Don't Lead If You Don't Like What Follows

Everybody wants to be a leader but nobody wants the responsibility. Most people who aspire to leadership have ulterior motives such as fame & fortune or in worst cases, the authority to "throw their weight around". People don't realize that leaders have tremendous responsibility. Leaders cannot be afraid to make difficult decisions even if they don't agree. A leader has to remain calm under pressure because his/her subordinates look to them for guidance and if the leader cracks, that means trouble for the entire team. Leaders have to put their agenda(s) aside for the greater good & most importantly, they have to work with various personalities. A leader just can't think about him/herself, they have to consider others' in the decisions they make. While they take others' feelings into consideration, a leader must understand that they cannot please everybody. Once they learn this concept, everything will be so much better. I'm going to be honest: There are people in leadership that DON'T BELONG THERE. Either they are power-hungry or they have no idea what true leadership entails. At its core, a leader is a servant. The reason I say a leader is a servant is because they work for others' benefit. In the corporate realm, the CEO is the highest ranking executive but even the CEO has to answer to the Board Of Directors. The CEO's decisions must be satisfactory to the board or he could be replaced. A leader must be strong enough to endure criticism or (s)he won't last. Everyone won't agree with his/her decisions but that's not the leader's fault. No matter the decision, some people will never be satisfied so they will find fault in everything. That's their problem, not the leader's. Many people ascending into leadership realize they moved into leadership too fast and need a little more grooming. They get in over their heads and the controversy surrounding leadership gets to them. As a leader, all eyes are on you. There are people that seek to undermine a leader every chance they get so a person in authority must be EXTRA careful for those types. Anyone (myself included) that aspires to leadership must understand one principle: If you want to wear the crown, take responsibility for the ups & downs.

The Cost Of Being Right

Some people have an obsession with being right like it gives them a high. They will go to great lengths to prove their case to a person that has no intention of receiving their stance. Nobody has to accept you being right. If you have supporting facts for your argument, that's all you need. You've won by default of having facts to back up your statements. People can believe what they want. Many relationships have gone sour because both parties are too busy trying to be right. People need to let some things GO because in the grand scheme of things, it's not that serious. It's ok to be passionate in your views but at the same time, respect the fact that maybe you don't know everything; maybe the other person has a valid point after all. I'm the first to tell you I don't know, nor do I claim to know everything. If I don't know something, I look it up. The #1 reason why my life has been drama free is because I make my points (with supporting facts) and go on. I don't have time to go back & forth with people stuck in their ways. I'm at the point where I have nothing to prove to anyone. As long as I do what needs to be done, salt being thrown on my name doesn't matter because my REAL riders know what's up. If people are stupid enough to believe hearsay, I have nothing for them. How many relationships could be saved if one or both people learned how to overlook some things? Note I put some because there are issues that need to be confronted. If it's a miniscule discussion that doesn't have great bearings, then that should get a pass. It's not affecting your daily life so it's not worth it trying to be right on small matters. You're right, but your marriage is failing; You're right, but your finances are in the tank; You're right but all your friendships are on the rocks because you won't learn to overlook small matters. I guess some people want to prove their right because they don't want to show weakness. After all, you aren't supposed to show weakness, correct?

Lazy Men

Is it me or has today's man become lazy? The reason I ask is because it seems like today's men want something for nothing. They want the shine, but not the grind. The mark of a lazy man is when he makes plans with no action. You can talk all you want about what you want, what you're going to do this, that and the third but unless you put hustle behind those desires, you're just sounding brass and tinking cymbals. 1 Timothy 5:8 (The Message) reinforces this: "^3-8Take care of widows who are destitute. If a widow has family members to take care of her, let them learn that religion begins at their own doorstep and that they should pay back with gratitude some of what they have received. This pleases God immensely. You can tell a legitimate widow by the way she has put all her hope in God, praying to him constantly for the needs of others as well as her own. But a widow who exploits people's emotions and pocketbooks—well, there's nothing to her. Tell these things to the people so that they will do the right thing in their extended family. Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith. That's worse than refusing to believe in the first place. " If the Bible places great importance on a man being a hard worker, then why are men so slothful? A man prides himself on being a hard worker to where he feels useless if he's not doing something. Some of these young men think nothing of letting their woman take care of the house and have the nerve to flex like he's king. Last time I checked, a king is someone who works to make life better for those under him. Ever since I was a young lad, I was working around the house which prepared me for when I got my first job at 14. That work ethic I picked up from my dad showed me I had to work for everything I wanted. Working for what you want gives you a greater appreciation because it was with your blood, sweat and tears. I feel like I'm the only man with a work ethic. With the vision I have, I have to keep a work ethic because it's on me to make the most of my life. I can't depend on nobody (other than Jesus) to get me where I want & need to be. I live by the motto: It's Out There For The Taking. Some of these men need to step their game up.

