Message Without The Mess

When I read about successful people who have accomplished all they set out to do, most successful people have one thing in common: They had to grind to get where they're at because very few people had a good start in life. Almost all successful people had many challenges on their way to prosperity, but they didn't let their obstacles stop them. Successful people turn obstacles into opportunities because they have a vision of where they want to be in life and nothing will stop them. That reminds me, why do people want a message without a mess? I've never understood that rationale. It's like people want to bypass the struggle in order to get the breakthrough and it doesn't work like that most of the time. Most times, the road to success is paved with obstacles. At the same time, I do realize you can learn from others' mistakes because why make the same errors as someone else? Let their screw-ups help you by showing you what not to do. I just find it annoying when people want a shortcut to prosperity. Has society become lazy that we want shortcuts to EVERYTHING? Seems like it to me because there are shortcuts for everything in society. No one wants the grind but they want the shine. Everybody wants a testimony without the test & in the same light, people want messages without the message. One cannot be had without the other. Unless I knew without hesitation that the shorter way would be more efficient, then I'd take the longer way. I wouldn't appreciate a blessing if I had it handed to me. I respect my blessing(s) when I have to work for it. People need to understand that nothing in life is free, you have to work for everything you get. If you want a message, you have to have a mess. How can you be a testimony to someone and you haven't gone through nothing? That Part.

Some Things I Will Never Understand

Why are some children born with disabilities and others are born healthy? That doesn't make sense because every child is entitled to a healthy life free of disabilities. It breaks my heart because there are people that have multiple disabilities. They must've been cursed with bad genetics to have multiple disabilities. That's why I say genetics can be a blessing & a curse because if a couple decides to have a child, they need to find out their family's health history; are there disabilities or other health conditions that are hereditary and if so, there needs to be a reluctancy on the part of one or both parents because raising a special needs child is tough. You have to have great patience and strength to love that child through the ups & downs. Life is hard enough but having a disability is 10x harder because disabled students are bullied disproportionately in schools, society is ignorant to the challenges disabled people face, employer discrimination, etc. I have no problem with a couple wanting children but if one or both people have a disability then it's risky bringing a child into this world because you don't want your child(ren) inheriting your condition. I'm very much aware of God's power because even though a disability may be hereditary, God can still flip the script to where that disability WON'T touch your child. Keep your child covered under God's blood and be thankful you are blessed with healthy children because there are couples out there that aren't so fortunate. Seeing these people take simple things for granted makes me mad because if they knew how less fortunate some people are, they would tighten up and appreciate what they have. I just think adoption would be a better choice for couples where one or both are disabled because at least with adoption, you can choose what kind of child you want: newborn, toddler, preteen or teen. Even with adoption, you still need to do your homework and find out any health conditions that exist and then decide if you are up to the challenge of raising a child with special needs. It's not easy by any means and those who say it is, are lying. I also know there are disabled people that live full lives regardless of their handicap. I salute those kind of people because they didn't let their disability stop them from doing big things in life. They tend to appreciate their breakthrough more because of what they had to go through to get where they are. I feel if you have a good start in life, you can't understand what others face because you haven't been where they are. At the same time, if you have a good start in life then you have reason to be thankful because you are better off than some people.

