Strawberry Letter- Pregnant By My Son-In-Law | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

Strawberry Letter- Pregnant By My Son-In-Law | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

 

Mama's got her groove back, but at her daughters' expense. She better pray her daughters don't find out, because if they do, all hell is going to break loose in her family. If you have watched Fresh Prince in the 90's, there was an episode where Will was dating his uncle's old college friend. Janice Robertson (Pam Grier) came to Uncle Phil's home to catch-up, and his wife didn't like it. Janice was trying to rekindle an old flame. Ms. Roberts made advances toward Will, and they ended up sleeping together. It's funny how art imitates real life, because when I read this letter, I immediately thought of that Fresh Prince episode. What kind of mother would do this crazy stuff? A mother that has no discretion about herself, that's who. She's not happy, so she doesn't want her daughter(s) happy. There are mothers who can't stand to see their daughter(s) happy, so they take their daughters' good man.  I feel for the daughters because it's gotta suck to have a trifling mother.

She knew what she was doing; she's not fooling anybody because how do you pleasure another man, then claim to be ashamed? She strategically set this up. Some women are very conniving so you can't put nothing past them. This is why men need to be very careful about who they lay down with, because she could be the baby mama to TWO husbands. Not one, but TWO. The husband better file for divorce so he won't have to pay child support for his wife's baby. In some states, even if DNA proves a man isn't the father, he can still be liable for child support; especially if he stepped up to raise the child as his own. There's going to be a nasty fallout from this, so I hope she's ready. Her daughters will hate her, and the husbands involved will probably end up on First 48 because some women are crazy. There have been articles about wives killing their cheating husbands, and yet these two men can't keep their d*** in their pants.

What this boils down to is unhappiness. If momma's not happy, her daughters won't be happy. Sad to say, she proved this by messing up her daughters' marriages.

Do What Makes Sense

Today's message is simple: Do What Makes Sense. So many times, people make life more complicated than necessary, which explains why many people are confused about which way to go, what decision to make regarding your career, the person to marry, etc. I try my best to simplify life as much as possible, so that's why I have a motto: Do What Makes Sense. If I'm living in a major city and my job is located in the city center, it would make sense for me to live downtown so I can walk the 2-3 blocks to work. It doesn't make sense for me to live in another part of town, then have to fight traffic commuting to downtown for work. The only exception is if my finances wouldn't allow for downtown living. I'd still find a spot that's in close proximity to my job. I would pay more in rent because of convenience, but I would be close to nightlife, my job, sporting events (many stadiums are located in city centers), with easy access to other parts of the city. Life can be as complicated, or as easy as you make it. The motto of "Do What Makes Sense" applies to all walks of life.

If you're looking to marry, the first thing you look at is compatibility. No one is going to marry someone they're not compatible with, that's bonkers. If you're chill, and your spouse is the "turn-up" type, wouldn't it make sense to not get involved with them? You two vibe together very well, but you can't get past their "turn-up" personality. Every day, they have to go out. You want to spend time at home with your spouse, but they would rather go out & party every night. That's grounds for fussing. There's nothing that good outside the home where you have to be out & about all the time. Facebook has this meme circulating: There's nothing sexier than a woman who knows how to keep her behind home. It gets no better. It makes perfect sense to marry a likeminded person, because those are the best relationships. A spender & saver would not work out because one person wants to spend as soon as they get a little change, the other wants to stack money because of a rainy day. There's nothing worse than an emergency coming up, and you don't have the money.
In conclusion, always remember to do what makes sense, whether it's choosing a degree to study or choosing a (wo)man o build a good life with. If something doesn't sound right, chances are it doesn't make sense and you don't need to go that route.


I Dislike...

Today's message is going to deal with my dislikes. This is going to be good, so let's get to it.

1. I dislike sex hounds. You know men who are obsessed with what's between a woman's legs. 

2. So women won't date a man who works at McDonald's. As hard as it is to find a decent job, a man would be wise not to entertain such women. She'd be checking for him if he worked in McD's corporate.

3. Just because someone's not in a relationship, doesn't mean they have "issues". That's that stupid stuff I don't like.

4. Opposites DO NOT attract. Ex: A saver and spender can't have a good relationship because one wants to spend, and the other wants to save.

