Guest Speaker: Angel In Disguise

Today's blog message comes from Angel In Disguise.

Women kill me with this, "A real man would do this or that bull crap. How do you know what a real man should do???? How about putting more emphasis on what a real woman should do and maybe you could INFLUENCE and ENCOURAGE change in YOUR man that you SO desire. Since women like coming up with a LONG laundry list of what men Should do, I put together this list of what WOMEN should do.

A real woman won't put her hands on a man.
A real woman won't violate a man's privacy witho...ut his permission.
A real woman would let her man lead her (after all she chose him).
A real woman wouldn't hop all up in a man's faces cursing and screaming like a fool.
A real woman would use wisdom to cooperate with her man.
A real woman don't make demands to her man.
A real woman knows that she can't control an Alpha male.
A real woman builds her home and not tear it down.
A real woman would not make a CONSCIOUS effort to destroy ANY relationship.
A real woman would simply realize that she isn't compatible with a man and agree to end the relationship.
A real woman won't tell a man what a real man is.
A real woman would ask a man if he wants to be a father beforehand instead of waiting until she gets pregnant and assuming that he will stay with her when SHE decides to keep it.
A real woman would conduct herself as lady at ALL times.
A real woman would never justify her rage just because she is angry.
A real woman does not believe that just because she's mad at her man she can act a darn fool.
A real woman knows how to shut up instead of wanting to get the last word every time.
A real woman doesn't have unrealistic expectations such as believing that her man should value EVERYTHING the same as her.
A real woman doesn't disrupts PEACE in her home.
A real woman creates a loving atmosphere.
A real woman is a pleasure to be around.
A real woman understands that men and women have different roles.
A real woman isn't OPPOSED to building up her man if he has low self-esteem.
A real woman understands that men have feelings too.



Moral Dilemma

Sometimes in life, we will be faced with moral dilemmas. Some are easier to solve than others. What is a woman to do if she's faced with this situation? Does she break the kids off something or does she keep the $2.5 million and continue living comfortable like she does already? It boils down to the woman's character. If she's a stand-up woman, she'll set up a trust fund for the children; that's what I would do if I was faced with this situation. When I say side chicks are coming for the crown, they're getting down for that #1 spot. Wives better step their game up. Even if a good woman is faithful to her husband, there's no guarantee that he will reciprocate. You really don't know someone like you think; you're not in their presence 24-7, and no one has time to trace their (wo)man's every move. Why did he wait until his deathbed to reveal this secret? Because he knew his wife would fire off on him. Women aren't playing that. In a way, I feel bad for the husband's wife because she had no idea.

This situation reinforces the importance of honesty. Had he came clean about the other woman, the wife would've had a reason to be upset, but in the end she would've respected his honesty. Was the wife not good enough for her husband? That's the only logical solution I can come up with as to why he had a side woman. Then again, some men aren't satisfied with just one good woman, they have to have extra. A woman of good character would think of the children first. She would put the $2.5 million in a trust fund for those kids to live on: Those kids would be able to go to college and graduate school off of that money. She's already living good, so what would an extra $2.5 million mean for her? There are many variables to consider: What if he had kids of HIS own by his original wife? So, he neglected his own family to take care of another family? That's usually what cheating husbands do when they're involved with a side woman that has children. When it comes to moral dilemmas like this, the children come first.

Living Amongst Blacks

Everyone wants to live in a safe environment that's crime-free with good schools. Your financial standing determines where you'll live: Will you live in the ghetto or in an upscale community? Contrary to popular belief, there are blacks who don't want to live amongst their own and you can't blame them. Who wants to live among violence and poverty? In the black community, the no snitching rule is prevalent. If you see criminal activity, keep it to yourself because you never know who's watching. Your house gets shot up, and people saw the shooter(s), but won't come forward. I think the reason why some blacks don't come to the police is because of distrust. Relations between blacks and police haven't been on good terms, so I don't expect some blacks to come forward. The issue is when one of their own gets shot, and expects someone to come forward with what they know.

I don't want to live around blacks either. It's not a race thing, but a safety issue. Historically, black communities in major US cities have been rife with poverty, drugs and violence, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. It's sad, but that's the reality. There are a few working-class & upper-middle class black communities that are crime & drug-free, where residents have a rapport with the law. I think some of them are in Metro Atlanta and the DMV (Washington, DC Metro area). Let's be honest: People want to live in good neighborhoods with great schools, and if that means one ethnicity will dominate that area, who cares. At the same time, even some inner-city residents secretly aspire to live in better environments for their children. Rapper The Game (Jayceon Taylor) said it himself: He couldn't raise his children in the same environment he came up in.

Just because some blacks have the financial means to live in better neighborhoods, that doesn't make them any less black. This suburban black vs. inner-city black rivalry is crazy. Last time I checked, collectively, all blacks are in the same boat.

NBA Playoffs

 

It's that time of year again; the time where the best NBA teams earn a trip to the playoffs. Their assignment: Win Or Go Home. Sounds pretty simple because you have one time to lose, and you're gone. A few nights ago, Miami closed out their playoff series 4-1 over Brooklyn, so they get a couple days rest before they do battle in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals against Indiana. Miami has already beaten up on Indiana on their way to their 2nd title last season, so Indiana is looking for retribution. Make no mistake about it, I'm riding with Miami because they've been on top for a while, and I don't see anyone standing in their way to a 3peat. The only teams I see giving Miami trouble are the Pacers and Spurs, two teams that made Miami earn their championship. Even then, Miami still came out victorious because Miami is battletested. I remember when Dwayne Wade first came to the Heat in '06, he and Shaq led the Heat to their first championship. Fast forward a few years later, Wade was instrumental in bringing Chris Bosh and Lebron James to S. Florida. LeBron James' decision to come to Miami was that he wanted to win a championship. He had no supporting cast in Cleveland, so Lebron did what's best for him, and look at him: 2 rings (on his way to a 3rd), tied his career high of 49 points, MVP, and a list of other accolades. Since Wade, Bosh and James have been with the Heat, Miami has made the playoffs each year.