Relationship Pride

The #1 reason why most relationships fail is pride. Both parties are too busy trying to be right instead of understanding the other person's viewpoint. There is a time to confront and a time to fall back. You can't be in battle/CIA mode all the time because it gets old. People want the freedom to be themselves without having to walk on eggshells. Some things people need to be called on but if it's not that serious, let it go. When two people come together as one, they bring their own outlook(s) into the relationship. They won't agree 24-7 but a couple should have some mutual understanding of what they will & won't tolerate. This keeps order in the relationship so it won't degenerate into a free-for-all. Nobody wants to be with someone that feels like they always have to get the last word, can never admit fault. They would leave him/her and so would I. I've got pride just as much as the next person but I know when to fall back, especially if I have a strong case and the person refuses to hear my side. Nothing much you can do except state your case and move on. Why waste time trying to plead your side to a person that's set in their ways? That energy would be better spent towards a noble cause. Pride is also a major factor in relationship disagreements because the man has his agenda for how the relationship should work and the woman has hers. Both should be able to have a civil discussion about expectations and if an agreement can't be reached, maybe it's best if the couple split because there's bound to be constant friction. Is it too much to overlook an offense if it's not hurting the relationship? I don't think so. Don't sweat the small stuff if it's not going to endanger the relationship. I also feel if you don't tighten up on small issues, they can become big issues that are too much to handle.

The Grass Is Greener, Part 2

Speaking from a professional viewpoint, when a man or woman accepts a job/promotion, they do so because they want to move up. When they first accepted the job, they had a vision for where they wanted to be and a promotion confirmed that. In this economy, there's no such thing as job security due to layoffs. What is an employee to do when (s)he accepts an offer BUT continues to interview for other positions? In theory, you should stick with the first offer you get especially if the job has everything you're looking for and then some. With this economy, you have to do what's best for you employment wise. If you have a great job, yes you should be thankful and hold onto it but at the same time, keep your options open. What if you find the job that's TRULY yours and you want that one instead? It would be tough to turn down a promotion at your current job because something better came along. The job market isn't like it used to be so again, all options must be kept open to protect against layoffs. Layoffs are a part of the business world so it's important to have a Plan B. In 2012, it's not smart having your job being your sole income source so at the very least, you should have a side hustle that you can eventually focus on full-time. The best way to insulate yourself against layoffs is by having another job already lined up before you walk out on your present position. This way, the thought of how you're going to make it won't be an issue because you already have your cards in order. The issue with accepting a job/promotion is word will get back to your employer and you'll find yourself in the unemployment line all over again because most companies will expect you to choose between their job or another one. Companies are looking out for themselves even with layoffs so an employee has to do the same. If a company lets you go because you won't take the first offer, they helped you make the right decision because you found out where they really stood. It's rare for somebody to stay with one company for 20+ years without having to ponder the possibility of a layoff. Companies have no loyalty to their employees so why should an employee be loyal to a company? I support everybody who keeps their options open by taking a job/promotion and continuing to interview elsewhere just in case they may find a better job that pays more, offers a better benefits package or one that's conducive to what that person is looking for. I also believe that jobs are hard to come by so if you get an offer, you should take it and move on. It may not be the job you want but use it as a stepping stone to something better.

Conversation Says All?

This came off a Facebook friend of mine's wall: "When I meet a woman, within 3 seconds I know if I have a physical attraction. Within 3 minutes of a conversation, I know whether I have a mental connection. Within 3 conversations (if she ...gets that far), I know whether I have a spiritual, emotional, and social connection. Then, she is placed in one of 3 categories in my life: networking friend, platonic friend, or courtship friend. The last one is only for the RARE women." Can conversation determine the length of a relationship? I think so because conversation helps people get to know each other. It's in conversation that you find out someone's life vision & outlook. I feel conversation says a lot about a person. If someone cannot converse about politics, education and the world around them, they will be deemed as ignorant because they have no concept of the world around them. I look at a woman's conversation ability before getting to know her. If she can't discuss anything other than going to the club, getting her hair done or shopping, I determine her conversational skills as lacking. Nobody wants to be with someone that cannot hold a decent conversation, myself included. I can discuss sports and music with the best of them but I know more about the world around me and that's more important. If you're walking in discernment, it won't take long to discover a fraud. That's where you learn discernment, through conversation. If you don't have a good feeling about someone through conversation, that's a sign you two are better off as friends or going your separate ways. Most people have little to no discernment, which means what someone can identify in seconds, it takes longer for somebody else. I want to have deep conversations because those conversations are more memorable than who won last night's game or what shoes you got from the mall yesterday. What does she want 3,5 or 10 years from now? When you're talking to someone that cracks jokes 24-7, anyone would assume they don't know when to be serious. So, conversation can and does tell a lot about a person.

Relationship Expectations

When meeting someone for the first time, you're trying to get to know them. How far the relationship goes will depend on the couple's compatibility. A couple has to be compatible in ALL aspects in order for a relationship to work, nothing can be out of alignment. If a man has expectations for how he wants the relationship to go, it would behoove the woman to take notes so she can be the best for him and herself. In an ideal world, we would accept others as they are but that isn't true by a long shot. Let's be honest, nobody is willing to take someone as they are. It's said if a person shows you who they are, believe them. 9 times out of 10 that assessment is spot on because they are showing you their true colors right off the bat and it's on you if you can love them past their flaws. If not, don't waste your time and theirs by forcing a relationship to work because you're too busy trying to change him/her. You can't change a person, only they can change themselves by choice. I've never understood how somebody can get with a person and expect to mold them into their ideal man/woman. If that person has personality/character flaws that are deal breakers for you and you can't handle that, keep it moving. They're good for someone, just not you. The sooner people learn this, the better off they will be. It's good to want someone on your level and most people find someone that's right for them (as they should) but as time goes on, people change and sometimes for better or worse. What gets me is people who have these expectations for their mate but they have NOTHING to bring to the table themselves. How can you require the world of someone when you're not willing to offer the same in return? That's silly. Be the person you want to attract.