5. I fail to understand the benefit of marriage as it relates to moving up in the corporate world. I would think at some point, your professional and family life will conflict.

6. A good spouse can make or break you.

7. You don't have to be married to be successful in ministry. Case In Point: Bishop Noel Jones & his "special friend" Loretta.

8. I dislike suck-ups. 

9. I dislike all these so-called "reality" shows coming out. Everybody and their mama has a reality show coming out.

10. I dislike how biased employers are towards those with disabilities. Everybody has a handicap. As long as they're qualified, learn to overlook some stuff.

11. I understand why some parents homeschool their children. Public schools have gone downhill because you have students that don't want to be there, so they cause trouble for the kids who want to learn.

12. I dislike the rationale some people have against homeschool: "The kids will miss out on the social aspect" Kids can still get the social aspect by joining neighborhood clubs, and they'll be in a structured environment.

Christian Sex

Biblical Sexing

Sex has been considered a taboo subject in church. Very few pastors are willing to tackle this issue because they don't want to seem worldly. In a way, I understand because some Christians are conservative, and there are subjects that just aren't discussed in Christian homes. On the flip side, God created sex to be enjoyed in the confines of marriage. There's nothing like a couple expressing their affection with a sacred act. After all, God did create sex and how do you think any of us got here? Our (grand)parents came together, and the rest was history. Sex has been around since Biblical times, so this article was right on target. The reason why many Christian leaders won't discuss sex is because society has tainted sex. The sex industry makes billions annually, so it attracts those with ill motives. I think Christians shouldn't be afraid to keep it real about the subject of sex. Don't be afraid to have frank discussion about satisfying sexual relations between Christian married couples. In my opinion, all bets are off when it comes to sex between Christian couples. If a couple's married, there should be no hangups about what kind of sex you engage in. God did invent sex, didn't he? Of course he did. If (s)he has conflicting styles of sex, they can find a way to combine desires so that both parties can feel fulfilled. It's not just about the man getting his, the woman must get hers. When both feel fulfilled, that couple looks forward to more encounters because both are ready & willing.

Friendships Between Preachers Wives

I was watching Preachers Of L.A. on Wednesday night, when this subject came up: Can First Ladies be good friends? If you've followed the show, you have Bishop Ron Gibson and his wife Lavette, Minister Deitrick & Dominique Haddon, Pastor Wayne & Myesha Chaney, Bishop Clarence & Priscilla McClendon, Pastors Jay & Christy Haizlip. During last season, there was an episode where Lady Myesha invited all the wives to her tea party. All the ladies chopped it up, and got to know each other pretty well. They discussed the struggles they face as preachers wives, and they seemed to get along. I think preachers wives can become good friends because they have a lot in common. Their husbands are ministers so by default, the wives are able to identify with the struggles of being a preacher's wife. Preacher's wives have an insight that regular wives don't have when it comes to being involved in the ministry.

Just because I think preachers' wives can become good friends, doesn't mean caution should be thrown to the wind. Just like worldly women can be catty, so can preachers' wives. Yes, a minister's wife is to set herself apart from a worldly woman, but a minister's wife isn't immune to occasional screw-ups. Here's my thing: It shouldn't matter if one minister is more famous than another, they're all doing God's work, so there's no need for one wife to undermine another minister's ministry. You have some preachers wives that will get close to another wife just to find out how popular a minister may be. If she feels threatened by another minister's success, she's going to be slighted because she believes her husband deserves the spotlight. When the shade is thrown, look out. Why do you think Loretta (Bishop Noel Jones' "special friend") caught major shade from the other wives? They believe Loretta should marry Bishop Noel Jones.

In conclusion, preachers wives are able to identify with each other's struggles, because they're in it together. There's nothing like being able to relate to someone when you're going through rough times because they're going down that road with you. If preachers' wives are going to become friends, it should be with the understand that they have each other's back, and most of all their husband's.

