Are Men Having An Identity Crisis?

This blog is inspired by a 3 Wise Women/Men blogcast I listened to earlier. The topic of discussion was Are Men Having An Identity Crisis? My answer: Yes. Back in the day, men knew how to be men. They were providers and protectors of the home, they were down for their families, etc. Today, men are  becoming more effeminate in their mannerisms and actions. Skinny jeans were NEVER acceptable for a man but as time passed, men have started to defy traditional standards of manhood. That's sad because men are supposed to embrance manly principles & actions. Men are more emotional than women, some are sitting on the couch doing nothing while the woman is putting in work on the job, they are dressing and acting in a womanly fashion and the list goes on. Since when did it become acceptable for a man to walk, talk and carry himself as a woman? It became acceptable when men were being raised by single mothers who feel they can be the child's mom & dad. FALSE. A woman can't teach a boy how to be a man because she doesn't know how men think. A man will always be able to impart manly wisdom into a boy so he grows up knowing what manhood is all about. Think about it, when dad's home, the child(ren) know who's the boss. What Dad says goes, and that's the end of it. Boys swell up to their mothers 24-7 because she's the reserved, chill one but let a boy buck up to his dad; the boy will find out real fast what manhood is all about. There are few exceptions of single mothers raising strong sons but those are rare. It's well documented that a boy raised around women will be more in tune with the female mindset because he didn't have strong male figures to teach him about manhood. A man can't teach his daughter about womanhood can he? No. The only thing he can show her is what to look for in a man by how he treats her mother. Conversely, a mother can teach her son how to treat a lady. Men need to get back to embracing manhood standards. I will never understand why a man thinks it's ok to be overly emotional or act effeminate. Thank God I was raised by a mother & a father. My pops taught me what manhood is all about and mom showed me how a woman is to be treated. 

Second Chances

A few days ago, I posted a status that said "Not everyone deserves a second chance so why keep giving people chances when you know they're foul?" I stand by my view because it's true, everyone DOESN'T deserve a second chance. Most people aren't sorry for the transgression, they're sorry they got caught. You can tell when someone's sorry if they follow up with corrective action, otherwise they are full of hot air. I've gotten to the point where I will accept someone's apology but in the back of my mind, they don't mean it because they will keep repeating the mistake. At what point do you say enough is enough? If you overlook too many offenses, that shows weakness because people will think they can play you any kind of way. That may work on other people but not me. I analyze the mess out of people (hopefully they do the same with me) because I don't want to be played. There's a time to confront & a time to let go. A person's actions will always trump words. You can deserve a 2nd chance but your actions will show otherwise. ‎9 out of 10 times, the person has no remorse so if you keep giving them passes, you're wasting your time because you know they gonna keep on being foul. In that instance, you're setting yourself for continual hurt. Life is too short to be hurt over and over so you have to steer clear of toxic people. While I believe EVERYONE deserves a second chance, many people mistake it for weakness. "He/She gave me a free pass so I'll keep hurting him/her because I know I have to keep apologizing and they'll accept it." I'm all for showing compassion and mercy, but when you see they're not willing to change and they keep repeating the nonsense, there will be no more passes and I cut them loose. You can almost always tell when people are serious and trying to do better but more often than not, you can tell when someone's trying to play you. Some women are good for this because they know their man is sorry and they give him chance after chance; then they finally get fed up and leave. Little do they know, the next man who comes along has to pay for the mistakes of the ex. If they used better judgment, they wouldn't be so jaded. I'm all for second chances because some people truly deserve them and it's that 2nd chance that causes them to change for the better.

