Multiple Dating

GSRT Member Question:

When you are single and dating, is there anything wrong with dating more than one person at a time? A guy I met a couple of weeks ago – we’ve been out twice – once for lunch, and we also went to the movies. He said it's a turn off for him when he meets a woman that is “dating around” and unless I am willing to date only him, he's not interested.

My thing is, part of being single and dating is getting to know people and if I just met a man, why on earth would he think I would drop everything and focus on him? Isn’t that the point of dating until you meet a person you want to commit to?

What is your opinion?

 

My View: If you're dating more than one person, something's wrong. To me, you can't make up your mind as to who you want, so you have to date multiple people. In this scenario, I agree with the man because he wants to get to know this one woman, and she's "dating around". I'd be turned off by a woman who's dating around too because to me, that shows she doesn't know what she wants. She has to date this & that person in order to find out what she's looking for. That's what turns most (wo)men off. When you have someone who's wanting to get to know you, you turn your attention to them. It's skankish to date multiple people; If that's what some people do, more power to them. That couldn't be me. If I'm interested in a woman, all my focus goes to her because I see something in her that I may not find in anyone else.

If I'm interested in a woman, I'm interested in HER. I don't have time to be dating multiple women because to me, that's foul. What if the woman I'm dating has feelings for me and wants to marry me? I can't do that if I'm dating multiple women. If I'm trying to get into polygyny, then I'd get to know multiple women because the premise of polygamy is for building. One woman does this, the next woman does this and that, etc. Dating around is nothing more than an inability to decide who you want. You date one person on this day, the next person on that day, and so on. To me, dating around reflects poorly on (wo)men because it means the (wo)men involved are being led on.

Say a woman dates around, and she's vibing with several men at the same time. All these men are what she's looking for so she has difficulty choosing the perfect man. At some point, these men will find out about each other, and the woman will look crazy because she led each man to believe that he was the one. That's why I'm against dating around, because feelings will be hurt.



Public Service Announcement

Attention all men: Stop hooting & hollering because a woman gave you sex. What gives you the right to do a praise dance over something she's giving to every other man? That's silly to me. When a man gets sprung over nooky, that tells me he's not used to getting any from a woman, and he doesn't know how to act. It also means he's hard up for sex to where a woman finally sleeps with him, and he doesn't know what to do. He tries to make her pleasure palace exclusive: She can't sleep with other men, or do this & that, etc. It's her body, and she can do what she pleases with it. If she wants to share her cookies with every Tom, Dick & Harry, that's her perogative. Thank goodness I've never been thirsty for sex because I couldn't spend all my resources chasing after something she's giving to every other guy. You can tell when a man's not used to female attention, because when a woman offers the cooch, he starts acting crazy and salivating at the mouth. Some women do this, but not to the degree of men.

Expanding on yesterday's commentary about bad sex, loyalty is a lost art among some couples. Women leaving men over bad sex, men being within their right to leave because she let herself go; it's bonkers to me and gives me more ammunition to remain single. You don't truly know people like you think. People can and will tell you anything just to get in good standing. Once you let your guard down, they show you sides of them you didn't know about. You can prepare all you want, but all that preparation is put to the test once you get into a relationship with someone. If a woman is willing to leave her man over bad sex, she's doing him a favor. She wasn't into him for who he is, she was checking for him because she felt he could blow her back out. If a woman let herself go and her husband was no longer attracted to her, and he left her, all the women would call for his crucifixion. Here come the "that dog, he's not a real man, he's trifling, etc" shots. I see why most people choose to remain single, because they see the lack of loyalty among some couples, and would rather not deal.

 





Bad Sex=I'm Gone

 

Today's message is titled Bad Sex=I'm Gone. The above picture was posted in one of my Facebook groups. The responses are varied thus far, and confirmed my view that loyalty is a lost art. If you have someone who's good to you but the sex is bad, why would you leave? That's stupid to leave an otherwise good relationship over sex. The fact that men and women would leave over sex just shows how far we've fallen in society. Last time I checked, there's other ways to connect besides sex. Deep conversations, doing things together you both enjoy, etc. I can't be too upset because everyone's different, so being different involves different outlooks based on personal experiences. For me, I couldn't imagine leaving a good woman over bad sex. If we're compatible in other areas, then I can overlook bad sex; I'm dead serious about that. As a couple gets older, their sex life diminishes.

Many responses signaling departure are coming from women, go figure. Women place more value on sex than men do, and why wouldn't they? For women, sex is about emotional connection. You're connecting in a way that can only be explained through sexual activity. Some men don't value sex as much because some men will sex this & that woman, lay the bill on the table and leave a tip. I can understand why women value sex the way they do, but not to the point where if her man isn't laying it down right, she's gone. Thank God I'm not hard to please like most people. Basically, if a woman does right by me (and I return the favor), it doesn't matter if she's bad at sex; we'll improvise. Besides, as we get older our sex life will probably diminish due to lack of desire. There's more than one way to connect with your spouse, sex doesn't have to be the only option.

