Good Loving: Before Or After Marriage

 A couple has recently gotten engaged & decided to refrain from sex until after marriage. This couple was already having sex, so what brought on the change of heart? Let me explain why I think it's crazy: 1. The couple was already sexing prior to becoming engaged, so all of a sudden they're going to refrain from sexual activity? My guess is they want sex to mean something after marriage. If they wanted their sex to mean something, they should've refrained from the jump. No sense in switching up now. Considering they're already sexing, it won't make much difference if they decide to refrain. They're used to knocking boots before, so sex won't be anymore special after the wedding. Sex is sex. The same sex you had prior to marriage doesn't all of a sudden become special once you tie the knot; I don't know why people believe this. It's hypocritical if you're sexing your mate, then stop and expect them to agree to refrain from sexual activity until after the wedding.

You don't have to be married in order to understand that if you've been having sex before marriage, it doesn't become special once you get married. That's like a man getting loving from his woman all year around, then when her b'day, the anniversary, and Valentine's Day rolls around, he works hard to get the same nooky he's become accustomed to getting. What's really wrong with her expectations is she hasn't considered his feelings or just expects him to understand. If he agreed, he would've told you and it would be their business how they do things. In some ways, I see the romantic side of things and that's probably what she wants, problem is he doesn't and probably feels he wants to express his love by continuing what they've already been doing. I can't fault him because they've gotten used to sex to where there's nothing to look forward to, so there's really no benefit to either in waiting.

Sex is like an expensive car, once you get it, it loses it's value. However, the person giving it can dwindle or multiply it's value.

R.I.P. Maya Angelou

This quote is from the late Maya Angelou, who passed away on May 28, 2014. She was 86 at the time of her death. She was an author & civil rights activist. She published seven autobiographies, three books of essays, and several books of poetry, and is credited with a list of plays, movies, and television shows spanning more than 50 years. She received dozens of awards and over 30 honorary doctoral degrees. Angelou is best known for her series of seven autobiographies, which focus on her childhood and early adult experiences. The first, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969), tells of her life up to the age of seventeen and brought her international recognition and acclaim. Marguerite Johnson was born in St. Louis, Missouri, on April 4, 1928, the second child of Bailey Johnson, a doorman and a navy dietitian, and Vivian (Baxter) Johnson, a nurse and card dealer.^{[3][note 1]} Angelou's older brother, Bailey Jr., nicknamed Marguerite "Maya", derived from "My" or "Mya Sister".^[4] When Angelou was three and her brother four, their parents' "calamitous marriage"^[5] ended, and their father sent them to Stamps, Arkansas, alone by train, to live with their paternal grandmother, Annie Henderson. In "an astonishing exception"^[6] to the harsh economics of African-Americans of the time, Angelou's grandmother prospered financially during the Great Depression and World War II because the general store she owned sold needed basic commodities and because "she made wise and honest investments."

Maya Angelou was a legend, and she will not be forgotten. I'm going to share a couple of my favorite poems from her:

Refusal by Maya Angelou

Beloved,
In what other lives or lands
Have I known your lips
Your Hands
Your Laughter brave
Irreverent.
Those sweet excesses that
I do adore.
What surety is there
That we will meet again,
On other worlds some
Future time undated.
I defy my body's haste.
Without the promise
Of one more sweet encounter
I will not deign to die.

This is the Million Man March Poem

The night has been long,
The wound has been deep,
The pit has been dark,
And the walls have been steep.

Under a dead blue sky on a distant beach,
I was dragged by my braids just beyond your reach.
Your hands were tied, your mouth was bound,
You couldn't even call out my name.
You were helpless and so was I,
But unfortunately throughout history
You've worn a badge of shame.

I say, the night has been long,
The wound has been deep,
The pit has been dark
And the walls have been steep.

But today, voices of old spirit sound
Speak to us in words profound,
Across the years, across the centuries,
Across the oceans, and across the seas.
They say, draw near to one another,
Save your race.
You have been paid for in a distant place,
The old ones remind us that slavery's chains
Have paid for our freedom again and again.

The night has been long,
The pit has been deep,
The night has been dark,
And the walls have been steep.

The hells we have lived through and live through still,
Have sharpened our senses and toughened our will.
The night has been long.
This morning I look through your anguish
Right down to your soul.
I know that with each other we can make ourselves whole.
I look through the posture and past your disguise,
And see your love for family in your big brown eyes.

