NBA Playoffs

 

It's that time of year again; the time where the best NBA teams earn a trip to the playoffs. Their assignment: Win Or Go Home. Sounds pretty simple because you have one time to lose, and you're gone. A few nights ago, Miami closed out their playoff series 4-1 over Brooklyn, so they get a couple days rest before they do battle in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals against Indiana. Miami has already beaten up on Indiana on their way to their 2nd title last season, so Indiana is looking for retribution. Make no mistake about it, I'm riding with Miami because they've been on top for a while, and I don't see anyone standing in their way to a 3peat. The only teams I see giving Miami trouble are the Pacers and Spurs, two teams that made Miami earn their championship. Even then, Miami still came out victorious because Miami is battletested. I remember when Dwayne Wade first came to the Heat in '06, he and Shaq led the Heat to their first championship. Fast forward a few years later, Wade was instrumental in bringing Chris Bosh and Lebron James to S. Florida. LeBron James' decision to come to Miami was that he wanted to win a championship. He had no supporting cast in Cleveland, so Lebron did what's best for him, and look at him: 2 rings (on his way to a 3rd), tied his career high of 49 points, MVP, and a list of other accolades. Since Wade, Bosh and James have been with the Heat, Miami has made the playoffs each year.

When I think of the NBA Playoffs, I think of it as the cream of the crop. The league's best teams do battle in a playoff series. Some teams sweep their opponents 4-0, other teams go the distance. I look forward to watching the NBA playoffs every year because I know Miami is going to go all the way. Miami's toughest opponents will always be Indiana and San Antonio because those teams are very physical and have strong defensive & offensive schemes. This year, Miami's road to a 3peat will be relatively easy because look at their competition: They've swept Charlotte, and they've beaten Brooklyn 4-1. Miami has strong momentum facing Indiana in the Eastern Conference Finals. I'll also be watching the Spurs/Thunder series as well, so I can scout who Miami's opponent in the Finals is going to be. 

Audit Your Mate

 

Getting to know your mate is equivalent to auditing them, because you're doing a full background check. You ask them questions about their life history, dislikes & likes, etc. From a financial standpoint, it's important to audit your spouse because financial issues rank near the top for divorce among married couples. If you have a spender & saver, that's going to cause friction because one person wants to have something in life, and the other wants to spend as soon as they get it. I see what people mean when they say "Love doesn't pay the bills". You love your (wo)man when the money's flowing, but where is that love when the money well dries up? Here's the catch, your spouse was forthright about their spending habits; they told you that they don't believe in saving, and you still want to be with that person.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. That's no different than their spending habits. If you notice your (wo)man's bad with finances, why would you choose to be with them? That's silly. They may have other redeeming qualities, but when it comes to money, you have to walk on eggshells before committing to them. Besides, very few spouses care enough to help their (wo)man get their finances back on track, so it's best to yoke up with someone who's responsible with money. You save yourself the headaches of constant fussing about money. What if YOU want to buy a home, and your credit is perfect? The loan officer pulls your file and side eyes your spouse's credit report. Because you're a couple, you assume their debt as your own. You could still get a great deal on a home, but it may be difficult given your spouse's poor credit rating.

When it comes to financial stability, you MUST audit your spouse. There's no better peace of mind than knowing that you two are one financially. Major financial decisions are discussed as a team before a move is made. The reality is that financial issues rank very high among factors that destroy a marriage, and that's a risk that no one should be willing to take. If someone can't take care of their money, they won't take care of yours.



Test Drive Before You Buy

The phrase "Test Drive Before You Buy" refers to sexual chemistry. It's no secret that sex is one of the most important components of any committed relationship. According to couples, sex is a way to connect on a deeper level. When two people are passionate about each other and vibe well, it's just a matter of time before they lay down with each other. Why wouldn't sex come next? The chemistry is there, so it's only natural. There's a lot I look for in a car: Reliability, low mileage and good fuel economy. The older the car, the more mileage it has which makes it susceptible to frequent maintenance and other car issues. With a new car, it's fresh on the lot. It's waiting for the RIGHT owner to purchase the vehicle. There's nothing like that fresh, new car smell. You're the one who gets to break it in, and put YOUR special touch on that vehicle.

You can't put your own touch on a car if someone else already had it. With the "test drive before you buy" theory, some people want to test sexual chemistry before they agree to a committed relationship. To each their own, but that couldn't be me. I see sex as something very special, an act to be shared with the woman I cherish. If I'm vibing with a woman, we're already compatible, and sex would be a bonus. See, I think on a deeper level than most people. I don't have to "test drive" a woman for sexual chemistry, because I'm not thirsty like most people. Keep it real, you want a reason to get her/him between the sheets. The problem with test driving before you buy is that everyone before you has "test drove" before they bought, and all that mileage equals wear & tear.

