Putting Your Man or Woman Before Your Child(ren)

I can't fathom why any parent would put their desire for a man/woman ahead of their children. That's crazy to me. I read a FB status from a woman that was so bold to state she was giving up her child because she can't stand being alone. She said she would be disappointed but I doubt it. Anyway, no man or woman should put their desire for a mate above their children. That mate is gonna come & go, but your child(ren) will always be there. Your children were there before him or her. Women like that disgust me and then they wonder why no man wants them. A real man will not join with a woman that doesn't handle her parental business. If somebody is going to be that shallow to put their mate ahead of their child, they need Jesus. Some of the men are no better especially if they co-sign her. When it comes to children, they take precedence over a person's want/need for a mate. If it's meant for a single parent to be in a relationship, it will happen on God's time, not his/hers. The right mate who comes along will have to accept her & the children. That's why some single parents have a hard time finding suitable mates because the person refuses to accept the child(ren). They're ok with dating the man/woman, but they cannot accept the child(ren). You cannot have one without the other. Am I the only man in existence who wouldn't ask a woman to put me ahead of her kid(s)? I must be. Putting your mate ahead of your child(ren) leads to greater selfishness and may probably result in the relationship being over.

Continual Forgiveness

Question from a Facebook status: How forgiving would you be if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you? Would you forgive them and could you move on from that? What if you were married? I hope I never have to answer these questions should I get into a relationship because I will have clear-cut boundaries of what will & won't work. Should she leave because I enforce zero tolerance, that's her problem & not mine. If this happened to me, I would forgive her but I could never trust her again because trust is a sacred component in a relationship; once you break that trust, it can never be repaired and if so, it takes a LOT of work. Just because I would forgive her, doesn't mean I would take her back. I would have to release her because she couldn't respect our bond so why should I keep someone around that's going to suck the joy from my life? That's flaw. There are people that will forgive (as they should) and take a cheating person back. I know to each their own, but I think it's ridiculous to take a cheater back. By taking him/her back, you are sending a message that you accept their transgression and they have free will to hurt you again & again. Why give anyone that power? They showed their lack of committment to you via cheating so you have every right to cut them loose. It's no different in marriage. In marriage, you have for better or worse and while cheating counts as the "worse", it doesn't mean you have to excuse cheating behavior. I will never understand how some people can keep forgiving and taking back a cheating spouse. I would forgive a cheating spouse but the trust will never be the same. She would have to work doubly hard to regain my trust (if I took her back). It would depend on emotional level for me. Letting a person cheat on you shows your neediness & weakness because if you can overlook cheating, you will overlook what you need to confront. It's said that people entrust the other person with their heart when two people come together as one. Unlike some people, I take relationships very seriously. When I get with a woman, she will know off top that I only have eyes for HER. I could never cheat on my lady because of what it would do to her and me. This may be a little harsh but it needs to be said: If someone takes a cheater back, they deserve whatever further hurt the cheater is sure to unleash. The victim could've nipped it in the bud by forgiving him/her and then letting them loose.

The Grass Is Greener

I want to speak on the subject The Grass Is Greener. Everyone has heard this phrase at some point in their lives. It can be applied to every area of your life from finances to career and everything in between. The premise is you make more moves elsewhere than you would if you stayed in one spot.  I believe this statement because why stay in one spot and get nowhere when you can move to the other side and get further than you ever dreamed possible? I don't understand that. Some people are content with mediocrity and that's their choice. Not everyone desires to be successful; some people are content doing the minimum to get by. It's all good because I know who NOT to surround myself with. I've arrived at a place in life where I have more hustle to get where I want to be. If I have to cut some friends (or acquaintances) loose because they aren't walking the same road I am, so be it. In order to be successful, you have to surround yourself with likeminded people. If you have big dreams and see no opportunity in your hometown but you know you can make it somewhere else, the grass will be greener on the other side for you because it's in a new terrain that you will get further than you ever dreamed. Once you have arrived, you are thankful you left your hometown. I know the grass isn't ALWAYS greener on the other side because sometimes where you're at in life is the best place for you. Take Lebron James for example. He had to go to Miami to win a championship because he wasn't getting help in Cleveland and folks were fighting mad at him for his decision. That's their problem if they don't understand the rationale behind him leaving Cleveland. If you're a star player who went to management asking for help and they refused to give you a supporting cast, you're going to want to be traded to a better team. One person can't carry a team. Ever since Lebron left Cleveland, he's got his first NBA ring and an MVP trophy to boot. Lebron's example was confirmation that the grass was greener on the other side. Many times, you have to do whatever it takes to better yourself even if it means moving to new terrain. I'm a firm believer that the grass is greener on the other side, especially if you can reach your goal(s) faster by going somewhere else. Life is too short to remain stuck. Make the most of each day. If there's no opportunity where you're at, create opportunity or go where you have a better shot of doing well in life.

Spending Time With Your Friends 24-7

Everybody needs time for themselves, relationships are no different. In order for a relationship to thrive, couples must take time out for themselves to be with friends because chances are, their friends were there long before he/she came into your life. I can't stand couples that get together and abandon their friends. That's flaw to me. While men and women in relationships need to spend time with friends every now & then, how much is too much? If spending too much time with your friends jeopardizes your relationship, then you need to fall back. However, there are times where you need to break away from each other so you can appreciate each other when you do get back together. It's said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. For example, a man and woman have gotten off work and had a good workout so they want to do something with their friends. No harm, no foul right? That would be correct if they checked in with each other. A couple's first responsibility (especially if they're married) is to each other. If your spouse wants you home at a decent hour, then you should come home at a respectable hour out of respect for them. I don't think they're trying to control you, they're concerned for your safety and want to spend time with you. I understand some people are controlling that they want you all to themselves. In that case, you should up & leave them. No one wants to be controlled, nor should they allow it. If I'm in a relationship with my lady and I want to have a night out with my friends, I can do that and will check in with her so she won't worry. I don't want to be cooped up with my woman in the house 24-7 and I'd hope she doesn't want the same for herself. I want her to have a life outside of me so when we reunited shortly, we'll have a deeper appreciation for each other. There are couples you would think are single because they never spend any time together, the man and/or woman are always out with friends. Those relationships don't last long becuase the couple is too busy living like they're single instead of together.

