Wedding Beef

GSRT Member Question:

I'm getting married next month. Our Dad left our mom for a younger woman a little over a year ago. He also tried to do our Mom dirty in the divorce, and both he and his new woman treated her really badly. They've supposedly made peace with it and everyone has moved on.
This woman he's with now is very disrespectful to our mom when we're around her and my Dad. We have asked her to not talk badly about our Mom when we are around but she continues to make horrible comments now and then. We also told her our Mom has been nothing but civil and doesn't say anything about her or our Dad so she needs to be a woman and stop all this noise. Our Dad never says anything, or lets her know she's out of line.
I told my Dad when I got engaged that his new "woman" was not welcome at my wedding for many different reasons. Now he says if she can't come, he's not coming either. I said fine--don't come, but my fiance says I should try to talk to my Dad again and make amends.
WTF? Am I being unreasonable?

My View: Weddings are a time for celebration, not drama. If her father wants to act stupid, LET HIM. If he's scared of his woman to where he won't check her for being free with the mouth, there's not much the daughter can do. Maybe it's for the best her father & his woman don't show up, because that's less drama for her to deal with. The fact that her father won't check his woman shows his true colors. Think about it: He tried to do her mom dirty in the divorce, and both of them treated her like a dog. Big ups go out to her mother for not sinking to these degenerates' level. Just because they're acting stupid, doesn't mean her mother should sink to their level. Their treatment towards her mother is proving one thing: She (the mother) is on their minds, but the mother is keeping it moving. The fact that her father & his new woman won't come to the wedding is a blessing because they would've tried to sabotage her wedding day. Divorce brings out the ugly in people, and that's one of many reasons why I'm reluctant to get married. I see where the fiance is coming from, but you can't make amends with someone who's bent on not coming to your wedding, especially if you think they're going to sabotage. I wouldn't try to talk sense into her father, because men are bullheaded so it would be futile. If she decides to make amends, she can do this: Meet him away from his new woman and from your mother. She explains to him again why she doesn't want her there and make the reasons clear. If he is still adamant that he is not coming, then wish them well. Life is too short for this nonsense. This is her wedding day, she shouldn't be stressing over a couple of clowns. Building up to the wedding, she should be excited about the planning process: Picking out her wedding gown and the reception. It's foul for her father not to come to her wedding because his new woman can't come too. Weddings are for the bridge & groom's closest friends & family. She sounds like trouble, so I wouldn't want her at my wedding either. A daughter's greatest joy is walking his daughter down the aisle on her big day, and her father won't give her that honor. Deep down, she will never forgive her father if he doesn't walk her down the aisle.



Big Dummy

 

Today's blog message is based on this Zane letter. Read on:

I just want to say, you are the best at what you do! Go head!! I have a huge issue. I’m 35 and when I was a sophomore in college, I met this really sexy white boy, he was the president of one of the biggest frats on campus. I had never been with a white boy before, and he had never been with a black girl so we messed around, and soon started dating. I’ll be honest, I really started dating him because he came from money, he was already admitted to law school, and I knew his future was going to be super bright. As soon as his family saw us together, they cut him off completely, but he worked his way through law school, and is now successful. We ended up getting married and we have 2 extremely gorgeous children, I have to admit, mostly due to his good genes. My husband and I work out religiously, and all the women I work with both old and young all get hot when he comes to bring me lunch or take me out to lunch every Monday and Friday. He's a fantastic provider and the best dad, me and our kids are his world. Recently, his family has come around to accepting us and so all is good… here’s the problem, my husband is white.

I can tell that my husband is extremely attractive, but he's not black. Unlike I thought about white boys, he's seriously packing down below and he goes all out in bed. Never a complaint there, hes like 99% perfect but, I've always been down for my chocolate men. Anyways, 2 months ago we hired a driver at my place of work, he’s 6’5 & 250 lbs of chocolate sexiness!! I lightly flirted with him and he with me, and soon we were sexting. He gets me HOT!! He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!! On Saturdays, my husband takes the kids for the day and they let me have a "mommy day" usually for me to go to a spa or to do whatever I want. Last week, they came home early and caught me off guard while sexting. We had been sending pictures of body parts and my husband looked thru my phone. Zane, do you know what he did? He CRIED. Wtf? What man cries?? I thought he was going to get mad, but he cried. What a punk. He cried for days, I've never been so turned off. He might be secretly gay, or just a sissy. Men don’t cry they get angry, I thought he was going to look for the dude I was sexting, but hes talking about counseling! UGH!! I want a REAL MAN!! Ive been thinking about filing for divorce so that I can get things started with my chocolate man, he wants to move in with me when I get a place. I don’t mind leaving the kids with my husband, that’ll give me more privacy anyway. Do you think my husband has been on the DL? My best friend and I no longer talk bc she thinks I’m in the wrong, am I? I want a strong black man, not this sissy boy. Please help!!

