Strawberry Letter: Didn't Get Any Attention, So I Cheated

Letter: I'm a 30 year old young lady. I have been talking to this guy for about ten months now. We stay a couple of hours away from each other, so we don't get to see each other as often as we like. We used to call, text and video chat all the time but now we don't any more since I gave him the cookie. So now when I try to call or text I don't get any response except when he calls or texts. So now since I'm not getting that attention from him I try and find it elsewhere. I was intimate with someone close to him and three other guys he doesn't know. SMH. We talked about it; I told him how I feel and he told me I need to earn his trust, and that I have some making up to do. Please!!! Mr. Harvey and Mrs. Shirley, what should I do to make it up to him and earn his trust?

 

No No Nooooooo! She gave him the cooch, and now he got ghost. Why does this strawberry letter seem so familiar? Because it happens too often in relationships. A woman and man are getting to know each other, and she feels comfortable enough with him to give him some pie. After the man has eaten her pie, he's ghost. He has no reason to stay around because he got his, and that's that. Her first mistake was giving him the pie too early on. Then again, women know within minutes of meeting a man if they're going to sleep with him so maybe she was so attracted to him that she felt that connection. Since they live 2 hours away, they could've made time to see each other. You make time for what's important, and she wasn't important enough to him.

What makes it so bad, is she goes out and cheats on this man. Why do women do this mess, cheat because her man's not giving her attention. Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because he wasn't giving her attention shouldn't have gave her the green light to cheat. She made herself look bad by being a ho, and now she wants to make it up to him. This relationship is toxic all the way around because she's sexing other men, and he's not giving her the time of day. If he's not giving her the time of day, it can mean one thing: He's also cheating. Think about it, if a woman gave a man some, most men would be sprung and want to continue getting to know her.

I can appreciate her wanting to make things right, so the first thing she needs to do is fess up, and be ready for any repercussions. Yes, he will be upset but at least he'll respect her for telling him straight up. Then again, some women are better cheaters than men because they don't broadcast their exploits. Can she blame him for being upset? She shouldn't, because even though he was at fault for not being more attentive, she was wrong for going behind his back. She needs to do whatever it takes to make things right, and HE needs to give his woman the attention she needs. If a woman feels a lack of attention from her man, she will seek it elsewhere.

 

 



Weak Men DO NOT Run From Conflict

Weak Men DO NOT run from conflict

 

If you've been watching Atlanta Housewives then you know about the Kandi & Todd situation. In a nutshell, Kandi is letting Mama Joyce run her relationship. She talks crazy to Todd and Kandi doesn't defend her man. First off, if a parent is talking crazy to someone's (wo)man, it's the fiancee's duty to defend their mate. I commend Todd for staying around for as long as he has, because not too many men would tolerate disrespect. A man will not stay with a woman that allows her parents to disrespect him, and she doesn't check them. I'm not saying disrespect your parents, but put them in their place with love. Mama Joyce has issues, for real. Supposedly, Mama Joyce is worried about Kandi's money.

The reason Mama Joyce meddles in Kandi's relationship is because she feels Todd is trying to come up off Kandi. Kandi made it clear that she has no problem, because she has love for her man. If you love your (wo)man, you'll fight for them. You won't let ANYONE (parents included) talk crazy to your mate because you respect them that much. Todd has his own money, so why would he want Kandi's? That's crazy to me. If Todd was trying to live off Kandi, he wouldn't have nothing for himself. Todd would be spending Kandi's money (hint hint Peter and Greg). Todd said it himself that he's not impressed by Kandi's money.

How much can a man take? There comes a time where a man must make a decision whether to stay and endure the WORSE of an engagement relationship, or cut losses. If a woman refuses to check her parents, he's within his right to do so. Problem is, the (wo)man will get upset at him/her for talking loud to the parents. Maybe (s)he wouldn't have to check your parents if you would. According to some women, a man is weak if he runs from conflict. The same women who say a man is weak if he runs from this conflict, are the same ones that want him to deal with all of her mess. What these women DON'T tell you is that she won't tolerate HIS mess.