When I think of the NBA Playoffs, I think of it as the cream of the crop. The league's best teams do battle in a playoff series. Some teams sweep their opponents 4-0, other teams go the distance. I look forward to watching the NBA playoffs every year because I know Miami is going to go all the way. Miami's toughest opponents will always be Indiana and San Antonio because those teams are very physical and have strong defensive & offensive schemes. This year, Miami's road to a 3peat will be relatively easy because look at their competition: They've swept Charlotte, and they've beaten Brooklyn 4-1. Miami has strong momentum facing Indiana in the Eastern Conference Finals. I'll also be watching the Spurs/Thunder series as well, so I can scout who Miami's opponent in the Finals is going to be. 

Audit Your Mate

 

Getting to know your mate is equivalent to auditing them, because you're doing a full background check. You ask them questions about their life history, dislikes & likes, etc. From a financial standpoint, it's important to audit your spouse because financial issues rank near the top for divorce among married couples. If you have a spender & saver, that's going to cause friction because one person wants to have something in life, and the other wants to spend as soon as they get it. I see what people mean when they say "Love doesn't pay the bills". You love your (wo)man when the money's flowing, but where is that love when the money well dries up? Here's the catch, your spouse was forthright about their spending habits; they told you that they don't believe in saving, and you still want to be with that person.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. That's no different than their spending habits. If you notice your (wo)man's bad with finances, why would you choose to be with them? That's silly. They may have other redeeming qualities, but when it comes to money, you have to walk on eggshells before committing to them. Besides, very few spouses care enough to help their (wo)man get their finances back on track, so it's best to yoke up with someone who's responsible with money. You save yourself the headaches of constant fussing about money. What if YOU want to buy a home, and your credit is perfect? The loan officer pulls your file and side eyes your spouse's credit report. Because you're a couple, you assume their debt as your own. You could still get a great deal on a home, but it may be difficult given your spouse's poor credit rating.

When it comes to financial stability, you MUST audit your spouse. There's no better peace of mind than knowing that you two are one financially. Major financial decisions are discussed as a team before a move is made. The reality is that financial issues rank very high among factors that destroy a marriage, and that's a risk that no one should be willing to take. If someone can't take care of their money, they won't take care of yours.



Test Drive Before You Buy

The phrase "Test Drive Before You Buy" refers to sexual chemistry. It's no secret that sex is one of the most important components of any committed relationship. According to couples, sex is a way to connect on a deeper level. When two people are passionate about each other and vibe well, it's just a matter of time before they lay down with each other. Why wouldn't sex come next? The chemistry is there, so it's only natural. There's a lot I look for in a car: Reliability, low mileage and good fuel economy. The older the car, the more mileage it has which makes it susceptible to frequent maintenance and other car issues. With a new car, it's fresh on the lot. It's waiting for the RIGHT owner to purchase the vehicle. There's nothing like that fresh, new car smell. You're the one who gets to break it in, and put YOUR special touch on that vehicle.

You can't put your own touch on a car if someone else already had it. With the "test drive before you buy" theory, some people want to test sexual chemistry before they agree to a committed relationship. To each their own, but that couldn't be me. I see sex as something very special, an act to be shared with the woman I cherish. If I'm vibing with a woman, we're already compatible, and sex would be a bonus. See, I think on a deeper level than most people. I don't have to "test drive" a woman for sexual chemistry, because I'm not thirsty like most people. Keep it real, you want a reason to get her/him between the sheets. The problem with test driving before you buy is that everyone before you has "test drove" before they bought, and all that mileage equals wear & tear.

When I think of a (wo)man who wants to "test drive before (s)he buys", I think of someone who is content with sloppy seconds, thirds, etc. The more mileage on a vehicle, the greater probability that the car won't last as long because although you may treat the person well, who's to say the previous person did? You don't know. Besides, what makes one think (s)he hasn't test drove other (wo)men?



Attraction Should Never Trump Wisdom

Everyone has someone they're attracted to, and want to pursue something more with them. The issue is when attraction trumps wisdom. You ignore red flags and proceed, and when that person's true colors show; you're looking crazy wondering what happened. If you used wisdom, you would have saw the signs. A friend of mine was telling me about this guy she's feeling. They mesh well on some levels, but she can't get past his player ways. He's over 40, and engaged to a fiancee that he's been living with for 10 years, but he's not interested in her. He's checking for other women on dating sites. My friend is somewhat attracted to him because he's got a lot going for him. Through her prayers, he's getting into church and trying to get closer to God, but...he's a porn addict and is shacking. Here's my question: He's been with her 10 years, engaged for 3 and according to him, he's not feeling her. Wouldn't common sense tell him to cut ties with her?

My friend asked him the following question: Do you consider me one of your random Internet hoochies or are we special friends? Anytime you're trying to get to know someone, you don't set up dating profiles and troll for booty. Think about it, you say (s)he's the complete package, so being honesty should come naturally. There's nothing wrong with having a dating profile, just don't lie about it. If my pic circulated over dating sites, and I was trying to get to know a woman, a bulb would go off to let me know that I need to stop trolling for women online and focus on the total package in front of me. Lastly, life is too short to waste years on someone you're not feeling.

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone. Attraction + committment will make you work at stuff that should be long over. At the same time, know what you're getting into with a person before you sign on as their (wo)man.