Strawberry Letter

This is a recent strawberry letter from the Steve Harvey Morning Show

 

STRAWBERRY LETTER
Subject: My Husband Loves His Female Friends

Letter: My husband and I have been married for 19 years, and we have 2 children. We have built a pretty decent life for ourselves. My issue is my husband and his female friends. I know he was raised by a single mom, grandmother and aunts, and there wasn't a significant male in his life. I get that. He's used to talking to mostly women. What I don't get is why they have to go on lunch outings when I'm at work, or go grocery shopping together, or talk for hours about how she thinks her husband is messing around (just some examples). He works at night, so his days are free. His excuses are usually things like, "well she paid for it, or she put some gas in my car". I really don't care that she paid, I am just uncomfortable with the whole situation. He tries to convince me that it's my insecurities that makes me feel this way. When I try to flip it and say, "What if a man was taking me to lunch and giving me money" (yes giving him money!!!), he says that if I'm not giving him a reason to think something is going on, then he wouldn't have a problem with it. I'm not stupid, I know he is just trying to rationalize his situation. I guess I just need to know if I'm being unreasonable. This is not the first time. The first one was a mutual friend and while I was at work, they would go take drives in the country or go play pool. Her husband spoke to me (I guess feeling me out to see how I felt), then when we confronted them (my husband and her), he acted like it wasn't a problem for him and I was the only one with the problem. I stood my ground and they distanced themselves, but not before trying to make me feel like I was some kind of monster ("we spend most of the time talking about you, you took my friend away"). I feel like it's dangerous to put yourself in a situation where you are discussing your innermost thoughts about your spouse with anyone other than your spouse or therapist. I guess I need to know if I do have the self-esteem issues that he claims I have. I just don't know other women who would put up with this. Is it me? Am I crazy? Help me out please!

Signed,

Love my man, but not his woman

 

My $.02: One thing a man doesn't like is a jealous woman. She questions why he has female friends, even if he's not poking any of them. He's known them long before she (the woman) came into his life, so what's the problem? Sounds like this woman has trust issues. Without trust, you have no relationship. I agree with the husband here; if he's not giving her a reason to mistrust him, she should fall back. Then again, there is a slight possibility he could be plotting to sleep with some of them, so I understand her concern. To protect himself, he needs to tone that down. He should know how some women are about their man having nothing but female friends. Many women, unless they're secure about their relationship, are not co-signing their man having multiple women friends. No woman would, or should be cool with her man spending time out and going to lunch with another woman, let alone many women. Something's not right there. Even if he's friends, somewhere down the line feelings are going to be caught. There's too many red flags with this. If another man was trying to push up on her, he'd be ready to fight.