Relationship Standards

Everybody has standards for their prospective mate. Relationship standards serve a couple purposes: 1. Gives YOU something to shoot for and 2. Allows the other person to measure up (as they should). The problem lies is when men & women expect their partner to be on point when they aren't together themselves. How can you require of someone what you yourself don't have, let alone willing to give? That's bound to create problems in the relationship because one person is giving you the best of them and you're giving them scraps. If you're not giving your all to a relationship, do yourself and him/her a favor and split. You're good for someone, just not them and vice versa. A common expectation women have for prospective men is they want a man to be whole. That's good and she should expect the best in a man but what is she bringing to the table? What does she have to offer other than her good looks? "I'm not settling for chicken dinner when I deserve prime rib". What makes YOU think you're prime rib. Unless your perfect (which none of us are) then people shouldn't expect perfection in a spouse. The only person that's perfect is Jesus. I find it hilarious, if not shameful that some people can be so shallow they forget they have to meet another's relationship standards just like you have to meet theirs. If you're a 5 looking for a 10, something's wrong because a nickel isn't going to want a dime, a dime wants another dime so they can continue growing together. A nickel should look for a nickel, a dime should look for a dime, quarter for quarter. What I'm getting at is people should look for those comparable to them so there's no incompatibility. Contrary to popular belief, opposites DO NOT attract. Opposites are just that, OPPOSITES. Opposites are not supposed to work together, they are designed to do just that...be contrary. The reason why many relationships fail is unrealistic expectations. I'm for setting the bar high but if you're going to set the bar high, make sure you are at that level so your partner can have something to shoot for. I will never require of someone what I don't have to give or am not working towards.

Getting To Know Your Partner

When two people get into a relationship, the intent is to build a life together via marriage. The courting stage involves getting to know each other inside & out; finding out what makes him/her tick, their dreams, where they see the relationship going, etc. I don't know of anyone that gets involved with a person and doesn't want to get to know them; that's insane. Getting into a relationship with someone and not taking the time to find out about them is the same as being single. You two might as well break up because the relationship is going nowhere. One of my FB friends said it best: "Some People Just Want To Be In A Relationship Just To Say They Have Someone, But If You Don't Take The Time To Get To Know That Someone....Then You Have No One. If You Don't Have Time To Study Your Spouse, Then You Don't Have Time To Be In A Relationship." I co-sign this assessment because relationships involve mutual investment...both parties must be willing to invest in each other in order to reap the benefits. I think having a spouse is more of a business deal because as you're studying someone, you will find things you don't like about them and unless you can love them past their faults, the relationship may be doomed. Relationships should be pursued by people of good character who are open to change so both men & women can grow. Who wants to be with someone that's content with the ground level and doesn't want to move higher? Not me. Getting to know someone can be like studying because you ask questions of him/her, do a background check and then verify the information. Studying your mate can give off an air of micromanaging, judgmental decisions and being under a microscope; no one wants to be like that. As you're getting to know someone, they will have flaws you may/may not be able to stand. They're human and so are you. You love them through their issue(s), learn about yourself in the process and how to deal with them. What relationships boil down to is getting involved with someone of good character and Universal Laws usage. Relationships aren't complicated, it's the people who make them that way.

I Trust You God, No I Don't

So what's the point of praying about a situation and you're going to do what you want anyway? Either you trust God for direction or not. So many Christians (myself included) are guilty of this because on the one hand, God invites us to present our requests and put action behind those prayers, and on the other he expects us to leave the responsibility up to him. God gives us the power of choice but before that, we all have the ability to chose wisely if we utilize the tool(s) he have given us. Prayer helps us tap into those tools and open our heart, mind and soul. Prayer allows us to connect with positive forces. Action must follow prayer for faith without works is dead but we must discern the appropriate time to act or be able to deal with the reactions of our actions. When people pray about a situation, they are uncertain of the outcome so they pray with expectation that God will answer accordingly. God will respond in favor to our request(s) but usually he answers in his way, not ours. I believe uncertainty is a tough pill to swallow because some people pray and there's a waiting period. Many prayers God answers quickfast and others involve a waiting period. After intercessory/supplication prayers are lifted up to God, a waiting period ensues which is designed to test a believer's faith. Most believers believe God to answer prayers on the spot but when they have to wait, uncertainty sets in. I'm learning daily to lean on God for total understanding and he's never led me astray. Faith is like a muscle, it needs regular spiritual nutrition & exercise in order to get stronger. I liked what Kim Ward had to say on this topic: "Many of us have a hard time separating God's voice from the noise of the crowd (even our own voices). I have also learned not to answer for God. We pick a scenario that looks good in our sight and slap a "God's Will" label on it. I have also learned that being the boss of my business or in my house does not mean that God is punching my time clock too. I have rushed an answer to one prayer not realizing that God was answering another one of my prayers." When believers pray, they want to answer for God not realizing that God is sovereign. What we think is good for us, God may not co-sign so it would behoove us to realize that God knows best. Our time is not God's time. Another theory I have on trusting God is that because his answer doesn't line up with our own, we try to alter God's answer for our prayers and when things fall apart, we come back to him looking crazy. It boils down to this: When you pray about a situation, LEAVE it in God's hands. He will answer how he sees fit.