Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Don't Ask, Don't Tell is a military policy that's been around for decades. The premise is for homosexuals to keep their orientation silent. That statement can also apply to all facets of life, especially relationships. You meet someone for the first time, and conversation is flowing. If you're smart, you don't reveal too much on the first date, even if the person is understanding. People can tell you anything to put you at ease, and once you feel comfortable with them, they start to show their true colors. Sadly, you can open up to some people and they use your information against you. My definition of Don't Ask, Don't Tell is simple: Don't ask if you're not ready for the answer. It serves two purposes: 1. It saves the recipient from getting offended, and 2. Prevents you from possibly having your information used against you. Not everyone can be trusted with privileged information, so it's important to enact measures to protect yourself, and others. Let me list a few examples:

1. A couple is going through rough times in their marriage, when one spouse reveals the source of their frustration, which stems from childhood. The receiving spouse isn't ready, even though they want transparency. The lesson: Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

2. Some information can catch you so off guard that you weren't ready for it. Simple resolution: You better be ready for the response. If not, you shouldn't have asked.



Cross Country Cookie

Cross Country & The Cookie

Dear Steve and Shirley: First, congratulations Shirley on your engagement. This letter is directed towards Steve because of his comedy days. Now, I have read both Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man, and Straight Talk No Chasers. I am following the rules setting standards and everything is going well. There is one hiccup: How does the 90 days work when we can only see each other every 60 to 90 days.

The person I'm interested in is a long haul truck driver. We live on the east coast, but his job takes him from Texas to California and New York and all the states in between. Now we have had the luxury of meeting each other 24 years ago in high school, but we were not friends. Recently, we held our class reunion. I made the first move the day after by inboxing him on Facebook. We have become fast friends. We do feel very connected.

He is not taking his week off until homecoming when our class is having another get together. This get together put us at 90 days. So how can I know that he is worthy of the cookie since our first real date will not happen until 90 days later? Often, he says to me that we have to be transparent with one another. We are both approaching this relationship differently. He asked me first about marriage. He wanted to know if I wanted marriage again. He says he wants a wife. I am ready to experience a meaningful relationship that leads to marriage.

So Steve, Shirley, Carla, Junior, not Nephew Tommy, maybe Eugene, or Oatmeal please advise me on how to approach this relationship. When will it be acceptable to give him the cookie?

A little back ground information: He is restarting his own trucking company, and has just ordered 2 new trucks. I am taking a year off from law school, while working on my Master's of library science and getting my oldest out of high school. His business is very demanding and law school can be overwhelming for a much younger student. I am a 38-year-old single mother of 2.

Do I give or keep my Cookie?

My Response: She needs to get to know him first! Don’t focus on giving away the cookie. People say a lot of things, but slow down and see if he puts those things in action. If he wants a wife, let him date you and he will wait on you. Also, this may not be a good time for a relationship for both of them. The time is not there! Keep the cookie!!! A cookie is an edible snack one can buy or files in a computer hard drive. She needs to stop focusing on being a freak in 90 days. She shouldn't let a male stranger (whose job is to make fun of your situation) govern her womanhood. It's no secret that women court for marriage purposes. They're looking to build a life with Mr. Right, and all a man has to do is tell her he wants marriage, and boom, he's got her right where he wants. Never mind that he could be playing with her emotions. Saying he wants marriage doesn't necessarily include her. He could tell her anything, and sensing her desperate mindset, she'll fall for the okie doke.
She read the books and I assume she listens to the program too. I don’t know how many times Steve has told these women; the 90 days isn’t actual rubric. It is a guide to help women STOP giving fools the cookie they aren’t entitled to. It isn’t for HIM, it’s for HER. When is the right time to give him the cookie?   Let’s see: Marriage.  She is hard pressed to get some, it’s unreal. CLEARLY the two kids father(s) wasn’t the one and she STILL hasn't learned squat. She needs her money back on undergrad and law classes.  The trucker's only in it for the ride (no pun intended) After all, she DID hit him first.

