Selfish & Friends: Straight From My Inbox

Selfish & Friends

STRAIGHT FROM MY INBOX:
My husband now wants a paternity test of our 14 year old son after he watched some show on TV! I refuse to give him one because it's stupid and pointless. Yes, I cheated on him but I was young and dumb then and I didn't value our marriage. But just because he watched some show is not a reason for a test. What do y'all think?

 

My Response: This is where Maury gets his material from. She was young & dumb, and didn't value the marriage so she stepped out on her man. That's a reason *sarcasm*. Men, this is why you need to be careful who you lay down with because some of these women are foul. There's no telling how many men she's been with; she's listed herself as only being with her baby's dad, but you just don't know. Shows like Maury paint a valid picture about the court system; women sleeping with random men and not knowing who the baby's father is, so she gets a DNA test to find the baby's true father. I'm not going through all that, so that's why I don't put myself in precarious situations. The sad thing is, she doesn't seem to care. He's right to ask for a paternity test, SHE CHEATED! If he was smart, he wouldn't have laid down with her, but that's too much like right. Situations like this happen far too often, and the child suffers. I know I've never been in this situation (thank God I'm not), but stuff like this makes me jaded. What if I meet a woman and we produce a child? Is she going to be honest about me being the only man she's been with? Who knows. I've said this before & I'll say it again: People don't respect marriage. A couple gets married, gets bored with each other and they decide to spice things up: 3somes, swinging, and the infamous open marriage. You're either married or you're not. There's no such thing as an open marriage. Men, keep your thing in your pants.

Random Thoughts

1. People will always cheat because there's someone willing to cheat with them; think about it, it's true.

2. "I Need A Man That Can Handle Me"-Miss, you're grown, you should be able to handle yourself.

3. Some women are quick to say what a real man does, but when a man flips the script and says what a real man should do, it's a problem.

4. Cold weather is not the time for cuffing someone's (wo)man, because you have to return them like a library book.

5. Relationships have to be 100-100. It's not dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got.

6. The 80's & 90's were the best television decade. You had A'Team, Magnum P.I., Alf, Hunter, etc.

7. Preachers of L.A. wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's good to see shows depicting preachers as regular human beings.

8. A fight requires two participants. If one person walks away, the person walking away wins every time. Let the one looking for a fight look stupid.

9. The level of your destiny should determine your marital status. Look at President Obama: Husband, father, and president of the US; that's A LOT of responsibility for one man.

10. I shared a Facebook photo of an 18-year old dog who was blind & toothless. The owners gave them up, because they got tired of him. Wow...why get a pet if you're not going to care for it long term? El Stupido.

11. People approach marriage like a contract: What's In It For Me? How Can I Benefit? With that mindset, no wonder the divorce rate is over 50% for first marriages.

12. Some women think they're winning by being the side chick, but in reality, they're losing. The man is only with you for sex.

13. It's easier to deflect, rather than reflect.

14. It must be nice to be self-made; getting ahead without the support & help of others. All you have is your hustle and intellect.

15. Something's wrong when Christians have a higher divorce rate than the rest of society as a whole.

16. Having one disability is bad enough, but to have multiple disabilities? That's heartbreaking. How bad could someone's genetics be to where they're born with multiple disorders? Goodness.

17. Just like women have no use for a man with no direction, men have no use for a woman who has no ambition. She wants to ride his coattails.

18. What Do you bring to the table? I brought my own table, what about you? You don't have one? I'm sorry, exit stage left.

19. A guy breaks up with his woman over compliments & likes from a Facebook photo...craziness.

20. Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.