I say, clap hands and let's come together in this meeting ground,
I say, clap hands and let's deal with each other with love,
I say, clap hands and let us get from the low road of indifference,
Clap hands, let us come together and reveal our hearts,
Let us come together and revise our spirits,
Let us come together and cleanse our souls,
Clap hands, let's leave the preening
And stop impostering our own history.
Clap hands, call the spirits back from the ledge,
Clap hands, let us invite joy into our conversation,
Courtesy into our bedrooms,
Gentleness into our kitchen,
Care into our nursery.

The ancestors remind us, despite the history of pain
We are a going-on people who will rise again.

And still we rise.





Strapped Up In My City

It's funny when some ghetto brothers flex like they're the only ones strapped up with a weapon in their city. When some of these guys talk like this, I laugh on the inside because anyone who's lived in the inner-city knows that every man is strapped with a weapon, what makes the next guy special? There's a saying that rings so true: The loudest one in the room, is the weakest one in the room. If you're talking this, this and that, you better be able to back it up, or you will look crazy. Honestly, I feel sorry for the next generation coming up because you have 11-13 year old kids carrying machine guns being quick to spray. Listening to hood rap, you'd swore these artists make it seem glamorous, but it's not. There's nothing rewarding about having to tote a Desert Eagle or an AK to protect yourself. When you're living foul, those are the precautions you have to take. You make a lot of enemies when you're living the thug life.

Many people who walk around talking about how strapped they are suffer from Big Balls Syndrome. Everybody's a tough guy when they're toting an AK or 9mm, but you take away their weapons and they're soft as tissue paper. These men are looking for a reason for someone to get wrong so they can smoke them. People walking around with guns shouldn't be allowed because many people have too much attitude, and one wrong move or perceived slight can be deadly. It's almost not worth it to engage physical contact with a person because if you win, they can come back and shoot you. It's easy to hide behind that assault rifle or 9, but without that weapon, we'll find out what your hands are made of. Back in the day, you didn't have this stuff to worry about, but now...times have changed. It's always the big-city ghetto folk who talk about being strapped in their city. It's a badge of honor for them, because they have nothing else going on in their lives.

Nojma Reflects » Blog Archive » Captain Save Em!

Ms. Nojma Reflects is a writer who has a very popular Facebook page. Her fans have requested she do podcasts, and this is her first one. I've written about Captain Save Em's before, but Nojma's podcast was fire. Click the link to listen:

 

Nojma Reflects » Blog Archive » Captain Save Em!

LeBron set back $30 million if he returns to Cleveland

 

LeBron set back $30 million if he goes back to Cleveland

 

LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony are two of the big stars that will be free agents this summer. Carmelo's reasoning behind wanting to depart the Knicks is he wants a ring, and what better way to get a ring than by clicking up with proven winners? There are talks of the Bulls courting Anthony, and if Anthony goes to Chicago, he'll be a great addition to Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah. On a side note, Boozer is set to be traded to the Lakers during free agency. The aforementioned article has me asking myself: Why would LeBron want to return to Cleveland? Think about it: Lebron CARRIED that team. He shouldered the scoring load every game and had no help. If Lebron had a big game, Cleveland didn't have any other players that could step up and relieve him, so it was all on Lebron James. LeBron going to Miami was clearly a good move for him because he went to a team that has proven winners, and Wade & Bosh could easily fill in for LeBron if his game was off. Miami has a strong bench in Battier, Allen, Chalmers, Norris Cole, Udonis Haslem, etc. In addition to the Big 3, Miami's bench has played a role in the Heat's last two championship victories.

I remember Lebron caught hell for leaving Cleveland; fans went as far as burning his jersey. My thing is Lebron made the right move for him. If he wasn't winning in Cleveland, why should he stay? If I'm Lebron James, I would immediately rule out coming back to Cleveland. I would keep my talents in South Beach and continue leading my team to championships. Compared to his Cleveland days, LeBron James has come into his own in Miami. He's stepped up when Wade and Bosh were injured or having bad games. I just don't see Lebron returning to Cleveland, and according to the article, he'd be set back $30 million if he went back to Cleveland. From a financial standpoint, it makes good business sense to keep LeBron James in Miami since they can afford to pay him a little more money. Lebron is enjoying success that he would never have back in Cleveland. His wife has her own business in Miami, his children enjoy living in Miami, and LeBron has been prospering ever since he made that move to Miami. All things considered, LeBron will most likely opt out of his contract and then re-sign with Miami. That would be the smart thing to do.

