Self-Made

When I think of the term self-made, I see a person who has become successful on their own. They had a vision of where they wanted to be, and made things happen for themselves. These people had no help; in fact, others have rejected them when that person has taken the time to get to know an influential person, in hopes that (s)he will mentor him. This self-made person is tired of relying on others, so they decide to take their future in their own hands. "If no one will help me come up, I'll do it myself." Is being self-made a bad thing? Yes and No. Yes, because at some point, one must learn to rely on others for assistance. Sometimes (I hate that I have to say this, but it's true for the most part), you have to be told no, in order to get to your yes. Being told no shows you that everyone will not help you when you ask. No, because many times you have to encourage yourself. You have to dig deep, and not let naysayers deter you from your dreams. Many successful people are where they're at, because they didn't accept being told no. They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and were driven to make their own way. Once they start to prosper, they can say "I did that. I had no help getting where I am now." There's a time to rely on others, and a time to do it yourself. If you've watched the entrepreneur show Shark Tank, the narrator announces the following self-made investors who are entrepreneurs: Mark Cuban, Daymond John, Robert Herjavec, Kevin O'Leary, Barbara Corcoran, Lori Greiner (Lori alternates with Barbara on some Shark Tank episodes). I think all of us are self-made to a degree, because there were times we had to rely on our abilities to make it, and times where we had to solicit support from a mentor. Self-Made is a term that elicits pride, a belief that you can achieve anything you put your mind to, no matter the opposition.

You Don't Judge? Wait For It...Wait For It.

Mary Stieff

I have something to get off my chest that has been vexing me for a very long time. Too many people nowadays talk about "I don't judge". Yes, you do, just not in some of the ways you think are important. My issue is: I hate when people think just because you have never been married, never had children, and been single a good while, that you are clueless to real life situations and struggles. A clear "judgement". They feel this person has nothing to teach them. Really? How about a person being single by choice learning self-discipline, self-control, and knowing their self-worth that they don't have to settle for just any and everybody out here who looks their way. A person who is not making babies all over the place and crying about child support and baby mama/daddy drama. You made them, you laid with them. Be happy you have them. You could be in the opposite situation where you want babies desperately and can't or know if you can have them. You may be single, but you've held a few marriages and relationships together based on God given wisdom. You can get into the psyche of troubled and wayward teens because you counseled them for over 10 years. You can tell their parents what's going on with them without even knowing them but, knowing the parent and their behaviors. Or because these teens choose to confide in you. Also, you have spent the last 20 years helping to raise other people's children. You've taken them to appointments, did late night feedings, been in hospitals holding hands to calm fears, watched and cheered baseball games, track meets and practices, and watched the oldest few graduate high school. But, because you never birthed a baby or been a Mrs. you get put behind a glass wall and get labeled as clueless, or invaluable.
Oh really? Yeah, I hate that!

 

My View: Everybody is judgmental, like it or not. Some people are bold with it, others are subtle in letting people know they are judgmental. What's the deal with people thinking that because you're single, you can't offer valid relationship advice? That's silly because some of the greatest advice has come from single folks. They're able to be that 3rd eye for a couple; they may see things that couples don't see. I'm going to keep it real: Couples don't have all the answers, when it comes to relationships. Yes, couples can be a good information source for singles looking to be involved. After all, the best way to be successful is by surrounding yourself with successful people. At the same time, that couple gives you advice according to what works for them. Their advice may/may not work for you. I applaud single people who are single by choice. They are learning about themselves, and working on their goals. I believe there's someone for everyone, but according to a recent conversation with a friend of mine, not everyone is meant for a relationship. Others are single by choice, some are single just because they aren't willing to settle for less than what they servce. Don't discredit a single person just because they aren't in a relationship. Be selective in what advice you receive. If it applies, accept and keep moving. If not, toss it in the trash. Some people in relationships can be narrow-minded, because they tend to look down on singles as if something is wrong with them if they're not in a relationship. Many people see the pitfalls of others and their relationships, so they end up not making the same mistakes. A wise person learns from others' mistakes. Then again, you have to ask yourself why this single person is giving you their unwarranted advice. Could they want what you have, and are trying to break you guys up? More times than not, that's the case.



Real Men vs. Real Women

Women like to say what a real man does/is, and men do the same thing (explain what a real woman does/is). Both genders are correct. Here's a list of Real Men vs. Real Women statements:

 

1. Real Men Don't Hit Women, even if she's trying to kill him-Some women love to throw this in a man's face when he's trying to defend himself. The sad thing is, some women do this because the law is on their side. Put their hands on a man, he can't hit her back or he'll get locked up. Not to mention that some women are spiteful, so they can make a man's life hell just out of spite.

2. Real Men Cater To A Woman-If she makes his life better, why wouldn't he want to give her the world? Here's the catch: The woman has to be worthy, because no man in his right mind should go all out for a woman that's NOT doing anything for him.

