Getting To Know Me

How can some people know everything about their partner in 3 months? THEY CAN'T. Getting to know someone takes a lifetime because you're discovering new information about them. They should know some of your likes/dislikes, what makes you smile, and some of what makes you tick. They should know your belief system, they should know how many siblings you have, and a little about your childhood. They should know the kinds of movies you like; just things your friends would know. It depends on if you believe in being physically intimate within the first 3 months of dating...if you do, they should know some of what pleases you. These are the basics of getting to know someone. Unless someone's an open book, they're not going to tell you their life story. Why would they? They don't know you like that (and vice versa). People have no discretion in what they reveal about themselves to others. Some things you should keep under lock & key, because they can and will be used against you. If I'm getting to know a woman, she's getting the basics of me: My name, age, occupation, hobbies. As I invest time with her, we share private details of our lives. I'm not expecting a woman to be so open with me off top. In fact, I would frown upon anyone who reveals such personal information to a complete stranger. I was taught to keep my guard up at all times, because I never know if that person will use my information against me. In the relationship realm, women expect men to know everything about them. It's not possible for a man to know his woman inside & out, because women change like chameleons: They're always showing new sides of themselves regularly, and unless a man asks the right questions, he will never understand his woman. If a man wants to know his woman, observe. Observe her in her world: How she reacts to situations, what makes her upset, how she views the world, etc. Observation in one's natural environment can tell far more about them than asking the right set of questions ever could.

Loving The Bad Before The Good

 

Any woman who's been in a bad relationship with a no good man, then found a good man to do right by her will co-sign this topic. My issue is: Why should a woman have to love a bad man before she appreciates a good one? That's bananas. Everybody should know how to appreciate a good (wo)man in their lives, but many don't. Some people have to learn the hard way; they have to go through several bad relationships before they can appreciate a quality spouse. Some women are so used to losing that they don't know when they've won. I don't know about anyone, but I couldn't see myself loving bad women before I finally get a good one. No, when or if a good woman comes into my life, I'm gonna appreciate her off top. She's going to get all my goodness and then some (I just hope she can handle it). Some people need to practice preventative measures: Get yourself together before a good (wo)man comes into your life. When you get that person, you'll know what to do. You won't have issues appreciating a good (wo)man in your life because you've worked on yourself. The reason why there's some validity to this statement is because some women jump into relationships with blinders on. They don't use discernment. Some women give their goodness to some random man, not knowing if he's going to appreciate it. When that man gets to acting stupid, she wonders why. You don't give the benefits in the beginning. Once you get to know someone and y'all are vibing, then you can give them the benefits of being involved with you. To give your benefits when you two are JUST getting to know each other; I can't see that. Many failed relationships can be alleviated if the couple practices caution. Stop giving the benefits without committment.

 

 



If It Wasn't For Me

I'm learning how to be more self-sufficient daily, because I want to get to a place in life where I don't have to acknowledge others' contributions to my success (with the proper exception of Jesus). People are good for this. "If It Wasn't For Me, you wouldn't be where you are today" In that case, you might as well NOT have done it for me if you're going to throw it up in my face. Pictures like this confirm my distrust in some people, and are why I'm very careful who I open up to; you just don't know. This is why I'm glad God blessed me with incredible discernment to READ (not read, but READ) people. If I'm giving to someone, I'm doing out of the goodness of my heart. They will never have to worry about me throwing my favor to them in their face, because I don't get down like that. If I'm going to throw my favors in a person's face, then I might as well be selfish. When you think about it, you're being selfish when you throw what you did/do for someone in their face. I'm getting to the point where I would rather struggle for success than accept handouts from someone. When I make it, it'll be because of me, and God as my guide. I'll appreciate the breakthrough more because of what I went through for it. I don't care how upstanding a person is, nobody is above throwing their favors in someone's face. I see why some people are self-made, because they don't want anyone responsible for their success. They want to depend on only themselves, and that's commendable. Sometimes you have to reach out for help; Other times, you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep pushing towards the finish line. Everyone keeps records of what they do for others to use as ammunition in an argument. Don't believe me? If you're friends with someone, and they played a part in your success, at some point you two are going to butt heads. What's the first thing that friend will say? "Remember when I helped you with this, that & the third?" People aren't slick. I know what it is.



Everybody Has A Story To Tell

Throughout life, you'll meet people that leave such a mark on you, that they confide in you like they don't with anyone else. This comes with time. You're not supposed to confide in this & that person, because not everyone has your best interest in mind (and you may not have theirs in mind either, let's be real). Anyway, a friend & I were getting to know each other and we discuss family. I give her a little history about my family, and she shares hers. When I mention to her that my family and I are close (even though we go at it from time to time), she tells me she wishes it was like that with hers. She goes into detail about how her family has hurt her extremely bad, and she doesn't speak to her siblings and parents. I replied, "You're at a point where you must erase toxic people out of your life, family included." You can love some people from a distance. Nowhere does it mention you have to keep toxic people in your life. What benefit does allowing a person to hurt you over and over again serve? There is no benefit; all that does is drain you of your joy, and with all the craziness in society, people gravitate to what brings them peace. When I hear the phrase "Everyone Has A Story To Tell", I think of a person revealing personal details to a close friend. Everyone (even the most private person) wants someone to listen to our story. That's why when some people volunteer in nursing homes, they're able to listen to those elders pour their hearts out. Listening to the elderly tell their lives is a wonderful experience, because they've gone the route you're going. They're able to show you what does(n't) work. When I write commentaries daily, that's my way of telling my story. My story is much deeper than these blog commentaries, and at some point I'm going to get personal in my writing, because I believe I can reach more people that way. Everyone likes a good story, especially if it leads to victory. No matter what you're going, have been, or about to go through, that's your story. Don't be afraid to tell your story. Better yet, don't let anyone tell your story because nobody can tell your story like you. 

