Never Let Someone Define You, Write Your Novel

I can't understand why anyone would let someone define them, that's flaw to me. If God wanted someone else to define us, he would've done so but because he made us different, being the same as everyone is not the move. One thing about me is that I've never been defined by other people, nor will I allow that to happen. I embrace myself to the fullest, good & bad while trying to turn the bad into good. When you march to the beat of your own drum, no one can take that away from you. Marching to the beat of your drum allows you to call YOUR shots; you determine how far you go in life. When you are defined by someone, they have their agenda and will force it on you. They probably don't mean to but when you have no individuality, that's what happens: You allow someone to define you. People change like clothes so one minute they think the world of you, and the next they can't stand you. This is why I don't take stock in what people say about me (good or bad) because people are fickle. My self-esteem is high enough so I don't have room for someone's definition of me. I appreciate everyone who thinks highly of me but as stated before, I don't let anyone define me except GOD. There's nothing like you defining yourself (with the proper exception of Jesus) because when you know who you are, people can speak ill of you and it won't phase you because you already know what to expect. People who let someone else define them have no backbone; they are people-pleasers because they're focused on others' approval they lose their sense of self. They may finally reach a point where they are tired of letting someone define them so they decide to step out. It's unsettling to Person A because they are so used to calling the shots that when Person B wakes up, all Person A has to do is pull our their Ace card and depending on how strong Person B is, the person may or may not allow themselves to be pulled back into being defined by someone else. No one can write your novel like you, so don't give someone that power.

Change The Inside Before The Outside

I shake my head at people who think they can find happiness by changing the exteriors of their situation (bank account, job, education, etc.). These same folks need to realize that you can't change the outside unless you fix the inside. Simply put, fix the interiors before you work on the exterior. This seems to be prevalent in relationships because you have men & women that aren't satisfied with their appearance so they go to great lengths to change the exterior thinking that will give them the happiness they desire. It goes deeper than that because they look good on the outside but they feel like crap internally. What they don't get is that they need to work on the 'insides' first (Self-worth/confidence/esteem, sense of direction, etc) or they'll get what they've always gotten. If you feel good internally, you'll feel good externally. The two aren't mutually exclusive but some people think you have to change the outside in order to be happy on the inside. It's like someone who underwent a dramatic weight loss. They look & feel better but many of them will never forget the gross disrespect they endured based on their size. You have to unload previous baggage so you won't bring that into new relationships because nobody wants to deal with someone with a negative disposition. I know I don't. It wouldn't be fitting for someone that has their stuff together to be a person's doctor. Very few people have the patience to heal someone's hurt. You don't have to be in a relationship to understand this concept. Changing The Inside Before You Change The Outside can apply to interpersonal relationships as well. Body language can tell more about a person than words ever will.

You Can't Get Strong Without Endurance

One of the hallmarks of strength training is endurance. When you are lifting weights, the object is to build strength in that muscle. As you crank out sets, the muscle gets stronger through endurance, which is being able to withstand intense pressure for a period of time. If you are looking to get seriously strong, you tax your body with strenuous strength training so you can reap the benefits. Life works the same way because every trial & tribulation you go through produces endurance, which in turn causes you to become stronger even though it may seem like the trial is never-ending. Life wasn't intended to have ups & downs but since Adam & Eve disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit, sin entered the world and that's why there's so much drama in the world today. From a Christian standpoint, God gives each person their individual assignments to complete, each comes with a definite time period. Some people have shorter assignments, others have longer assignments but ultimately, God's people have a divine assignment. There are times where God's people pray against a situation because they don't want to go through the fire (I count myself here) but when they come out, they are more refined than ever because the fire burns away impurities. God will not put anymore on people than they can bear but at the same time he's trying to teach patience. I'm the first to tell people that patience IS NOT a virtue for me. I want what I want, when I want it *shrug* I'm a continual work in progress in that arena. When God sees fit to release you from the assignment, he will. Until then, stay the course and keep fighting. Every time I've prayed against a divine situation (ordered by God), it prolongs the assignment so I'm continually learning to stay focused in the heat of battle. This blog reminds me of the adage "Patience Is A Virtue". Yes, patience is a virtue if you are trying to learn an important character trait but I think impatience can be healthy also. Impatience is a virtue if you're not willing to settle. It gives you the drive to keep going until you see your desire(s) manifested. I used to dislike impatience but I've grown to embrace it especially if it will keep me focused.

Don't Lead If You Don't Like What Follows

Everybody wants to be a leader but nobody wants the responsibility. Most people who aspire to leadership have ulterior motives such as fame & fortune or in worst cases, the authority to "throw their weight around". People don't realize that leaders have tremendous responsibility. Leaders cannot be afraid to make difficult decisions even if they don't agree. A leader has to remain calm under pressure because his/her subordinates look to them for guidance and if the leader cracks, that means trouble for the entire team. Leaders have to put their agenda(s) aside for the greater good & most importantly, they have to work with various personalities. A leader just can't think about him/herself, they have to consider others' in the decisions they make. While they take others' feelings into consideration, a leader must understand that they cannot please everybody. Once they learn this concept, everything will be so much better. I'm going to be honest: There are people in leadership that DON'T BELONG THERE. Either they are power-hungry or they have no idea what true leadership entails. At its core, a leader is a servant. The reason I say a leader is a servant is because they work for others' benefit. In the corporate realm, the CEO is the highest ranking executive but even the CEO has to answer to the Board Of Directors. The CEO's decisions must be satisfactory to the board or he could be replaced. A leader must be strong enough to endure criticism or (s)he won't last. Everyone won't agree with his/her decisions but that's not the leader's fault. No matter the decision, some people will never be satisfied so they will find fault in everything. That's their problem, not the leader's. Many people ascending into leadership realize they moved into leadership too fast and need a little more grooming. They get in over their heads and the controversy surrounding leadership gets to them. As a leader, all eyes are on you. There are people that seek to undermine a leader every chance they get so a person in authority must be EXTRA careful for those types. Anyone (myself included) that aspires to leadership must understand one principle: If you want to wear the crown, take responsibility for the ups & downs.