Being A Ho Is Embraced

I remember being a ho was a badge of shame, now it's embraced. Some (wo)men are proud to be ho's.  These are the same people that are ready to fight if someone calls them that. You're the one screaming about being proud of being a ho, you're the one who chose to be a loose (wo)man, so you have to accept that others won't co-sign your decision. As crazy as this sounds, I respect ho's that embrace that lifestyle. They don't care what others think, they do what feels right for them. All I'm saying is if you're going to be a ho, be prepared to deal with the repercussions. You have no right to get upset at people for calling you what you agree to. True, it's none of anyone's business how someone chooses to live their life, but people will always have something to say about how someone chooses to live, good or bad. The remedy is to NOT give them a reason. Women aren't the only ho's, men have surpassed women in promiscuity.

It's expected for men to sleep around because most men are coochie hounds. Their lives revolve around sex, and that's sad. When the women get pregnant, he wants to bellyache about child support. Men weren't upset when they were hitting that, so why switch up now? Be honest, how many women would be cool with a man knocking them up and not demanding he take responsibility for that child? I rest my case. These days, women find every reason to put a man on child support. If men don't want baby mama drama, they should stop chasing after cooch. That's too much like right for some men, because many of them are driven by cootacat. Their lives would end if a woman wouldn't give him any. Women have more power than they realize. Men are willing to wine & dine, to kill for what's between a woman's legs. In conclusion, both genders need to realize there's more to life than sexing. What used to be frowned upon, has become acceptable. If you can embrace whoredom, you embrace judgment from others.

Straight From The Heart

1. Honestly, some people are so damaged that they don't deserve love. They would find a way to sabotage the blessing God has sent in their lives.

2. Some people refuse to be happy, no matter how much you encourage them. The best thing you can do is pray for them and leave them to God. Only God can fix issues.

3. Sometimes, a good (wo)man is sent in your life to help you be a better (wo)man for someone else.

4. Once upon a time, being a side woman was frowned upon, now that's embraced. #TimesHaveChanged

5. No matter how you slice it, a woman will always be looked down on for having multiple sex partners. 

6. Contrary to popular belief, a man ho is just as worse. There's no telling what some of these fass women are carrying, and he's gonna stick his beefcake in her.

7. It's funny that people have no use for you, once you stop letting people use you. Good riddance.

8. Mama Dee (Love & Hip Hop Atlanta) is taking this palace thing a little too serious. Bless her heart.

9. Just because a man is successful and educated, has his stuff together and wants to remain single, doesn't mean he's afraid of committment. He sees the poor character that some women possess, and would rather not deal.

10. Seriously, the violence in Chicago is getting to be too much. Can't Chicago officials get a handle on the violence? I see why Chicago is called Chiraq.

11. You're likely to get more out of God's word if you do independent study combined with corporate worship.

12. I don't care how it's done, but Tallahassee needs to find a way to bring big corporations here. This way , we retain our college graduates. We've suffered from brain drain for far too long.

I'm so Miami & Tallahassee

The "I'm So" is a game going on Facebook where people share memories of their hometown(s).

1. I'm so Tallahassee that I remember Putt-Putt Golf behind Tallahassee Mall

2. I'm so Tallahassee, Frenchtown was the "hood." Bars, homeless folks, drugs and violence in those projects on 4th Ave.

3. I'm so Tallahassee, I remember a murder at Rickards High in '93.

4. I'm so Tallahassee, Rampage Fitness was a true weightlifting gym. It was a hole in the wall gym in the back of a strip mall next to YouFit on N.Monroe.

5. I'm so Tallahassee, Leonard Brown (Boobie Boys gang member from Miami) was captured in Tallahassee. That was big news in the 90's.

6. I'm so Tallahassee, people were scared to come on the Southside because the crime was so bad.

7. I'm so Tallahassee, Carman (Christian artist) used to come here a lot.

8. I'm so Tallahassee, Tallahassee Mall was an actual mall.

9. I'm so Tallahassee, I remember the old WCTV 6 logo.

10. I'm so Tallahassee, I remember going to Ryan's Steakhouse after church every Sunday.

Miami:

1. I'm so Miami, I remember Studio 183 in Carol City. That was the sight for Miami Nights.

2. I'm so Miami, I remember the old Carol City high school on 187th.

3. I'm so Miami, Luke used to promote his music riding through Liberty City in that lime green van.

4. I'm so Miami, 15th Ave. was live with black business. Luke and Uncle Al used to throw block parties all the time on the Ave.