I Will Not Marry You

Every woman in a relationship looks forward to their man proposing to them. That is the ultimate goal in courting, to lead to marriage. What happens when she says no? That's the ultimate dagger in a man's heart, because he's looking forward to making his fiancee his wife, and she says no. When a woman says no, it could be for several reasons: She's not ready for marriage. Let's be honest, marriage is a big responsibility. You have to ask yourself these questions: 1. Can I love this person past their flaws? 2. Am I truly the (wo)man (s)he is looking for? 3. Will I love them through the rough times? 4. Am I, the husband, willing to seek God for direction for my family? 5. Is (s)he willing to put my desires ahead of his? Those 5 questions are what every couple leaning towards marriage should ask. The answers to those questions will determine the future progression. Oprah is a good example; her and her man live together but don't want marriage. She says she can't live up to the responsibility of marriage, and I respect that. Not everyone wants the responsibility of marriage, but they want marriage benefits. How good is your relationship with yourself? Do you know you? Are you at peace with yourself? These should be the first questions you ask a person when meeting them. If they can't answer the questions, that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't suitable as a mate. Just make sure they have a willingness to figure these things out and go from there. Your purpose might be to help lead them to that peace or purpose. How well one knows themself determines if they're ready for marriage. If a person's used to being single with no accountability, then marriage wouldn't be a good look. They meet a marriage-minded (wo)man, and things are going smooth until the question is popped: Will you marry me? All of a sudden, crickets chirping. Once things are carefully thought out, (s)he realizes they aren't ready to be tied down, so the woman is crushed because he got her hopes up. The moral of this commentary is to know yourself. Know what you can & can't deal with. If you propose to your spouse, and they say no, end the relationship and both of you go your separate ways.

Church Politics

The last couple of nights (Sunday & yesterday) had me ticked off, so I'll address Church politics. I'm not going into the details, but hear me when I say this: Politics have no place in church because of hidden agendas. Some people get into church leadership to push their agenda, and the politics get worse if board members are cool with some of the congregation. The congregation speaks into his/her ear, and that board member will vote in favor of their supporters. In this aspect, church politics and general politics go hand in hand. Church is supposed to be a hospital, where sick people come for healing. Almost every religious organization has a leadership team which consist of a Bishop, who's the head of the organization, and his leadership team. The Bishop and leadership team is tasked with overseeing the hundreds of churches under it's umbrella. From time to time, the Bishop will travel to a few churches as a guest speaker. Other times, he (the Bishop) or a representative will show up just to monitor church operations. When a pastor resigns or retires from a church, the Bishop & leadership board, as well as the church board come together and seek God for the next pastor. This process can take anywhere from 6-12 months, or longer. When searching for a pastor, that requires serious consideration. Is he filled with the Holy Spirit? Is the pastor of high moral standing, and if so, does he have people he's accountable to? A pastor with no accountability is a dangerous person because (s)he's left unchecked. That pastor can push whatever agenda they see fit. Now, onto the good part: I said that every church has a board, right? Correct. You would think that a CHURCH board is able to seek God together for the direction of a church, but that's not the case. People have motives that always come out at the right time. You don't believe me? Let your pastor resign from your local church, and the search committee get together to find a pastor. One person is going to have this criteria, another is going to have this, and so on. Conflict will happen because anytime you get a group together, there will be differing viewpoints. Some church members are close with the board so they're able to influence the board to vote a certain way. Example: A pastor preaches a couple sermons as part of the interview process for Sr. Pastor. Next couple of nights, your church hosts a Q&A session where church members can ask the candidate whatever's on their heart. This pastor admits his moral failure, been through restoration and has never committed that sin again. A couple members can't get past his moral failure, so they bring it up EVERY chance they get. Depending on what denomination the pastor is a part of, restoration is a definitive NO. Ok, if God can forgive & restore, what's the Assemblies of God's problem? This is the nonsense that makes unsaved people want nothing to do with Christianity. From a church perspective, a process of selecting a pastor should be in place. This way, the congregation can have a say in who their next pastor is. The only time I'm against politics in church is when there's hidden agendas. You don't know who's on the church board with hidden agendas. All church members can do is pray that the board is doing their job correctly. It doesn't mean the members agree with the board's every decision, it means that the search committee is being led by the Holy Spirit, and NOT their agendas.

Too Much Sex?

Relationship Issue: I want to ask for advice, my wife of 18 years has a vicious sex drive, it's been like this our entire marriage, but lately I can't keep up. We have sex 4 times a day during the work week and 10-12 times during the weekend. It gets so bad that my penis gets sore, and dry heaves because my sperm pouch is depleted. I don't know how to approach her about sex toy options because she's very religious, and want to keep things natural. I love her to no end and enjoy our intimacy, but it's starting to get frustrating and very tiresome. Please answer maturely because I ain't no punk, I just want to please my wife sexually, but it's hard to perform this frequently.

