Conversation Says All?

This came off a Facebook friend of mine's wall: "When I meet a woman, within 3 seconds I know if I have a physical attraction. Within 3 minutes of a conversation, I know whether I have a mental connection. Within 3 conversations (if she ...gets that far), I know whether I have a spiritual, emotional, and social connection. Then, she is placed in one of 3 categories in my life: networking friend, platonic friend, or courtship friend. The last one is only for the RARE women." Can conversation determine the length of a relationship? I think so because conversation helps people get to know each other. It's in conversation that you find out someone's life vision & outlook. I feel conversation says a lot about a person. If someone cannot converse about politics, education and the world around them, they will be deemed as ignorant because they have no concept of the world around them. I look at a woman's conversation ability before getting to know her. If she can't discuss anything other than going to the club, getting her hair done or shopping, I determine her conversational skills as lacking. Nobody wants to be with someone that cannot hold a decent conversation, myself included. I can discuss sports and music with the best of them but I know more about the world around me and that's more important. If you're walking in discernment, it won't take long to discover a fraud. That's where you learn discernment, through conversation. If you don't have a good feeling about someone through conversation, that's a sign you two are better off as friends or going your separate ways. Most people have little to no discernment, which means what someone can identify in seconds, it takes longer for somebody else. I want to have deep conversations because those conversations are more memorable than who won last night's game or what shoes you got from the mall yesterday. What does she want 3,5 or 10 years from now? When you're talking to someone that cracks jokes 24-7, anyone would assume they don't know when to be serious. So, conversation can and does tell a lot about a person.

Relationship Expectations

When meeting someone for the first time, you're trying to get to know them. How far the relationship goes will depend on the couple's compatibility. A couple has to be compatible in ALL aspects in order for a relationship to work, nothing can be out of alignment. If a man has expectations for how he wants the relationship to go, it would behoove the woman to take notes so she can be the best for him and herself. In an ideal world, we would accept others as they are but that isn't true by a long shot. Let's be honest, nobody is willing to take someone as they are. It's said if a person shows you who they are, believe them. 9 times out of 10 that assessment is spot on because they are showing you their true colors right off the bat and it's on you if you can love them past their flaws. If not, don't waste your time and theirs by forcing a relationship to work because you're too busy trying to change him/her. You can't change a person, only they can change themselves by choice. I've never understood how somebody can get with a person and expect to mold them into their ideal man/woman. If that person has personality/character flaws that are deal breakers for you and you can't handle that, keep it moving. They're good for someone, just not you. The sooner people learn this, the better off they will be. It's good to want someone on your level and most people find someone that's right for them (as they should) but as time goes on, people change and sometimes for better or worse. What gets me is people who have these expectations for their mate but they have NOTHING to bring to the table themselves. How can you require the world of someone when you're not willing to offer the same in return? That's silly. Be the person you want to attract.

Nice Isn't Enough

Ask anyone what they look for in a man/woman and the first thing that comes to mind is "a nice guy" or "a nice woman". Sounds good right? Right, until you really start getting to know him/her. What I'm getting at is just because a man or woman is nice, doesn't mean they're right for you. It takes more than being nice to make a relationship work. A couple has to be in sync for a relationship to work. Just because a person is nice doesn't mean that you should be in a relationship with them. They could be nice with no goals and ambition, they could be nice and make stupid decisions. So being a nice person is important when coupled with other important attributes. On the other hand, you have ambitious people with personality/character flaws whereas you have a nice person that's content at their level but wants to do right by you. It boils down to what one will/won't accept. I have standards like the next person but if I meet a God-sent woman who's on my level but is lacking in some areas, I'll work with her on where she's lacking because I believe in helping my lady be the best she can be in all areas of her life. They could have the looks, the fat bankroll and all of the material trappings, but are morally, spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. Being nice is a wonderful trait to have if it's combined with other important character traits. A man does everything for his woman to get in her good graces which is good but over time, she may start outgrowing him because she's wondering if there's more to this guy than just being nice. She enjoys the benefit(s) but doesn't want the person. He was led to believe he would have a future with her. Here's a classic line most men & women use: "You're a nice man/woman but you're not the one for me". Nice isn't enough, more has to be brought to the table in order for a happy relationship. There will be someone who appreciates a nice person for who they are, not what they can become, or what benefits they provide.

Doing God's bidding

This commentary is titled "Doing God's Bidding." What does Doing God's bidding entail? It's simple. Anytime you try to alter God's intended purpose, you're trying to do God's bidding and you can't do that. Many times Christians (myself included) pray according to their selfish desires and not according to God's will. Yes, God wants us to present our requests but our prayers have to line up with his purpose. True, he will answer our prayers (that's good) but he usually answers in a way that's far better than we could ever imagine or he gives us a different answer. Whether we like the answer is irrelevant to God. Why do people try to alter God's plans & ways? Is it because deep down they don't trust him to have their best interest in mind? I think that's it because some people feel they know themselves better than God and by trying to alter his outcome, it gives them the upper hand. It may work for a moment, but in the end God will ALWAYS call the shots. It kills me when people try to argue with God, knowing they're not going to win. God calls the shots so people need to roll with it or get rolled over. Yes, we will never understand why he does what he does or allows what he does but ultimately, it's for our own good and most of all, HIS GLORY. I'm continually learning this lesson. The sooner people realize that God's in control, the better off most of us will be. Besides, when we try to do it on our own we usually foul up and God cleans up our mess.