5. I'm so Miami, I remember when Nann first came out on 99 Jamz. Everybody from Liberty City would play that song non-stop.

6. I'm so Miami, I remember Seminola. The old, get money gangsters from Liberty City know about Seminola. A lot of Hialeah black folks went to school with Cubans who had "work" (drugs).

7. I'm so Miami, a group of Hialeah dudes used to ride their bikes straight to Liberty City.

8. I'm so Miami, I remember Trina being a stripper at several Miami strip joints.

9. I'm so Miami, South Beach was the ghetto. It suffered from poverty and crime.

10. I'm so Miami, the Boobie Boys (The media called the crew that.  The group was called Matchbox, named for the Matchbox projects that used to be on 199th in Carol City, then they got torn down.) John Does and Vonda's gang turned Miami into a warzone. They did battle for prized drug turf in Liberty City and Overtown. The John Does controlled a substantial portion of the drug scene in Liberty City & Overtown.

11. I'm so Miami, Sun Life Stadium was called Joe Robbie Stadium and then Pro Player Stadium.

12. I'm so Miami, Uncle Al's block parties brought Miami's black community together.

13. I'm so Miami, Miami-Dade Community college was an actual junior college.

Is The Church Relevant?

Is the church relevant? Depending on who you ask, you'll get a different answer. A mature Christian will say yes, a slighted Christian will say no. There really isn't a universal answer for this question. I will say this: I can't take any Christian seriously that doesn't belong to a church. Individual time spent with God is important, but so is corporate worship. There's nothing like getting together with fellow believers to praise & worship together. You can't forsake the church and still have a relationship with God, even if you do spend ample time in prayer & fasting, and reading his word. When I think of a Christian that doesn't belong to a church, I think of someone who doesn't want accountability. When you belong to a church, you're accountable to fellow believers and your pastor, and some Christians don't want that. They want to do their thing when it comes to God. These are the same believers that want help from the church if they get in a bind.

Everyone's walk with God is different, and I respect that. Just say you don't want accountability, and that's that. That's what it boils down to anyway. I believe many Christians are turned off by church is due to being slighted. Either the praise & worship isn't to their liking, or the pastor doesn't preach the right sermons. A lot goes into why some Christians are turned off by church. If you're not being fed spiritually, find another church. It's that simple. Every church isn't going to meet everyone's need, and that's fine. There's various churches for each person's taste, so I'm sure slighted Christians are bound to find a church that suits their taste. Then again, some Christians are just picky. No matter if they find a good church, they'll find something wrong. In that case, maybe it's best if those Christians stay away from the church. That carnal nature is going to rub off on another believer, and no one needs that. Nitpicking Christians are likely to not tithe. It's said that 80% of Christians don't tithe, the other 20% are keeping the church afloat financially.

In conclusion, maybe it's good that some Christians are turned off by the church. Those are the types that probably wouldn't help out if the church needed volunteers for a family fun day. I'll take it further and say: If you're turned off by the church, DO NOT look to the church for any help. You don't need the church, remember?

Tell, Tell, Tell

Living my life this way has kept me out of so much trouble. I will never understand how some people are so open with strangers they've just met. You don't know these people so why are you singing like a song? That's crazy. I understand knowing someone for a while and sharing confidential information,  because you've built a rapport with them. I would hope that you feel comfortable enough to open up to people you've known for years. You can't trust anyone (except Jesus) nowadays. Everyone's motives aren't pure, so it's important to watch the person you open up to. Some people come in your life as spies; they have very little verbal contact with you, but they're sitting in the cut observing how you get down. Their mission is to gather Intel on you to use against you at a later date. You can't get upset with these people because you decided to be open with everyone you meet. Upon first meeting someone, get a feel for them before you go telling all your business.

Once upon a time, you could confide in "insiders", but sadly, you even have to watch those around you. Those people who claim to be for you, you really can't trust them because you never know when the opportunity will arise for them to double-cross you. Look at some of these marriages: You get married with the intention of growing with that person. Years go by until you discover they've been creeping with another (wo)man. This is someone you've given your all to. After the shock wears off, you don't know what to do because you never thought they'd hurt you. There's an old saying that rings true: Those closest to you can hurt you the worst. You'all have invested into each other's lives. Some people unknowingly hurt you, and are remorseful. They try their best NOT to hurt you again because they followed their apology with repentance. Other so-called "insiders" hurt you intentionally, and feel no remorse. In fact, they let you know it by their non-chalant attitude. 

