No To Bitterness: Sister Nojma

Let me tell you what type of woman I am. You can not and will not be successful trying to get me to hate my Brothers. You can't make me hate him, by talking about the rapes that take place in our community, because I was raped. You can't make me hate him by talking about fatherless homes, because my father wasn't present in my life. You can't make me hate him by talking about the domestic abuse that takes place, because I was in an abusive relationship. You can't make me hate or group all black men in a category based on the action of SOME.

I REFUSE to lace both my mental or physical womb with BITTERNESS and I hope many others will follow suit. I don't want my son to be the recipient of a young woman raised, formed and fashioned in her mother's bitterness. I don't want my son already labeled and packaged before he has a chance to even introduce himself.

#JustsayNOtoBitterness

 

My View: If you don't know, Sister Nojma is a very intelligent woman who posts intellectual statements on her page, Nojma Reflects (If you have a Facebook account, look up Nojma Reflects and like her page.) If it were up to me, I would take her genetic makeup and clone her 100 times over. This way, every man that's looking for a good woman would have no problem landing someone like Sister Nojma. She's telling women to stop making good men pay for the mistakes of their ex. It's not his fault she was done wrong in the past by the men in her life. No man wants to deal with a bitter woman, and by right he shouldn't. Sad to say, the majority dictates the whole (in some women's eyes.) If the majority of men in a woman's life are doggish, then that's all she knows so in a way, she can't be expected to cherish a good man who wants to do right by her.



What You Marry Is What You're Into

Everyone has their laundry list of what they want in a potential husband/wife, which is great. We SHOULD have non-negotiable standards for a potential spouse. What happens if someone comes into our lives that doesn't meet ALL of our requirements, but they meet half of them? That depends. Some people will accept their spouse with all their flaws, others will keep it moving. Should one decide to keep it moving because their desired man/woman isn't 100%, that's their decision; they need to realize that they are setting themselves up for a lifetime of loneliness. Now, some people will say "It's better to be alone, than with someone who doesn't bring 100 percent to the relationship." True, for the most part. No one wants to be with someone they aren't compatible with, by right they shouldn't. If I'm bringing 100% to the relationship, then I'm within my right to require the same. My pastor talked about this during Wed. Night Bible study, so that's where this commentary comes from. The meaning of this topic simply means that whatever you marry, that's what you're attracted to. Fellas, if you marry a respectful, educated woman, that's what you're into. The inverse is also true, if a man marries a ratchet woman, that's what he likes. Ladies, if you marry a 6'2 man with an 8-pack, that's what you're into. He's content with his job, and doesn't want to move up. She saw past his shortcomings, and realized he treats her like a queen, so she marries him. She has his children, so she loses her figure-eight shape. He's an upstanding man, so he doesn't have eyes for another woman even though his wife has gained weight over the years. People can have physical preferences in a man/woman, and that's fine. Just realize that over time, she's going to lose her hourglass shape, and he's going to lose his 8 to 12-pack. Very few people keep their figure past high school & college, but if they offer you companionship, loyalty & respect, then you'd be a FOOL to reject him/her. You can always work with them on their shortcomings.

Follow The Leader: By Nojma Reflects

Ummm yeah...I'm not that bitch, your bitch, to my female friends even if we tight like glue, I can't be a bitch, even if you're playing. I'm not gonna be your side chick, your jump off, your throw back, your side piece, your mistress,your silly hoe, your side hoe, any type of hoe, I'm not gonna be a 1, 2, 3, or however many years girlfriend, I'm not gonna give you the access code to my womb "just because".....you want the benefits of a wife....then you have to WIFE me. I don't mean calling me your wifey, telling your homeboys ay yo this is wifey right here, if you want your future reproduced and secured through ME, then you're gonna officially make me your wife. I'm not bending nor compromising on that. In another words "I aint taking no shorts!". See how easy it is when you set requirements. I keep trying to tell you, there is NO ONE that can teach you how to respect me, love me and treat me LIKE ME.

#FollowTheLeader

 

My View: I've gotten away from sharing Sister Nojma's Facebook messages, but this one was too good NOT to share. She's serving a wake-up call to men who would come at her sideways, and think they're being affectionate. If you're going to approach a woman, do it RIGHT or not at all. Too often, women give wife benefits to undeserving men, then want to get upset when he doesn't stay around. As much as I feel bad for these women who have been played by no-good men, I believe people do what one allows. Simply put, if a man disrespects a woman, she allowed it. No questions asked. I liked her perspective on being a wife. If you want wife benefits, make her your wife. I mean, you have couples checking in like husband & wife, washing each other's clothes, sexing each other, cooking for each other, doing everything a married couple does, EXCEPT that couple is unmarried. In today's world, that's called shacking up. Shacking up is not just co-habitation between an umarried couple, it can also mean unmarried couples who live together THAT give each other husband & wife benefits. In order for a woman to garner respect from her man, SHE has to show him how to respect her. If he's not willing to wife her, she needs to cancel his butt. The level of love and respect you have for yourself, is the level that will be given to you (man and/or woman). Some of these men do need to tighten up, calling women wifey when they aren't married to these women.