My View: Basically, she's cheating on her husband by sexting with another man. To top it off, the husband cried? First off, if another man is trying to get at your woman, as her man you're supposed to handle that by any means necessary. This is why some men think very low of women, because of trifling broads like her. I get she and her husband aren't on good terms, but she doesn't have to hurt him. Make it so bad, she has no remorse either. I don't get how some people can make vows in marriage, then one spouse thinks nothing of hurting the other. Make it so bad, some people are proud to be hurtful to others. I don't blame her friend for not talking to her; I wouldn't either. Her friend doesn't respect her foul nature because she doesn't want to associate with slimy people. As the old adage goes: You are the company you keep; If you associate with crooks, you're one by association. "He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!!" Ok, I thought when a woman cheats, she cheats on a higher caliber man. The man she's cheating with isn't much of a catch according to her, but he's handsome. This woman has no respect for her marriage, let alone her husband. If the husband is smart, he will x out the counseling idea and beat her to the punch with filing for divorce. Infidelity of ANY kind is unforgivable. Who's to say the other man and her haven't already met, and got physical? She did mention wanting to move him in once she gets her own spot. He may be "foine" as she states, but she'll get tired of him living off her. Add his baby mama issues to the mix, and this is a recipe for disaster. I hope she knows what she's doing. Is she prepared for any baby mama drama? We'll soon find out.



Dating: 2 FOR $20 (Applebee's, Chili's)

 

When you ask someone out on a date, and you don't want your pockets to suffer, you can't go wrong with a $2 for $20 at Applebee's. Chili's has a similar deal, so whatever place is your preference, enjoy yourself. Best of all, many men wouldn't mind coming out of pocket for a woman with this kind of special. If someone has a problem with this, they're not the one. You share an appetizer, and get two full entrees all for $20. If my lady and I are going out one evening to dinner & a movie, I'd take advantage of this deal. Nobody has time to spent ridiculous amounts of money on dinner & a movie. I'm very frugal with my finances, because I just can't see going to a 5 star restaurant and paying $100 or so on dinner. It's not like you get a generous portion of food. If you do dinner & a movie, you're going to spend more than $20, I'm just saying. The cost increases if you live in a major city (Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Dallas, Houston, etc.). I do notice a difference in big-city women and women from medium-sized cities. Big-City women have more expensive tastes, and they expect a man to drop stacks for them even though she may not see herself with him long-term. A man and woman live in Chicago, and he asks her out on a date. The man & woman are both investment bankers at a major finance firm in Chicago. He asks her on a date, and she agrees. They both are making bank, so money isn't a thing. The guy is very frugal with his finances, and doesn't see a need to have expensive taste. The only expensive thing he owns is his 2014 Infiniti that he paid for in cash. On date night, the man & woman introduce themselves and they go to Applebee's for a 2 for $20 special. The woman isn't pleased because she thought he was taking her someplace nice. Because he asked her on a date, he had power to choose where they went for dinner. Besides, he's paying so I don't know what her deal is. They're having good conversation, and she starts loosening up. After dinner, he leaves the tip and they're on their way. The moral of this message is this: No date should cost more than $20, and if it does...offer to go dutch.