When an "insider" violates, they should no longer be in your inner circle. They should be treated as an outsider. The good times you may have had with that person, quickly went south when (s)he decided to do what they did.

You're My Frenemy

Friends, how many of us have them? I'm not talking about your video game or drinking buddy, I'm referring to people you've grown up with; you know each other inside & out. That's the definition of a friend to me, someone who has your back in the good & bad. They also tell you the truth and don't care if you're slighted. They want the best for you and vice versa. Nowadays, friends come in enemy form, which breeds the term frenemy. A frenemy acts like your friend, but they're really your enemy. To an extent, it's hard to recognize frenemies because they're very convincing. They portray themselves as lifelong friends, but the minute there's an issue, they show their true colors. This is why you feel people out before you become friends.  You never know who's for or against you. I posted a Facebook status that went like this: If you have a falling out with your best friend, and they tell your business, they weren't your friend from the beginning. 

No matter what, friends should never spill confidential information. I don't care if you have something on your friend that could destroy them, that's foul. Just cut then off & keep it moving. Life is too short for the tit-for-tat garbage. Discernment is key to recognizing frenemies. If you have good discernment, no one will try you because you know their angle. Foolishness will not enter your circle because you have no time for it. I understand that best friends have disagreements, and say hurtful things. In most cases, the friendship will never be the same. If I don't like someone, I'm

not going to be phony with them. No, I'm going to have little dealings with them. To me, being a frenemy is the same as being two-faced, because you can't stand a person, but you smile in their face like nothing's wrong. People better stop being flaw, and start being real. You're not obligated to like everyone, and that's ok. 

I Have Something To Say

1. People love to talk about keeping it 100, but even the $100 bill has changed.

2. You'll see a lot by living a little.

3. What comes out of your mouth was in your heart all along. It took a fight to show your true colors.

4. If you and your best friend have a falling out, and you'all tell each other's business, you'all were frenemies. A frenemy is an enemy that disguises themself as a friend.

5. Some people act like they've never struggled in their lives, then want to criticize someone for what they're going through.

6. You're born alone, you'll live and die alone. Very few people are meant to be in your life forever.

7. Some women boast about being independent like it's a badge of honor. I would hope as an adult, you can care for yourself.

8. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

9. When you have trust, it's easier to love. You can't love someone you don't trust.

10. Shacking up has become the new marriage, minus the legal documentation.

11. Do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do.

12. Everybody wants a testimony without a test.

13. People have money for turning up and labels, but cry broke when a tangible opportunity presents itself. 

14. An apology party? Where they do that at? 

15. Don't act it, if you can't back it.

Black Love

Anyone who follows hip-hop knows about Rev Run (Joseph Simmons). Rev Run started his hip-hop career with the famed Run DMC. He's been around since I was little, so I know about him. He still does music, but his focus is fatherhood. Rev Run & wife Justine did Run's House, a reality show about the Simmons clan. Miley was adopted into the family because the other children are leading their own lives. Russy is the only Simmons child still living at home, the others have moved out. When I see Rev Run showing his woman love, I can tell he really loves Justine. They interact constantly, and he makes her laugh (even if she wants to smack him sometimes for being too silly). That's the kind of black love that should be shown on TV. There aren't too many good examples of black love in the media, other than the Cosby Show, Fresh Prince, & Family Matters. Is it the media's responsibility to show positive examples of black love? 

Yes, and No. Yes because the media is a powerful tool. What's distributed by the media is what people believe.  No, because the media is going to show what gets ratings. Unfortunately, showing dismal examples of black love is what gets people talking. The minute positive examples are shown, forget it. Ratings drop, and the show is canceled. Kudos to Joseph & Justine Simmons for being a shining example of black love. I wish them continued marital bliss.

