Financial Stability

Nojma Reflects

22 hours ago

Healing the Black Family 104:

In this financial climate do we as women have UNREALISTIC financial expectations when it comes to men? I'm going to say that some of us do...yes. Now should a man have a job? Of course, you can't maintain a family without some type of income, but does that mean that he won't need our help contributing to the household? A wife is a HELPMEET, that means we HELP our husband. The reality is, it will take two incomes in order to maintain our households, and what we have to realize is that, our contributing to the upkeep of our household doesn't take anything away from HIM being a man, it's actually US as women keeping our duty and being a helpmeet to HIM. I would also like to point out, that if you as a woman make more money that your man....it by no means makes him LESS than a man, and it definitely doesn't make you MORE than a woman. It only becomes a problem when YOU think because you make more money YOU have the right to belittle him.

MY View: There's nothing wrong with wanting financial stability. In this economy, people should be trying to stack as much money as possible which will allow them to live comfortably. I want to live comfortable; who wants to struggle in life? You're worried about how this or that bill will be paid? Finances are one of the top reasons why many relationships fail. To not expect someone to be financially stable is unrealistic. The problem comes into play where some women make $$$ their sole qualification in choosing a mate. He has to make $100K a year, have a fat 401k & IRA, etc. Those things are good but they won't keep her warm at night or protect her when she's in a dangerous situation. I like the last sentence "It becomes a problem when YOU think because you make more money YOU have the right to belittle him." Some women do believe that if they're making more money than their man, they run the relationship. Weak men allow this to happen. That's the thing, there's an indirect understanding that the person who makes the most has more say-so in the relationship. That's true in some, but not all cases because you have relationships where the woman makes more than her man and she still reveres him; she knows he keeps the family together and doesn't undermine his godly authority in the home. It's not like it was back in the day, where the woman stayed home and took care of the kids while the husband worked to keep a roof over their heads. You need TWO incomes in order to sustain a family. Depending on where a couple resides, they each have to make $80K annually just to maintain because some cities have high costs of living. Most men don't mind if their woman makes more than them, as long as she doesn't throw it in his face every time an argument breaks out. Let's be honest, some women who are in an argument with their man; the first thing they throw out is their annual salary. "I make more than you such and such".

Women Don't Complete Men

I'm all for revering a good woman but this guy takes it to another level. He's dependent on a woman to complete him when that shouldn't be the case. A man should be complete within himself before he THINKS about a relationship. This is why the statement "You complete me" bothers me a little because it's like you can't be happy unless you have someone in your life. I feel that someone should COMPLIMENT, not COMPLETE you. Obviously he doesn't know the Bible so let me break it down: God made Adam a HELPMATE for him. Men complete women, not the other way around. The fetus starts off as a female, then grows all the missing parts before development, so when a baby is born a male it is complete. When the baby is born a female, it's considered incomplete. MEN complete WOMEN, men are already complete. She's supposed to be submissive, that's why God made Adam the head. Man was given dominion over all the earth and everything in it; everything is subject to man...the earth, animals and yes, even the woman. Even though she is the helpmeet, she's subject to her man. That's what people don't understand when they make statements like the ones in the text screenshot. That's what trips me out about some men, they put women on a pedestal that AREN'T interested in them. They do all this wining & dining and still don't get any in return. A man is already complete; the woman who comes into his life compliments what he already brings to the table. Flipping the script, MEN & WOMEN should be as whole as possible so that when they come together, each person is bringing 100% to the table. When two people bring 100% to the table, you have a power couple.

What's Important To You?

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by those moments that take our breath away.

Things in this life that matter are so much more simple than we make them. It doesn't take a scholar to understand how to love someone, make yourself happy, or follow your dreams. All it takes is making everything you do meaningful to a purpose--you have to decide what that purpose is. I have mine!

Tyler Perry Films

I like Tyler Perry's films & plays because many people (myself included) can relate to them. Every film and play leaves you with something to think about. I remember when Tyler Perry first started, he was homeless while trying to get his career off the ground. Ever since then, he's been doing very well for himself. I will continue supporting Tyler Perry's work but I have to be honest, he does put men in a bad light. Daddy's Little Girls was the only movie Tyler did that showed a responsible black father trying to provide for his children. The rest of Tyler's movie portray the woman as the damsel in distress and to me, that's insane. He constantly reminds them that nothing is EVER their fault..They're always victims NEVER perpetrators...All of their problems can be blamed 100% on men...He reminds them that there's always that SIMP that's waiting to powder their behinds & remind them that that's how "real men treat women." As long as feminism is alive & well, Tyler Perry will FOREVER be in business making millions. It won't be long before people get tired of that concept & decide it's time for him to either hold WOMEN ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS or his material will no longer be supported, however it will be a while before that happens. I have heard/read comments like this before in regards to Tyler Perry flicks. I am curious- what is the model for being a "woman" that should be followed? I've seen several recent threads talking about feminism and Michelle Obama. Some feminists have questioned the example that she is setting by being "mom-in-chief". On the other hand there are those feminists who applaud her credentials, strong stance, etc. 