 

 

 

Who's At Fault?

This question got mixed responses when someone posted in one of my Facebook groups. Some people said the man's at fault because he's married, others said the homewrecker & the man are wrong, and some said the wife. Generally, the married man would be at fault because he's married. When a man takes a woman as his wife, he chose HER. That means he's to leave these other skanks alone. I say this quite often: If you can't be faithful, don't get married; it's not fair to your spouse and deep down, you're cheating yourself out of a happy life. Women know a good man when they see one, so in some way I understand why some homewreckers ruin marriages. It doesn't excuse their actions, but I see why. It's shameful some men don't respect their marriages enough to reject another woman's advances. He wants to see if he still has it, or the other woman may have what his wife lacks. Worst case scenario, the married man fell out of love with his wife, and by messing around with another woman, that will fill that void in his life. The only woman a man should be sleeping with is his wife.

The reason I also feel that BOTH (the husband and homewrecker) are at fault is because it takes two to sleep together. A married man must have a willing participant; he can't sleep with another woman by himself. Think about it: If a man doesn't have another woman to sleep with, he has no alternative but to remain faithful to his wife. He keeps his marriage in tact and saves himself a pissed off wife. Nowadays, adultery can end in death because some (wo)men will react unfavorably to a cheating spouse. All these men out here, and a homewrecker has to go after someone else's husband. Did it occur to homewreckers NOT to take what doesn't belong to you? Then again, I don't expect homewreckers to have a conscience. The wife bears responsibility because she's not doing her job at home. I understand the husband and wife are busy with their professional lives, and that can damper their love life.

Situations like what's described in this picture happen in real life. Like a movie, you have various characters who all play a part. Because there are various characters, you can't hold one person accountable.

Guest Speaker: Angel In Disguise

Today's blog message comes from Angel In Disguise.

Women kill me with this, "A real man would do this or that bull crap. How do you know what a real man should do???? How about putting more emphasis on what a real woman should do and maybe you could INFLUENCE and ENCOURAGE change in YOUR man that you SO desire. Since women like coming up with a LONG laundry list of what men Should do, I put together this list of what WOMEN should do.

A real woman won't put her hands on a man.
A real woman won't violate a man's privacy witho...ut his permission.
A real woman would let her man lead her (after all she chose him).
A real woman wouldn't hop all up in a man's faces cursing and screaming like a fool.
A real woman would use wisdom to cooperate with her man.
A real woman don't make demands to her man.
A real woman knows that she can't control an Alpha male.
A real woman builds her home and not tear it down.
A real woman would not make a CONSCIOUS effort to destroy ANY relationship.
A real woman would simply realize that she isn't compatible with a man and agree to end the relationship.
A real woman won't tell a man what a real man is.
A real woman would ask a man if he wants to be a father beforehand instead of waiting until she gets pregnant and assuming that he will stay with her when SHE decides to keep it.
A real woman would conduct herself as lady at ALL times.
A real woman would never justify her rage just because she is angry.
A real woman does not believe that just because she's mad at her man she can act a darn fool.
A real woman knows how to shut up instead of wanting to get the last word every time.
A real woman doesn't have unrealistic expectations such as believing that her man should value EVERYTHING the same as her.
A real woman doesn't disrupts PEACE in her home.
A real woman creates a loving atmosphere.
A real woman is a pleasure to be around.
A real woman understands that men and women have different roles.
A real woman isn't OPPOSED to building up her man if he has low self-esteem.
A real woman understands that men have feelings too.



Moral Dilemma

Sometimes in life, we will be faced with moral dilemmas. Some are easier to solve than others. What is a woman to do if she's faced with this situation? Does she break the kids off something or does she keep the $2.5 million and continue living comfortable like she does already? It boils down to the woman's character. If she's a stand-up woman, she'll set up a trust fund for the children; that's what I would do if I was faced with this situation. When I say side chicks are coming for the crown, they're getting down for that #1 spot. Wives better step their game up. Even if a good woman is faithful to her husband, there's no guarantee that he will reciprocate. You really don't know someone like you think; you're not in their presence 24-7, and no one has time to trace their (wo)man's every move. Why did he wait until his deathbed to reveal this secret? Because he knew his wife would fire off on him. Women aren't playing that. In a way, I feel bad for the husband's wife because she had no idea.