Embracing The Struggle

It's a given every man & woman wants someone on their level, there's nothing wrong with that. Would it be wrong for a man or woman to turn down their soulmate when they're trying to come up? Yes, we all want someone who has it together but there's something to be said for taking someone on while they are bettering themselves. You get to see them in action and give them a helping hand when they get discouraged. If I met a woman and I knew she was right for me, I would take her on while she's coming up because I could be her strength when she is weak. Once she makes it, I will get to share in her blessing because I was there when she had little and I will be there when she has much. I read a quote by Will Smith that said "If you were absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present for my success" It amazes me how some people want to take credit for another's blessing but they weren't around when (s)he was grinding day in & out to get where they want to be. You weren't there when at times they had to cry because setback after setback presented itself and they knew God wanted them to go this route but all of a sudden that person makes it and you're attracted to them. You get mad when he/she turns you down. You can uplift someone without having to struggle with them. The best way to uplift a person is to give them knowledge they can use to improve themselves, then once you see them progress maybe you can revisit a relationship with them. The problem with that is nobody's going to wait around for anyone to get themselves together. They either come into a relationship on point or not at all. It would be stupid to want to "carry" someone in a relationship. Nobody should have to carry ANYONE in relationships. This is why I plan on staying single for as long as possible because I want to be on point as much as possible so when Ms.Right comes into my life, we will be whole which makes us a power couple. Relationships are more successful when both people are on the same page. Being on the same page involves the man and woman being of one accord financially, spiritually and physically. If any one of those are out of alignment, the relationship may not last. It's disgusting to the DNA to look down on someone because of their occupation. So because a brother or sister works at McD's, they aren't relationship material? THAT'S FLAW. The most successful people were not born with a silver spoon, they have had humble beginnings. President Obama's FIRST job was an ice-cream scooper at Baskin Robbins in 1979. Women probably looked down on him back then and probably many of those same women are checking for him now. There are good women that will stand by a man and watch him come up; those are the good women a man is supposed to hold onto.

 

Putting Your Man or Woman Before Your Child(ren)

I can't fathom why any parent would put their desire for a man/woman ahead of their children. That's crazy to me. I read a FB status from a woman that was so bold to state she was giving up her child because she can't stand being alone. She said she would be disappointed but I doubt it. Anyway, no man or woman should put their desire for a mate above their children. That mate is gonna come & go, but your child(ren) will always be there. Your children were there before him or her. Women like that disgust me and then they wonder why no man wants them. A real man will not join with a woman that doesn't handle her parental business. If somebody is going to be that shallow to put their mate ahead of their child, they need Jesus. Some of the men are no better especially if they co-sign her. When it comes to children, they take precedence over a person's want/need for a mate. If it's meant for a single parent to be in a relationship, it will happen on God's time, not his/hers. The right mate who comes along will have to accept her & the children. That's why some single parents have a hard time finding suitable mates because the person refuses to accept the child(ren). They're ok with dating the man/woman, but they cannot accept the child(ren). You cannot have one without the other. Am I the only man in existence who wouldn't ask a woman to put me ahead of her kid(s)? I must be. Putting your mate ahead of your child(ren) leads to greater selfishness and may probably result in the relationship being over.

Continual Forgiveness

Question from a Facebook status: How forgiving would you be if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you? Would you forgive them and could you move on from that? What if you were married? I hope I never have to answer these questions should I get into a relationship because I will have clear-cut boundaries of what will & won't work. Should she leave because I enforce zero tolerance, that's her problem & not mine. If this happened to me, I would forgive her but I could never trust her again because trust is a sacred component in a relationship; once you break that trust, it can never be repaired and if so, it takes a LOT of work. Just because I would forgive her, doesn't mean I would take her back. I would have to release her because she couldn't respect our bond so why should I keep someone around that's going to suck the joy from my life? That's flaw. There are people that will forgive (as they should) and take a cheating person back. I know to each their own, but I think it's ridiculous to take a cheater back. By taking him/her back, you are sending a message that you accept their transgression and they have free will to hurt you again & again. Why give anyone that power? They showed their lack of committment to you via cheating so you have every right to cut them loose. It's no different in marriage. In marriage, you have for better or worse and while cheating counts as the "worse", it doesn't mean you have to excuse cheating behavior. I will never understand how some people can keep forgiving and taking back a cheating spouse. I would forgive a cheating spouse but the trust will never be the same. She would have to work doubly hard to regain my trust (if I took her back). It would depend on emotional level for me. Letting a person cheat on you shows your neediness & weakness because if you can overlook cheating, you will overlook what you need to confront. It's said that people entrust the other person with their heart when two people come together as one. Unlike some people, I take relationships very seriously. When I get with a woman, she will know off top that I only have eyes for HER. I could never cheat on my lady because of what it would do to her and me. This may be a little harsh but it needs to be said: If someone takes a cheater back, they deserve whatever further hurt the cheater is sure to unleash. The victim could've nipped it in the bud by forgiving him/her and then letting them loose.