Thanksgiving

On Thursday, November 28th is Thanksgiving; another time for family & friends to get together over food. For many, Thanksgiving is a joyous occasion. For others, it's a painful reminder of loved ones who no longer grace their presence. What does Thanksgiving mean to me? To me, Thanksgiving is a time for reflection; a time to reflect on my blessings and be with family. The time will come when your family leaves this world, and then what? Some people are going to regret not spending more time with their family over the holidays. I'm thankful for a lot: Being in my right mind-Some people struggle with mental illness. Good health-I have a health club membership that I make the MOST of: I do 4x a week in the gym: 2 days of legs & chest, and abs/obliques, inner things, the other 2 days consist of back & shoulder training, and arms. When my health is right, every area in my life falls in order. My nieces-My nieces keep me grounded, and they teach me not to sweat the small stuff. There's not too much I'm not thankful for, but the above is the gist. I stated earlier that Thanksgiving is a painful reminder for some people of loved ones who are no longer with them. When some people get together for Thanksgiving, those grief feelings resurface because they miss their loved ones. Some people have such an impact on you, that it's normal. In most cases, you never recover from that person's death. Yes, they wouldn't want you stuck; if they truly meant a lot to you, they would want you to keep it moving. I don't know about anyone, but I've come to terms that one day, my parents will leave this earth. Any future Thanksgivings will be a somber moment because I will remember the times where I helped make Thanksgiving & Christmas dinner. I will remember the times of going shopping for Christmas gifts on Black Friday. It won't be the same without them. Be thankful you have the opportunity to be with your family this Thanksgiving, because one day, they won't be around. Depending on the person, that could be good or bad.

Gangster For Jesus

If you've watched Preachers of L.A., you've heard of Bishop Ron Gibson. He started off as a gangster, then turned preacher. He was told he would never be a good preacher, but look at him now. He's doing very well for himself, and I'm happy for him. I like to see people go from prison to the palace. On a recent episode, he goes into his old neighborhood to minister to two gang members (one a Piru Blood and the other a Crip). He cleaned up their image, and took them to church where they accepted Christ. What I like about Bishop Ron Gibson is he stays true to who he is. He doesn't hide his gangster mentality even though he's a minister. Some of the most influential Biblical leaders had unlovely qualities and God used them regardless. Just because you get saved, doesn't mean you have to become a cookie-cutter Christian. In Bishop Ron's case, he's from the hood so he's able to relate to the gangsters. He's been where they are, so that's why he's so effective in his inner-city outreach ministry. Think about it: If you've never lived the thug life, how can you witness to inner-city youth about the dangers of gang life? You can't. Those young brothers will look at you crazy because everything you're talking, goes in one ear & out the other. "What is this dude talking about? He's never lived our life, so I don't want to hear nothing he has to say". Bishop Ron is what I call a gangster preacher: He uses his background to spread the word. He talks about his Rolex, how much his suit cost, his car, house, etc.; which can be excessive at times, but that's who he is. At least Ron is staying true to himself. Most preachers hide their true selves to be accepted among their peers. I remember a recent episode where Ron was giving a message before the Board of a religious organization he wants to move up in. He preached his message, but stayed true to himself. This is my problem with Christianity: Some people think you have to be "proper" to spread the gospel. By proper, I mean: eloquent in speech & appearance. Back in Biblical times, Jesus and his followers weren't what most people would call "proper", but they made an impact. Just because someone came from the hood, doesn't mean they can't reach people for Christ. Look at Bishop Ron Gibson, I'd say he's more than making a difference in people's lives. I salute you Bishop Ron Gibson! Keep on keeping on brother.

Soft Parents

This commentary is going to upset many people, but I don't care who slighted. Today's parents are soft because of the following reason: Their child is bullying another kid, and when you bring it to their attention, the parents are like: Boys will be boys. Wth? Boys will be boys my foot. If a parent checks another parent about their child(ren)'s bullying, the guilty parent needs to come down on THEIR child. Right is right. Oh no, you can't tell another parent how to raise their child(ren). So, I'm supposed to let your heathen child bully my kid, I call you on it and you do nothing? I have something for that. Since you won't check your child, I'll go over your head. Gone are the days where elders in the community could discipline your child(ren) if they did wrong. Nowadays, parents have the nerve to get upset at you if you try to discipline their child(ren). Well, if you did your job as a parent, there would be no need for someone else to. Too many parents want to be their child's friend, instead of parent. I'm all for parents being close with their children, but they shouldn't forget their ultimate responsibility: To train their child(ren) to be a responsible citizen. I can see why parents are soft nowadays, because the government won't allow parents to discipline their children when they get out of line. You can't spank your child(ren), because it's considered child abuse. I'm not saying beat your children like they stole something, but light spankings on the backside will do the trick. This is one of the reasons why I'm reluctant to have children, because if another child does something to put my or someone else's child in danger, I will check the parents and dare them to try it. You can be screened for everything else, why not screen potential parents? This way, people who are determined to be unfit parents won't produce ratchet children. Looking at some of these children, one can't help but feel as though some people have no business having children.