A strong man knows when to hold, and when to fold. A weak man will ALWAYS...always tolerate disrespect from a woman that's supposed to honor him, because he "loves her". Ok, let me know how that works out for you. Thank God I have sense enough to duck out if I sense a potential issue.

 

You Make Me Happy Baby

 

Relationships are about reciprocity. The man does for his woman, she reciprocates. Today's women have it twisted. According to the modern woman, the man is supposed to do all the giving. If the man is doing all the giving, she's doing the taking. It's that one-sided approach women have that turn men off from relationships. I see why a lot of men expect the woman to prove herself first because he doesn't want to be used, as he shouldn't. Men who give their all to a woman without expectation of reciprocation are setting themselves up to be taken advantage of. Even in relationships, people don't REALLY show their true selves. They have fathers that treat them like princesses that she looks for someone just like her dad. Fathers who DO NOT teach their daughters how to cater to a man are doing them a disservice because she will meet a man that although he doesn't mind catering to her, he expects the same treatment.

The common denominator in relationship discussions is women. Women want to have all the standards, they want to dictate how the relationship will work, and if a man isn't doing what she wants, she's out the door. DUECES! If a woman leaves because a man won't let her use him, she did him a huge favor. Why would a man want that migraine in his life? That's silly. Some men need to stop buying into the propaganda of "happy wife, happy life. Any man with a brain would expect to be treated like a king, especially if he's treating his woman like a queen. That's how relationships are supposed to work. Ultimately, happiness is the individual's responsibility. No (wo)man is supposed to make you happy, that's your job. However, if you're with a person that's adding stress to your life, get rid of them with no explanation. Life is too short to be miserable in your own home. The person you're with should be a safe haven from the nonsense of society.

 In closing, I want to share a brief story to wrap all this up: A Facebooker by the name of Aries Immortal posted this story: I would probably have never approached my current girlfriend because she didn't match my "norm". But she approached me and showed me her heart and EARNED my trust without question. She knew at first sight she wanted to devote herself to me. She saw me as her husband and approached our relationship as such. She has set the standard I will JUDGE ALL WOMEN BY. Only fools pray for husbands, smart women actually do something about it.

 

 

 



Blame It On The Alcohol

Letter:

Dear Steve and Shirley, this letter is deep, because its true. My husband of 25 years came home at 5am on Christmas Eve, which was unusual for him to come home at that time. I was up waiting when he arrived and he stated he must talk to me because he is "No longer in love with me." I sat in shock and listened and said, "Okay." I left the room and he left the house. He came home on Christmas morning. I was up waiting and he said he'd cheated and we have had a 25 year run and again, he's no longer IN love, but after 25 years, he "loved" me. Again in shock, I said, "Okay". Upon finding out that he was no longer in love with me, I set out to make plans to leave him and our home, realizing this was over. I have moved out and I'm taking one day at a time to heal. Now 3 weeks later, he is calling my cell phone crying, saying he didn't mean what he said and he was depressed and had a break down. He said the cheating was due to him drinking alcohol and it happened 3 years ago. As you can tell from my demeanor, we have had disturbing conversations before - "blame it on the alcohol." Morning crew, can you blame me for moving on and ending this menage trio with my husband, alcohol and myself?

 

 

When I read today's Strawberry Letter, this song came to mind. Why is it that when someone cheats, they always blame it on the alcohol? If anyone has an answer for me, please let me and the rest of the world know. True, alcohol does play a factor in infidelity because it lowers your judgment, so that's  why someone should NOT indulge in alcohol. People are going to do what they want, so let them *shrug*. Reading situations like this just confirms that some people don't KNOW their partner like they think. It's easy to tell someone what they want to hear when getting to know them. Once a couple gets married, that's when true colors show.

It's important to KNOW your (wo)man. Even in knowing your partner, you can't be with them 24 hours a day. You don't know what your spouse is doing when they're not with you. All you can do is trust them to do right by you. It's amazing that intoxication reveals a person's true colors. If she has one iota of sense, she will NOT entertain the thought of taking him back. He cheated! That's all the proof she needs to keep moving forward. Everyone screws up, I understand that. You can forgive a person and not keep them around, because in taking them back, the next opportunity to cheat that arises, they're going to jump on that.

