Nice Isn't Enough

Ask anyone what they look for in a man/woman and the first thing that comes to mind is "a nice guy" or "a nice woman". Sounds good right? Right, until you really start getting to know him/her. What I'm getting at is just because a man or woman is nice, doesn't mean they're right for you. It takes more than being nice to make a relationship work. A couple has to be in sync for a relationship to work. Just because a person is nice doesn't mean that you should be in a relationship with them. They could be nice with no goals and ambition, they could be nice and make stupid decisions. So being a nice person is important when coupled with other important attributes. On the other hand, you have ambitious people with personality/character flaws whereas you have a nice person that's content at their level but wants to do right by you. It boils down to what one will/won't accept. I have standards like the next person but if I meet a God-sent woman who's on my level but is lacking in some areas, I'll work with her on where she's lacking because I believe in helping my lady be the best she can be in all areas of her life. They could have the looks, the fat bankroll and all of the material trappings, but are morally, spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. Being nice is a wonderful trait to have if it's combined with other important character traits. A man does everything for his woman to get in her good graces which is good but over time, she may start outgrowing him because she's wondering if there's more to this guy than just being nice. She enjoys the benefit(s) but doesn't want the person. He was led to believe he would have a future with her. Here's a classic line most men & women use: "You're a nice man/woman but you're not the one for me". Nice isn't enough, more has to be brought to the table in order for a happy relationship. There will be someone who appreciates a nice person for who they are, not what they can become, or what benefits they provide.

Doing God's bidding

This commentary is titled "Doing God's Bidding." What does Doing God's bidding entail? It's simple. Anytime you try to alter God's intended purpose, you're trying to do God's bidding and you can't do that. Many times Christians (myself included) pray according to their selfish desires and not according to God's will. Yes, God wants us to present our requests but our prayers have to line up with his purpose. True, he will answer our prayers (that's good) but he usually answers in a way that's far better than we could ever imagine or he gives us a different answer. Whether we like the answer is irrelevant to God. Why do people try to alter God's plans & ways? Is it because deep down they don't trust him to have their best interest in mind? I think that's it because some people feel they know themselves better than God and by trying to alter his outcome, it gives them the upper hand. It may work for a moment, but in the end God will ALWAYS call the shots. It kills me when people try to argue with God, knowing they're not going to win. God calls the shots so people need to roll with it or get rolled over. Yes, we will never understand why he does what he does or allows what he does but ultimately, it's for our own good and most of all, HIS GLORY. I'm continually learning this lesson. The sooner people realize that God's in control, the better off most of us will be. Besides, when we try to do it on our own we usually foul up and God cleans up our mess.

Embracing The Struggle

It's a given every man & woman wants someone on their level, there's nothing wrong with that. Would it be wrong for a man or woman to turn down their soulmate when they're trying to come up? Yes, we all want someone who has it together but there's something to be said for taking someone on while they are bettering themselves. You get to see them in action and give them a helping hand when they get discouraged. If I met a woman and I knew she was right for me, I would take her on while she's coming up because I could be her strength when she is weak. Once she makes it, I will get to share in her blessing because I was there when she had little and I will be there when she has much. I read a quote by Will Smith that said "If you were absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present for my success" It amazes me how some people want to take credit for another's blessing but they weren't around when (s)he was grinding day in & out to get where they want to be. You weren't there when at times they had to cry because setback after setback presented itself and they knew God wanted them to go this route but all of a sudden that person makes it and you're attracted to them. You get mad when he/she turns you down. You can uplift someone without having to struggle with them. The best way to uplift a person is to give them knowledge they can use to improve themselves, then once you see them progress maybe you can revisit a relationship with them. The problem with that is nobody's going to wait around for anyone to get themselves together. They either come into a relationship on point or not at all. It would be stupid to want to "carry" someone in a relationship. Nobody should have to carry ANYONE in relationships. This is why I plan on staying single for as long as possible because I want to be on point as much as possible so when Ms.Right comes into my life, we will be whole which makes us a power couple. Relationships are more successful when both people are on the same page. Being on the same page involves the man and woman being of one accord financially, spiritually and physically. If any one of those are out of alignment, the relationship may not last. It's disgusting to the DNA to look down on someone because of their occupation. So because a brother or sister works at McD's, they aren't relationship material? THAT'S FLAW. The most successful people were not born with a silver spoon, they have had humble beginnings. President Obama's FIRST job was an ice-cream scooper at Baskin Robbins in 1979. Women probably looked down on him back then and probably many of those same women are checking for him now. There are good women that will stand by a man and watch him come up; those are the good women a man is supposed to hold onto.

 

Putting Your Man or Woman Before Your Child(ren)

I can't fathom why any parent would put their desire for a man/woman ahead of their children. That's crazy to me. I read a FB status from a woman that was so bold to state she was giving up her child because she can't stand being alone. She said she would be disappointed but I doubt it. Anyway, no man or woman should put their desire for a mate above their children. That mate is gonna come & go, but your child(ren) will always be there. Your children were there before him or her. Women like that disgust me and then they wonder why no man wants them. A real man will not join with a woman that doesn't handle her parental business. If somebody is going to be that shallow to put their mate ahead of their child, they need Jesus. Some of the men are no better especially if they co-sign her. When it comes to children, they take precedence over a person's want/need for a mate. If it's meant for a single parent to be in a relationship, it will happen on God's time, not his/hers. The right mate who comes along will have to accept her & the children. That's why some single parents have a hard time finding suitable mates because the person refuses to accept the child(ren). They're ok with dating the man/woman, but they cannot accept the child(ren). You cannot have one without the other. Am I the only man in existence who wouldn't ask a woman to put me ahead of her kid(s)? I must be. Putting your mate ahead of your child(ren) leads to greater selfishness and may probably result in the relationship being over.