Relationship Entitlement

When two people come together, it's a given they have expectations for each other. The man has guidelines for his woman and the woman for her man. A relationship won't last unless there's clear guidelines about what will & won't work. My issue is when people throw out the statement "What you won't do, someone else will" because I think of a spoiled brat that threatens to leave if (s)he doesn't get their way. In a relationship, if someone does for you it's because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to; let's make that clear. While men & women are guilty of this statement, it's usually women who say this from an entitlement standpoint. I can understand being entitled to love & respect, faithfulness and honesty because those should be expected from a prospective partner. To say "what you won't do for me, someone else will" from an entitlement standpoint like someone has to do this, that and the third for you while you bring nothing to the table is grounds for dismissal, at least for me. Nobody is obligated to go hard for you. If they do, it's because they care enough for you to give you the best of them. The only time that statement should apply is if you have non-negotiable basic requirements. I've noticed that people who throw out the "what you won't do for me, someone else will" statement are those who want to take without giving. Those kind of women are invisible because why give your best to someone you may not be feeling? That doesn't make sense to me because if I care for someone, it's easier for me to go hard for them because I want to see them happy. That's a red flag that someone's a user because if they expect you to give your all to them and they're not reciprocating, you shouldn't waste another nanosecond on them because they showed you what they're about offtop. It's almost as ridiculous as people who say "I'm not settling for chicken dinner when I deserve prime rib". Again, people who say that typically won't bring anything to the table and are invisible. I, and other likeminded people will not allow ourselves to be used. I can understand being entitled to whatever you desire IF you are bringing something to the table, but to dictate that a man should cater to a woman is nonsense. When you're in a relationship with someone, they should give you what you NEED, not WANT. Anything extra they give you is out of the goodness of their heart, not obligation. The sooner people learn this, the better.

Leaf, Branch Or Root?

Tyler Perry periodically sends me inspirational e-mails so I will post a few here & there, this was too good NOT to share: WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU?


I said this in a play once as Madea... LOL. But I thought I'd revisit it as Tyler for those of you who may not have heard it :-)


I have this tree analogy when I think of people in my life, be it friends, family, acquaintances, employees, co-workers, whomever...They are all placed inside what I call my tree test. It goes like this:


LEAF PEOPLE
Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are.



BRANCH PEOPLE
There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it's possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when it's tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can't handle too much weight. But again, you can't be mad with them, it's just who they are.



ROOT PEOPLE
If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don't let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.



Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do you have? What are you in other people's lives?

Paraphrase: Reading this has helped me better understand what role people play in my life. Some people are meant for a season and some are meant for a lifetime. It's important to figure out which people fall into what category and treat them accordingly. If someone walks out of your life through no fault of your own, don't be upset because they fulfilled their purpose for that time. Not all relationships are meant to be close. It's the root people you want to keep on your team because they have been & will continue being there for you through it all. Branch people can only tolerate so much until they break. When that happens, you make a decision whether you want to help them develop into roots or cut ties with them. The choice is yours. I would rather have roots on my team than leafs or branches but again, reading this letter has helped me understand why some relationships last and others don't.

Settling Down

There comes a time where every man & woman decides to settle down. Some people catch on sooner than others but I think eventually everyone wants to settle down with that one person who gives us that motivation. Playing the field becomes tiring after a while because you're ripping & running with different people trying to find Mr(s) Right. No matter how long you play the field, people will never be satisfied because they're always looking for more. In their mind, this person provides what the others may lack. Some people never get tired of playing the field and that's fine; to each his/her own. I get bored real easy so if I was into playing the field, I would quickly outgrow it because I would desire someone that could hold me down through thick & thin (good & bad). This is why I think marriage is the answer to promiscuity because you can play the field for so long until you realize you want to settle down with that one man or woman. This person motivates you to change for the better so it's easier to settle down. Let's be real, if someone's not worth it there's no incentive to settle down, right? Right. A FB friend asked me the following question regarding my status: Do you think it's more in the timing that the person is ready to settle down & then find the one or is it both? I replied with both because you have to be ready to settle down before you start looking for the right one. Once you find Mr(s) Right, it's confirmation of your decision to settle down. Everybody has the capacity to settle down, it's a matter of the right person coming along to help them realize that. What it boils down to is this: Why play the field? If you have no intention of being in a relationship, by all means remain single because to me, ripping and running with different people signals some people have deeper issues that need to be dealt with.