3. Real Men Don't Argue With A Woman-I don't know where this one came from, but it has lame written over it. No man is going to let ANYONE (especially a woman) get jazzy at the mouth with him. According to some women, a man is a man if he lets a woman talk crazy to him. Everytime a man is critical of a woman: He's bitter & gay, hates his mother, hates women. Deflection is a favorite tool to draw the focus off oneself. Personally, I don't have time to go back & forth with a woman. If she wants to act stupid, she can act a fool by herself.

4. The Bible Says...A Man Is Supposed To (insert Bible verse about what a man is supposed to do)-This one here is a trip. Yes, the Bible does outline man's responsibilities, BUT the Bible also says what a woman is SUPPOSED to do. I see why many men want nothing to do with some Christian women, because many of them can quote scripture about what man should be doing, but when it comes to a woman's role, they leave that part out.

5. Real Women Take Care Of Their Man-Self explanatory. When I say "take care of their man", I mean someone you're married to. So many people take care of each other husband & wife style, then there's nothing left for marriage. A man or woman IS NOT obligated to take care of their mate during the courting phase. When the couple gets engaged, I can see that; because they are getting ready to become married. To give husband benefits to your boyfriend is NO BUENO.
6. Real Women Support Their Man-Pretty obvious, if you ask me. Many women expect for their man to be on point before he steps to her, so why aren't women held to the same standard? The man has to support his lady in her dreams, but when he asks for her support while he's trying to make a better life for them, and it's going to take time, some women become impatient. Many women want microwave prosperity.
7. Real Women Are Great Cooks-Today's modern woman doesn't know how to cook, nor does she want to learn. Yet, she expects for her man to be a 5-star chef. Just like men should be expected to know how to cook, the same applies to women. Besides, what if the man doesn't feel like slinging pots & pans every day? If his woman knows her way around the kitchen, she can relieve him on some days.
8. Real Women Don't Argue-A man says what he has to say, and moves on. There are some women who don't like arguments, and that's good. Life is too short to go back & forth with someone, especially a person you take to be your partner. You can have disagreements without the cussing, name-calling, and other childish antics. Many women don't know how to argue without raising their voice. That's what turns men off, and causes them to walk away.



Don't Lay Up, If You Can't Pay Up

Unless you've been living under a rock, 70% or more children are born out of wedlock. That statistic is dismal, because it shows that some people don't respect natural order. The natural order is education/career, marriage, then children. That's how it was done back in the day. Having children is expensive, because you have to raise them for 18 years minimum. Buying school clothes, life & health insurance, college fund, senior fees, etc. All of that takes money. My question is this: If you don't see yourself long-term with someone, why have their child(ren)? It's not fair for the child, because they are split between two homes. Studies show that children growing up in a two-parent are more likely to be successful, because their parents gave them proper guidance. Of course, there are instances which children are better off with one parent; abuse and absenteeism to name a few. You have parents who are physically there, but not there emotionally. Some parents know nothing about their child(ren), and vice versa. That's where this topic comes from, because how can parents bring children into this world, and not invest in them? You might as well give the child up for adoption, or get an abortion (worst case scenario). Being that I'm against abortion (except for rape, because I feel a woman should not be forced to carry a rapist's child. In that manner, I'm for abortion), the best route for unwanted children is adoption. You have couples who would give unwanted children a loving environment. It's lazy for parents to have children, and not take care of them. Young parents push their child(ren) on the parents, while they rip & run the streets. Many times, some young parents let their parents raise THEIR child, because they want to have fun. Sorry, but if you lay up, be ready to pay up. Paying Up means you sacrifice fun for your child(ren). Instead of going out with the fellas, you're home taking care of your child(ren).

Sleeping With A Married Man

This Strawberry Letter is from June 13th Steve Harvey Morning Show, and it's titled: Sleeping With A Married Man. Here's the letter:

I am sleeping with a married man. A little background: Over ten years ago, I met this man while I was in college. We hit it off good; we were more than friends, but never defined our relationship. I left to come back home. We keep in touch because we did consider each other as someone we really wanted in each others' lives. I ended up getting married. We still kept in contact. Fastfowarding three years ago, me and my husband separated. My old friend started opening up about how he felt about me, and I fell for him hard, because i felt the same. After my divorce, we started meeting up because we do not stay in the same town. I was thinking about trying to make a long distance relationship work, and go all in. One night, I decided to check records regarding if he was married or not. I remember it being mentioned some years back, but I was told it never happened. Well it did after finding this information out, I was crushed he kept this from me for over six years. It made me question if we really was friends or not. If he told me from the beginning, I don't think I would be sleeping with him now, but my feelings were too deep. I was thinking I could make something of this flame. I did address the issue with him, and tried to walk away. He told me he didn't want to tell me because he knew I wouldn't be down for it, and he really wanted me in his life. After a month or two, He pulled me back in with sweet nothings of he really needs & loves me, and how our relationship is special. I asked him to think about what we're doing; would he be ready for the consequences? He never gives me an answer. And for some reason, we can't seem to let go of each other, well at least I can't find a way to cut my string from him. Please, what can I do to get out of this situation, and can we still be friends without lovers?