Lebron James Returns To Cleveland

In 2010, Lebron James froze the NBA when they wanted to know if he would take his talents to South Beach or stay in Cleveland. Lebron decided to leave Cleveland because he got tired of carrying the team. He repeatedly went to Cavs management asking for a supporting cast, but they refused.  When Lebron left Cleveland for Miami, Cavs fans raised hell. They burned all his memorabilia. Fast forward 4 years later, Lebron re-signs with the very team that didn't give him the help he needed.  I understand he's from Cleveland, so I guess he missed home. Regardless, if I left my hometown then it's with the intention of not returning. If I'm prospering in a larger city, why would I return to the same dead-end environment I worked hard to leave? That's not logical. Sources say that Lebron did it for the money, and if that's true, Lebron proved what most people were saying all along: He's fickle. He won 2 rings with Miami, and had two other teammates that could help him on offense and defense. If I'm Lebron, I take the pay cut to get another star. My endorsements would make up for what I lost in pay.

My personal view is that Lebron wants to be the star wherever he goes, and he felt like he wasn't shining in Miami, because he had to co-exist with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. There is no I in team. I just hope Lebron doesn't regret his decision. I guess he wants to make things right in Cleveland, so I can respect him for wanting to bring Cleveland a title. Cleveland isn't a championship sports city. The same city that crucified him is the same city that's gonna welcome him with open arms; that's flaw on all counts. The lesson in this is to go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. I'm loyal to whoever treats me the best. That doesn't mean there won't be rough times, but that I know they have my back and I have theirs. Lebron is a beast on the court, and that'll never change. It was good having him in Miami, and hopefully he can give his hometown a ring. If not, then the proof is in the pudding: Going back to Cleveland was a mistake.

Grown & Sexy Facebook Challenge

Tuesday, I posted the following status: Some of you need to stop with the Grown & Sexy Challenge because you look & act nowhere near grown. The Grown & Sexy Challenge is where grown (wo)men post pictures of them taking care of business: Going to work & school, taking care of children, cooking, etc. Some of the Facebook photos I've seen are hilarious, and others I can vibe with. I applaud (wo)men who are handling business, that's what they're supposed to do. In my opinion, advertising that you're doing what you're supposed to do is attention seeking. You're seeking a round of applause for doing what you're supposed to do, be responsible. However, a lot of people participating in the Grown & Sexy Challenge need to have several seats. True grown folks don't need validation, they fly under the radar; their actions speak louder than words. If they get noticed for taking care of business, great. If not, that's fine too. Their validation isn't dictated by how many likes or comments they get for participating in this Grown & Sexy Challenge. One thing about Facebook is you learn a lot about people, sometimes more than you want to know. Some people put their lives on Facebook, and get upset when people judge them. I'm a very private person, so I will never post personal drama on Facebook. When you put your business online, you open yourself up to judgment. I'm hoping this Grown & Sexy challenge is just a facade because some of the participants wouldn't qualify in a real event. If you claim to be grown & sexy, it shows in your character. Being Grown & Sexy is more than just looks, it's a way of life.

Men Are Afraid Of Committment

Women say men are afraid of committment, and it's true. Men are afraid of committing to a lifetime of aggravation. If a man sees a potential problem woman, he will cut her loose before she has a chance to poison him. By poison, I mean picking arguments for no reason. Think about it: From the time a man steps outside the door, the world is against him. He's got to deal with issues from his job, family, child(ren) (if he has any), etc. A man wakes up having to do battle, so the last thing a man wants is another fight with his woman. I mentioned this in a previous Facebook stat for women, but it applies to men: Home should be your one place of escape from all the craziness of society. If a man can't have peace in his own home, where can he have peace? A man has no problem committing to a good woman because he knows she will be his refuge. She will be the one getting him back on track if he slips, and she will admonish him in love if he starts acting foolish. The only woman a man won't commit to is a Jezebel.

Destiny Bennett-Whiteside Ok, if that's the case then why do some men waste his and the woman's time if they feel she is going to bring him a lifetime of aggravation?

