You Don't Judge? Wait For It...Wait For It.

Mary Stieff

I have something to get off my chest that has been vexing me for a very long time. Too many people nowadays talk about "I don't judge". Yes, you do, just not in some of the ways you think are important. My issue is: I hate when people think just because you have never been married, never had children, and been single a good while, that you are clueless to real life situations and struggles. A clear "judgement". They feel this person has nothing to teach them. Really? How about a person being single by choice learning self-discipline, self-control, and knowing their self-worth that they don't have to settle for just any and everybody out here who looks their way. A person who is not making babies all over the place and crying about child support and baby mama/daddy drama. You made them, you laid with them. Be happy you have them. You could be in the opposite situation where you want babies desperately and can't or know if you can have them. You may be single, but you've held a few marriages and relationships together based on God given wisdom. You can get into the psyche of troubled and wayward teens because you counseled them for over 10 years. You can tell their parents what's going on with them without even knowing them but, knowing the parent and their behaviors. Or because these teens choose to confide in you. Also, you have spent the last 20 years helping to raise other people's children. You've taken them to appointments, did late night feedings, been in hospitals holding hands to calm fears, watched and cheered baseball games, track meets and practices, and watched the oldest few graduate high school. But, because you never birthed a baby or been a Mrs. you get put behind a glass wall and get labeled as clueless, or invaluable.
Oh really? Yeah, I hate that!

 

My View: Everybody is judgmental, like it or not. Some people are bold with it, others are subtle in letting people know they are judgmental. What's the deal with people thinking that because you're single, you can't offer valid relationship advice? That's silly because some of the greatest advice has come from single folks. They're able to be that 3rd eye for a couple; they may see things that couples don't see. I'm going to keep it real: Couples don't have all the answers, when it comes to relationships. Yes, couples can be a good information source for singles looking to be involved. After all, the best way to be successful is by surrounding yourself with successful people. At the same time, that couple gives you advice according to what works for them. Their advice may/may not work for you. I applaud single people who are single by choice. They are learning about themselves, and working on their goals. I believe there's someone for everyone, but according to a recent conversation with a friend of mine, not everyone is meant for a relationship. Others are single by choice, some are single just because they aren't willing to settle for less than what they servce. Don't discredit a single person just because they aren't in a relationship. Be selective in what advice you receive. If it applies, accept and keep moving. If not, toss it in the trash. Some people in relationships can be narrow-minded, because they tend to look down on singles as if something is wrong with them if they're not in a relationship. Many people see the pitfalls of others and their relationships, so they end up not making the same mistakes. A wise person learns from others' mistakes. Then again, you have to ask yourself why this single person is giving you their unwarranted advice. Could they want what you have, and are trying to break you guys up? More times than not, that's the case.