Giving Up Too Easy

A man seeks a woman he can make his wife. Before he can make her his wife, this man will do his due dilligence with this woman. He's going to take his time (hopefully) getting to know her in depth; finding out her outlook on life, where she sees herself 5 years from now, etc. As he gets to know her, she may or may not have mutual feelings. If she doesn't, the woman should make it plain to the man that she has no intention of pursuing anything further with him so he can break it off effectively. No sense in leading a man on. Depending on the man, he may or may not give up easy depending on how interested he is in her. If he's not interested in the woman, it won't matter if she breaks it off because one or both parties agree the relationship won't go anywhere beyond casual conversation. Who knows, the couple may make better friends. If he's really interested in pursuing the relationship with her, nothing's going to stand in his way of catching her. She can reject him 100000 times and that's not going to stop him from going after and eventually catching her. This kind of man knows what he wants and what he has to offer and is going to MAKE her feel him. I can't be mad at persistent brothers because they eventually get what they want. To an extent, I do believe some men & women give up too easy when a prospective mate says no. Remember, that man or woman makes up a miniscule number of the 6.3 billion people existing on Planet Earth. When someone says no, another person says yes; that's how I see it. If a man or woman has themselves together and they get rejected, that's their loss because they're missing out on someone special. From a man standpoint, some men don't focus on one woman because even though things are going great with their lady, some men are still looking for someone better. As long as things are going good with me & my lady, there's no reason for me to continue looking because I've already found my prize. Either he wants a relationship with her or not, there's no in between. He already knows where she stands, so he's not going to waste time waiting for her to change her mind. Because all men and women are different, giving up too easy can sometimes be hard to gauge. If I move forward, she could say I'm going too fast and if I step back, she could say I need to step it up. No matter what you do, it will never be enough so the best thing men and women can do is put their best foot forward and if that's not enough, move on. You have some people that make a person jump through several hoops in order to get to know them. I can understand if they've been hurt but if a genuine person WANTS to take away your hurt, let him or her. At least they want to heal you, which is more than what I and other likeminded men would do. A real man doesn't like an argumentative woman. Men prefer the path of least resistance and if he's just meeting a woman and there's an argument or obstacle, that's a red flag. That's a turnoff and will be dealt with by her getting served the walking papers. A man's peace of mind is important to him and any woman who threatens that is out the door. If she considers that giving up too easy, then yes he gave up too easy. He gave up on a lifetime of fussing/fighting and drama. In that case, he made the right decision to serve her the walking papers.

Double Standards In Breaking Up

There's no doubt in my mind that double standards exist in relationships. If a woman initiates the breakup, people sympathize with her and say she wasn't given enough attention, he wasn't right for her, etc. If a man initiates the break up, he's made out to be the bad guy: He cheated on, abused her or he couldn't love her unconditionally. The hypocrisy was laid on thick. When a woman breaks up with her man, she's not going to be truthful with her loved ones as to why the relationship went south (unless she's a woman of sound character). You will have women who fabricate bogus stories to save face with her friends and family as to why they are no longer together. These women tell their side, their way as to make themselves feel better but the truth of the matter is, deep down THEY know the real so it's just a facade which means the truth will continue eating away at them. The family co-signs her blindly without getting to the root of the breakup. When a lady leaves her man, in most cases he's able to keep it moving because in his mind there are plenty of fish in the sea. He's not going to care about an explanation as to why they didn't work out. Society has lied to women and told them they mature quicker than men,that's only during adolescent years and deals mostly with physical maturity. Adult women are as equally as immature in relationships as adult men. Women feel that men who initiate breakups are emotionally unavailable, which I disagree because a man with discernment can recognize when a woman isn't right for him. Once he realizes she's not the one, he will break it off and rightfully so. Men and women SHOULD NOT give their all to someone they won't be with long-term. (S)he may be able to love unconditionally but it's not going to happen with the (wo)man (s)he left as they were a temporary stop on the journey to finding their soulmate. Honestly, if a man or woman is that petty to fabricate a story to their friends and family to save face, it's a blessing the union didn't work out. They showed their ex their true colors so why stress over foul people? Double standards exist for every situation: A man sleeps with multiple women, he's a mack. A woman sleeps around, she's a ho. Very few people will admit their role in the relationship going south; it's her/his fault, they didn't do this, that and the third. It says a lot about a person when they admit their role in the relationship going south.

