Forgive & Forget

No matter who you are, we've all had to deal with forgiveness. It's inevitable that we will be hurt, are hurting and know someone who has been hurt. It's said that forgiveness is moreso for yourself than the other person, which is true. Forgiveness is to keep you free from bondage because holding grudges isn't a good look. Studies show that holding grudges causes all kinds of health ailments so from a health standpoint, forgiveness is beneficial. Forgiveness is one of, if not the hardest things to do because in a way, you have to release someone of the debt (wrongdoing) owed you. I see forgiveness as a green light for someone to keep fouling up intentionally with no remorse. At some point, people need to be chin-checked. Otherwise, forgetting someone's transgression defeats the purpose of having gone through that negative experience. There are times to forgive and forget, and there are times to forgive and confront. The wisdom lies in knowing which is necessary. Realistically, humans don't forget. I can forgive and remember what they did but forget wanting revenge. I will not be a fool and let someone repeat the past with me. Forgiving doesn't mean absolving them of the consequences of their actions, it means you won't allow them to live rent-free in your life. They're keeping it moving and you're holding a grudge. I do realize that some hurts are deep and those take time to get over.

Chasing After You

I'm not a fan of chasing after anyone to get them to be with you. If somebody doesn't want to be with you by choice, let them go. I don't understand how a person can chase after somebody, going through hoops just to get their affection. That's crazy to me, but it happens. We're grown (some of us at least) so the adult thing to do is move on. Find someone that wants to be with you for YOU. If I'm with a woman and she wants to walk out on me, that's her perogative. You won't catch me running her down and begging her to stay with me. I have too much pride for that. I think people need to be secure within themselves that they can live without a man or woman in their lives. This comes from loving yourself deeply and knowing what you want. It's usually a blessing if someone walks out on you because they show you who they really are; they could have character flaws that are one of your dealbreakers and if you stay with them, could you overlook their faults? When someone walks out of your life, it doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people, it means that their part in your story is done. Some people are meant to be in your life for a season, others are forever. Chasing after someone that's seasonal signals that you're holding onto something that's just not meant for you. That's how people miss out on their blessing because they don't know how to let go and accept the sometimes, inevitable losses of life.

Women Raising Boys

Can women raise boys into strong, responsible men? That's an interesting question that has varying answers. Some say no, others say yes. A woman can teach boys certain aspects about manhood such as respect/honor, responsibility, accountability but as far as imparting manly principles, she can't do it. How can a woman teach a boy about manhood and she's not a man? Just like a man can't teach a girl about being a woman. Too many young men raised by single mothers are exhibiting effeminate characteristics because they don't have a father in the home to show him the way. Even if a single mom is raising a boy, that child should have respectable male figures to show him the way. Strong women are rarely, if ever attracted to weak men and it makes sense because eventually she'll get tired of feeling like she's carrying the relationship so she'll want him to step up. This is why many women are frustrated because the thoroughbreds are the last of a dying breed; there's not many real men (one person's definition of a real man is different from the next) left. They are finding out quickly why men are important in the home. Women don't understand man principles, ways, things, perspectives. Therefore they can't impart manly wisdom to a boy. This isn't a knock on single moms because some mothers have raised strong, successful men but as far as manhood as a whole, women can't do the job.

Stop Being A People Pleaser

It's said that if you're born to stand out, stop trying to fit in. I live by this mantra because if everyone were the same, this world would be lame. An individual marches to the beat of their own drum; they start trends, not copy others' trends. It baffles me how people go to great lengths to fit in so they won't be seen as "different". Well, I would rather be different than a cookie-cutter version of the next person. True, we gravitate toward those we're compatible with but at the same time, people need to learn how to stay true to themselves. If someone doesn't like you for you, they aren't the right people you want in your life. I've never been and never will be a people-pleaser. It's not in my genetic makeup because inevitably people pleasers compromise their moral values just to fit in with the wrong crowd. Little do they realize that those who they're trying to fit in with don't really like them and yet people still want acceptance from the wrong crowd. I don't get that. If anything, one should seek acceptance from the right people who will enrich your life. Peer Pressure is a perfect example because during the pre-teen and adolescent years, youth want acceptance; they want to be in the in-crowd. Young people will go to extremes to fit in at the expense of individuality. If you don't do this, that and the third, we don't want/like you. That's called being phony because you're changing yourself in order to fit others' expectations of you. It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not.