The Cost Of Being Right

Some people have an obsession with being right like it gives them a high. They will go to great lengths to prove their case to a person that has no intention of receiving their stance. Nobody has to accept you being right. If you have supporting facts for your argument, that's all you need. You've won by default of having facts to back up your statements. People can believe what they want. Many relationships have gone sour because both parties are too busy trying to be right. People need to let some things GO because in the grand scheme of things, it's not that serious. It's ok to be passionate in your views but at the same time, respect the fact that maybe you don't know everything; maybe the other person has a valid point after all. I'm the first to tell you I don't know, nor do I claim to know everything. If I don't know something, I look it up. The #1 reason why my life has been drama free is because I make my points (with supporting facts) and go on. I don't have time to go back & forth with people stuck in their ways. I'm at the point where I have nothing to prove to anyone. As long as I do what needs to be done, salt being thrown on my name doesn't matter because my REAL riders know what's up. If people are stupid enough to believe hearsay, I have nothing for them. How many relationships could be saved if one or both people learned how to overlook some things? Note I put some because there are issues that need to be confronted. If it's a miniscule discussion that doesn't have great bearings, then that should get a pass. It's not affecting your daily life so it's not worth it trying to be right on small matters. You're right, but your marriage is failing; You're right, but your finances are in the tank; You're right but all your friendships are on the rocks because you won't learn to overlook small matters. I guess some people want to prove their right because they don't want to show weakness. After all, you aren't supposed to show weakness, correct?

Lazy Men

Is it me or has today's man become lazy? The reason I ask is because it seems like today's men want something for nothing. They want the shine, but not the grind. The mark of a lazy man is when he makes plans with no action. You can talk all you want about what you want, what you're going to do this, that and the third but unless you put hustle behind those desires, you're just sounding brass and tinking cymbals. 1 Timothy 5:8 (The Message) reinforces this: "^3-8Take care of widows who are destitute. If a widow has family members to take care of her, let them learn that religion begins at their own doorstep and that they should pay back with gratitude some of what they have received. This pleases God immensely. You can tell a legitimate widow by the way she has put all her hope in God, praying to him constantly for the needs of others as well as her own. But a widow who exploits people's emotions and pocketbooks—well, there's nothing to her. Tell these things to the people so that they will do the right thing in their extended family. Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith. That's worse than refusing to believe in the first place. " If the Bible places great importance on a man being a hard worker, then why are men so slothful? A man prides himself on being a hard worker to where he feels useless if he's not doing something. Some of these young men think nothing of letting their woman take care of the house and have the nerve to flex like he's king. Last time I checked, a king is someone who works to make life better for those under him. Ever since I was a young lad, I was working around the house which prepared me for when I got my first job at 14. That work ethic I picked up from my dad showed me I had to work for everything I wanted. Working for what you want gives you a greater appreciation because it was with your blood, sweat and tears. I feel like I'm the only man with a work ethic. With the vision I have, I have to keep a work ethic because it's on me to make the most of my life. I can't depend on nobody (other than Jesus) to get me where I want & need to be. I live by the motto: It's Out There For The Taking. Some of these men need to step their game up.

Relationship Pride

The #1 reason why most relationships fail is pride. Both parties are too busy trying to be right instead of understanding the other person's viewpoint. There is a time to confront and a time to fall back. You can't be in battle/CIA mode all the time because it gets old. People want the freedom to be themselves without having to walk on eggshells. Some things people need to be called on but if it's not that serious, let it go. When two people come together as one, they bring their own outlook(s) into the relationship. They won't agree 24-7 but a couple should have some mutual understanding of what they will & won't tolerate. This keeps order in the relationship so it won't degenerate into a free-for-all. Nobody wants to be with someone that feels like they always have to get the last word, can never admit fault. They would leave him/her and so would I. I've got pride just as much as the next person but I know when to fall back, especially if I have a strong case and the person refuses to hear my side. Nothing much you can do except state your case and move on. Why waste time trying to plead your side to a person that's set in their ways? That energy would be better spent towards a noble cause. Pride is also a major factor in relationship disagreements because the man has his agenda for how the relationship should work and the woman has hers. Both should be able to have a civil discussion about expectations and if an agreement can't be reached, maybe it's best if the couple split because there's bound to be constant friction. Is it too much to overlook an offense if it's not hurting the relationship? I don't think so. Don't sweat the small stuff if it's not going to endanger the relationship. I also feel if you don't tighten up on small issues, they can become big issues that are too much to handle.