Conflict Breeds Understanding?

No relationship is immune to conflict. I wish it were true (which I think it is, to an extent) but because people are different, there will be conflict. With people being different comes different outlooks, views, theories, etc. I'm a believer that you learn more through opposing viewpoints because it's in opposition that you are forced to think outside the box, that maybe conflict isn't so bad after all. The most creative solutions have come through conflict. The best relationships are not immune to conflict (though at times, I wish that were the case) but my issue is whether conflict is TRULY necessary in order to have a successful relationship. I think you can have a successful relationship if boundaries are set from the beginning about what will & won't work, dealbreakers, accountability. As long as you have those things, you should have a drama-free relationship; doesn't mean life won't hit you out of the blue from time to time, just that when the rough patches come (and they will), everything will be in place in order to nip it in the bud quickly and move on. I agree & disagree with the statement that you have to have disagreements/arguments in order to have a good relationship. As long as the couple have a clear understanding, that should be enough. Agree to disagree and move on. The only way conflict breeds understanding is if the parties respect each other's stance, and if necessary admit being wrong. The problem with many relationships is that people don't want to admit they're wrong because it makes them look weak. What separates me from the rest is I'm not too proud to admit being wrong. Best of all, I will care less how it makes me look to the other person because as I always say "I don't live to please people." People are too busy trying to win or be right that their pride gets in the way of what could be a beautiful relationship.

To Marry Or Not Marry?

You can read countless studies about how more men & women are opting not to get married for whatever reason. Either the opposite sex is not marriage material or if a couple is living together and things are going good, why fix what's not broken? I think more men are seeing less of a benefit for marriage because many divorces are initiated by women so what's the point of tying the knot? That's just one of many factors. Another factor that contributes to men seeing less of a benefit for marriage is that most married men aren't happy...wife is a nag, sex life is nonexistent and although they may love their woman, some of them regret getting married. As I've mentioned in a previous commentary, many couples are opting for cohabitation and in most cases, couples that shack up are more happier without marriage constraints. If a cohabitating couple wants to call it quits, they can do so without the financial/legal hassle of divorce. The man/woman you thought was right for you could turn out to be Mr(s). Wrong and then what? Either you work through the rough times or call it quits. Let's be real, everyone meets a man/woman with the intention of growing old with him/her and when the rough times come (and they will), that love is surely tested in ways that'll bring both parties to the edge of the cliff. Besides, I don't hear a dearth of women running saying they want to get married by their actions. Most seem to have a child or two by twenty five, say they don't want more kids but they are waiting on Mr. Right. Really? Really. Something else that came to mind as I was pondering this subject is that marriage involves putting the other person above yourself, and that's the issue most people have. While you SHOULD go into a relationship expecting the other person to fulfill your needs/wants, most men & women forget that the other person has needs & wants. It goes both ways. Marriage is a union that so few seem to understand. Society have created power hungry individuals with no real sense of purpose and until the "me first" mentality is dropped, there's no need to marry.

Light Skin vs. Dark Skin

For as long as I can remember, there has been a team dark-skin & light-skin divide among black women. This goes back to slavery times when light-skinned blacks were seen as the closest thing to white so they got special treatment from slavemasters. Light-skinned slaves were treated better than their darker counterparts and weren't subjected to harsher treatment like their darker counterparts. The moral is that if you have the right shade, you are entitled to special treatment. My personal view: I love black women whether they are light-skinned or dark-skinned, they're all beautiful to me. I don't see the point in this team dark/team light-skin foolishness. Sharen, one of my facebook friends posed this statement to me: Men preferring light skinned women over dark skinned girls because and I quote "they get the best of both worlds. The black girl shape with the white girl skin tone." Guess what? My ex told me that. I guess it assauges any guilt they might have over wanting a white girl but they don't get any ridicule from their mothers and other black women don't look at them funny because she's black but light or biracial. I've been thinking about her statement and it coincides with my view that many black men who are into white women see light-skinned women as the closest thing to white. Like the statement says, they get the best of both worlds with the black girl shape and white girl tone. It's like dating a white woman without ACTUALLY being with one.

Enough Is Enough

There comes a point in our lives where people must say enough is enough especially as it relates to detrimental relationships. No one should use anyone for their personal gain, that's not cool AT ALL. I also believe that people do what you allow, meaning if you let someone use you, you can't get upset when they have their way with you because you didn't check them on how you want to be treated. It's funny how people that used you in the past have no use for you when you no longer allow their detrimental behavior. Good riddance, LET THEM GO. If taking a stand means you'll lose some people, so be it. Let the sorry leeches sap someone else. I used to let people walk over me but now, not anymore. If I feel controlled, I will retaliate how I see fit. If I feel like I'm being used, that's not going to fly with me; no way, no how. I hate to see people being used and then become bitter because they won't stand up for themselves. I see why many people have a no-nonsense personality because people definitely take your kindness as weakness. You don't want to be mean but at the same time you don't want people to use you. There are genuine people that value people's kindness and those are the people I want in my circle. Like diamonds, lovely people are extremely rare so that's why it's important to cherish those who make their mark in your life. Think about it, how can a user get upset when the recipient says enough is enough? That's the ultimate form of ratchet. They're good enough to use, but all of a sudden you have no use for them anymore because they are fed up with your shenanigans? Well, get to stepping (Martin Payne voice).

