Follow The Leader: By Nojma Reflects

Ummm yeah...I'm not that bitch, your bitch, to my female friends even if we tight like glue, I can't be a bitch, even if you're playing. I'm not gonna be your side chick, your jump off, your throw back, your side piece, your mistress,your silly hoe, your side hoe, any type of hoe, I'm not gonna be a 1, 2, 3, or however many years girlfriend, I'm not gonna give you the access code to my womb "just because".....you want the benefits of a wife....then you have to WIFE me. I don't mean calling me your wifey, telling your homeboys ay yo this is wifey right here, if you want your future reproduced and secured through ME, then you're gonna officially make me your wife. I'm not bending nor compromising on that. In another words "I aint taking no shorts!". See how easy it is when you set requirements. I keep trying to tell you, there is NO ONE that can teach you how to respect me, love me and treat me LIKE ME.

#FollowTheLeader

 

My View: I've gotten away from sharing Sister Nojma's Facebook messages, but this one was too good NOT to share. She's serving a wake-up call to men who would come at her sideways, and think they're being affectionate. If you're going to approach a woman, do it RIGHT or not at all. Too often, women give wife benefits to undeserving men, then want to get upset when he doesn't stay around. As much as I feel bad for these women who have been played by no-good men, I believe people do what one allows. Simply put, if a man disrespects a woman, she allowed it. No questions asked. I liked her perspective on being a wife. If you want wife benefits, make her your wife. I mean, you have couples checking in like husband & wife, washing each other's clothes, sexing each other, cooking for each other, doing everything a married couple does, EXCEPT that couple is unmarried. In today's world, that's called shacking up. Shacking up is not just co-habitation between an umarried couple, it can also mean unmarried couples who live together THAT give each other husband & wife benefits. In order for a woman to garner respect from her man, SHE has to show him how to respect her. If he's not willing to wife her, she needs to cancel his butt. The level of love and respect you have for yourself, is the level that will be given to you (man and/or woman). Some of these men do need to tighten up, calling women wifey when they aren't married to these women.



Remove The Speck From Your Eye

Everywhere you go, you get people who dole out correction, but can't take their own medicine. Many times, those doling out correction are no better than the person they're chastising. How can you correct someone, and you don't have your stuff together? That's nonsensical. Facebook is a good example of this: Everyone has a Facebook account, which means they receive invites to groups based on common interest(s). Relationship groups often have men & women who are passionate about relationship affairs. Men give their ideal woman, women give their ideal man. Where things get heated between the sexes is when you have some men who chastise women because she's not acting like a woman is supposed to. True, you're supposed to check someone if they're making your gender look bad. At the same time, people are grown; they are going to do what they want. If someone wants to make a fool of themselves, let them. Sad to say, many people have no shame in acting any kind of way. If you're going to check someone, make sure you're on point yourself. Otherwise, you look crazy pointing out someone's flaws, but you have 'em yourself. I try not to judge people, because I remember I'm not perfect myself. We're all a work in progress, myself included. Show me a perfect person, and I'll show you a liar. The only perfect person was Jesus. Back to my relationship example: Relationships are breeding grounds for people to give their $.02 on how a man/woman should conduct themself, so they are attractive to another person. Let's be honest, first impressions are everything. Someone's view of you is determined in the first 5-10 minutes of conversation. Women have a penchant for telling a man how he thinks, when her perspective of a man is flawed (even if she grew up with stand-up men in her life: father, brother, uncle, etc). When a man is imparting manly wisdom to a woman, his perspective is far more valid because HE'S A MAN. Just like women understand each other, men understand each other. If you're a flawed man, and you're chastising a woman on her behavior, make sure you're not guilty of the very thing you get on her about. The same goes for women. Some women like to say men are dogs; well, she laid down with that "dog" so what does that make her?

Public Service Announcement

At first glance, thirsty men are going to think "I'd love to drink her bathwater, or ask her to call them (knowing that will never happen). Here's my favorite: I want to get next to her". These men kill me with their thirst. For those of you who don't know her, her name is Tiara Harris. She's from San Francisco and has her own photo website. I'm not going to lie, she is very shapely & attractive. Unlike a lot of men, I don't go goo goo ga ga over attractive women. At most, I'll think to myself "she's attractive", and go about my business. Attractive women like Tiara get hundreds of compliments everyday, so she's used to it. I'm going somewhere with this, so wait for it...wait for it...ACTION: Many black men describe her as the ideal woman; she's curvy and has a nice smile. Bel Biv Devoe made a song for women like this, and it's called Poison. Never trust a big butt & smile. It baffles me that some men find this kind of woman hot, but catch feelings when she plays them. Going further, these men have the audacity to label all black women as not being about nothing. Well, nobody told you to check for her curves & cute face. When people want the ideal black woman, they look her up. These dudes admire this woman with pictures of her cooch all over the internet. This is the woman they would kill to be with, then she plays them like the fools they are, because every man will want her, and there will always be someone with deeper pockets. Then they get on FB talking about black women ain't crap. I'm convinced that men don't know how to look past a woman's curves & cute face, and focus on her character.



