she needs to lighten up. A man should never want to stay under his woman 24-7 unless he's a homebody like her. Just like women need bonding time with their girlfriends, so do men. There's something about a brotherhood between men that just doesn't exist between a group of women. I can understand her anger because of the strippers. Anytime you have a group of men and strippers are involved, that raises concerns. Sadly, some men can't control themselves around strippers. That goes double for a married man because he has a wife at home, and going to a party with strippers will give her the impression that he's going to cheat. The husband could've kept the events from his wife, but he respects her to let her know what's going on; many men wouldn't bother telling their wives. Flipping the script, how would he feel if his wife and a group of her friends were engaged in similar activities? Depending on the husband, I'm sure he would be livid. "What you doing going to a male strip club? You better not be creeping with another man." I understand her frustration, but she needs to trust her husband. If he's not being shady, he should be able to engage in whatever activities he wants. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything. Then again, there's too much temptation that could arise from him going to the strip club or parties (with strippers) with his friends. Many men aren't strong enough to withstand temptation. Think about it, you and a few of your boys are in the strip club, and a stripper and some of her friends invite you'all to her house for a get-together, what do you think is going to happen? He might want to slow down just a little bit.

Strawberry Letter: I Want The Ex To Be The X

Dear Shirley and Steve, I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 2 years. We have had some bumps in our relationship, just like any other normal relationship. I'm so confused and noticing little things about him. Just recently his grandmother passed, and I noticed his (first love) ex- girlfriend (whose name is still on tatted his chest) was there at the funeral. That wasn't the problem, I understand that she wanted to pay her respect to a woman that she knew, and show the family support during their time of needs. After the funeral, she went to his grandmother house along with his brother's ex. My husband wanted to go to his grandmother's home in the beginning, but quickly changed his mind. I received a call from my sister in law informing me that they were waiting on my husband. I notice weeks prior to his grandmother passing, he would wear a ring she gave him when they were dating. I would get mad and ask him why is he still wearing that ring, and he needs to get rid of it. Even during the funeral, he kept his left hand in his pocket (hiding his ring at least to me). I was angry at him for hiding the fact that he knew she was there, and that is the reason he changed his mind on going there so quickly. So many things are running through my head: Is he hiding his marriage from her? Does he still have feelings for her? Please help because I'm just lost for words, and it is bothering me. Thanks   

 

My View: I think he still has feelings for his ex, because why would he continue wearing the ex's ring? That doesn't make sense. If you've broken it off with someone, you get rid of all mementos: Rings, tats, etc. Holding onto reminders of your ex signals there's still some feelings left. This ex is his first love, so that's enough to consider that maybe the ex wants to get back in his life. He needs to make up his mind as to who he wants; his wife or ex-girlfriend. The wife has answered her own questions because she confronted him, but he denied. If he has nothing to hide, he would be straight with his woman and say "I'm wearing the ring my ex gave me, but I don't have any feelings for her. You're the only woman for me." She may not believe him because he's wearing her ring, but if he's giving her no reason to doubt him, she should relax. To me, wearing the ring your ex gave you signals there is still some attraction, and it's a matter of time before the ex slithers into his marriage. She could be attending the funeral to be his comfort; I wouldn't put it past her. Funerals have a funny way of revealing the truth about family matters. I don't see anything good coming out of this situation. If another woman is creeping her way into a marriage, it's the husband's responsibility to shut it down. This is an example of why you can't trust anyone, even in marriage. If an outsider can slip & slide into a covenant, something's wrong. The reason he's hiding his marriage from her is because he still has feelings for her. The End.