Black Relationships

It shouldn't be any surprise that black relationships are dismal at best. Black men and women dogging each other about how the other isn't worth squat; black men are trifling, black women are loud & ghetto, have babies by several different men and the list goes on from both sides. I can remember a time where black relationships were at an all-time high; both black men & women got along but as time went on, a divide & conquer mentality has crept into black relationships. Black women are dating outside the race more than ever before and black men have been dating outside their race for as long as I can remember. From a black man's standpoint, black women make their issues his issues, too argumentative, overly opinionated, ghetto, horrible attitude and the list goes on. From a black woman's standpoint, black men are dogs, jailbirds, thugs, mama's boys, have no direction in life, etc. Let me say that there are bad apples in every race. It's not a good look to base your judgment of people based on a few bad apples. That's like the entire class being punished for the actions of one student. At the same time, I'm aware that one person can mess it up for everyone. Black women are very loyal to their men, they will stick with him through thick & thin and I can respect that. We all want someone that will ride with us through the good & bad. If you want to date outside your race, by all means go ahead. Don't hide behind the "black men/women are foul" mantra because that's making you look bad. If black women are that bitter towards brothers and feel a man of another race can treat them better, be my guest. I could care less because that's less drama for me to deal with and at this point in my life, the less drama I have to deal with, the better off I'll be. The same can be said for black men who have given up on black women. No need to broadcast it, just do it and keep moving. Go get him/her, do right by him/her, make a family and live happily ever after. I'm not letting women off the hook to go ahead and continue their reckless behaviors but the good women hear this so much. Why not let these men be happy if they aren't going to be happy with black women? I was posed this question by a Facebook friend: How do you feel about this as a black man and what would be the repercussions among black men if this happened? My response would be to do what's best for you. If black men are so disappointed in sisters, they should find someone that makes them happy even if it is outside the race.

Facts & Truths

Some people have a hard time accepting truth for what it is, TRUTH. They will twist it every way they can in order to lessen the impact but at the end of the day, truth is truth. We have to adjust to the truth, truth doesn't bend to our desires. I remember the old adage "Truth hurts". Yes, the truth does hurt especially if one is used to getting their way 24-7. The person hasn't had someone in their life to keep it real with them and when a person comes along to tell them what it is, they don't know how to respond. Truth does not stop being truth because we can't wrap our minds around it. People need to embrace truth instead of bucking against it. Further wallowing in ignorance is prolonging your pain & suffering. Although truth tastes like bitter medicine at first, in the end it's beneficial because it will help you be a better man or woman; and that's what most of us strive for, correct? I know I strive to be better every day. I can't grow up an old fool that's still doing the same foolish things I did when I was in my 20s and 30s. Another aspect of truth is fact. What is fact? A fact is something that has really occurred or is actually the case. The usual test for a statement of fact is verifiability, that is whether it can be proven to correspond to experience Standard reference works are often used to check facts. Scientific facts are verified by repeatable experiments. Opinions become facts if they are backed up by consistent observation, evidence or behavior. The sooner people learn this, the better off they will be.

Special Treatment

If there's one thing that irks me is rich people that find every excuse to avoid paying higher taxes. They shouldn't have a problem paying higher taxes, they are rich; they can afford it. It's the poor/working class & middle class that are struggling to make ends meet so they should get the bulk of these tax cuts. Let's be real, how can you pay higher taxes and you're on a fixed income? That doesn't make sense. It kills me that super-wealthy people find every excuse to avoid paying higher taxes. I think it's sad that the 1% of America controls the majority of dealings in life, from business to life. I find it sad that favoritism exists. Just because you're in the upper echleon of American society doesn't mean you get to call the shots. Even in the criminal justice system, a wealthy person can do the most heinous crime and they get off scot free because they can afford the best legal protection. If a middle or working class person did the very same crime, they would be thrown under the bus. In some strange way, seeing the rich get special treatment has inspired me in a way to improve my financial status through graduate education, entrepreneurship or other means because the more money you have, the more opportunities/services you have at your disposal. Unlike most people, when I reach the level of success I want, I'm going to use my influence to help those less fortunate come up. Being able to make a difference in someone's life through your influence is something that will stick with you for a while.