This situation reinforces the importance of honesty. Had he came clean about the other woman, the wife would've had a reason to be upset, but in the end she would've respected his honesty. Was the wife not good enough for her husband? That's the only logical solution I can come up with as to why he had a side woman. Then again, some men aren't satisfied with just one good woman, they have to have extra. A woman of good character would think of the children first. She would put the $2.5 million in a trust fund for those kids to live on: Those kids would be able to go to college and graduate school off of that money. She's already living good, so what would an extra $2.5 million mean for her? There are many variables to consider: What if he had kids of HIS own by his original wife? So, he neglected his own family to take care of another family? That's usually what cheating husbands do when they're involved with a side woman that has children. When it comes to moral dilemmas like this, the children come first.

Living Amongst Blacks

Everyone wants to live in a safe environment that's crime-free with good schools. Your financial standing determines where you'll live: Will you live in the ghetto or in an upscale community? Contrary to popular belief, there are blacks who don't want to live amongst their own and you can't blame them. Who wants to live among violence and poverty? In the black community, the no snitching rule is prevalent. If you see criminal activity, keep it to yourself because you never know who's watching. Your house gets shot up, and people saw the shooter(s), but won't come forward. I think the reason why some blacks don't come to the police is because of distrust. Relations between blacks and police haven't been on good terms, so I don't expect some blacks to come forward. The issue is when one of their own gets shot, and expects someone to come forward with what they know.

I don't want to live around blacks either. It's not a race thing, but a safety issue. Historically, black communities in major US cities have been rife with poverty, drugs and violence, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. It's sad, but that's the reality. There are a few working-class & upper-middle class black communities that are crime & drug-free, where residents have a rapport with the law. I think some of them are in Metro Atlanta and the DMV (Washington, DC Metro area). Let's be honest: People want to live in good neighborhoods with great schools, and if that means one ethnicity will dominate that area, who cares. At the same time, even some inner-city residents secretly aspire to live in better environments for their children. Rapper The Game (Jayceon Taylor) said it himself: He couldn't raise his children in the same environment he came up in.

Just because some blacks have the financial means to live in better neighborhoods, that doesn't make them any less black. This suburban black vs. inner-city black rivalry is crazy. Last time I checked, collectively, all blacks are in the same boat.

NBA Playoffs

 

It's that time of year again; the time where the best NBA teams earn a trip to the playoffs. Their assignment: Win Or Go Home. Sounds pretty simple because you have one time to lose, and you're gone. A few nights ago, Miami closed out their playoff series 4-1 over Brooklyn, so they get a couple days rest before they do battle in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals against Indiana. Miami has already beaten up on Indiana on their way to their 2nd title last season, so Indiana is looking for retribution. Make no mistake about it, I'm riding with Miami because they've been on top for a while, and I don't see anyone standing in their way to a 3peat. The only teams I see giving Miami trouble are the Pacers and Spurs, two teams that made Miami earn their championship. Even then, Miami still came out victorious because Miami is battletested. I remember when Dwayne Wade first came to the Heat in '06, he and Shaq led the Heat to their first championship. Fast forward a few years later, Wade was instrumental in bringing Chris Bosh and Lebron James to S. Florida. LeBron James' decision to come to Miami was that he wanted to win a championship. He had no supporting cast in Cleveland, so Lebron did what's best for him, and look at him: 2 rings (on his way to a 3rd), tied his career high of 49 points, MVP, and a list of other accolades. Since Wade, Bosh and James have been with the Heat, Miami has made the playoffs each year.

When I think of the NBA Playoffs, I think of it as the cream of the crop. The league's best teams do battle in a playoff series. Some teams sweep their opponents 4-0, other teams go the distance. I look forward to watching the NBA playoffs every year because I know Miami is going to go all the way. Miami's toughest opponents will always be Indiana and San Antonio because those teams are very physical and have strong defensive & offensive schemes. This year, Miami's road to a 3peat will be relatively easy because look at their competition: They've swept Charlotte, and they've beaten Brooklyn 4-1. Miami has strong momentum facing Indiana in the Eastern Conference Finals. I'll also be watching the Spurs/Thunder series as well, so I can scout who Miami's opponent in the Finals is going to be. 