We look to the media for examples. Other than Tyler Perry films we have also seen the Huxtables, Scandal, The Help etc. Many argue that these images in the media offer a distorted image of Black women. Is it possible that the media reflects the different ways black women can be women? Is there one cookie cutter image we should follow? In discussions like this, we normally turn to the Bible. While I will not get into a debate about what Bible to use/trust, many will agree that the Bible is THE source for the blueprint of our lives. Biblical stories are not void of whores, harlots, wayward women, adulteresses, etc. When we look at modern stories, the setting has changed but the characters remain the same. Tyler Perry is going to continue to make millions because no one is out there telling a different story. We have been placed in a position in which we are afraid to "clean house".

Letting Down The Team?

Michelle Obama's Work As First Lady

So Michelle Obama "let down the team" because she supports her husband? Last time I checked, she has her own agenda but when it comes down to it, she stands with her husband in the trenches. Feminists are raising sand that Michelle made the choice to be active in her daughters' lives because according to the feminists, Michelle feels victimized by her husband's choices. I have been mystified for YEARS why a woman (and sometimes man) would want to have a child, then weeks after birth, pass that child to someone else to raise. If you don't want children, DON'T have children, pretty simple. Today the only industrial complex that approaches the military is the daycare industrial complex. THEN parents wonder why their children don't mind them, don't behave as they want and have disdain for them. Michelle made decisions for her family's good. That's why you see Mr. President showing his wife love, because she makes decisions that benefit her family. I applaud her decision to be mom-in-chief. Her children are under the microscope because of the decision they made as a family to pursue the presidency. She does not have to answer to anyone about how she decides to parent. Instead of critiquing her, they should be praising her for being a great foundation and example to her daughters. All children need to know that they are a priority. Those that don't feel this way find outside sources for this feeling of comfort and security. Rarely are these outside sources positive. Do your thing, FLOTUS!

Speaking The Truth

Real Christians know they will be persecuted for speaking the truth. The Bible gives several instances where God's disciples faced persecution for standing up for righteousness. As God's Child, his people are called to stand for righteousness even if it means they will be called intolerant or lose popularity. If you are a friend of the world, you are an enemy of God because your loyalties are split between trying to please God and man. You can't please God and man because both will give contradictory demands. Christians have to decide who's more important: God, or the world. If a Christian is trying to please God, (s)he is called to uphold godly principles regardless of cost. That's the problem, some Christians are trying to fit in with the world because they are afraid of being unpopular. Get them behind closed doors and they talk a big game about standing for what's right, but when their beliefs are put to the test, they tuck tail and run because they can't take that opposition. While I want to be liked, I want to be liked for the right reasons but I'm aware that not everyone will like me and that's ok. It's a blessing some people don't like me because like the adage goes, "You are the company you keep". What does it profit if a man gains the world and loses his soul? It's easier said than done, but I'm encouraged when I'm persecuted for speaking truth because that lets me know I'm doing something right; I'm making devils uncomfortable. I care nothing about who's slighted! That's a mark of a great leader, someone who sticks to their guns even in the face of opposition. If Martin Luther King, Marcus Garvey, Barack Obama and other influential leaders cowered in opposition, this nation wouldn't be where it is today. Sometimes, you will lose popularity but if so, oh well. The right people will remain in your corner.

You Sure You Don't Need A Man To Raise Your Children?

Nojma Reflects

Friday

To all the women who say "I don't need a man to raise my children."

I say this: You needed a man to help MAKE the child right? So you need a man to help RAISE your child. I mean we have to get out what we think we don't "NEED", because like I stated we need each other to PROCREATE life, a sperm can't do anything without an egg and vice versa.

What message are you sending to your daughters if they hear their mother say she doesn't need a man to raise her children? So are you OK with your daughters being Baby Mama's? What message does that send to your son? If he grows up to be the type of man who abandons his seed, who gave him that initial thought? Ultimately, you are teaching your children regardless of the gender that a man is not a vital part of the family dynamic, which is not true.

Now if you feel that way because of a choice you made, and you are dealing with hurt and pain, then say that and we can work on healing. But don't be arrogant and say that you don't need a man to help raise your children when you needed him to make those children. What about what the children need? Don't their needs matter the MOST?

Why do some of us INSIST on wearing Single Motherhood like a badge of honor and pass this warped message to our daughters like it's their inheritance?

I saw a quote posted here on facebook that said the following: "Where there is a strong woman, there is a strong man or no man at all!"

Why is the "or no man at all" included? To promote this deluded image of strength. We are much stronger TOGETHER than we can ever be apart. If you think that being "strong" means that you can raise your child alone, then what you are really doing is exercising a major weakness in yourself. Let's redefine our definition of "strength" and build stronger families.

It never fails, some women scream about not needing a man to raise their children but who's the first one they call when the children are getting beside themselves? DAD. Who's the first one she calls when her kids need school clothes because she ran short on money for the month? DAD. Ok then, I rest my case. Men and women need each other. I'm aware that there are women who are doing it by themselves because of the father's lack of involvement (I salute all single mothers who through NO FAULT OF HER OWN are raising children solo). The body can't operate without a heart because the heart supplies the body with blood and oxygen so you can stay alive. Let the body tell the heart, "I don't need you" and see how that works out. Just like the body is stronger as a whole, men and women raising children together are stronger because if one is weak, the other is strong. The stronger one can be the extra set of eyes just in case something tries to sneak up on him.