Only God Can Judge Me

This phrase needs to be retired, along with a host of others. Ever since Tupac uttered these very words, most blacks (and people in general) have ate this quip up like nobody's business. Only God Can Judge Me has become nothing more than an excuse to rip & run with no remorse about your actions. Nobody can tell you nothing because you're quick to say "Only God Can Judge Me". When you're about to go down the wrong path and someone tries to tell you the right way to go, you're quick to say "Only God Can Judge Me." Yes, God is the final judge but many people fail to realize that God uses people to get our attention in hopes we get back on track. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best "I have a dream that one day I will be judged for the content of my character, rather than the color of my skin." You know what made MLK a cut above the rest? He embraced judgment! He WELCOMED judgment based on his character. Like it or not, all of us are judgmental (some more and worse than others). When you apply for a job with your resume & cover letter, the company judges your qualifications to see if you are a good fit for the company. If you want to go into the military, the recruiter judges you based on the information you give to see if you would like to enlist. That Only God Can Judge Me stuff needs to stop because all some blacks do is throw that statement around so they won't have to check themselves. This statement is used by arrogant people who think they're above reproach, rebuke & correction. On the flip side, the intended use for this quip is that no matter what people say/think, God has the final say.

Cheaper To Keep Him/Her

It's common knowledge that it's easier to catch a man/woman than it is to keep them. Simply put, what you did to get that prized man or woman, you have to do the same in order to keep them. This is where the problem lies because once a person finds their mate, they think the work is done. Actually, the work has just begun because you have to constantly remind yourself of the work it took to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. Many relationships have fallen by the wayside because the couple is too lazy to maintain that relationship. They don't try as hard as they used to and why should they? They've arrived. A relationship is essentially doomed if the couple gets to a point where they don't have to work at it anymore. Couples need to have a sports mindset in regards to relationships: What I don't/won't do, another will. There are plenty of back-ups waiting for playing time.

Marriage

Marriage is lovely. There's nothing like meeting the right person and making a commitment to them for life. Marriage can be bliss if you meet the right person, but it can also be hell if you meet the Devil's Dad or Satan's Mistress. There are articles highlighting couples that have been married in excess of 70+ years. That puts a smile on my face because only God can keep two people together that long. There's a black North Carolina couple that holds the longest marriage record to date; the man is 104 and the woman is 101. They've been married for 86 years! Other couples have made the news for being married 70+ years. Those couples give me hope because they can school most people on what it takes to have a successful marriage. Why wouldn't anyone want to take advice from a married couple that's been married 80 years or more? Matter of fact, when or if I get married, granted it will be with the PERFECT woman but I'll seek out wise counsel from marriage veterans. Nowadays, marriage is a joke (yes I said it) for the simple fact that people get divorce over BS. Your man/woman pissed you off so you're going to leave them. Granted, there should be clear-cut boundaries of what both parties won't accept in a marriage but to split up over miniscule matters just shows the couple didn't think it through careful enough. Either couples get married for the wrong reasons or they get married for "love." Sorry, but it takes a lot more than love to have a successful marriage. You have to accept your man/woman saying and/or doing things to upset you. If you're not willing to weather life's storms together, what's the point of getting married? Really. Some people aren't cut out for marriage because they aren't willing to do the work. If I'm going to get married, I'm in it to win it. I want to be down for my wife to the very end and hopefully she'll have my back just the same. Otherwise, I'll remain single and continue getting myself together, working on my goals (which I'm well on my way to achieving) so I can be on point for my mate, whoever she is. If I'm bringing 100%, she better be willing to do the same.