Remove The Speck From Your Eye

Everywhere you go, you get people who dole out correction, but can't take their own medicine. Many times, those doling out correction are no better than the person they're chastising. How can you correct someone, and you don't have your stuff together? That's nonsensical. Facebook is a good example of this: Everyone has a Facebook account, which means they receive invites to groups based on common interest(s). Relationship groups often have men & women who are passionate about relationship affairs. Men give their ideal woman, women give their ideal man. Where things get heated between the sexes is when you have some men who chastise women because she's not acting like a woman is supposed to. True, you're supposed to check someone if they're making your gender look bad. At the same time, people are grown; they are going to do what they want. If someone wants to make a fool of themselves, let them. Sad to say, many people have no shame in acting any kind of way. If you're going to check someone, make sure you're on point yourself. Otherwise, you look crazy pointing out someone's flaws, but you have 'em yourself. I try not to judge people, because I remember I'm not perfect myself. We're all a work in progress, myself included. Show me a perfect person, and I'll show you a liar. The only perfect person was Jesus. Back to my relationship example: Relationships are breeding grounds for people to give their $.02 on how a man/woman should conduct themself, so they are attractive to another person. Let's be honest, first impressions are everything. Someone's view of you is determined in the first 5-10 minutes of conversation. Women have a penchant for telling a man how he thinks, when her perspective of a man is flawed (even if she grew up with stand-up men in her life: father, brother, uncle, etc). When a man is imparting manly wisdom to a woman, his perspective is far more valid because HE'S A MAN. Just like women understand each other, men understand each other. If you're a flawed man, and you're chastising a woman on her behavior, make sure you're not guilty of the very thing you get on her about. The same goes for women. Some women like to say men are dogs; well, she laid down with that "dog" so what does that make her?

Public Service Announcement

At first glance, thirsty men are going to think "I'd love to drink her bathwater, or ask her to call them (knowing that will never happen). Here's my favorite: I want to get next to her". These men kill me with their thirst. For those of you who don't know her, her name is Tiara Harris. She's from San Francisco and has her own photo website. I'm not going to lie, she is very shapely & attractive. Unlike a lot of men, I don't go goo goo ga ga over attractive women. At most, I'll think to myself "she's attractive", and go about my business. Attractive women like Tiara get hundreds of compliments everyday, so she's used to it. I'm going somewhere with this, so wait for it...wait for it...ACTION: Many black men describe her as the ideal woman; she's curvy and has a nice smile. Bel Biv Devoe made a song for women like this, and it's called Poison. Never trust a big butt & smile. It baffles me that some men find this kind of woman hot, but catch feelings when she plays them. Going further, these men have the audacity to label all black women as not being about nothing. Well, nobody told you to check for her curves & cute face. When people want the ideal black woman, they look her up. These dudes admire this woman with pictures of her cooch all over the internet. This is the woman they would kill to be with, then she plays them like the fools they are, because every man will want her, and there will always be someone with deeper pockets. Then they get on FB talking about black women ain't crap. I'm convinced that men don't know how to look past a woman's curves & cute face, and focus on her character.



Quick Trigger

Everyone has a quick trigger when it comes to dealing with certain people. No matter who you meet, you're going to have triggers that will cause you not to deal with certain people. There's nothing wrong with that because not everyone is meant to be in your life permanently. If you see an early sign of something you can't deal with, you bounce them out of your life. I call this, One Strike & You're Out. In baseball, you have 3 strikes before you're out. You're given 3 chances to hit a homerun, and after the 3rd strike, if you haven't hit the ball, you're going back to the dugout. Is it bad to cancel people out after the first offense? That depends. Life experiences cause us to view the world differently. If someone has been hurt a lot by so-called loved ones, then it behooves them to be cautious about who they let into their life. Most likely, if you see the signs, it could mean a lot later in life. What I mean is that if there are habitual negatives without improvement, write them off. Nobody wants dead weight in their life. You can only work with those who want help. I say, give people a shot to prove themselves. Let them have 3 shots to prove themselves. The first transgression, reprimad; Second screw up, warning followed up by probation. The third time, termination. This process ensures you have given the person 3 times to correct the behavior. Sometimes, it's good to have a quick trigger for foolishness, but ask yourself: How many have stuck by you in your mess? *Crickets* When you flip the script, you'll get silence. While you should believe someone when they show you their true colors, you also don't want to be too cautious that you leave no room for new experiences.

Peace In Your Home

Home should be the ONE PLACE where you have peace. If you can't or don't have peace in your home, something is wrong. Let me explain: When you leave your home, you don't know what you're up against. You could have a good or bad day, you just don't know. Much of life is external, meaning that whatever happens is out of our control. One way you can keep peace in your home is by pleading yourself under the blood of Jesus, that he will shield you from the societal crap around you and your loved ones. Once you do that, everything will be alright. People do enough battle outside their home, but when they get home from a rough day, the LAST thing they want is more warfare. Nobody has time for that. Look at your spouse, is (s)he welcoming you with opening arms after you come home frustrated? A man has had a bad day, and when he comes home, the last thing he wants to deal with is his woman adding more foolishness; nobody has time for that. The same applies for a woman. When she's had a rough day, she wants to come home to peace & quiet. It's on her man to put her at ease by rubbing her feet, pampering her how she wants, etc. You can have peace in your home, and have disagreements. Peace comes from how you two handle the issues after it happens. My home is peaceful, but sometimes disagreements come with situations. I believe most people have poor communication skills, which explains why some couples are trying to be right, instead of understand the other person's Point Of View. I said all of that to say this: Evaluate the people who come into your home. If they're coming to your home to start mess, x them out immediately. Your home is your castle, only YOU determine what goes on there.