Quick Trigger

Everyone has a quick trigger when it comes to dealing with certain people. No matter who you meet, you're going to have triggers that will cause you not to deal with certain people. There's nothing wrong with that because not everyone is meant to be in your life permanently. If you see an early sign of something you can't deal with, you bounce them out of your life. I call this, One Strike & You're Out. In baseball, you have 3 strikes before you're out. You're given 3 chances to hit a homerun, and after the 3rd strike, if you haven't hit the ball, you're going back to the dugout. Is it bad to cancel people out after the first offense? That depends. Life experiences cause us to view the world differently. If someone has been hurt a lot by so-called loved ones, then it behooves them to be cautious about who they let into their life. Most likely, if you see the signs, it could mean a lot later in life. What I mean is that if there are habitual negatives without improvement, write them off. Nobody wants dead weight in their life. You can only work with those who want help. I say, give people a shot to prove themselves. Let them have 3 shots to prove themselves. The first transgression, reprimad; Second screw up, warning followed up by probation. The third time, termination. This process ensures you have given the person 3 times to correct the behavior. Sometimes, it's good to have a quick trigger for foolishness, but ask yourself: How many have stuck by you in your mess? *Crickets* When you flip the script, you'll get silence. While you should believe someone when they show you their true colors, you also don't want to be too cautious that you leave no room for new experiences.

Peace In Your Home

Home should be the ONE PLACE where you have peace. If you can't or don't have peace in your home, something is wrong. Let me explain: When you leave your home, you don't know what you're up against. You could have a good or bad day, you just don't know. Much of life is external, meaning that whatever happens is out of our control. One way you can keep peace in your home is by pleading yourself under the blood of Jesus, that he will shield you from the societal crap around you and your loved ones. Once you do that, everything will be alright. People do enough battle outside their home, but when they get home from a rough day, the LAST thing they want is more warfare. Nobody has time for that. Look at your spouse, is (s)he welcoming you with opening arms after you come home frustrated? A man has had a bad day, and when he comes home, the last thing he wants to deal with is his woman adding more foolishness; nobody has time for that. The same applies for a woman. When she's had a rough day, she wants to come home to peace & quiet. It's on her man to put her at ease by rubbing her feet, pampering her how she wants, etc. You can have peace in your home, and have disagreements. Peace comes from how you two handle the issues after it happens. My home is peaceful, but sometimes disagreements come with situations. I believe most people have poor communication skills, which explains why some couples are trying to be right, instead of understand the other person's Point Of View. I said all of that to say this: Evaluate the people who come into your home. If they're coming to your home to start mess, x them out immediately. Your home is your castle, only YOU determine what goes on there.

A Tragic Situation

This is today's Strawberry Letter from the Steve Harvey Morning Show:

 

Letter: Hi Steve and the Morning Show: I am in a tragic situation, and I don't know what to do about it. I am engaged to be married in a few months, and I am sleeping with a married man. I love my fiance with all my heart, but I'm falling in love with this married man. Granted, I do tell my fiance what bothers me and what makes me unhappy, but he's so busy it goes through one ear and out the other. When I am with this man, he makes me feel like I am the only person in the world. Something my fiance is lacking because he is busy all the time. I am realistic though because I don't want him to leave his wife, nor am i going to leave my fiance. I know that what I am doing is dead wrong, but it feels so right. Honestly, I want to tell him so we can work through our issues, because I don't want to go into my marriage with this lie. One lie leads to many more. I suggest that we go to counseling, and put God in our relationship. It kills me everyday to look at him and know what I am doing. The worst part is he has no clue because I always keep it cool. The big question is will he be able to forgive me for what I have done. It's a big mess. I have always asked God for a good man, then I finally get one and this is what I do. Believe me, I know if the roles were switched, there would not be anything he could say for me to forgive him so I know how he is going to feel. I just don't want my fiance to be hurt. I am willing to do anything to fix this, and make this right but I don't know where to start.

 

My Response: She doesn't want her fiance to be hurt? Really? Too late for that, because he already is. For her sake, she better hope he doesn't find out because if so, she might wind up on First 48. Just because he's busy gives her no right to be a loose heifer and sleep with another man, A MARRIED MAN at that. Unfortunately, sorry women like her usually end up with good men, and the good men become jaded from being done wrong, so they take it out on good women. This chick kills me calling this a tragic situation. Leave the married man alone, and seek counseling anyway, then tell your fiance how you feel. I can't tell his investment because she was too busy trying to justify what she was doing. Also, God should have been in this relationship from the beginning, not just months away from getting married. He could be busy all the time because he's trying to make extra money to pay for the wedding. Did she think about that? Probably not. Most women are focused on their man not being there for her, when there's a good reason why. Between work & extracurricular activities, most couples are lucky to get a few hours to themselves. She wants a pass for her transgression, but if he cheated on her behind her back, she would dump him and not turn back. It's going to be a tragic situation for her if he finds out; there's no telling what he will do. Some women DO NOT deserve a good man, because it's obvious many of them don't know what to do with a good one.