Hit & Run

There was a time when people GOT TO KNOW each other before they slept together. In today's society, people are quick to sleep together before they take time to feel each other out. Where do they do that at? I mean really. People must be THAT hard up for physical affection that they give themselves to anything breathing. When the relationship fails (and it almost always will), both people are stuck looking crazy like why or how did the relationship fail? It should be obvious because a relationship that's built on lust won't last. There has to be a concrete foundation before the couple takes it to the next level. I must be the only man alive that would rather get to know a woman before deciding to sleep with her. Should I sleep with her, it will be within marriage confines because we would have discussed our expectations early on. Besides, giving yourself to the RIGHT person makes it much more enjoyable than giving it to everything with a pulse. Whenever two people sleep together, a child will always come into the picture because nobody had sense enough to use protection. It's one thing to bring a child into this world, but it's another to do it with someone you may not stay with long-term. He/She's Good Enough to Sleep With, But Not Good Enough to Have A Child By? That's craziness. People don't take relationships seriously anymore, it's bonk first and then get to know somebody. After a child is born, the parents realize they aren't compatible and split up. The child is split between two homes so they grow up not understanding the dynamics of a healthy relationship. Let me wrap my head around this: You and him/her slept & had a child together, THEN realize you two aren't compatible? REALLY? That's backwards thinking and it's that mindset that's why so many children are born out of wedlock. This is what separates me from most people: If a woman's not wife material, I'm not sleeping with her, period. Should I choose to have a child, it will be brought into the RIGHT environment where it can blossom. I've been asked on several occasions if I have children and I say "No." Some people are shocked at my answer but it's the truth. I guess they're so used to hearing about people my age with a kid or two that it blows their mind when someone's 31 with no child. I've got too much going on to THINK about having kids. Should I decide to go that route, my graduate education will be complete, business career off the ground, own a couple internet businesses and debt-free (which I already am). I don't want my children to struggle for NOTHING, which is why I'm doing it my way. This goes for men & women: Keep Your Legs Closed. If You're Not Going To Marry Him/Her, Don't Sleep With Them.

Guard Your Heart & Mind

GUARD YOUR HEART AND MIND: By Tyler Perry
 If you can get this, this will change your life. I was out taking my morning run. I love how still it is when I’m running. I can hear clearly and really commune with God. I wanted to share this with you. It’s a lesson I had to learn.

One of the keys to success is to be able to guard your heart. Now, usually when someone says guard your heart they are talking about keeping yourself from heartbreak. Although that is important (as long as you don’t go overboard... but that’s another conversation) that isn’t what I’m talking about. When we are born into this world we enter with such a pure heart but as we grow older situations, circumstances and people tend to make us change. Now I know it is nearly impossible to keep a childlike innocence in our hearts all of our lives, especially after people have betrayed, lied, mistreated and downright been the devil. Trust me when I tell you, I have seen it all. I have been there big time. If you’re like me you’ve been there too. But if this is your situation I want you to know two very important things about those moments of heartbreak. Number one, learn the lesson in it. See how it will work together for your good, because it will. Once you do, it’s easier to forgive and move on. Secondly, and this is just as important as the first one, you must not let that person or people change your heart. What do I mean by that? Well, if you are a giver and someone you have given to misuses your gift, don’t stop giving… just give to someone else. If you are a person that loves people and someone you love hates you, don’t stop loving… love someone else. Eventually, you will find people who appreciate your kindness and your love. Remember this, lots of people have been conditioned to not be able to accept purity of heart. They can’t take it in. Most times it’s not even their fault. It’s just what has happened to them on their journey in life. But don’t let them turn you into one of them. There will be a lot of people in your life who will not appreciate your pureness of heart. If they hurt you don’t stop being you, just be you with someone else.

Why is this so important? Because God blesses you according to what is in your heart. If you are being kind, giving, loving and sharing because it is in your heart and you are not looking for anything in return, then that is a heart that God wants to bless. If you change who you are because you’ve been hurt, then you’ve changed the thing that God wants to bless you according to, and that is your heart. The people who hurt you are not worth that. You can lose everything that you have, but don’t let anybody change your heart.

 

My theory: When I read this message, it was on point. One of the hardest things to do is stay true to yourself in spite of life's disappointments. It takes more strength to be yourself even if you have reason to change who you are because of unfortunate circumstances. I like what Tyler said about continuing to be loving regardless of people hurting you. It's true, just because one person hurts you, show love to someone else. The RIGHT people will appreciate you for YOU, not because of what you give them.