My answer: Many men are too busy trying to save some of these reprobates. Most men are caught up in her curves and cute face, that they forget to look deeper. That involves observing her character. What's her heart like instead of what's her booty like? Men are visual creatures, it's in us to be drawn to a shapely woman. The difficulty for a lot of men is looking past her shapely figure and getting to know her. How does she treat loved ones? Do her colleagues speak higly of her? Does she have common sense? How's her relationship with her father? Just like a man's mother is the first woman in his life, a woman's father is the first man in her life. If her and dad aren't on good terms, that could be a problem because she won't know how to appreciate the man in her life. Her dad wasn't a good example of how a man should treat a woman, so she will repeat that in her relationship with her boo. She's going to make her man pay for how her father treated her growing up, and that's not right. Whenever a woman says "men are afraid of committment", always consider the source. Many times, she's coming from a place of hurt.

 

Secret Lover

 

Strawberry Letter: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now, and of course every relationship has its ups and downs. In my case, it’s more downs than ups, but I’m one never to give up if there's potential. During the course of our relationship, one of his closest friends approached me on Facebook, and I chose to ignore him the first time. Some months go by and he approached me again, but this time I responded and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Now that things are in full effect, I’ve fallen deeply for this man. I’ve started to ignore my relationship and even worse, sometimes not coming home and spending weekends with this man. We’ve talked about leaving our significant others, but that was a one time discussion, so I figured it was just wrong timing. The "I Love You" word recently surfaced and I’m lost on what road I should take. I’m not happy with the person that I’m with, nor am I happy that my Secret Lover has not made a decision. We are slightly distant now since I dread the break up word. What should I do?

 

She wasn't lying when she said every relationship has its ups & downs, because they do. I'm a firm believer that if a relationship has more downs than ups, it's time to end the relationship. Why continue staying in a dead-end relationship where both parties aren't happy? Contrary to what many people think, the purpose of a relationship is to build a life with someone. Part of building a life with someone involves being happy with that person. You look forward to waking up next to them every morning; you can't stand being apart from them for longer than 30 minutes, etc. I don't care what anyone says, relationships require a level of committment & HAPPINESS in order to thrive. It's ridiculous to stay in a relationship where you're not happy with someone, yet many people do. It sounds like this woman has already checked out of her relationship: She doesn't come home and spends weekends with this other man. Your relationship is pretty much over when a couple acts like strangers. Given her feelings toward her current man, I can imagine their lack of interaction. At least when a couple is arguing, there's interaction because both people are committed to working through their issues. When a (wo)man feels more comfortable with another (wo)man than her own, something's wrong. I think she should break up with her man. There's no sense in her staying with someone she's not happy with. The other man hasn't made a decision because he's waiting for her to end her current relationship. No man wants to compete with another man for a woman, he's going to wait until she's available and move in.



You Ain't Ready: By Trina Rogers

Trina BabyTee Rogers

Some people just aren't ready to make moves to live up to your expectations. Trying to force someone into a situation that isn't their choice can have explosive consequences. You can't convince someone s/he would be a good husband/wife just because you want to get married and settle down. The direction of your life can't revolve around what you think someone else should do or be because it would benefit you. You'd be better off making sure you live up to your expectations of yourself first. If they're not ready to make moves, it could be because what you show them about you....You Ain't Ready!

From time to time, I like to showcase writing from my Facebook friends. Basically, people will make moves when they're ready. You can't force someone to move when you say move or that'll cause resistance. Take the husband & wife example. One spouse pressures the other into marriage when the reluctant spouse may not be ready. Maybe they see something in you that they don't like, and would rather exercise caution before they jump up and marry. Marriage is a serious responsibility not to be taken lightly. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? Many couples rushed into marriage without taking the time to get to know one another. You're talking about spending the rest of your life with this person, so there's no way you can know in 6 months-1 year if (s)he is for you. When it comes down to it, a lot of people "aren't ready". Some take longer than others to get ready, but when they do...it's smooth sailing.

The Problems You Share Can Be A Blessing For Others

The problems you share, can be a blessing for others. I posted that status just now, and it makes sense. Ever since Adam & Even sinned against God, life has been full of problems for many people. You have people who were dealt a bad hand from birth, and others who started life with good fortune and life has been good for them since then. It's sad, but life isn't fair. If Adam & Eve never disobeyed God, I truly feel that life would be lovely for EVERYONE. There would be no unemployment, sickness & disease (disabilities included), crime, war, etc. If someone's born with good fortune, hopefully they're appreciative of their good start in life because there's always someone ready & willing to take their place. Scenario: A couple wants to have 2 children, but both parents have a history of Tourette's Syndrome. Anyone who struggles, has struggled or has a loved one with that condition knows how serious it can be. Because disabilities are hereditary, there's an over 80% chance of this couple's children inheriting that disorder. 