ABSENTEE FATHER: "Dead Beat Dad or Sorry Mother"

The following commentary from Jai Duval is brutally honest & contains profanity, so excuse the cuss words. This needs to be told straight, no chaser.

 

 

 

I am just about TIRED of the EXCUSES that WEAK, NO BACKBONE, PATHETIC single and married males ALLOW females to use due to THEIR irresponsible and inappropriate SEXUAL behavior. Why is the MAJORITY afraid to simply tell it like it is?

By the way, THE LOVING MOTHER posted her child's face on the internet and I decided to hide the identity. As usual, here is ANOTHER FEMALE that will even USE HER CHILD to get back at a man for HER irresponsible actions.

[DISCLAIMER]

This DOES NOT APPLY to mentally retarded females that are incapable of making rational decisions.

This DOES NOT APPLY to females who have been forcibly ABDUCTED, continuously RAPED until she conceives and gets pregnant, KEPT CAPTIVE until child birth and then the male simply ABANDONS her and the child or children.

This DOES NOT APPLY to females with a child or children who's father is not present due to unfortunate and uncontrollable circumstances (criminals incarcerated or died due to their activity does not count)

This DOES APPLY to every other female regardless of race, color, creed, religion, education or economic status that the above does not apply to.

[END OF DISCLAIMER]

Anyone that knows me know that I have a GENUINE concern for decent people be it adult or child. I am especially concerned about a child's development such that they grow up with a positive attitude thus becoming a respectful and productive member of society.

[EXCERPT FROM ANOTHER POST]

Oprah Winfrey’s recent series, "Life Class - Fatherless Sons".

Sadly, the United States leads the world in fatherless families, with one-third of American children growing up without their biological father. Nearly 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their dad during the past year, and more than half of all fatherless children have never been in their dad's presence or home.

If you had the opportunity to view Oprah’s "Fatherless Sons" episode, you would have witnessed the deep anger, hurt and emptiness that was so evident on the faces of the 150 men in her audience.

[MATURE QUESTIONS]

1. ARE WE GOING TO SIMPLY SAY THAT FEMALES ARE INCAPABLE OF MAKING MATURE and RESPONSIBLE DECISIONS? I can go along with that IF she publicly states, "I am incapable of making responsible decisions when it comes to sexual behavior and therefore I can't be blamed for getting knocked up by some dead beat that just want some pussy".

2. WHY ARE THESE SONS FATHERLESS? Has anyone bothered to examine HER behavior and just maybe it was LEAVE or GET ARRESTED FOR BEATING HER TRIFLING and VIOLENT ASS?

3. WHY ISN'T HER POOR CHOICE IN A MAN THE REASON? The dead beat male (which there are many) seems to be the perfect EXCUSE to divert from her choice in him.

4. WHY ISN'T SHE BEING QUESTIONED REGARDING RESPONSIBLE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR? There are more than enough methods available to prevent pregnancy and there is the "Plan-B" pill to increase her chances of preventing conception.

[EXPECTATIONS]

I do EXPECT mature, responsible women (that are concerned about children) to realize that THEY DO have CONTROL over the types of males THEY WILLINGLY CHOOSE to engage in responsible or irresponsible sexual behavior with.

I do EXPECT scandalous, immature, irresponsible Ho's and Bitches (that don't give a shit about anyone but themselves) to argue with me therefore it would be a waste of time trying to make my point with them.

I do EXPECT the RETARDED females to MAYBE argue with me but I understand their lack of ability to comprehend fully therefore it would be a waste of time trying to make my point with them.

 

 My $.02: I co-sign & pay the full note with interest on this! It's funny how men are crucified for being deadbeats, but if some women don't take responsibility for their child(ren), she gets sympathy: She doesn't have the funds, where is the father, etc. It must be great to be a woman in today's society: You get immunity, and special treatment. You know something, getting some women to take responsibility for their poor choice in men is too much like right, and we all know women are Daddy's Little Girls, raised to feel as though they can do no wrong. Many women don't object to the favor shown them because they benefit. Why would you object to special treatment? That would be silly. In the end, it's the child who suffers because in cases with boys, a mother CANNOT teach a boy how to be a man. She can teach him aspects of manhood: Responsibility, loyalty, respect, and independence, but she will never be able to impart manly wisdom. Only a man can teach a boy about manhood, just like mothers can only teach daughters how to become women. Sadly, the United States leads the world in fatherless families, with one-third of American children growing up without their biological father. Nearly 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their dad during the past year, and more than half of all fatherless children have never been in their dad's presence or home. I feel like this: Just like men are expected to take responsibility for getting a woman pregnant, women should be held accountable the same way for letting him get up in her cooch.