I'm going to post a few responses from T Lavon Lawrence:

"There is no RIGHT man - everything within a relationship changes - like the wind and the tide, emotions evolve, attachments rise and fall, perspectives and desires move from one aspect to another. What stokes your flame now will inevitably die out and your furnace will need a different type of fuel. Oh the hypocrisy you're going to demonstrate when things stop working in your female body when the changes hit you - and you turn to your man and he's not feeling you because your 'drives' aren't what they used to be."

"Every woman in here is going to change on her man - nature has made that a guarantee - and when it happens, your body is going to go insane, and your man is going to have to suffer for it. According to this mindset I'm seeing, he's justified in leaving you for another woman whose equipment is still in high-performance working order - no matter how good you treat him."

 

T Lavon's response show how loyalty is a lost art among some women. According to these two statements, a man would be justified in leaving or cheating on his woman if her equipment malfunctioned. That wouldn't go over well because the minute a similar picture was posted, women would be calling him a dog, sorry, etc. for not staying with his woman through her down time.

 

 



I Think (S)he lying

 

This post caught my attention in one of my Facebook groups. It deals with the issue of sexual partners. Whenever a (wo)man is meeting a potential mate, this topic usually comes up. Why does it come up? Because you want to know about their sexual health. With too many diseases running amok, it's important not to take a chance on your health. It seems that more men are demanding to know a woman's sexual status. If she's honest about the number of partners, he'll think she's lying or a ho. You can't win with some men, so I see why women opt not to answer, or give a false number. Then again, men are known to lie when a woman flips the script. If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question.

If you find someone that hasn't slept around and is a good fit, keep them around. You won't find too many quality mates in today's world. I understand quality is different for everyone. My personal viewpoint is this: If I want to know a woman's sexual past, I'm going to ask. If I don't/won't like the answer, it's best I not ask. I will be 100 and say I want a wholesome woman. I want to be her first & only. At the same time, every woman has a past so it's up to me to decide what I can handle. However, I know that someone's past doesn't define them unless they let it. If I meet a woman who's a great fit for me, but she slept with someone prior to me, I probably wouldn't trip over it too much AS LONG as ties were cut with her ex. I don't have time to be #2. It's either me or him.

No (wo)man wants a loose person. If so, that's sad and it goes to show you that some people are desperate to park in anyone's garage. How can some people be comfortable about sexing this & that person? That's crazy to me because they're playing Russian Roulette with their life. There have been news articles of men & women catching deadly diseases for sleeping around. That will not be me because I have goals to accomplish, and I can't do what needs to be done if I'm spending more time humping & jumping around. I consider a person loose if they've had more than 5 sexual partners. Some (wo)men like loose partners; to each their own. Couldn't be me. The only person I want to be loose with is my wife.

 

 

 





Getting Into A Relationship: Proceed With Caution

 

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you read this Caution sign? To me, the sign is obvious; proceed with caution. In life, it's important to use caution before undertaking a major event. If not, you could get caught up in something you have no business being in. Relationships are no different. In fact, you should exercise caution before you enter a relationship with someone. It baffles me people would accept the first person who walks into their life. Did (s)he do a background check on them? No, they saw a good looking (wo)man and their thirst meter went on overload. This is straight from my heart: I take relationships VERY seriously because I want my first long-term relationship to last, and in order to do that, I have to be very careful who I open up to. Not everyone has my best interest at heart, so why would I open up to the wrong woman? That's silly. I'm in several Facebook groups and we frequently discuss relationships. I read many people's relationship situations, and I shake my head because the posters come off so jaded. Women write off men as dogs, men call women ratchet, etc. When it comes to failed relationships, I learn a lot from other people's failed relationships, and I determine NOT to make the same mistakes they did.

Can someone be TOO cautious? That depends. If you're trying to protect yourself from hurt, no. As stated before, not everyone you meet is going to have your best interest at heart. If you can avoid pain, do so. No sense in putting yourself through unnecessary drama. This is why many people with failed relationships are bitter, because they were too trusting with their heart. They took the first good looking (wo)man walking and lost their senses; telling everything on the first date, spending hundreds trying to impress them so they can stay, etc. The relationship game has changed, and not for the better. You have men bordering on simp territory selling out for women's approval, and women eating that up while she says to herself  "I've got this man wrapped around my finger. I'm not checking for him, but if he's wining & dining me, why not?" After the courting phase, comes marriage. Marriage is a whole different ballgame because what's done in the dark, comes to light. You find out things about a person you never knew. For everyone that's too trusting with their heart, be careful. Trust the wrong person and they'll have you looking crazy

 





Stop Trying So Hard!