Daddy's Girl

 

I'm going to offend some folks, but I don't care who slighted. Just like women don't mess with mama's boys, we men don't/shouldn't seek out Daddy's Girls. Think about it: A woman runs to daddy as soon as she gets in a bind, because she knows Daddy will bail her out. How many fathers you know teach their girls to stand on their own? Very few, if any. Fathers pamper their daughters, and she grows up seeking a man just like Daddy. The whole Daddy's Girl mantra is not a good look, AT ALL. If mama's boys are frowned upon, Daddy's Girls should be frowned on as well. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear Daddy's Girl? A woman that's close to her father. She measures her husband based on the bar set by her father. If her father is honest, hardworking/ambitious, God fearing, that's who she wants in her husband. Let me expose the double standard: A woman living with her parents is going through a bad time, but a man living with his parents is considered a bum. Why is that? Men are expected to be able to survive on their own, we're not supposed to ask for help. If a man needs help, it's a last resort. He will exhaust all options before he finally asks for help. Women need a little more help being independent, which is why they're usually the last to move on their own. Should I choose parenthood, my job is to raise responsible children. My daughter wouldn't get any special treatment. I'd show her how a man should treat her based on affection shown to mom, & raise her to be independent so she wouldn't have to come to me for everything. My daughter wouldn't be thinking about boyfriends, she would be about her education. Should she find a suitable man, I meet him first to see what he's about. Out of all these skeezers, what makes my daughter special? Understand this, he hurts her, I hurt him. My princess will understand what it takes to keep a man happy. In my view, some Daddy's Girls are dependent on dad. If dad cuts her off financially, she beomces desprate to make it. She's never had to earn her way in life, because everyhing she ever wanted & needed was given to her by Daddy. Here's the Irony: Mama's boy is frowned upon because many mothers equip their sons with skills to be HER man. That's no different than a Daddy's Girl because he's teaching her how to be HIS man. If a man's getting to know his woman, he wants to be #1 in her life. With dad in the picture, that's going to be difficult because he's competing with her father to win her heart. I can understand why many men don't want Daddy's Girls, because she expects her man to be just like daddy. I will say this: A woman who grew up with her father knows how to relate to men. She recognizes a good man because that's what she saw growing up. A woman growing up without a dad may not know how to deal with men because she's never had that influence. She carries on being disrespectful towards men, until one claps back and checks her. There's pros & cons to dating a Daddy's Girl.



Real Men Do...(Insert Here)

 

Ladies,
 If you have never been with a real man, don't know how to treat a real man, don't know how to act around a real man and don't know how to submit to a real man, DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT A REAL MAN IS OR ISN'T. A real quality man knows what he needs to do and must do. If you aren't being a quality lady, you will never know what he is.
 

Too many females are saying, "A real man would...", "A real man needs to...", "A real man better...", but you aren't playing your part in being a real, quality woman. It's funny how so many females who supposedly know what a real man is... are single and bitter. Do you not see the problem?
 

Ladies, worry about being a real, quality lady instead of focusing on what a real man should or shouldn't do. When you meet him, you will know. But if you have yet to meet him, work on you. Be the best you, a high caliber lady before you ever talk about what a real man is. It's a new year, let's get it together!

~Dahlia

 

My View: The following Public Service Announcement was made by Dahlia of How To Be A Woman. How To Be A Woman is one of the most popular Facebook pages on social media. Daily lady lessons are taught by Lotus and Dahlia. I stand with these two women because they bring much-needed wisdom to today's women. Onto today's message: Women love to spout real man rhetoric like it's gospel. "A real man respects women, a real man refers to women as queens, no matter how they act, etc." First off, a woman has no right dictating what a real man should do, because she's not a MAN. It's like a man telling a woman how to be a woman. Never mind there are hundreds of Facebook pages telling women how to be women, but that's beside the point. A woman's definition of a real man is coming from a bitter place. For example, a real man refers to women as queens, even if she is ratchet. A queen is a woman who carries herself in high regard, because she's an extension of her king. If a so-called queen is acting ratchet, she demotes herself to the common hoodrat. A ratchet woman has no right to call herself a queen if she's not acting as such. When I hear a woman telling what real men do, it's coming from a biased place: In a roundabout way, she's telling men what real men do in order to emasculate him. How stupid does it sound for a man telling a woman how to be something she's naturally (or should be)? Sounds foolish huh? Exactly, that's how many men feel when a woman tries to tell him about his gender. A man has a better understanding of what real men do because he's a man. It's only fair that men make real men statements because they hold more weight coming from a man than women. Sure, some women may have merit in what they say about real men, but a man's experiences trump her view on what a real man is all about.

