Asking The Tough Questions

Why are couples afraid to ask tough questions in their relationship? I've never understood that. You're supposed to ask the hard questions to see where the relationship is going. I don't know about anyone else but if I get involved with a woman, I'm asking the hard questions off top (and I expect the same in return) because I want to see where her head is at. How you answer tough questions determines the relationship length. If one or both people beat around the bush, that says they aren't strong enough to tackle the hard issues in a relationship. If your partner gets offended when you ask them meaty questions, that's their problem. That's also a red flag that shouldn't be taken lightly. If I'm taking on a woman to be my future wife, wouldn't it make sense to ask the hard questions? I think so because you get a better understanding of who they are by their responses. If they aren't honest in their responses, chances are they won't be honest when it counts. I won't trust a woman that's afraid to ask me the hard questions and here's the catch...I EXPECT HER TO AND VICE VERSA. When a couple isn't afraid to ask the hard questions, that tells me their relationship will last because they are able to navigate the rough waters of life together. I was listening to Bishop Jakes "Before You Do" Series and he was spot on with his information. Asking tough questions requires 3 components: Research, Interrogate and Verify. When you want to know something about a person, you do investigative research into their background to get an idea of how their history has shaped them into who they are today. After you research, you interrogate him/her because you want to be sure you know what you're getting into before you proceed further. The verification is the last step in getting to know your mate because he/she is able to help you better understand them by clearing the air about any given information.



Meeting The Ex

I've thought it strange that a man/woman engaged or in a relationship with their mate would feel a need to meet their ex for dinner. Why? You and your ex didn't work out so THAT relationship should be left alone. Meeting an ex raises so many red flags that it could mean (s)he is trying to see if they still have a chance of reuniting or they could have unfinished business and need closure. You shouldn't have to meet your ex in order to get closure, the closure should've been received at the final conversation. There's too many red flags because your current mate could think you and your ex are still seeing each other even though you mentioned it's over between you two. Otherwise, there's no reason for an engaged or taken person to meet their ex for dinner. For example: A man and woman are engaged to be married, both are coming from previous relationships. Those relationships didn't give them the needed closure so they look up their ex's in hopes of receiving the necessary closure. The couple's exes keep their meetings on the low for a while but things start to fall apart: so-called working late, unusual clothing attire, etc. You can keep things on the low for so long before you're exposed so honesty is the best policy. Be straight with your man or woman that you're going to meet your ex for closure. They may be upset (rightfully so) and want to know why but as long as you lay it on the table that you need official closure from the previous relationship, they should be ok. If you're with your man or woman and you plan on building a life with them, your ex should be just that, YOUR EX. Whatever closure you did (or didn't) receive, let it go and focus on the present & future, not the past. If I'm with a woman, she's getting ALL of me. I'm not looking for closure from my ex because I'm thinking she's my ex, that's all the closure I need. Doesn't matter why we didn't work out, it's just that our bond didn't make it. That's ok because except for a select few, all relationships aren't meant to last.

Strength In Weakness

As humans, we project strength at all times (as we should). Nobody wants to be weak because in weakness you're not at your best. When you're not at your best, you can't focus like you normally do when you're at full strength. Weakness is synonymous with vulnerability. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (Message) states: ^7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me: My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength come into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. Easier said than done right? Of course. The hardest things are never easy, nor are they supposed to be. When you're born with good health & fortune, you should be thankful because there are people who are less fortunate than you that would trade places quickfast. Everyone should be thankful for good health & fortune, why would anyone want failing health and poverty? That's silly but unfortunately we live in a fallen world so these things are prevalent. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for people who are born blessed because they don't have to worry about anything for the most part. I believe when you're born flawless, you tend to be cocky because you've never had to go through anything, you look down on others less fortunate than yourself and most of all, you don't know how to relate to ALL people, especially those who didn't have the same start as you. I know it's tough to embrace weakness because as stated before, being weak is equal to vulnerability. You want to appear as though you have it together when on the surface it may be true but deep down, you're going through hell but you just don't want anyone to know. This is Richard talking: I know who and what I am, what I stand for. I march to the beat of my drum and I honestly don't care what other people think or say about me. If someone plays no major role in my life, I let their idiotic comments roll off my back like shower water. Are they paying my bills, putting clothes on my back & food on my table? Negative. It takes more strength to embrace your flaws than it does to celebrate your strengths.

Giving Your Best To The Wrong Person

Marvin's Motivational Moment: "Relationship Fact" Your best efforts will never be enough when your best efforts are being wasted on the wrong person. This was shared with me by a Facebook friend and it's in line with what I feel about relationships: Both men & women should take their time getting to know one another. In getting to know one another, you find out critical components of their personality such as their life outlook, ambition, spirituality, etc. If any of those are out of whack, proceed with caution. The reason why many people get their hearts broken is because they give their best to the wrong person. Why would you give your best to an unworthy person? That's crazy. If you're the person you want to attract then it would behoove you to be selective. Being selective ensures you attract the perfect person for YOU; that doesn't mean (s)he doesn't have faults, it simply means the person you picked up is suited to YOU. Your best efforts will be enough when they are used on the right person and when they are used on Mr(s) Right, that makes for a beautiful union. I don't know about anyone else but for me, I'm not giving my best to the wrong person. The reason I made that statement is because if I'm the person I want to attract or I'm working on becoming who I want to attract, why would I get involved with Ms. Wrong? That's silly. A woman isn't a project for me; I don't have time to fix her up to my specifications. If she's not on point for me and I for her, there's no need for us to be together. If more people used Marvin Sapp's relationship fact as a screening tool, everyone could find a compatible mate and there wouldn't be a need for failed relationships before he/she FINALLY gets it. When you give your best to the wrong person, you're destined for heartbreak, but when you give your best to the right person, your relationship will soar into the heavens. Not everybody is worthy of your best. Your best should be reserved for those who will reciprocate.