 

This Is A Challenge

All over social media, teens are coming up with all kinds of idiotic challenges. Fire challenge, hyperventilation challenge, etc. The fire challenge is where someone oils themselves up and lights themselves on fire. Just yesterday, someone died from that challenge. While I'm saddened by his death, common sense should've told him that you will get burned by playing with fire. Some people should've learned when they were younger not to play with fire. Then you have the hyperventilation challenge, where you hold your breath for as long as possible and someone presses on your chest until you pass out. The first thing that comes to mind is boredom. When you have too much time on your hands, you're gonna pass the time anyway you can. The problem is when your choice of hobbies endangers yourself and others. Since there's all these crazy challenges floating around, I have a few challenges of my own.

This is a good challenge for Chicago: How long can the city go without one shooting or murder? Even though it's not possible, that would be a good challenge. Here's a better challenge: Black parents need to stop publicizing whipping their children like government mules on WorldStar. If you go on WorldStar right now and look for Bad Kids of the day, week, or month, you'll find lots of audio footage of kids cursing, parents beating them like they stole something, etc. That's never been cute, so why do it? What about this challenge: Stop posting footage of kids using profanity. I'm not a prude, but a little 3-4 year old kid cussing like a grown-up is embarrassing. The parents who taught them how to talk filthy should have charges pressed on them. When I watch footage of a foul-mouthed child, I think to myself: It won't be long until (s)he is cussing the parent(s) out, if not already. What the world calls acceptable, God calls abominable. In conclusion, the participants of these challenges need to get some business.

Strawberry Letter- Crazy In Love | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

Strawberry Letter- Crazy In Love | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

 

What's the confusion? Either she loves her husband or she doesn't. From what she says, she's not in love with her husband, nor was she ever. She's leading him on because she doesn't want to hurt him, but you can't force feelings for a person if they're not there. I think she should just tell the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. He may be hurt at the revelation, but he'll respect her honesty. She's not the only one who isn't feeling her husband, because he's still in love with his ex-wife. Basically, they married each other on the rebound. Both were hurting from previous relationships, and by getting involved with each other, they could help each other through the pain. The problem with that is if you marry someone on the rebound, you don't allow yourself the proper healing timeframe. You carry old baggage into a new relationship, and the (wo)man may not be as patient. I'm thinking this wife is working on getting alimony once she can prove infidelity, and whoop this woman's behind.

Who marries someone out of pity? I agree she should marry her friend, but she must be more than friends, and it sounds like her feelings never evolved past friendship. If she's unhappy in her relationship, don’t string him along, just leave. Then she mentioned she would never cut him off sexually because she's not that kind of woman, but she's sleeping with a married man? Okay, that makes sense. Get a divorce and move on. If he was serious about her, he would've married her. Both of them have been messing around on each other, so they both need to figure out what they want to do. Both of them are side pieces to someone else, then have the nerve to come together like they've been married all along. His wife is probably trash, just saying. I would've had more pity for the husband, if the letter didn't reveal that he was still in love with his high school sweetheart. Poor little tink tink.

Strawberry Letter- Pregnant By My Son-In-Law | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

Strawberry Letter- Pregnant By My Son-In-Law | Steve Harvey in the Morning on WDAS

 

Mama's got her groove back, but at her daughters' expense. She better pray her daughters don't find out, because if they do, all hell is going to break loose in her family. If you have watched Fresh Prince in the 90's, there was an episode where Will was dating his uncle's old college friend. Janice Robertson (Pam Grier) came to Uncle Phil's home to catch-up, and his wife didn't like it. Janice was trying to rekindle an old flame. Ms. Roberts made advances toward Will, and they ended up sleeping together. It's funny how art imitates real life, because when I read this letter, I immediately thought of that Fresh Prince episode. What kind of mother would do this crazy stuff? A mother that has no discretion about herself, that's who. She's not happy, so she doesn't want her daughter(s) happy. There are mothers who can't stand to see their daughter(s) happy, so they take their daughters' good man.  I feel for the daughters because it's gotta suck to have a trifling mother.

