Getting To Know Your Partner

When two people get into a relationship, the intent is to build a life together via marriage. The courting stage involves getting to know each other inside & out; finding out what makes him/her tick, their dreams, where they see the relationship going, etc. I don't know of anyone that gets involved with a person and doesn't want to get to know them; that's insane. Getting into a relationship with someone and not taking the time to find out about them is the same as being single. You two might as well break up because the relationship is going nowhere. One of my FB friends said it best: "Some People Just Want To Be In A Relationship Just To Say They Have Someone, But If You Don't Take The Time To Get To Know That Someone....Then You Have No One. If You Don't Have Time To Study Your Spouse, Then You Don't Have Time To Be In A Relationship." I co-sign this assessment because relationships involve mutual investment...both parties must be willing to invest in each other in order to reap the benefits. I think having a spouse is more of a business deal because as you're studying someone, you will find things you don't like about them and unless you can love them past their faults, the relationship may be doomed. Relationships should be pursued by people of good character who are open to change so both men & women can grow. Who wants to be with someone that's content with the ground level and doesn't want to move higher? Not me. Getting to know someone can be like studying because you ask questions of him/her, do a background check and then verify the information. Studying your mate can give off an air of micromanaging, judgmental decisions and being under a microscope; no one wants to be like that. As you're getting to know someone, they will have flaws you may/may not be able to stand. They're human and so are you. You love them through their issue(s), learn about yourself in the process and how to deal with them. What relationships boil down to is getting involved with someone of good character and Universal Laws usage. Relationships aren't complicated, it's the people who make them that way.

I Trust You God, No I Don't

So what's the point of praying about a situation and you're going to do what you want anyway? Either you trust God for direction or not. So many Christians (myself included) are guilty of this because on the one hand, God invites us to present our requests and put action behind those prayers, and on the other he expects us to leave the responsibility up to him. God gives us the power of choice but before that, we all have the ability to chose wisely if we utilize the tool(s) he have given us. Prayer helps us tap into those tools and open our heart, mind and soul. Prayer allows us to connect with positive forces. Action must follow prayer for faith without works is dead but we must discern the appropriate time to act or be able to deal with the reactions of our actions. When people pray about a situation, they are uncertain of the outcome so they pray with expectation that God will answer accordingly. God will respond in favor to our request(s) but usually he answers in his way, not ours. I believe uncertainty is a tough pill to swallow because some people pray and there's a waiting period. Many prayers God answers quickfast and others involve a waiting period. After intercessory/supplication prayers are lifted up to God, a waiting period ensues which is designed to test a believer's faith. Most believers believe God to answer prayers on the spot but when they have to wait, uncertainty sets in. I'm learning daily to lean on God for total understanding and he's never led me astray. Faith is like a muscle, it needs regular spiritual nutrition & exercise in order to get stronger. I liked what Kim Ward had to say on this topic: "Many of us have a hard time separating God's voice from the noise of the crowd (even our own voices). I have also learned not to answer for God. We pick a scenario that looks good in our sight and slap a "God's Will" label on it. I have also learned that being the boss of my business or in my house does not mean that God is punching my time clock too. I have rushed an answer to one prayer not realizing that God was answering another one of my prayers." When believers pray, they want to answer for God not realizing that God is sovereign. What we think is good for us, God may not co-sign so it would behoove us to realize that God knows best. Our time is not God's time. Another theory I have on trusting God is that because his answer doesn't line up with our own, we try to alter God's answer for our prayers and when things fall apart, we come back to him looking crazy. It boils down to this: When you pray about a situation, LEAVE it in God's hands. He will answer how he sees fit.