Hating On Another's Blessing

I never thought I would write on this very subject but after reading a friend's FB status, I have to address this. I expect jealousy from the world when you become successful but for Christians to get jealous of another believer's blessing & position is the epitome of flaw. If nowhere else, Christians should be able to celebrate each other's blessing but because Christians are flawed like everyone else, they aren't exempt from feelings of envy. There is no way anyone can make me understand this. Why be jealous of another's position & blessing? That's craziness because God is no respector of persons. What he does/did for one person, he can do for everyone. Everyone can enjoy God's blessings if they are faithful & obedient. The reason why some Christians seemingly are more blessed than others could lie in a believer's level of obedience & faithfulness. Some Christians do what God says with no objection (even if they don't understand the rationale). Your level of obedience is in direct proportion to your blessing. God has blessings & positions for all his children so in the end, it's futile to be envious of another believer's blessing. God's children are supposed to encourage each other, not be jealous because one believer has a greater blessing & position than another. God blesses his children how he sees fit. How God chooses to bless his children is his business, not ours. The sooner people learn this, the better. I think it's sad that God's people can't co-exist; there's probably more backbiting and gossip between so-called Christians than the world. How can Christians lead people to Christ and they're cutting up worse than the world? Shakes Head. It's behavior like this that I understand why the world thinks Christians are flaw because in their mind, they aren't living any differently so what incentive do they have to give their hearts to God? The reason why some Christians envy another believer's blessing is because THEY wish they had his/her calling. That calling may mean he/she is in the spotlight and some Christians want the fame & fortune of another believer. I can honestly say I have never been jealous of another believer's blessing because for one, that's flaw and two, I don't know what they went through for that blessing so I have to be happy for them. Seeing someone gets blessed keeps me motivated to know that I'm in line for my breakthrough.

Love

Love....a word that comes and goes like the wind. We all love in different ways. Some people show love through hugs and others show love by words. We all have our own definition of what love is but the general definition of love is a favorable action towards something or someone. What I can't understand is how people can throw the word love around like the mess isn't wrong. It's easy to love when things are going great but that love is tested when everything's falling apart around you. People attach love to objects, people, things, etc. You can like a certain thing but to have love for an inanimate objects is beyond me. You know what I think? I think people have selective love. They love someone when everything's lovely but when their spouse isn't acting lovable back, that love may go out the window. I'm the first to say that I will not enter a relationship if I can't love my lady in the good & bad. I would be wasting my time and hers. Many people don't think like that, they're looking out for Number One. It's good to look out for Number 1 but that's where people get mixed up. They forget others have standards, too. It's not about one person when it comes to love. Love is about sacrifice; do you give up something to make your spouse happy. For example: A man and woman go to the movies together and want to see a flick. She wants to see a chick flick and he wants to see an action movie. If he would have acquiesced to her, he's proven his love for her because he gave up his action movie for her. He had every right to say no, but because he cares about his woman, he agreed to watch the chick flick with the misses. The previous example showed love in a sacrificial manner.  I don't know too many guys that will watch a chick flick with their fiancee or lady. Honestly, love doesn't carry the same meaning it once did because people use the word carelessly. "I Love Ice Cream, I Love Cars, I Love Food, etc." You have people who love selectively, meaning they love when people are acting right but when people get to acting stupid, they withdraw or limit their love. Don't say you love someone & you don't mean it.