Audit Your Mate

 

Getting to know your mate is equivalent to auditing them, because you're doing a full background check. You ask them questions about their life history, dislikes & likes, etc. From a financial standpoint, it's important to audit your spouse because financial issues rank near the top for divorce among married couples. If you have a spender & saver, that's going to cause friction because one person wants to have something in life, and the other wants to spend as soon as they get it. I see what people mean when they say "Love doesn't pay the bills". You love your (wo)man when the money's flowing, but where is that love when the money well dries up? Here's the catch, your spouse was forthright about their spending habits; they told you that they don't believe in saving, and you still want to be with that person.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. That's no different than their spending habits. If you notice your (wo)man's bad with finances, why would you choose to be with them? That's silly. They may have other redeeming qualities, but when it comes to money, you have to walk on eggshells before committing to them. Besides, very few spouses care enough to help their (wo)man get their finances back on track, so it's best to yoke up with someone who's responsible with money. You save yourself the headaches of constant fussing about money. What if YOU want to buy a home, and your credit is perfect? The loan officer pulls your file and side eyes your spouse's credit report. Because you're a couple, you assume their debt as your own. You could still get a great deal on a home, but it may be difficult given your spouse's poor credit rating.

When it comes to financial stability, you MUST audit your spouse. There's no better peace of mind than knowing that you two are one financially. Major financial decisions are discussed as a team before a move is made. The reality is that financial issues rank very high among factors that destroy a marriage, and that's a risk that no one should be willing to take. If someone can't take care of their money, they won't take care of yours.



Test Drive Before You Buy

The phrase "Test Drive Before You Buy" refers to sexual chemistry. It's no secret that sex is one of the most important components of any committed relationship. According to couples, sex is a way to connect on a deeper level. When two people are passionate about each other and vibe well, it's just a matter of time before they lay down with each other. Why wouldn't sex come next? The chemistry is there, so it's only natural. There's a lot I look for in a car: Reliability, low mileage and good fuel economy. The older the car, the more mileage it has which makes it susceptible to frequent maintenance and other car issues. With a new car, it's fresh on the lot. It's waiting for the RIGHT owner to purchase the vehicle. There's nothing like that fresh, new car smell. You're the one who gets to break it in, and put YOUR special touch on that vehicle.

You can't put your own touch on a car if someone else already had it. With the "test drive before you buy" theory, some people want to test sexual chemistry before they agree to a committed relationship. To each their own, but that couldn't be me. I see sex as something very special, an act to be shared with the woman I cherish. If I'm vibing with a woman, we're already compatible, and sex would be a bonus. See, I think on a deeper level than most people. I don't have to "test drive" a woman for sexual chemistry, because I'm not thirsty like most people. Keep it real, you want a reason to get her/him between the sheets. The problem with test driving before you buy is that everyone before you has "test drove" before they bought, and all that mileage equals wear & tear.

When I think of a (wo)man who wants to "test drive before (s)he buys", I think of someone who is content with sloppy seconds, thirds, etc. The more mileage on a vehicle, the greater probability that the car won't last as long because although you may treat the person well, who's to say the previous person did? You don't know. Besides, what makes one think (s)he hasn't test drove other (wo)men?



Attraction Should Never Trump Wisdom

Everyone has someone they're attracted to, and want to pursue something more with them. The issue is when attraction trumps wisdom. You ignore red flags and proceed, and when that person's true colors show; you're looking crazy wondering what happened. If you used wisdom, you would have saw the signs. A friend of mine was telling me about this guy she's feeling. They mesh well on some levels, but she can't get past his player ways. He's over 40, and engaged to a fiancee that he's been living with for 10 years, but he's not interested in her. He's checking for other women on dating sites. My friend is somewhat attracted to him because he's got a lot going for him. Through her prayers, he's getting into church and trying to get closer to God, but...he's a porn addict and is shacking. Here's my question: He's been with her 10 years, engaged for 3 and according to him, he's not feeling her. Wouldn't common sense tell him to cut ties with her?

My friend asked him the following question: Do you consider me one of your random Internet hoochies or are we special friends? Anytime you're trying to get to know someone, you don't set up dating profiles and troll for booty. Think about it, you say (s)he's the complete package, so being honesty should come naturally. There's nothing wrong with having a dating profile, just don't lie about it. If my pic circulated over dating sites, and I was trying to get to know a woman, a bulb would go off to let me know that I need to stop trolling for women online and focus on the total package in front of me. Lastly, life is too short to waste years on someone you're not feeling.

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone. Attraction + committment will make you work at stuff that should be long over. At the same time, know what you're getting into with a person before you sign on as their (wo)man.

Giving Your All: By Angeln Disguise

I often hear people say, "I gave my all". Did you really give your all?

According to whose standards?

Some people seem to think that the "one size fits all" rule applies in relationships.

We are all different beings. What you did to make your past lover happy may not make your current or future lover happy.