Real Talk Tuesdays

Listen to this broadcast as the hosts take questions & create dialogue around it. I've been following 3 Wise Women for months and they have great material, much of which I will use for these blog commentaries. I still have my own material, but a few times a year I will post blogcasts so you guys can hear (and support) these ladies. Without further ado: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ftiny.cc%2Ftruthfully&h=CAQG1c_lu

Mrs. Dad

Sunday was Father's Day, a day for fathers who are taking care of business in the home. Being a father is a tough job because dads wear many hats. They are the protector, provider, disciplinarian, spiritual leader, husband, father, coach, etc. Even though society may never give good fathers their props, I salute all fathers who are getting the job done. Deadbeat dads get no love from me because how a so-called man could walk out on his family is beyond me; the seed he created and just abandoned the child. That's flaw. There is a disturbing trend going on involving single mothers who jack Father's Day by saying they are the child(ren)'s father & mother. I'm tired of this. Yes, it's unfortunate single mothers are left to raise children on their own but let's call a spade a spade...whatever that man did or didn't do, some man is responsible for her existence. If a single mother refers to herself as the child's mother & father, she has serious issues. I know there are legit single mothers who are working full-time & going to school, plus raising a child. My hat goes off to them. You will never see or hear of a man refer to his child(ren) as their mother because that's not his place or role. Some single mothers are so embittered towards their baby's father they hijack the one day meant to celebrate fathers and claim it for themselves. If a woman didn't want kids, why would she pick the WRONG man to sleep with? That's flaw and one of the reasons why I'm against having children out of wedlock because it's the children who suffer. Sooner or later, the child(ren) are going to wonder where is their father and unless the mom is straight with the child(ren) about what really happened, the child will go through life not knowing their dad. If a woman has no intention of staying with a man long-term, she shouldn't have his child(ren). A few examples of TV dads are as follows: Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince, James Evans-Good Times, Carl Winslow-Family Matters, Cliff Huxtable-Cosby Show, Tim Taylor-Home Improvement, Uncle Curtis-House Of Payne, and the list goes on. Aside from being black, what the first 4 TV dads have in common is they were family men through and through. They remained faithful to their wives and no matter how hard life got, they were committed to leading their family through the rough times. It showed as their children respected him as the head. Yes, the aforementioned names are TV dads but many real-life fathers identify with those characters due to personality and parenting styles. Can we go back to the old-school where mothers played their role and fathers played theirs? That's what needs to happen because mothers playing the father's role is just sad on so many levels. I can't fault the mother for having to take on two roles because a mother cannot teach a boy about manhood because she doesn't understand men like a father. Yes, deadbeat fathers are an epidemic but that doesn't give single moms a pass to claim Mother's & Father's Day as their own. Just be a single parent, that's all.

Perfect Man/Woman

Does the perfect man or woman exist? Depends on who you ask. Some believe the perfect mate is out there but it takes work to find & keep them, others will love a person despite their faults. There's nothing wrong with desiring perfection in a mate because all of us want the best possible man or woman who will add to our lives. The problem lies where you expect a man or woman to be this, that & the third and you're bringing very little, if anything to the table. How can you have a laundry list of standards for a prospective man (or woman) when you aren't whole yourself? That's crazy to me. Women are good for this because a lot of them have the "I'm not settling for chicken dinner when I deserve prime rib" mentality. It's ok to have standards but be real with your desires. You're only going to get 80% of what you need & want in a relationship; no more, no less. That's in most cases. This 20% comes along and you're thinking you're getting something better because that 20 has what the 80 lacks. You leave your 80 for 20 and later down the line, you realize you had a good thing. By then, it's too late because that person has moved on to someone that will love them unconditionally. I think nobody should require of someone what they aren't willing to bring to the table themselves. If you expect a man to work out and you don't exercise, that's futile. If a man expects his woman to be independent but he has nothing going on for himself, that's flaw to me. In a dream world, the perfect man & woman would exist but in reality, they don't. It comes down to what you will & won't tolerate. Don't get me wrong, I believe the perfect man & woman does exist but it takes time to find him or her. Once you find someone that's perfect for you, do everything in your power to hold on to them.