Not Easily Broken: I Feel Trapped

 

Aside from a conversation with a friend, I got the inspiration for this post from the movie Not Easily Broken. Not Easily Broken is a powerful movie because it shows the highs & lows of marriage (infidelity, arguments, etc). Anyone who has been married for over a decade can tell you they've had their share of ups & downs. Towards the end of the movie, Dave Johnson (Morris Chestnut) faces temptation when he consoles a widow whose son died during a swim meet. At some point, couples will feel trapped in marriage. The question is: What do you do when you feel trapped in marriage? A couple has been married 40 years until the husband suffers 3 massive strokes. One stroke is bad enough, but 3 massive strokes? One stroke could take out most people, but anyone who's lived through 3 massive strokes, and a heart valve can tell you that was God. Only God can sustain someone through all that. As a result, his entire brain is affected. He has trouble speaking, he's mad at the world and takes it out on his wife. His entire personality has changed, and with good reason. Anybody's demeanor would change if they've been through that kind of hell, let's keep it 100. Because of this, the husband is disabled. He can't do what he did before, so he's dependent on his wife. To take some of the pressure off the wife, the daughter decides to move in with her parents to help care for her father. She's distraught from seeing her dad's health deterioriate. Women are emotional creatures, so it doesn't take much for them to shed tears. I was telling my friend that a man's identity is being able to do for self. If he's dependent on someone to care for him, that's not a good look for him because pride won't allow him to ask for help. The wife must be able to anticipate what he needs, and when he needs it. For someone with deterioriating health, you never know what's going to happen so you have to be on stand-by. It's understandable that a single mom caring for aging parents has her own obligations, and many parents are understanding of that. When you get married, you take vows of for better or worse, sickness & health, rich or poor, etc. You don't have time to be "trapped". If you feel trapped in marriage, you shouldn't be married. It's one thing to have cold feet prior to marriage; it's another to feel trapped in marriage. Mess like this makes me NOT want marriage because if I'm going to get married, I know what I'm getting into. Who's to say that my future wife (should I decide on marriage) is going to feel the same way? I don't know. Did (S)he feel trapped during the honeymoon phase? No. Of course (s)he wouldn't feel trapped during the honeymoon because everything's sweet. When one spouse falls ill, we'll see how that works out. Much of your day is spent caring for an ill spouse, they're pissed at you for their failing health even if you had nothing to do with it. It takes A LOT of love & patience to stick by an irritable spouse. I don't care what nobody says: If you've been through 3 massive strokes & a replaced heart valve, your personality would change too. Maybe not to the degree of being mad at the world and going in on your spouse, but your demeanor would change significantly. Being disabled, and having to depend on your spouse for basic necessities is a lot for any couple. People must know what they're getting into when they say "I Do". 





New Year, NOT New You

It's January 1, 2014. Each new year brings new beginnings. The time to let go of the old, and bring in the new. A recent catchphrase has been popularized, and it's "New Year, New Me" Every year, you read tweets and Facebook statuses that read New Year, New Me. I'm not one to judge, because I truly believe some people act on the New Year, New Me phrase. There are those who say it just to hear themselves talk. You talk that New Year, New Me garbage, but 9 times out of 10, you're going to be the same when 2014 ends. Let me explain: How many people can honestly say they've said New Year, New Me and ACTED on it? *Crickets* Ok, so if you're not committed to becoming a new person, why say New Year, New Me? I know, because it sounds good. It sounds good when you utter a phrase because it inspires motivation to want to improve. The problem lies when some people act it, but they can't back it. As I have gotten older, (and I would like to think wiser) I have realized that I have not, nor do I currently understand this “new year new me” phenomenon. I ponder if at the stroke of midnight, people will start morphing before my eyes into these super productive, ultra skinny, money saving, non-partying, you fill in the blank people before my eyes, and the reality is that nothing happens at all. In fact, according to the Journal of Clinical Psychology, (University of Scranton) only 8% of people are successful at achieving the resolutions they set for the new year. What does that tell you? The other 92% of people talk a good game. I understand things happen, but if you can't back it up, please don't speak it. It's not a good look to say New Year, New Me and do nothing to make that a reality.