When I think of a (wo)man who wants to "test drive before (s)he buys", I think of someone who is content with sloppy seconds, thirds, etc. The more mileage on a vehicle, the greater probability that the car won't last as long because although you may treat the person well, who's to say the previous person did? You don't know. Besides, what makes one think (s)he hasn't test drove other (wo)men?



Attraction Should Never Trump Wisdom

Everyone has someone they're attracted to, and want to pursue something more with them. The issue is when attraction trumps wisdom. You ignore red flags and proceed, and when that person's true colors show; you're looking crazy wondering what happened. If you used wisdom, you would have saw the signs. A friend of mine was telling me about this guy she's feeling. They mesh well on some levels, but she can't get past his player ways. He's over 40, and engaged to a fiancee that he's been living with for 10 years, but he's not interested in her. He's checking for other women on dating sites. My friend is somewhat attracted to him because he's got a lot going for him. Through her prayers, he's getting into church and trying to get closer to God, but...he's a porn addict and is shacking. Here's my question: He's been with her 10 years, engaged for 3 and according to him, he's not feeling her. Wouldn't common sense tell him to cut ties with her?

My friend asked him the following question: Do you consider me one of your random Internet hoochies or are we special friends? Anytime you're trying to get to know someone, you don't set up dating profiles and troll for booty. Think about it, you say (s)he's the complete package, so being honesty should come naturally. There's nothing wrong with having a dating profile, just don't lie about it. If my pic circulated over dating sites, and I was trying to get to know a woman, a bulb would go off to let me know that I need to stop trolling for women online and focus on the total package in front of me. Lastly, life is too short to waste years on someone you're not feeling.

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone. Attraction + committment will make you work at stuff that should be long over. At the same time, know what you're getting into with a person before you sign on as their (wo)man.

Giving Your All: By Angeln Disguise

I often hear people say, "I gave my all". Did you really give your all?

According to whose standards?

Some people seem to think that the "one size fits all" rule applies in relationships.

We are all different beings. What you did to make your past lover happy may not make your current or future lover happy.

For example. Your old lover may have highly valued you buying them nice things (gifts),... taking them to nice restaurants or being there when they call you (acts of service), but your new lover may not. They may value you giving them compliments or words of encouragement (words of affirmation), your physical touch (intimacy) or spending quality time doing nothing more than just talking.
 As such, instead of saying "Nothing that I do makes them happy",
Learn what makes them happy by putting more emphasis on what they SAY makes them happy or by observing their level of satisfaction when you do certain things.
 

Then you are justified in saying, "I gave my all".

 



Forgive & Keep It Moving

 

Too many people miss the last sentence of this statement. If someone hurts you, it's important to forgive them. It's said that forgiveness is for you, and not the other person. I agree, but...what's with trying to reconcile a broken relationship? That's crazy because if someone breaks the relationship, THEY made that decision, so they should be the ones to fix it. Then again, it's a blessing when someone breaks a bond through no fault of your own, because not all relationships are built to last. Once a relationship has been severed, it cannot be fixed. Leave it alone, and build a new relationship with those who will appreciate you. Life is too short to try and continually reconcile with those who hurt you. You can forgive, but value yourself enough NOT to reconcile with the same people who could care less about you.

When I think of someone who hangs with people who hurt them, I think of a person who has low self-worth. They don't value themselves enough to believe they are deserving of caring folks who have their best interest at heart. Around their friends, they talk a big game about cutting toxic people out, then they get around that person and are buddy-buddy with them. Then again, some toxic people are very good at hiding their nature. They can hurt you, and dress it up like they didn't mean it. They manipulate them with a sincere apology (even though (s)he knows it's not sincere) and they're back on good terms. You can tell when someone's truly sorry for offending you, because they follow up their apology with repentance. They make a conscious effort not to make the same mistake again. In most cases, if someone hurts you, they did so intentionally.

Forgiveness will always be for you, and not the other person. The best thing to do is forgive, and move on. Cut all ties with the offender because if not, you're giving them permission to offend you over and over again, and you don't need that in your life.

 



Response to "Question"

One of my faithful readers Khrystle Nichole posted a very good response to my blog message "Question"

 

Khrystle Nichole With the state of black marriage already being what it is, pretty low, I think such a law would only further discourage blacks from getting married. Furthermore, as you stated, there would have to be provisions in such a law that would allow a woman who was being abused could exit that marriage. However, yet still, having provisions to allow divorce for an abused spouse would likely only further victimize the victim. You would also have those who will lie about being abused in order to get a divorce. If we are really a free country, we can’t start telling people how often they can get married. Next, we will be telling people how many children to have too. We will be no better than any other dictatorship. I think most women initiate divorce because in the final analysis, women are more honest than men. They are more honest to say the relationship isn’t working. When a woman is done, she’s done and she wants to just get on with her life. Men will hang around in a bad relationship for years complaining to his friends, family, other women and anybody else who will listen about how bad his wife is. Yet he won’t seek to resolve that union. I do think people should take more time to know themselves and be honest with themselves about what they want in a life partner. Too many people settle for less when they want more.