Gender Definition

I got the idea for this topic from reading a FB friend's status. Men have their definition of what a woman is just like women have their definition of what a real man supposedly is. From a woman's standpoint, a real man is respectful, ambitious & God-fearing and from a man's viewpoint, a woman is loving, respectful & meek. Who is qualified to assess manhood/womanhood? Men have a better understanding of manhood based on gender alone. Men are able to accurately depict how men think, feel, their overall mindset. Women understand women better because after all, THEY'RE WOMEN. Granted, both sides are accurate in their assessment of the opposite gender but it goes much deeper than assessment. Let's take apologizing for example. "Real Men Apologize When They've Wronged Someone". If a man doesn't apologize, is he not a real man? According to another person, he would be less of a man because he didn't apologize for wronging someone. I believe that real people (men & women alike) apologize for wronging someone; that's a basic trait of humility. Men are men & women are women, regardless of whether they apologize or not. While I have my theory on what a woman is, I'm not qualified to assess a woman like my mother, aunt or other female loved ones in my family, or even women in general. It's true that men & women are accurate in some descriptions of the male & female gender, both fail to realize that each gender is complex. A woman can learn about men through her father and brother(s), I'll give her that. Unless they have schooled her in great depth about the male psyche, she will never understand men in their entirety. The same can be said about women; a man learns about women through his mother, sister(s) & other female relatives in his life. If a man does wrong and not meet the standards of another man, let alone the standards of the creator, Is he less than a man?Worldly men act different from a Godly man, just as a healthy man makes different choices than a unhealthy man but all are still men. I believe one issue men have with women defining manhood is how a woman can define manhood when she's not a man (I'll flip it for the women in a little bit). Women have in their minds what they feel a real man is, does, or should do. She may be accurate in some ways but off base in others. You have a man who knows the ins & outs of manhood because he is one. A woman's perception/perspective about a man will never trump or outrank a man's perspective/perception about a man. A man's views on manhood will always trump how a woman views manhood. Women can say the same for men, that they aren't qualified to speak on womanhood in which they would be right as well. When a man or woman imparts wisdom about their gender, it would behoove that man or woman to listen. After all, what better way to learn about men & women than from a respective man or woman?

Are Men Having An Identity Crisis?

This blog is inspired by a 3 Wise Women/Men blogcast I listened to earlier. The topic of discussion was Are Men Having An Identity Crisis? My answer: Yes. Back in the day, men knew how to be men. They were providers and protectors of the home, they were down for their families, etc. Today, men are  becoming more effeminate in their mannerisms and actions. Skinny jeans were NEVER acceptable for a man but as time passed, men have started to defy traditional standards of manhood. That's sad because men are supposed to embrance manly principles & actions. Men are more emotional than women, some are sitting on the couch doing nothing while the woman is putting in work on the job, they are dressing and acting in a womanly fashion and the list goes on. Since when did it become acceptable for a man to walk, talk and carry himself as a woman? It became acceptable when men were being raised by single mothers who feel they can be the child's mom & dad. FALSE. A woman can't teach a boy how to be a man because she doesn't know how men think. A man will always be able to impart manly wisdom into a boy so he grows up knowing what manhood is all about. Think about it, when dad's home, the child(ren) know who's the boss. What Dad says goes, and that's the end of it. Boys swell up to their mothers 24-7 because she's the reserved, chill one but let a boy buck up to his dad; the boy will find out real fast what manhood is all about. There are few exceptions of single mothers raising strong sons but those are rare. It's well documented that a boy raised around women will be more in tune with the female mindset because he didn't have strong male figures to teach him about manhood. A man can't teach his daughter about womanhood can he? No. The only thing he can show her is what to look for in a man by how he treats her mother. Conversely, a mother can teach her son how to treat a lady. Men need to get back to embracing manhood standards. I will never understand why a man thinks it's ok to be overly emotional or act effeminate. Thank God I was raised by a mother & a father. My pops taught me what manhood is all about and mom showed me how a woman is to be treated.