Good For Women, Bad For Men

Why are women celebrated for being chaste but men are crucified? What I mean is that a woman chooses to save herself for marriage, she's applauded but if a man does the same, cue crickets. It's like men are expected to lay it low and spread it wide. If a man opts to save himself for the right woman, his peers are going to give him dirty looks and ask him whether he's gay or not. Really..so a man has to be gay because he wants to save himself for Ms. Right. Personally, I applaud any man that has the courage to maintain sexual purity until marriage regardless of being ridiculed. It's easier for a woman to remain a virgin because women are expected to be chaste. I realize that many women don't mind tossing & serving it up but for the most part, women are celebrated for being chaste. It's sad that manhood is equivalent to getting nooky. A man isn't considered a real man if he hasn't bonked a few women. It's that mindset that breeds sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, one-parent headed households; all because he couldn't keep it in his pants. A real man isn't defined by whether he's slept with a few women or not but by choosing ONE woman to be his soulmate. That's something that shouldn't be taken lightly. I'm a real man because I don't have to worry about STD's, baby mama drama and child support. I used to be bothered by men who have kids with multiple women but now..I don't feel sorry for any man that has baby mama drama or pays child support because he should've used protection or WAITED (a term most of us don't like to hear). The motto is if it feels good, do it. It may feel good for a moment but once reality sets in, he'll change his tune. Men need to be supported more if they choose to remain a virgin until marriage because after all, it's hard being someone of principle. If women can be celebrated for remaining chaste until marriage, so can men. African-Americans make up the majority of AIDS/HIV cases and this baby-daddy culture that is running amok.

Chiefs & Indians

Every tribe has an established hierarchy. There is usually one chief and several indians under that chief. The chief is responsible for the welfare of his troops and anything that would threaten their welfare, the chief steps in and handles the situation accordingly. There has never been several chiefs and you know why? Having several chiefs in charge is bound to create friction because each chief has their agenda. Each chief wants to see his vision come to reality and that can't happen with having one chief in charge. The problem with relationships is there are too many chiefs & not enough Indians. Women forgot how to be women and instead usurp the man's role. A woman CANNOT be the man & woman in the relationship unless she's confused. A woman is a woman and a man is the man. Both genders need to play their proper position and everything will be alright. Not everyone is cut out for the chief role or wants to be one and that's ok. I heard a great line from Michael Ealy to Taraji in Think Like A Man: You don't need a man, you are the man. That means that a woman will not find a man if she tries to act like one. Same applies for men. If a man expects to find a woman, HE CANNOT exemplify woman traits. What happens when you have too many chiefs? Conflict. Conflict arises when each chief wants to advance their agenda without regards of a common goal. There's a difference between wanting equality and trying to take over a man/woman's proper roles. If I'm looking for a woman, I expect her to play her position. She has to let ME lead in a beneficial manner. Women get upset when a man expects her to let him be the man and sa sys "You can't handle a strong, independent woman". It's ok because I overlook those overly opinionated & strong women quickfast; they will not get a second look from me. Having two strong people in relationship is bound to create conflict because both parties are passionate & have expectations. Both people want to be heard.

Taking A Stand

I'm starting to believe I'm the only real man that stands by his beliefs. You ask me my $.02 on a subject and I will give it to you raw & uncut with no regards as to whether I wil be disliked for my views. As I've said many times, I say what I feel and even when challenged, I stand firm. People may not like what I have to say but at least they can respect me for sticking to my beliefs. The problem with people is they speak their mind in secret but when it comes time to put your beliefs to the test, they get ghost and not voice their opinion or they will cower in the face of opposition. Most people have no backbone or conviction. If legendary leaders like John Kennedy, Barack Obama, Martin Luther King cowered in their vision because of opposition, where would society be? We would be in bad shape because there wouldn't be anyone that's strong enough to stick to their beliefs regardless of opposition. One thing that burns me up is cowardly Christians. I can't stand a Christian that has strong views in private but when his/her beliefs are tested, they buck under pressure. The world can stand for their beliefs but Christians are too scared to take a stand for righteousness. I have to question some Christians' so-called Christianity because there are issues that God's people SHOULD NOT compromise on, gay marriage being one of them. Some of these Christians are soft like toilet paper regarding this stance because like the world, some Christians support gay marriage. Either that or they cower on their view(s) for fear of being labeled as close-minded, intolerant, narrowminded, whatever the case may be. You have a few Christians that believe that it's God's responsibility to judge, not ours. True to a degree BUT...God's people have a responsibility and a right to stand for righteousness. If the world can stand for what they believe in, why can't God's people do the same? Some of these Christians need to tighten up and stop being so scared of being labeled as close-minded, intolerant, narrowminded, etc. because they don't or won't co-sign ungodliness. I have no ill will towards anyone BUT if I see something that's ratchet, I will speak against it with no fear of being labeled as intolerant or regardless of what heat I will catch. Hey, if some Christians want to be the Cowardly Lion, go right ahead. As a spiritual leader, you are held in highest regard in God's kingdom. A spiritual leader is almost like God's right hand man because (s)he spends countless time in prayer seeking God for direction on behalf of the congregation and for his/her family and themselves. The Bible says that God's judgment will fall more severely on his people if they overlook unrighteousness and that's true because God's kingdom is set up for himself & his people. Christians are to govern what goes on down here and if there is anything that would threaten godly conduct & character, we (myself included) are to stamp it out at all costs. Those who have a problem with it...tough nuggets. Christians need to stop seeking societal acceptance and stand out like God intended. If you lose friends because you took a stand, that's a blessing because they showed you who they are. That's how I see it and I'm learning that lesson everyday. I pride myself on being fearless, not afraid to take a stand even if it means I'm on my own (with the proper exception of Jesus).