 

ME: What's the problem? His wife has a high sex drive, nothing wrong with that. I can't stand some men who complain about their woman's high sex drive. This tells me that men aren't built like they used to, because there was a time where a man would love a woman with a high sex drive. Someone needs to tell this man "what you won't do, someone will." "I love her to no end, and enjoy our intimacy" I can't tell, because most men would have no problem making their woman tap out. I could never fix myself to complain about my wife's sex drive, because as a husband, I have a responsibility to render affection that's due her (that's Biblical), and vice versa. The whole toy idea is ridiculous, and if I was her, I'd tell him to shove his suggestion. The bottom line is that he needs to man up, and give his wife what she wants. If he can't keep up, he better start working out so he can increase his energy level. Studies show that regular exercise and good diet does wonders for stamina. She may be using sex to fill other voids emotionally, psychologically, financially, etc. Sounds like she's bored and needs a job and some hobbies. Loving sex is good, but what else does this couple do? I think she is a nympho and because of her religious convictions, she sexes him so much to keep from going elsewhere. But she needs to get a grip though. Tone it down and let him recover. Glad after 18 years they still on like that, but dude is feeling like he's ready to retire!

Do You Really Love Me?

Anyone who's in a relationship has asked this question. This question is designed to get couples thinking. It's easy to say "I love you because....", it's another when you have to think critically about your answer. The depth of your answer can make or break a relationship. When a man asks his woman "Do You Really Love Me", he wants to know if she would love him without the accolades, success, and material posessions. Also, when a man asks his lady does she really love him, 90% of the time, he wants something. Example: A man and woman are home chilling, when she asks a favor of him. He doesn't want to get off his couch, but after much coercion, he gives in. What sealed the deal is when she asks "Do you really love me?". A man wants to know his woman will love him when he's going through a rough period, not when the bottles are popping and everything's sweet. It's easy to love your mate when there's sunshine; that love is tested when it seems like they're catching hell from all sides, your spouse included. I don't have a problem being asked this question if she's unsure of my love for her. Sometimes, women & men are unsure of their mate's love for them, so they need clarification every now & then. It's said that women need reassurance their man loves them. That's where the discrepancy lies because men show better than tell. A good man shows his woman how much he loves her by how he treats her. If he's treating her right, that should be good enough for her. Noooooo, some women need to be told 200 times a day "I love you". Words alone aren't going to cut it. As with everything, actions speak louder than words. Then again, some people are built like that: They appreciate the action of being shown love, but hearing those words "I love you" is icing on the cake. People have different love languages: Some want to be shown love, others want to be told they are loved, and others are a mix of show & tell. I'm a combination. I would rather be told I'm loved, THEN shown. The action is far more precious than words.

A Season For Everything

In the 60's, the folk-rock band The Byrds popularized the song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" It climbed to the top spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and gained worldwide popularity. People seemed captivated by the lyrics. Interestingly though, except for the last line, those lyrics are from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes. "To everything there is a season," proclaims the writer of Ecclesiastes, "a time for every purpose under heaven" (3:1). He then lists some human experiences: birth & death, gain & loss, tears & laughter, mourning & dancing. Just as the seasons in nature change, so do the seasons in our lives. Our circumstances never stay the same for long. Sometimes we welcome change in our lives. But often it's difficult, especially when it involves sorrow and loss. Yet, even then we can be thankful that God doesn't change. "I am the Lord," He said through the prophet Malachi, "I do not change" (Malachi 3:6). Because God remains the same, we can rely on him through life's shifting seasons. His presence is always with us (Ps. 46:1). His peace has the power to guard our hearts (Phil. 4:7), and his love provides security for our souls (Rom. 8:39). People like change when it's beneficial to them. If change doesn't benefit them, many people resist change. Life is full of seasons, everyone will go through good & bad seasons. You can have a run of success until something rocks your world, then what? Whether we like it or not, there is a season for everything. I wish we didn't have bad seasons, but we live in a fallen world; so we take the good with the bad.