He calls her on the phone crying and begging for her to take him back. Textbook move: A man that's cheated on his woman pulls that emotional card every time. Why wouldn't his woman take him back? Some women are suckers for emotional men, and men play on that. There's one issue: Many men manipulate women with those same tears just to get back on her good side. Once he's on her good side, the next opportunity that arises for him to cheat, he takes it. I want to congratulate her on moving on from this guy. He already cheated on her once, and she's not about to give him the green light to do it again.

 



Real Talk in 140 Characters or less

1. Why are some women quick to use the Bible to tell what a man should be doing? "The Bible says..." or "My Pastor says...." Your Pastor is not your man, although many women like to think so.

2. The Bible does outline a man's responsibilities, but it also says what the woman should do as well. They (women) won't talk about that.

3. Attention Ladies: Idris Elba IS NOT your man, so stop sharing or posting photos of him on social media.

4. Listening to Al Green's Lay It Down song with Anthony Hamilton tells me one thing: Music is not the same as when my parents were coming up. Al Green, Curtis Mayfield, Four Tops, Detroit Spinners, etc. *Sigh*

5. Some women can twerk, but they don't know how to make a simple meal. Jesus Doesn't Love Them.

6. Some posts I read about relationships on Facebook tell me one thing: Some people aren't cut out for a committed relationship. Relationships involve give & take, and most people can't handle that.

7. Women with no goals expect to land a successful man. That's bananas. A successful man is looking for a woman to HELP him continue to build, not hold him back.

8. There can only be one woman in a relationship, fellas that cannot be you.

9. There can only be one man in a relationship, ladies that should not be you.

10. I thank God for an avalanche of breakthrough. My prayer is that I stay ready.

11. Adam was the biggest fool for letting Eve trick him into eating that fruit!

12. Unless Carmelo Anthony is willing to leave the Knicks, I don't see him winning a championship in New York. He needs to do what Lebron and Bosh did, and go where he has a greater chance of winning an NBA title. He's got the talent.

13. The Bulls should be slapping themselves for paying Derrick Rose all that money, only for him to go down twice with a knee injury. I'm not mad at D.Rose because he's sitting on money. He doesn't have to do any work on the court.

14. When you have two strong-minded people in a relationship, there will be conflict because each person will want their own way.

15. Let a man be a man? You can't LET someone be what they already are.



Making The Investment: By Violet Essence

A Facebook friend of mine who is also an avid blogger wrote on this subject. Click the link to view:

 

Making The Investment: By Violet Essence

Hard Lessons Learned

Throughout my 33 years of life, I've seen a lot so I'm qualified to share some tough lessons I've learned over the years:

 

1. "If you want a friend, be a friend". I used to think this was true, but not anymore. You can go out of your way to be friends with a person, but some people refuse to like you. Keep it moving.

2. You can become successful through hard work-Again, false. In the business world, you advance by sucking up to management or being cutthroat.

3. Fathers & sons will naturally be close-100% False. Some fathers know nothing about their children. A father's job is to speak life into his children, not criticize them.

4. People Stay Married-Wrong.com. With no-fault divorce, people are quick to divorce over petty reasons. It's a surprise when I read about a couple that's been married for 50+ years.

5. We are told that everyone deserves trust, but not everyone can be trusted.

6. You're born alone, you'll live alone, and you'll die alone.

7. I'm my own best company. I spend so much time solo, it's become second nature. Those who don't accept it, that's their problem.

8. God is the only friend I'll ever need. Unlike people, God will not lie on you, or mistreat you.

9. A husband and wife are wearing I love My (Wo)man shirts, but the woman is performing fellatio on another man. It's a dirty world.

10. More than ever before, children are a lot more mean. There was a time when bullying didn't exist.

11. The Bible has made some women lazy. A woman will always use the Bible to justify why she doesn't have to do any work in a relationship.

12. I'm about peace in my life, which explains why I have extremely low tolerance for drama.

13. I can cut a person loose and not think twice.

14. It takes a lot for me to open up to people. Until I feel comfortable in opening up to someone  new, they'll get small talk.

15. I don't force anyone to like me. If you like me, good. If not, exit stage left.