For example. Your old lover may have highly valued you buying them nice things (gifts),... taking them to nice restaurants or being there when they call you (acts of service), but your new lover may not. They may value you giving them compliments or words of encouragement (words of affirmation), your physical touch (intimacy) or spending quality time doing nothing more than just talking.
 As such, instead of saying "Nothing that I do makes them happy",
Learn what makes them happy by putting more emphasis on what they SAY makes them happy or by observing their level of satisfaction when you do certain things.
 

Then you are justified in saying, "I gave my all".

 



Forgive & Keep It Moving

 

Too many people miss the last sentence of this statement. If someone hurts you, it's important to forgive them. It's said that forgiveness is for you, and not the other person. I agree, but...what's with trying to reconcile a broken relationship? That's crazy because if someone breaks the relationship, THEY made that decision, so they should be the ones to fix it. Then again, it's a blessing when someone breaks a bond through no fault of your own, because not all relationships are built to last. Once a relationship has been severed, it cannot be fixed. Leave it alone, and build a new relationship with those who will appreciate you. Life is too short to try and continually reconcile with those who hurt you. You can forgive, but value yourself enough NOT to reconcile with the same people who could care less about you.

When I think of someone who hangs with people who hurt them, I think of a person who has low self-worth. They don't value themselves enough to believe they are deserving of caring folks who have their best interest at heart. Around their friends, they talk a big game about cutting toxic people out, then they get around that person and are buddy-buddy with them. Then again, some toxic people are very good at hiding their nature. They can hurt you, and dress it up like they didn't mean it. They manipulate them with a sincere apology (even though (s)he knows it's not sincere) and they're back on good terms. You can tell when someone's truly sorry for offending you, because they follow up their apology with repentance. They make a conscious effort not to make the same mistake again. In most cases, if someone hurts you, they did so intentionally.

Forgiveness will always be for you, and not the other person. The best thing to do is forgive, and move on. Cut all ties with the offender because if not, you're giving them permission to offend you over and over again, and you don't need that in your life.

 



Response to "Question"

One of my faithful readers Khrystle Nichole posted a very good response to my blog message "Question"

 

Khrystle Nichole With the state of black marriage already being what it is, pretty low, I think such a law would only further discourage blacks from getting married. Furthermore, as you stated, there would have to be provisions in such a law that would allow a woman who was being abused could exit that marriage. However, yet still, having provisions to allow divorce for an abused spouse would likely only further victimize the victim. You would also have those who will lie about being abused in order to get a divorce. If we are really a free country, we can’t start telling people how often they can get married. Next, we will be telling people how many children to have too. We will be no better than any other dictatorship. I think most women initiate divorce because in the final analysis, women are more honest than men. They are more honest to say the relationship isn’t working. When a woman is done, she’s done and she wants to just get on with her life. Men will hang around in a bad relationship for years complaining to his friends, family, other women and anybody else who will listen about how bad his wife is. Yet he won’t seek to resolve that union. I do think people should take more time to know themselves and be honest with themselves about what they want in a life partner. Too many people settle for less when they want more.

I'm Just Being Honest!

 

Today's blog message is a spin on Future's song "Honest". Here we go:

 

1. 1993-2001 were great years for the US: Unemployment low, college grads getting jobs fresh out of school, I'm being honest.

2. Employers have no right to complain about the lack of qualified employees if they're going to pay them peanuts. Someone with solid education, skillset and experience should demand a higher salary. I'm being honest.

3. There was a time where marriage was valued. Those times are long gone; I'm being honest.

4. Everyone and their mother has a reality show. It seems like making a fool of yourself yields fame & fortune. Sign me up! I'm being honest.

5. How can a man call himself the head of household if he's making less than his woman, or he's a stay-at-home dad? I'm being honest.

6. 1 in 88 children have autism & of that number, the diagnosis is 1 in 54 for boys. Crazy statistics; I'm being honest.

7. Grown men arguing for the right to fuss like women on social media. That's crazy, I'm being honest.

8. When you have peace of mind, everything else falls into place. I'm being honest.

9. Apollo Nida (Phaedra Parks husband) is looking at serious jail time. I feel bad for his sons because kids don't need to see one or both parents locked up. I'm being honest.

10. Miami Heat is going to have an easy road to a 3peat. The only teams I see as a problem are San Antonio and Indiana. Indiana struggled to beat Atlanta, so that's probably one less thorn. I'm being honest.