They forge ahead with their decision to have their children, when something miraculous happens: Both children are born healthy, even though the doctors said their children would inherit the disorder. That's nothing but GOD. There are couples who are under so much stress from taking care of special needs children. Looking at a person who's conquered great odds to become successful, I think that person would appreciate their prosperity more because of what they've gone through to get to their destination. Even though someone was born with good fortune, I'm sure they appreciate their blessed life because of how their (grand)parents paved the way. I read so many Facebook posts from hurting people, and it makes me appreciate how blessed I am. Blessed that I don't have worse issues than some people, blessed that I can take my issues to the Lord and leave them there. Some people don't have the comfort of talking to God about their issue(s). 

Head Of House: Do Finances Play/Should they play a part?

If a man's the head of house, he's the HEAD. That means he's the leader financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc. I will never comprehend how a man can call himself the head of the house and his woman makes more than him. Finances play a part in who's head of house, whether people like it or not. Money equals power. Whoever makes more, usually has more say-so in purchases and overall operations of the home. Finances are one of the top causes for divorce, and the minute a married couple has a fight, one of them (we know who) is quick to throw out how much more they make. Even if a woman does make more than her husband, she should respect his authority in the home. If he's a responsible decision maker, and considers the family before he makes the final decision, then in my book, he's still the head. No matter how good a woman is, some men will always be insecure about their lady making more than him. That shouldn't be, but it's true. If a (wo)man is quick to throw up in their mate's face how (s)he makes more, they were waiting for a reason, and the argument is the perfect time to go for the jugular.

Scenario: I make 100k a year, my wife makes 40k... i'm paying the bills and managing the household off of those funds.. She respects my decision making on the purchases and how I'm running the house. After 5 years, I lose my job because of budget cuts; she has been promoted and now makes 80k.... I'm getting unemployment. I'm still the same responsible decision maker I was 5 years ago, but now her job is bringing in the most money. Because I was making good decisions and had the respect of my family then, doesn't make me lose my credentials because she is making 80k, I will continue to make the same decisions, but my money won't be there because I lost my job. A loss of income doesn't make you lose your place in your household. As long as I have a history of responsible decision making, then I would be ok with my woman making more than me, while I still lead responsibly. I would do everything in my power, plus more, to get back on my feet. I couldn't be ok with my woman shouldering the financial load of the family. What if something happens to her to where she can't work?

The Steve Harvey Morning Show: Strawberry Letter - My Husband Loves His ...

Some of these men are smooth operators. Women giving out money, assisting in grocery shopping, etc. The game has changed. This couple has been married for 19 years and the wife is slighted because her husband's female friends are showing him a little too much love. His days are free because he works at night. This guy is smart...he said "I was raised by a single mother, and aunt so all I've been around was women." If I ever (which I won't) think to pull this on my woman, I'm going with this excuse. It worked for him, why wouldn't it work for me? His story seems to be common among most men: Grew up around women so he has a valid reason for being overly loving towards female friends. When a man takes a woman to be his wife, his woman is priority #1; everything else 2nd (with the proper exception of Jesus). He may not have given his wife a reason to mistrust him, but other women doing for him raises red flags.

Women know women, and men know men. Women know when another woman is trying to push up on her man. Very few women, if any, would tolerate another lady trying to take what's hers. Think about it: Another woman is doing things for a married man that the wife should be doing. These women are getting more bold by the hour. I smell competition between the wife & these other women. From a man's perspective, Steve brought up a good point: No man in his right mind would turn down things that another woman is paying for, let alone do for another woman without expecting a return on investment. Any married man would have a problem with his woman receiving money from another man, because that would make him (the married man) think he can't take care of his woman. A man prides himself on being able to care for his lady. If the script was flipped, he'd be calling for her to sever all ties with her guy friends.

He may or may not be cheating on his woman, I don't know. The wife has good reason to feel the way she does, and if I'm him...to avoid any drama, I would just keep contact professional between these women friends of his.