Continual Forgiveness

Question from a Facebook status: How forgiving would you be if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you? Would you forgive them and could you move on from that? What if you were married? I hope I never have to answer these questions should I get into a relationship because I will have clear-cut boundaries of what will & won't work. Should she leave because I enforce zero tolerance, that's her problem & not mine. If this happened to me, I would forgive her but I could never trust her again because trust is a sacred component in a relationship; once you break that trust, it can never be repaired and if so, it takes a LOT of work. Just because I would forgive her, doesn't mean I would take her back. I would have to release her because she couldn't respect our bond so why should I keep someone around that's going to suck the joy from my life? That's flaw. There are people that will forgive (as they should) and take a cheating person back. I know to each their own, but I think it's ridiculous to take a cheater back. By taking him/her back, you are sending a message that you accept their transgression and they have free will to hurt you again & again. Why give anyone that power? They showed their lack of committment to you via cheating so you have every right to cut them loose. It's no different in marriage. In marriage, you have for better or worse and while cheating counts as the "worse", it doesn't mean you have to excuse cheating behavior. I will never understand how some people can keep forgiving and taking back a cheating spouse. I would forgive a cheating spouse but the trust will never be the same. She would have to work doubly hard to regain my trust (if I took her back). It would depend on emotional level for me. Letting a person cheat on you shows your neediness & weakness because if you can overlook cheating, you will overlook what you need to confront. It's said that people entrust the other person with their heart when two people come together as one. Unlike some people, I take relationships very seriously. When I get with a woman, she will know off top that I only have eyes for HER. I could never cheat on my lady because of what it would do to her and me. This may be a little harsh but it needs to be said: If someone takes a cheater back, they deserve whatever further hurt the cheater is sure to unleash. The victim could've nipped it in the bud by forgiving him/her and then letting them loose.

The Grass Is Greener

I want to speak on the subject The Grass Is Greener. Everyone has heard this phrase at some point in their lives. It can be applied to every area of your life from finances to career and everything in between. The premise is you make more moves elsewhere than you would if you stayed in one spot.  I believe this statement because why stay in one spot and get nowhere when you can move to the other side and get further than you ever dreamed possible? I don't understand that. Some people are content with mediocrity and that's their choice. Not everyone desires to be successful; some people are content doing the minimum to get by. It's all good because I know who NOT to surround myself with. I've arrived at a place in life where I have more hustle to get where I want to be. If I have to cut some friends (or acquaintances) loose because they aren't walking the same road I am, so be it. In order to be successful, you have to surround yourself with likeminded people. If you have big dreams and see no opportunity in your hometown but you know you can make it somewhere else, the grass will be greener on the other side for you because it's in a new terrain that you will get further than you ever dreamed. Once you have arrived, you are thankful you left your hometown. I know the grass isn't ALWAYS greener on the other side because sometimes where you're at in life is the best place for you. Take Lebron James for example. He had to go to Miami to win a championship because he wasn't getting help in Cleveland and folks were fighting mad at him for his decision. That's their problem if they don't understand the rationale behind him leaving Cleveland. If you're a star player who went to management asking for help and they refused to give you a supporting cast, you're going to want to be traded to a better team. One person can't carry a team. Ever since Lebron left Cleveland, he's got his first NBA ring and an MVP trophy to boot. Lebron's example was confirmation that the grass was greener on the other side. Many times, you have to do whatever it takes to better yourself even if it means moving to new terrain. I'm a firm believer that the grass is greener on the other side, especially if you can reach your goal(s) faster by going somewhere else. Life is too short to remain stuck. Make the most of each day. If there's no opportunity where you're at, create opportunity or go where you have a better shot of doing well in life.

Spending Time With Your Friends 24-7

Everybody needs time for themselves, relationships are no different. In order for a relationship to thrive, couples must take time out for themselves to be with friends because chances are, their friends were there long before he/she came into your life. I can't stand couples that get together and abandon their friends. That's flaw to me. While men and women in relationships need to spend time with friends every now & then, how much is too much? If spending too much time with your friends jeopardizes your relationship, then you need to fall back. However, there are times where you need to break away from each other so you can appreciate each other when you do get back together. It's said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. For example, a man and woman have gotten off work and had a good workout so they want to do something with their friends. No harm, no foul right? That would be correct if they checked in with each other. A couple's first responsibility (especially if they're married) is to each other. If your spouse wants you home at a decent hour, then you should come home at a respectable hour out of respect for them. I don't think they're trying to control you, they're concerned for your safety and want to spend time with you. I understand some people are controlling that they want you all to themselves. In that case, you should up & leave them. No one wants to be controlled, nor should they allow it. If I'm in a relationship with my lady and I want to have a night out with my friends, I can do that and will check in with her so she won't worry. I don't want to be cooped up with my woman in the house 24-7 and I'd hope she doesn't want the same for herself. I want her to have a life outside of me so when we reunited shortly, we'll have a deeper appreciation for each other. There are couples you would think are single because they never spend any time together, the man and/or woman are always out with friends. Those relationships don't last long becuase the couple is too busy living like they're single instead of together.