Dealing With Someone's Baggage

Everyone has baggage, it's just a matter of finding someone that cares enough to help you unpack. FALSE! Sensible people do not have baggage, nor should they have to take on someone's issues. Most baggage you created is by yourself. Before you think about getting involved with someone, leave your baggage at the terminal. Better yet, don't bring your baggage anywhere NEAR the terminal. Throw away your baggage where it can be lost forever. I'm aware that everyone is dealing with some type of issue but for me, it's not so much the issue, it's that they refuse to acknowledge the flaw and take corrective measures so they don't run a good man/woman off. Let's be real, nobody in their right mind would (or should) be responsible for another adult. I don't have time to do what her parents should've done, which is prepare her for life. I have issues I'm dealing with myself but the difference is...I recognize them and take corrective action. I want to be the best man I can be for my lady (whoever she is) and most of all, myself. I can't get older and not having grown from my 20's & 30's; that's sad. Women are good for this because they expect a man to deal with her problems but she's quick to check him on his issue. See the hypocrisy in this scenario? Why should a man have to deal with a woman's baggage but she won't deal with his? That's flaw to me and is one of the reasons why I'm single because a woman will not be my project; I will not take on the burden of fixing her up into the woman I want her to be. She should have herself together before I get involved with her. Once I get involved with a woman, it's full speed ahead. What I mean is that I want us to move forward as a couple and in order for us to move forward as a couple, ALL our baggage must be left at the terminal. It's not to say that we won't have issues as a couple because we will; it's just that the issues won't be as bad because we would have a long heart-to-heart discussion about our vision for the relationship. You have some men and women that take on their mate as a project, they work through each other's faults and with enough progress, their mate blossoms into the man/woman they were intended to be. A woman would have to be very special for me to overlook her baggage; those women do exist and require special care. I can work with a woman's baggage as long as she's willing to acknowledge her issue(s) and take corrective action. Here's the irony: Some women expect men to deal with their craziness but won't tolerate a fraction of his issue(s). That won't fly with me because I'll tell any woman off top: There's no shame in having baggage; the shame lies in using your baggage as a crutch to feel sorry for yourself.

Asking The Tough Questions

Why are couples afraid to ask tough questions in their relationship? I've never understood that. You're supposed to ask the hard questions to see where the relationship is going. I don't know about anyone else but if I get involved with a woman, I'm asking the hard questions off top (and I expect the same in return) because I want to see where her head is at. How you answer tough questions determines the relationship length. If one or both people beat around the bush, that says they aren't strong enough to tackle the hard issues in a relationship. If your partner gets offended when you ask them meaty questions, that's their problem. That's also a red flag that shouldn't be taken lightly. If I'm taking on a woman to be my future wife, wouldn't it make sense to ask the hard questions? I think so because you get a better understanding of who they are by their responses. If they aren't honest in their responses, chances are they won't be honest when it counts. I won't trust a woman that's afraid to ask me the hard questions and here's the catch...I EXPECT HER TO AND VICE VERSA. When a couple isn't afraid to ask the hard questions, that tells me their relationship will last because they are able to navigate the rough waters of life together. I was listening to Bishop Jakes "Before You Do" Series and he was spot on with his information. Asking tough questions requires 3 components: Research, Interrogate and Verify. When you want to know something about a person, you do investigative research into their background to get an idea of how their history has shaped them into who they are today. After you research, you interrogate him/her because you want to be sure you know what you're getting into before you proceed further. The verification is the last step in getting to know your mate because he/she is able to help you better understand them by clearing the air about any given information.



Meeting The Ex

I've thought it strange that a man/woman engaged or in a relationship with their mate would feel a need to meet their ex for dinner. Why? You and your ex didn't work out so THAT relationship should be left alone. Meeting an ex raises so many red flags that it could mean (s)he is trying to see if they still have a chance of reuniting or they could have unfinished business and need closure. You shouldn't have to meet your ex in order to get closure, the closure should've been received at the final conversation. There's too many red flags because your current mate could think you and your ex are still seeing each other even though you mentioned it's over between you two. Otherwise, there's no reason for an engaged or taken person to meet their ex for dinner. For example: A man and woman are engaged to be married, both are coming from previous relationships. Those relationships didn't give them the needed closure so they look up their ex's in hopes of receiving the necessary closure. The couple's exes keep their meetings on the low for a while but things start to fall apart: so-called working late, unusual clothing attire, etc. You can keep things on the low for so long before you're exposed so honesty is the best policy. Be straight with your man or woman that you're going to meet your ex for closure. They may be upset (rightfully so) and want to know why but as long as you lay it on the table that you need official closure from the previous relationship, they should be ok. If you're with your man or woman and you plan on building a life with them, your ex should be just that, YOUR EX. Whatever closure you did (or didn't) receive, let it go and focus on the present & future, not the past. If I'm with a woman, she's getting ALL of me. I'm not looking for closure from my ex because I'm thinking she's my ex, that's all the closure I need. Doesn't matter why we didn't work out, it's just that our bond didn't make it. That's ok because except for a select few, all relationships aren't meant to last.