11. Jameis Winston needs to grow up, seriously. Stealing crab legs? He's not in high school anymore so he should conduct himself better. I guess he feels invincible since he got off for sexual assault. I'm being honest.

12. Debt freedom is something everyone should strive for. There's nothing like getting paid and not having a mortgage, student loan or any type of debt.



Spilling The Beans: Angel In Disguise

This was too good NOT to share. Read On:

 

I'm sorry ladies, but I have to spill the beans again. This is not an attack on any one person, but just my observations. If this isn't you, just move on. If this is you, I hope to invoke deep thought.

After reading through some responses from my last post, something spoke to me and said to provide a logical reason why SOME black women feel that we are the most loyal women.

Here's the scoop.

Usually if the man is the bread winner, you will hear words like "Leader", "Head of Household" or "Submission.

Conversely, it is more likely for a woman to ENFORCE a sense of role equality, if she is the bread winner.

When I say equal. I mean equal in roles. This is not the same as equal in value. I think that it's fair to say that men who value being the leader also view their women equal in value.

Black men who are the bread winners in their homes, generally, will never go for equal roles. This doesn't mean that they don't respect their wives or that her opinion doesn't matter. In fact, healthy relationships often thrives when each partner strengths are put to work.

Because of what I noted above, some women who have good jobs work better with men who aren't as accomplished as them. This isn't necassarily a bad thing. I would never judge the merits of this type of relationship because what works in these homes, works for them.

I do take issue, however, with the women (just as well as men) who PURPOSELY seek out less established men for the wrong reasons.

Why? Because those relationships often ends in a disaster and perpetuates this vicious cycle of children being born OOW (Out Of Wedlock) or single mother homes.

The ugly truth is, some women who have good jobs only seek men who aren't as accomplished as them, and more often than not, those relationships fail because these women have bad intentions. When I say that they seek these men, I don't necessarily mean that they flat out tell themselves that they only want less established men. It is done more subtly by avoiding or by not going for the well established men. These women are intimidated by well established men, because he seems cocky or they view themselves as being out of his league.

Their bad intentions are often realized later on though, and their men will not place themselves beneath their woman regardless if she makes more than him or not, unless he feels like he drastically needs her. If he is able to get himself more established, he will move on.

Heck even if he doesn't get more established, he will move on to a woman that will let him be the leader.

Then, instead of realizing this, when the man moves on, these women will only blame the men.

That's why (logically) SOME black women feel that they are the most loyal, because unlike many white women, black women don't mind getting a man who isn't as established as her because in her mind she can call ALL of the shots.

 

My View: Many men don't mind if their woman makes more, he wants to know that she won't lord that over his head. Men are looking for a woman to help him build. What Angel wrote ties into a previous blog. What are the intentions of a woman who gets a less-established man? Some women want to help their man make it, others want to help him come up, but as soon as the relationship turns sour, she can say "I made you, you wouldn't be nothing without me."



Question

If President Obama signed a marriage bill eliminating divorce; the bill stated you could get married once, would you support?

 

I welcome this idea, because it would force people to choose their mate carefully. People would actually have to focus on someone's inner rather than outer beauty. It's ridiculous that it would take a bill being signed to get people to think beyond the outer, but if that's what it takes, I'm for it. Relationships are a hot topic for many people, and all you have to do is go on social media and read some people's comments. Some people require the world of someone, but aren't willing to offer in return. I've said this before, and I'll say it again: You can't require what you aren't giving. If you're not on point, how can you expect someone else to be on point? The more I read about relationships, the more I believe it would be great if President Obama signed a marriage bill eliminating divorce. People wouldn't divorce for stupid reasons, and some folks would put thought into who they decide to marry. Faith would be restored in the institution of marriage.
I can see why some people would be against it. It doesn't give abused (wo)men a way out. They would be forced to endure hell in their relationships. Victims could try another way of escape, but if their efforts were unsuccessful, they're stuck. I think this should apply to women, since they're the primary initiators of divorce. Let's be honest, some women see marriage as a business contract, what they can get out of it. Also, marriages could drop if people knew they couldn't escape. After careful thought, some people would realize they aren't cut out for marriage. The premise behind this is to get people to think long & hard about marriage; question your motives behind tying the knot. Is it for companionship, or benefits?
 

Unemployment Rate, 6.3? Yea, Right.