Standing Up For Righteousness

Unless you've been living under a rock, everyone has heard of the flak Chick-Fil-A COO/President has gotten for standing up for his belief. I applaud Dan Cathy for being one of the few Christian leaders that stood up for his belief. God's people are commanded to stand for righteousness and Mr. Cathy did just that. The comments that got him in hot water were as follows: "I think we are inviting God's judgment by telling God we know better than him what marriage should be about. We have such a prideful/arrogant view of marriage that gay marriage is simply a slap in the face of what God intended." Ok...I don't see the fuss in that comment because it was right on; God set marriage to be one man & woman and gay marriage is in violation of that. I'm not hating on gays & lesbians. They are people just like you and I but as a Christian, I can't & won't support gay marriage. Honestly, more Christian leaders need to grow balls and stand up for their beliefs but noooooo, they are shook by opposition so they keep quiet while foolishness reigns supreme. The Bible says wickedness prevails when the righteous do nothing. On a side note, I like Chick-Fil-A and eat there twice a year. I didn't read one hateful statement from Mr. Cathy, he was simply stating his belief that God designed marriage to be between one man & woman. It's funny how you're accepted when your views line up with the majority but when you speak out, you lose fame & fortune. I'd rather lose fame & fortune than co-sign foolishness. I have to sleep at night & I'd rather sleep good knowing I stood for right than co-sign foolishness just to be "in the clique" Not many people have Dan Cathy's backbone. They would stand for their beliefs in private but cower under pressure in public. Chick-Fil-A is a Christian-owned restaurant that has a 65-year history. They are open Monday-Saturday and closed Sundays so they can allow their employees to worship. It's crazy how God's people are called hatemongerers, homophobic, etc. when they stand for righteousness. I respect those who stand behind their beliefs in private & public, regardless of opposition. It takes guts to stand behind your beliefs in the face of brutal opposition. The irony of this controversy is that gays can push their agenda but when Dan Cathy and other likeminded people push theirs, those who stand for morality are called intolerant, hateful, bigoted, etc. Do you see the hypocrisy in this? If gays can push their agenda (even though many won't agree), then Christians should have the same right (which they do) and not be ridiculed for standing up for what's right.



Men Retreating From Their Lady

Every man wants their woman to hold him down in the rough times, right? Right. Who wouldn't want a man/woman that has their back when the going gets tough? The following question was posed to me by a friend: Why do men withdraw from women they are closest to when they're going through things, but find time to get on facebook? Is it because they are ashamed? My response was as follows: It can be due to shame but it has more to do with pride. Most men don't want to seem weak in front of their woman so they feel they have to be strong 24-7. If a man has to withdraw from his woman in order to get his mind right, that's what he will do. Many men don't want to burden their woman with his problems so that's why most men deal with their issue(s) on their own. When life gets rough (and it will), every man wants a lady that has his back. It takes a lot for a man to open up and when a man feels good about his woman to open up to her, she IS NOT to undermine him in any way because that could damage the relationship. Most women want a strong man (rightfully so) but the strongest men break down from time to time; it doesn't make him less of a man, it means he's human. Men deal with issues differently than women. If women have an issue, they usually talk it out with each other because women are used to dealing with their emotions. With men, it's the opposite. Depending on the man, he will deal with the issue(s) straight up and keep moving. You have some men that deal with problems by going away to clear their heads and that's fine; different strokes for different folks. If I'm in a relationship with my lady and I had a lot on my mind, my first instinct would be to bring it to God and then my woman, if I choose to. Once I get alone, I'm able to resolve most, if not all my problems because the solitude helps me sort things out. I feel it's at least common courtesy to say I need some alone time but dont just single one person out ESP when they are probably one of the few people that genuinely care about you. Everyone needs to be MIA at times in order to get their mind right. Not all the time do we need others to get us through. If a man doesn't feel comfortable telling his woman what's on his mind, that's a sign he needs to get rid of her.

Men Vs. Women: Submission To God

When it comes to hearing from God, women blow men out of the water. I'm being honest. That's not to say that men don't hear from God because they do..it's just that women are more in tune with God because in many families, women are the prayer warriors. They are the ones seeking God on behalf of their family. As much as I appreciate all the prayer warrior women, men need to step their game up. After all, the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader and a spiritual leader takes on the responsibility for those under him. If a man is the head like God ordained, HE'S the one that should be the prayer warrior for his family, not his wife. Another thing I've noticed is that women are more likely to surrender to God because they know he knows what's best. Men will fight tooth & nail with God until they get to a point where they allow God to do his thing. Until now, I've never understood why men have a harder time surrendering to God. Is it ego/pride? Yes, among other things. When a man surrenders to God, he acknowledges he doesn't have all the answers. That is the hardest thing for a man to do is admit he doesn't know everything. Men want to feel like they have the answers for every issue that comes up and if they don't, they feel inadequate. Women don't have this issue because they are secure in themselves to know they can count on God for things they don't understand. Men need to realize that God knows all, and they can come to him for answers to life's many challenges. The revelation a man gets from God, he can pass down to his family. If anything, a man's wife will have a deeper appreciation for him because he took time to seek God for wisdom on how to be the man for his family that God called him to be. Much of what God does falls on the man. Women may surrender first but when a man surrenders to God, amazing things happen! A God-fearing man is a force to be reckoned with.