 

This photo makes me sick because this man is trying too hard to get a greeting from this woman with an attitude. If you speak to her, and she won't speak back...keep it moving. Thank goodness I'm not hard up for a woman speaking to me. If she speaks to me, I speak back and keep moving. If not, oh well. Maybe she's got a lot on her mind, maybe she doesn't feel like talking, or as this picture states: Some black men have made her mad, and she's taking it out on him. I don't have time to force a greeting out of a woman, or anyone for that matter. 9 times out of 10, I'm going on about my day so I'll do a quick hi and ride out. It's not that serious for a man to go out of his way to make a woman acknowledge him. This picture goes into simp territory.

Contrary to what this picture states, many men DON'T want to "holla", they just want to speak to a woman and keep going. It's considered rude to ignore someone's greeting to you, so maybe he has a point. The "I Love You" comment was a bit much because they don't know each other, so why would he tell her he loves her? I love you is what couples tell each other and their children, extended & immediate family, etc. The thirst is critical for this man because there's no telling the lengths he will go to get her to acknowledge his greeting. These men need to tighten up, and stop fishing for greetings from women. A man's day should not be dictated by a woman's greeting. If she wants to act stupid, that's her problem. You cannot make others' problems, your problems.

As far as I'm concerned, she could be turned off by his constant attempts at getting her to speak. Most women will speak when spoken to. In the event that someone doesn't speak, chalk it up to them having a lot on their mind. I think of this man as someone who likes to make a woman happy. He wants to know what's on her mind, and won't stop until she opens up.



Strawberry Letter: Wife On Edge

Good Morning: I am a 24 year old wife and mother of two. I have been married a year, and I am already on edge and ready to get a divorce. Last year, after my husband and I got married I found some emails from some of my husband's "female friends" and his ex girlfriend where he told them the only reason he got married was because the military gave him more money. Needless to say I was pissed and was ready to separate, but after his begging, pleading and crying I decided that I would stay. The very next month I saw emails and text messages between him and his ex girlfriend where she was totally disrespecting me and he allowed her to do it. Again I went off but did not threaten to leave or anything I just snapped. He left on deployment for 6 months; about 2 months after he returned I went to the doctor and found out that I had contracted an STD. Of course he denied being with anyone while he was gone, and I know I had not been with anyone else. That was the first crack in our relationship. He then turned very mean and would randomly get upset with me and I had no idea why. Recently I just picked up his phone and saw that he and a female "friend" had been exchanging pictures of body parts that should not be shown. Even though he has never hit me physically, that hurt as if he punched me. I confronted him about it, and he made up every reason for why it was okay. I am really on edge and stuck between staying and going. I really don't want to be anybody's fool, but I do love my husband. What should I do?

 

My View: This is why I have little respect for marriage, because of situations like this. Doesn't anyone respect the sacred bond of marriage anymore? Goodness. Couples messing around on each other, then they have the nerve to come home to each other like the mess isn't wrong. If you're not going to be faithful to your spouse, you have no business getting married. I see why couples get married, for the financial & legal benefits. Monogamy is a lost art in today's world. People get together, and have others on the side. Look at what happened to this woman: She caught an STD because her husband was messing around with another woman. I truly feel bad for her, and her children. How can he be upset with her and HE was the one who cheated? Some of these men piss me off with their deflection. He's upset with his wife because HE cheated.

Once he begged, pleaded and cried, I knew she was going to take him back. Men know how to play on women's emotions, and that's what he did and she fell for the okie doke. He wasn't sorry, he was sorry he got caught. He cheated on her several times (sexting included), and she wants to stay? That's crazy. No wonder men continue to cheat, because they know their women will take them back. Of course he's going to deny being with anyone else; he doesn't want problems with his wife. She went off on him the first time, so he's not letting that happen again.. I'm not trying to be mean, but if she stays with him after everything he's put her through, she deserves everything she gets. Women need to tighten up and stop allowing these men to play them. If he cheats once, LEAVE. People do what you allow, and cheating is no different. Infidelity is grounds for divorce, and the Bible says so.

 You can get married with the best intentions, and your partner will still cheat. This is why discernment is important: If you have an uneasy feeling about someone, it's for a reason. Something about them doesn't mesh with your spirit. If caution is thrown to the wind, you have no reason to catch feelings because (s)he knew something wasn't right, and (s)he went forward with the relationship. Infidelity should warrant immediate divorce because if cheating happens once, it will happen again. How much pain is one supposed to endure in marriage? Happiness should always trump loving someone through the rough times. He gave her an STD; that right there should tell her to exit stage left.