Family Friction

Folks, I want to talk to you about family friction. In a perfect world, there would be no family conflict because everyone would be on the same page. Families walk & talk alike, think alike, etc. Wouldn't that be great? Yes, but here's the problem: We don't live in a perfect world and unfortunately, families fight. Most families fight and get over it, other families fight and don't speak to each other. Sides are taken, and you're either Team this or that. I was watching Sunday's episode of Thicker Than Water when the Tankard sisters were at odds. Jewel and Junice feel some kind of way about each other, so they're going at it. Hurtful things have been said by each sister and apparently the Tankard sister beef is so deep that they've pretty much stopped speaking to each other. Being the leader, Ben decides to try and mediate by getting to the root of their issues, so some ground was made. My hope is the Tankard sisters can work through their issues, and go back being close. I think they'll get through their issues during the season. 

Unfortunately, many families battle so much that they stop speaking to each other. There's a code that you don't break: Never air your family drama. Whatever issues you have with a family member, you work it out in secret or part ways, but you don't put your family out on Front St. I don't respect that. No matter what issues I may have with my family, I will never put them on blast. I look at these tabloids with these "Tell-All" stories and I shake my head because the enemy (Satan) is wreaking havoc on families, and people are too blind to see it. I'm for family reconciliation, but a person can only do so much (prayer, talking to them, etc) until they feel it's no use. You can't reason with the unreasonable. If a family member refuses to respect your feelings and continues to mistreat and abuse you, it's time to cut that family member loose. It may hurt at first, but you'll understand it's for the best. Sometimes, you have to cut toxic people in your life, and that includes family. I'm blessed to have a cool family, but I feel for those who aren't as blessed to have decent family members.

Come To The Hood

If blacks want businesses in their hoods, get rid of the violent crime and businesses will want to invest. #Simple.

— Florida Made (@RichardMIATL) January 11, 2015

An entrepreneur comes to me looking for an investment in his company. I've been watching Shark Tank long enough to know the kinds of questions to ask: I'm going to ask about location, my return on investment, and I'll gauge how much knowledge and connections I have about their product and make my decision. I'm a successful businessman looking to open another business in a thriving area of the big city. I'm looking at location, proximity to attractions and most of all safety. I hate to say this, but I wouldn't put a business in the hood because of safety concerns. I'm constantly worried about my business being vandalized or burglarized, my customers would have to worry about being victims of crime because of thuggery. Some inner-city people don't want to work for theirs, so they turn to robbing someone else. Not everyone in the ghetto is criminally-inclined, but the criminal element does outweigh the law-abiding citizens.

If I pay for heavy police protection, that could alleviate some of my customers' concerns, as well as my own. It's like this: A lot of blacks complain about lack of investment in their hoods, but look at Ferguson, South Los Angeles, and any other black neighborhood that's suffered from disturbances; the rioters burned down and looted their own businesses. No one's going to invest in your community if you don't take care of it. That means standing up to the criminal element and working with the police to rid your hood of violent crime. I'm growing tired of some blacks complaining about the lack of investment in their communities when all some of them do is burn their own down if a cop shoots down an unarmed black guy. If I compare black neighborhoods to white neighborhoods, I'm likely to make more money in the white communities because of low crime risk, location and because whites are pro-business. They're quick to support up-and-coming business because it makes their community look good, and it does.

I'm not saying that blacks won't support business because a lot of them will, but unfortunately, a lot of black communities have a very high crime risk so it wouldn't make good business sense to open a business in a black neighborhood. I wish that weren't true, but unfortunately it is. I'm all for investment coming into black communities because it's really needed, but there's too many barriers preventing investment from coming into black neighborhoods.

Enemies Turned Besties?

Nene and Phaedra are besties when not too long ago, Nene called Phaedra Fakedra. Have several seats. #RHOA

— Florida Made (@RichardMIATL) January 19, 2015

I could've sworn Nene and Phaedra were enemies, but after the last few episodes I guess they're besties. That's ironic because not too long ago, Nene called Phaedra Fakedra. Anyone who's followed RHOA long enough knows that Nene is the Queen of fakery. She'll be cool with you one minute, and throw shade the next. Cynthia and Nene used to be real cool on RHOA. They would go out together, share intimate details of their lives, etc. As soon as Cynthia started standing up for herself, Nene doesn't like it and decides to start mistreating Cynthia. Cynthia got some heart and decided to terminate her friendship with Nene. Back to Nene and Phaedra: They used to have some of the biggest battles on RHOA, Nene would hit below the belt on Phaedra and vice versa. When Kenya and Nene got into it, Phaedra co-signed Nene on everything and took part in the Kenya bash fest. Fast forward to Kenya vs. Phaedra: During the whole Phaedra/Apollo saga, Phaedra was talking all kinds of noise to Kenya about how she flirted with Apollo, gave him action, etc. Turns out, Kenya was telling the truth all along and Phaedra has yet to apologize to Kenya for the accusations. What's funny is that Nene co-signed Phaedra on the "Kenya's a ho" accusations. My thing is: You can't battle with someone, then be friends the next. That's phony to me because all that showed was that they became best friends under false pretenses, to disparage Kenya. It's going to be a matter of time before Nene gets into it with Porsha, they fall out and become besties once again under false pretenses.

Court My Child, You Better Be On Point

Being the son or daughter of an influential person means that anyone who wants to court him or her, has to be on point.