She knew what she was doing; she's not fooling anybody because how do you pleasure another man, then claim to be ashamed? She strategically set this up. Some women are very conniving so you can't put nothing past them. This is why men need to be very careful about who they lay down with, because she could be the baby mama to TWO husbands. Not one, but TWO. The husband better file for divorce so he won't have to pay child support for his wife's baby. In some states, even if DNA proves a man isn't the father, he can still be liable for child support; especially if he stepped up to raise the child as his own. There's going to be a nasty fallout from this, so I hope she's ready. Her daughters will hate her, and the husbands involved will probably end up on First 48 because some women are crazy. There have been articles about wives killing their cheating husbands, and yet these two men can't keep their d*** in their pants.

What this boils down to is unhappiness. If momma's not happy, her daughters won't be happy. Sad to say, she proved this by messing up her daughters' marriages.

Do What Makes Sense

Today's message is simple: Do What Makes Sense. So many times, people make life more complicated than necessary, which explains why many people are confused about which way to go, what decision to make regarding your career, the person to marry, etc. I try my best to simplify life as much as possible, so that's why I have a motto: Do What Makes Sense. If I'm living in a major city and my job is located in the city center, it would make sense for me to live downtown so I can walk the 2-3 blocks to work. It doesn't make sense for me to live in another part of town, then have to fight traffic commuting to downtown for work. The only exception is if my finances wouldn't allow for downtown living. I'd still find a spot that's in close proximity to my job. I would pay more in rent because of convenience, but I would be close to nightlife, my job, sporting events (many stadiums are located in city centers), with easy access to other parts of the city. Life can be as complicated, or as easy as you make it. The motto of "Do What Makes Sense" applies to all walks of life.

If you're looking to marry, the first thing you look at is compatibility. No one is going to marry someone they're not compatible with, that's bonkers. If you're chill, and your spouse is the "turn-up" type, wouldn't it make sense to not get involved with them? You two vibe together very well, but you can't get past their "turn-up" personality. Every day, they have to go out. You want to spend time at home with your spouse, but they would rather go out & party every night. That's grounds for fussing. There's nothing that good outside the home where you have to be out & about all the time. Facebook has this meme circulating: There's nothing sexier than a woman who knows how to keep her behind home. It gets no better. It makes perfect sense to marry a likeminded person, because those are the best relationships. A spender & saver would not work out because one person wants to spend as soon as they get a little change, the other wants to stack money because of a rainy day. There's nothing worse than an emergency coming up, and you don't have the money.
In conclusion, always remember to do what makes sense, whether it's choosing a degree to study or choosing a (wo)man o build a good life with. If something doesn't sound right, chances are it doesn't make sense and you don't need to go that route.


I Dislike...

Today's message is going to deal with my dislikes. This is going to be good, so let's get to it.

1. I dislike sex hounds. You know men who are obsessed with what's between a woman's legs. 

2. So women won't date a man who works at McDonald's. As hard as it is to find a decent job, a man would be wise not to entertain such women. She'd be checking for him if he worked in McD's corporate.

3. Just because someone's not in a relationship, doesn't mean they have "issues". That's that stupid stuff I don't like.

4. Opposites DO NOT attract. Ex: A saver and spender can't have a good relationship because one wants to spend, and the other wants to save.

5. I fail to understand the benefit of marriage as it relates to moving up in the corporate world. I would think at some point, your professional and family life will conflict.

6. A good spouse can make or break you.

7. You don't have to be married to be successful in ministry. Case In Point: Bishop Noel Jones & his "special friend" Loretta.

8. I dislike suck-ups. 

9. I dislike all these so-called "reality" shows coming out. Everybody and their mama has a reality show coming out.

10. I dislike how biased employers are towards those with disabilities. Everybody has a handicap. As long as they're qualified, learn to overlook some stuff.

11. I understand why some parents homeschool their children. Public schools have gone downhill because you have students that don't want to be there, so they cause trouble for the kids who want to learn.

12. I dislike the rationale some people have against homeschool: "The kids will miss out on the social aspect" Kids can still get the social aspect by joining neighborhood clubs, and they'll be in a structured environment.