According to a CNN news report, the unemployment rate is 6.3, the lowest it's been in 5 years. Who do they think they're fooling? A lot goes into calculating the true unemployment rate because ALL groups have to be counted: Individuals with disabilities, those who stopped looking, unemployment benefit exhaustion, etc. If you count those groups, the ACTUAL unemployment rate will be higher than 6.3%. At first glance, there's room for celebration because people are finding jobs and stimulating the economy with their income. Looks can be deceiving so whenever I read these kind of reports, I dig deeper. The black unemployment rate is 11.4, which is down from 12.6 the previous month. The black unemployment rate alone is higher than the so-called unemployment rate. The media doesn't talk about that because it's not friendly to mainstream white viewers.

The statisticians that come up with these unemployment numbers are going to dress it up real nice so as to make people think Obama is doing a good job in reducing unemployment. Anyone with critical thinking skills would dig deeper to find the real truth, and wouldn't be easily led by the claim that unemployment is down. It would be nice if the actual unemployment rate was 6.3%, but I and other likeminded people know that's not true. People have to learn how NOT to take things at face value. Dig deeper for the truth, because it saves you the feeling of disappointment. If the numbers can be skewed to make people feel better about the economy, that's what will be done. I don't agree with it, because you're giving people false hope. Individuals with disabilities and those who stopped looking for work have unemployment rates twice the national average.

Persons with disabilities want to work, and many of them are just as qualified (if not more) as the next person. The problem is that employers are biased towards persons with disabilities; they can't look past the handicap and would rather hire a non-disabled person. If you take two qualified candidates & one of them has a disability, the non-disabled person will pretty much get the job every time. Here's the catch: The disabled person is a great fit for the company and job, but employers will give every reason as to why a non-disabled person was hired over the disabled person, and it will always have to do with bias.

Question & Answer

1. Why is there an attack on marriage?

Answer: Marriage is the foundation to a successful community. Husband & Wife, plus children. The husband & wife's job is to raise responsible children who will make their mark in society. If you can target the foundation, you can destroy the very existence.

2. What will it take for black men & women to be on the same page?

Answer: Drop these ridiculous ideologies that some black women have bought into, and realize that black men are black women's biggest ally and vice versa.

3. Why are some women more comfortable around men than other women?

Answer: Many women are petty and jealous, who wants to be around that? I applaud women for having the good sense to steer clear of toxic women. Women who say "a woman who can't co-exist with other women doesn't value her own gender" That's translation for "women should tolerate rampant pettiness from each other for the sake of unity." Bull.

4. Should a man who makes less than his woman still be considered the "head"?

Answer: No. Being the head involves being the primary breadwinner, so if the wife is making more money than her husband, he forefits the right to call himself the head.

5. What happened to good music?

Answer: Good music died after the 90's. Music said something back in the 50's and 60's. You had legendary groups like Temptations, Four Tops, Spinners who had meaning in their music. Now, music has degenerated into gun shooting and drug use & selling, plus sexing.

6. Was Porsha wrong for dragging Kenya across the floor on Atlanta Housewives Reunion?

Answer: I'm Team Kenya, but she provoked Porsha. You can poke the bear for too long, before that bear eats you. At the same time, Porsha should know that Bravo won't let fights escalate into all-out melees.



Hashtag Commentary

I'm starting each sentence off with a hashtag. The following sentences will be concise.

 

#JustBecause you're protected by free speech, doesn't mean you should run off at the mouth. You are subject to making yourself look crazy.

#JustBecause someone doesn't want marriage, doesn't mean something's wrong with them. It means they enjoy the freedom of being single.

#It'sEasy to become a successful rap star. All you have to do is sing about being on the block from sun up to sun down, blasting on snitches, and getting money.

#ThisGeneration wouldn't know good music if it smacked them in the face.

#OnceUponATime, black men and women used to be allies. Now, most are bitter enemies.

#SoManyTimes I hear men talking about going their own way, and not dealing with American women. That's their right, but there are stand-up American women who actually have good sense.

#I'mTired of reading these anti-black (wo)men rants from disgruntled (wo)men on Facebook. Where are you meeting these ratchets that you complain so much about?

#EmployersHaveNoRight to complain about not being able to find qualified employees when they're overly picky about what they want, then the pay isn't commenustrate with their required skillset.

#1993-2001 were good years. The economy was strong, unemployment low, gas prices were $2 and under. I long for those times.

#Today'sGasPrices resemble Magna Cum Laude GPA's. 3.75, 3.80?

#MaybeIt'sBetter that some people remain single. They can't make someone else jaded by their grim outlook on relationships. There's a difference between being jaded and realistic.