— Florida Made (@RichardMIATL) January 16, 2015

It's one thing for regular parents to be skeptical of someone who shows interest in their son/daughter, but when that child(ren)'s parents are famous, that's another issue. Famous parents work hard to give their child(ren) the best life possible, so they're going to be 10x more skeptical of any (wo)man checking for their child. Depending on the humility level of the parents, they may be receptive to a regular (wo)man. Because famous parents reached a level of success, they want that for their child(ren). Anyone who's interested in courting their child(ren) has to be able to give them the kind of life their parents did. It takes a lot for parents to entrust their child(ren) into their spouse's care. Parents are trusting their son/daughter's fiancee to care for them the same way they did since Day 1. Let's give a few examples: Steve & Marjorie Harvey. I watched a touching video where Steve broke down at his children's birthday tribute to him. Steve's daughters are very shapely & attractive, and I know that any guy who wanted them, had to go through Steve. From what I know about Steve, he loves his daughters to death. He wants to know his daughters' husbands will provide for them the same way he did. President Obama and his daughters; I feel for the young men who are interested in Sasha and Malia because they'll have to get through Secret Service just to see Mr. President and introduce themselves. Influential parents are going to put every potential husband/wife through the ringer to make sure that (s)he can provide the same kind of life that their son or daughter has been afforded.

New Breeds

I could never bring myself to gossip about another man behind his back. People aren't that important to gossip about.

— Florida Made (@RichardMIATL) January 16, 2015

Today's message is New Breeds, and I'm not talking about the infamous Chicago criminal organization. New Breeds is a term that I've come up with to describe men who take on feminine characteristics. It should be understood that men don't gossip about another man behind his back. If a man has something to say, he says it to that man's face. It seems like today's new breed of men aren't like old-school brothers. Old-school men weren't about shooting their mouths off like rockets about other men. Whatever issue a man had with another, that man took his issue to the offender and they handled it. That's not the case today because you have men threatened by other men for whatever reason, and they want to drag his name through the mud, scandalize his name in the streets. Every time that man comes around, other men huddle together and start gossiping about that man. 

Two things happen with these New Breeds: 1. They play it cool like he's not the object of their discussion (the target knows better) and 2. They'll get online and gossip about whatever man they have a problem with. It's one thing for men to gossip about another man, but it's another when those same gossipy dudes have the nerve to call themselves men. I'm indirectly discussing real men etiquette, so I've got to say this: REAL MEN don't gossip. Men understand that gossiping is unmanly and should be dealt with. I feel if a man's comfortable enough to gossip about another man, he should be comfortable to say what he said to that man's face. These New Breeds don't understand that because many of these dudes have been raised around women. They heard their mama gossip, so he exhibits that same behavior. It's not that guy's fault because he doesn't know any better. He's been raised around women, so that's all he knows is gossiping.
These New Breed of men are something else. It's like the New Breeds have destroyed all manhood protocol, and they decide to get beside themselves and start shooting off at the mouth towards other men. Even worse is these men are ok with telling about the next man. Like my tweet states: I could never bring myself to gossip about another man behind his back. People aren't that important to gossip about.

Before: By Lotus (How To Be A Woman)

Ladies,

Before you talk about how he didn't stay, make sure you talk about what you did to make him go. Before you talk about how he never treated you like a lady, make sure you talk about how you never made him feel like a man. Before you talk about how he stopped bringing home the bacon, don't neglect to speak about how you stopped cooking it before he did. Before you talk about how he wasn't man enough to lead, please talk about how you weren't woman enough to be led. Remember, that when you're laying down blame, you must pick up some accountability as well. Because only a fool believes that when there are clearly two people in a relationship, all of the blame should only be owned by one.

ℓσтυѕ

I've gotten away from promoting various writings of How To Be A Woman, but I'm going to start showcasing more of their material, because it's good. Today's message is going to be a highlight of this article. Everyone knows (or should know) that relationships take two to be successful; both (wo)man have to have the all-or-nothing mindset to make a relationship work or else, it's doomed. One person can't or shouldn't be doing all the work, but because some people have an entitled mindset, they feel one person should do all the giving and receiving. I'm glad those types exist because they teach me the type of person I don't want. I'm giving 100%, she's giving 100%, period. Whenever a relationship ends, SOME women get ghost and want to exempt themselves from their share of responsibility for the relationship failing. It took two to enter, right? Right. By that same logic, it takes two to make a relationship work.

Affiliates, Acquaintances and Friends

As you grow older, you realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.

— Life Facts By Lemon (@lifeandlemon) January 14, 2015

I've never understood why some people would rather have many friends than a few solid ones. It's crazy because everyone you're calling your friend, really isn't a friend. Some of them are affiliates, others are acquaintances and only a select few are true friends. Affiliates are groups a person is associated with for a purpose. Affiliates carry out the group's activity, but they're not full members. For example, if I'm hanging with President Obama, I would be considered his affiliate because I'm around him for important matters, and I would get to go where he goes. People look at me and say to themselves "He's rolling with President Obama, so he gets to go where the President goes". Acquaintances are people you chat with (in)frequently; you may have a lot or little in common. With acquaintances, they have the potential for friendship, but you're testing them to see if they'll make the cut. Some acquaintances pass, others fail so it's important to pre-screen everyone that comes into your life. Last but not least, you have your friends: These are people you've known for years, who've seen you at your best & worst, and they're still by your side. They give you tough love, but they're still by your side because they want the best for you. A lot of people say it's hard to find friends & they're right. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to be a friend. It's important to group people accordingly. It's easy to have a clique of people you hang with here and there, but how many people in that so-called clique can you count on for encouragement & support? Probably none. I've never been concerned with having many friends, just knowing I have 3-5 solid friends is good enough for me. I don't need a clique, posse or crew surrounding me. When I see folks in groups, it makes me think they can't stand alone, that they need back-up. You also have frenemies, those characters who act like your friend, but they're your enemy. I'll venture to guess that most people (if they're honest) will say they have more affiliates & acquaintances rather than friends, and that's ok. Friendship takes time to develop.