Stereotypes

I hate stereotypes just as much as the next person. Stereotypes are nothing more than pre-conceived ideas about something, someone or a place that is never grounded in truth. When you find the truth, you should look crazy because you had your pre-conceived notions and you were proven wrong. Everyone is stereotypical to a degree, myself included. The difference between me and most people is I'm not ashamed to admit I have stereotyped from time to time but after getting to know something, someone or a place, I had the wrong idea but was too lazy to put in work. What burns me up more than stereotypes is people who live up to them. Stereotypes no longer become pre-conceived notions if they are backed up by facts and consistent behaviors. If you don't want to be stereotyped, DON'T live up to the notion. Why is this difficult to understand? Here's an example: Blacks (African-Americans for the politically correct crowd) are stereotyped for almost everything: killers, thugs & gangsters, morally depraved, etc. I know not all blacks fit the above but a vast majority do. It's the majority that make it bad for everyone. There are blacks that are law-abiding citizens but as with everything else, a few bad apples spoil it for everyone. Reminds me of when I was in school & one kid messed up but the entire class got punished. That's crazy but I understand because in order to prevent future destruction, the whole must suffer for the mistakes of the few. Again, I don't like it anymore than anyone else but that's life; one person can and will mess it up for everyone else. If you don't want to be labeled as a thug-don't exhibit thuggish behavior. If you don't want to be labeled as loud & ghetto, DON'T ACT LOUD & GHETTO. For every problem, there's a solution. The solution is to do the opposite of the negative behavior. You lose your right to complain if you feed into stereotypes. You may not be abusive or loud, but if you act in that manner and people notice, they will label you accordingly.

R.I.P. To Good Music

Good music has died. Yes, I said it; music has died a horrible death because it seems like everybody and their mama is putting out garbage. Artists don't care nothing about the quality of music, they're about the almighty dollar. I understand artists have to make money (which is fine) but at least put out halfway decent music. Nobody wants to hear the same formula: Cars, clothes & strip clubs. Too many artists sound like the next guy so one can safely assume that each artist is a cookie cutter of the next. It's no originality in music anymore and that's why other than Jennifer Hudson and Jill Scott, I don't listen to too many contemporary artists. I'm old-school soul & R&B all the way. Bobby Womack, Al Green, Four Tops, Curtis Mayfield and many others put it down back in the day. They were TRUE musicians because they sang from the depths of their soul. There were no autotunes, voiceovers and protune synthesizers like today's music. Today, all you need is a catchy hook & great beat and you can easily go 2x platinum with the right promotion. Back in the day, you had to rely on talent to become successful. Even if an old-school artist didn't write their song, they sure sung like they did! Old-school artists wrote and produced their own music because they had THEIR vision for what the album was going to be like. Today's artists have ghostwriters and producers who dictate their album for them. The artist has very little input on the album because record execs have to make money. They are financially backing the artist so I guess they can dictate the kind of material an artist puts out. I can drop a nonsense album & it would go 5x platinum & more because I would have great beats & hooks even though I have elementary lyrics. Old-school soul & R&B artists have much more talent than many artists today. Today's music has become watered down to where I don't listen to any contemporary music, even if it may be good. I've always been into the old-school greats, it's just recently I've started getting back into old-school music because you get tired of watered-down mainstream music that you want to hear quality music. You can tell an artist is passionate about his craft when he hits those high notes just right, has a soulful, raspy kind of voice (K-Ci is a good example). They just don't make good music like the old-school kind anymore.