 

My $.02: I know Steve Harvey & his staff have to crack up at some of these strawberry letters. Some of these letters are so obvious as to what people should do, but some people make situations so difficult. First off, what is she doing sleeping with a married man? Common sense tells you to leave another woman's man alone. It's bad enough married couples don't respect their marriage vows, it's worse when an outsider infringes on your union. Besides, what makes some women THINK a married man is going to leave his wife? It's not going to happen; the sooner some women learn this, the better. The fact is, she's a jumpoff. He loves her body, not her as a person. That's usually the case with jumpoffs, they are focused on getting theirs; forget the wife. Forget about that wife who thinks her husband is coming home to her, when he's getting some from another woman. Some people will say "If he's not getting at home, he will look for it elsewhere. What married man that's sleeping with another woman is going to admit he's married? IT DOESN'T HAPPEN. The husband sees this woman as a piece of meat. He's going to go home to his wife, and carry on like nothing happened. The husband isn't off the hook, because he should respect his wife. When I read scenarios like this, I have to wonder why get married? Why marry someone, if you want side loving? If you're going to cheat on your (wo)man, DON'T GET MARRIED. I say this often on Facebook relationship discussions, people don't respect marriage. I want to know how this turns out, and hopefully they will get exposed. What's Done In The Dark, Will Come To The Light. Someone should have had some sense to pump the brakes; Wait...that's too much like right.



I Want What You Have

What you take for granted, someone is praying for. Some people don't realize how blessed they really are. I look at people suffering with disabilities, and those who have perfect health; I know in the back of a disabled person's mind, they envy the person with perfect health. What comes naturally for most people, others struggle with. I can't stand people who take their blessings for granted. Those are the first ones to bellyache when something goes wrong. Sometimes, God will take away your good fortune to let you know there are those who are less fortunate, that will appreciate YOUR good health, talent(s), or social status. If I had the ability, I would make every ungrateful person walk a mile in the shoes of someone who's less fortunate; see how that turns out. I bet you those ungrateful people will straighten up REAL fast. No one wants to go back to struggling, especially if they remember what it took to get where they're at. Those are the people I admire, because they are humble. Humility goes a long way, remember that. You have some people who complain, no matter how great things are going. I want to say, "What are you bellyaching about? You have everything going for you, and then some, and you're crying? There are people that have to work harder than you to get the same opportunities. If anything, THOSE people have reason to bellyache." I will say this, to those who had a good start in life: BE GRATEFUL! Appreciate your good fortune, because there's others with the odds stacked against them, that try to catch a break, only to have doors repeatedly slammed in their face. When I start being ungrateful, I check myself because there's always someone worse off than me. I don't glorify anyone's suffering (I pray for their deliverance), but I am grateful that I don't have worse struggles than some people.

Daddy's Girl(s)? Have Several Seats.

Let it be known that I'm annoyed at some women who refer to themselves as Daddy's Girl(s). Really? That's a red flag because to me, that shows she can't think for herself. She has to run to Dad for everything. See, men wouldn't get down like this because it's expected for a man to be able to stand on his own. So why should women get a pass? Doesn't make sense. When I think of the term Daddy's Girl, I think of an attached woman that measures her future husband by her father. If he was a wonderful husband, she seeks that in her future husband. If he's sorry, well..you know the rest. Just like women frown upon mama's boys, men should frown upon women who refer to themselves as Daddy's Girl. Grow Up ladies, seriously. After a certain age, you should be able to choose for yourself the kind of man you want, INDEPENDENT of your father. Some women pride themselves on being independent, but you wouldn't know it since they refer to themselves as a Daddy's Girl. Should I meet a woman who refers to herself as Daddy's Girl, she WILL NOT receive further consideration from me. I understand if a woman had a wonderful father, but once she grows up, she should be able to discern for herself what a good man is. Some women are always saying how independent they are, well here's their chance to prove it: From here on out, a woman IS NOT to compare her future husband to her father, even if her pops was an excellent provider & parent. It's borderline incestuous to hear a woman paint herself as Daddy's Girl. To me, that signals some sexual activity going on (yes, dads and daughters do have sexual relationships in this sick world). Make it so bad, some women glorify being a Daddy's Girl. Ma'am, being a Daddy's Girl is not a good look for you or your future husband. That tells your man you aren't independent enough to choose a good man for yourself, so you need your father to be your measuring stick. If men are expected to leave father & mother, and cling to their wife, the same applies to women.